THE FOLLOWING IS A FAN-BASED PARODY.

I OWN NOTHING ABOUT EITHER OF THESE PROPERTIES.

THEY ARE BOTH OWNED BY THEIR RESPECTIVE OWNERS.

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Hitomi was...confused.

She was concerned no doubt with her friend's behavior. But she was more so confused by it. Still, she controlled the uncontrollable urge to grip and shake her head until the world began to make sense again. Of course, it would do her no good here. But it was as strong a feeling as anything the german-born fighter could remember feeling.

The girl was just so...happy.

Not that Lei Feng wasn't usually a happy person, not in the slightest. The Chinese heiress was as warm and bubbly as anyone Hitomi had ever met in her life. Someone who, on her best days, could literally lighten up a room by just stepping into it. But this?

This was a bit much.

She entered the room with a flourish of pure exuberance, throwing the door open with a flourish as she twirled into the hospital room with a platter of breakfast items for the inhabitants of the room. Not walking into the room, mind you, she twirled into the room like a ballerina, looking almost like a Disney princess would mid-song. Hitomi half-expected woodland creatures to follow her as she moved around the private hospital suite.

Like most things she did in the past few hours, Lei Fang moved with a dreamy look on her face. A face, Hitomi noticed, that wasn't directed at the room's sole male occupant for once, as Jann Lee seemed even grumpier than he usually was.

Interesting, Hitomi thought to herself as she watched the show unfold before her.

"You seem to be in a good mood."

"Am I?" Lei Fang said, smiling widely, almost absent-mindedly. There was a skip in the Chinese heiress's step. Despite her injuries, she even spared a good morning to the beaten form of Jann Lee as he sulked in his hospital room. She then proceeded to ignore him the rest of the time she was there.

If Hitomi was honest, the behavior left her wondering if her good friend had suffered a head injury that had gone untreated from the chaos from the day before.

"Yes." Hitomi said." Yes, you are."

"Maybe I am," Lei Fang giggled- giggled- as she spread more jam onto her toast. Biting into it and humming happily. "It's just a good day. The sun is shining-"

"It's raining."

"The birds are singing."

"Those are police sirens, dealing with the act of terrorism a homicidal hitwoman caused." Hitomi said before adding." On your family's hotel."

"She's been like this all morning." Kokoro said as she sipped her cup of tea, as confused at the sight of her friend as bubbly and happy as she could ever remember seeing her." I'd assume it had something to do with Jann lee not being an idiot anymore, but..."

"What's that supposed to mean, you little brat."Jann Lee said as he sat up from the hospital bed, the EKG monitor attached to him beeping louder with each word." Don't blame me for Lie Fang acting crazy."

"See what I mean?" the geisha said, gesturing her free hand towards the bedridden kung fu fighter. An action that only seemed to upset the injured kung fu fighter even more if the increased volume of the EKG machine attached to his body was any indication.

"I can't believe I'm gonna say this, "Hitomi thought to herself, "But I gotta agree with Jann Lee on this one."

Despite whatever feelings Lei Fang may have for the man, she had barely spoken a word to him since arriving. She hadn't even looked in his general direction for more than a few moments, a far cry from her usual attitude towards the man.

Just what the hell had happened at that speed dating event anyway?

Sounds from the hallway took Hitomi out of her thoughts as the door opened yet again. She expected one of the many doctors she had seen running around the hospital. She even expected the same annoyed nurse who came to check on Jann lee that last time he had done something stupid to his IV drip. But no, to her shock, Hitomi found herself face to face with Eins little sister, Kasumi.

What was she doing in Hong Kong?

Had it actually been Kasumi she saw in the crowd?

Now don't get her wrong. She enjoyed the female ninjas' company quite a bit, actually. Her friendship with the young ninja was one of the more stable relationships she could remember having. Out of all the craziness, the DoA tournament had dropped into her life; stable was something she desperately needed more of in her life.

But Kasumi had always been distant, always

a bit too stand-offish for her own good. So seeing Kasumi appear out of nowhere after a year of radio silence was a bit of a surprise, to say the least. Especially during the aftermath of a terrorist attack.

No...wait...this made perfect sense.

"Kasumi!" Lei Fang said as she stood up from her seat. The same smile plastered on her face, not showing a hint of surprise or confusion at the ninjas' arrival, which just made Hitomi even more suspicious." We were worried you had left the city without at least saying goodbye."

"We?" Hitomi said, confused. She turned to look towards the youngest member of their little group to see if Kokoro knew that Kasumi was in the city. Let alone had met up with Lei Feng without their knowledge.

Thankfully the confused look on Kokoro's face meant she was as much in the dark as she was. But that also made Hitomi more confused than she was at the start.

..unless...this was starting to make a whole lot of sense now.

"Jann lee and I," Lei Fang answered Hitomi's question. The heiress offered Kasumi one of the many pastries she had from the hospital cafeteria as she spoke." She and Jann Lee were in the hotel together."

Kokoro almost choked on her tea, and Hitomi couldn't blame her. Kasumi AND Jann Lee? Together? Like "together" together? She thought the kunoichi had more common sense than that.

Of course, Hitomi loved Lei Fang like a sister, but her obsession with Jann was as unwarranted as it was one-sided. Or was it a former obsession now?

Did Lei Fang catch them together? Is she the one who injured Jann Lee? Is that why the heiress was acting so cold towards him now? And if that was the case, why was she acting so friendly towards Kasumi? Why would Kasumi do something like this in the first place? The girl code clearly stated that guys who your friends had crushes on were off-limits. But no, that wouldn't explain why Kasumi and Lei Fang weren't at each other's throats.

Hitomi looked towards her younger companion, hoping that Kokoro's level head would act as the port in the storm of her increasingly fevered thoughts. But, unfortunately, Hitomi could only shake her head and sigh when she saw the look in the geisha's eyes.

The girl smelled drama.

"I'm sorry."Kasumi said as she sat down on the chair nearest the window as she took a tentative bite out of the pastry." All this was my fault, to begin with. I shouldn't have dragged Jann Lee into this."

"I won't blame you for Jann Lees choices." the Fang heiress said as she looked at the bandaged Jeet Kun Do fighter with a look of...detachment? "He's an adult who can make his own choices."

Oh my god.

"I just didn't imagine this would escalate so quickly." the ninja said simply. She didn't seem to even notice the german karate fighters jaw-dropping in shock at the admission, nor the geisha's eyes widening larger with each word."I pushed things too far too quickly and look where we ended up."

"Oh...my...god, "Hitomi muttered to herself as her brain seemingly rebooted at the implications of the conversation she was witnessing. Kasumi and Jann Lee? Were they official? Was this Lei Fang giving them her blessing? Then why was she so happy?

"Nonsense." Lei Fang said as she walked towards the ninja and placed a hand on her shoulder." No one could have planned for what had happened. It's not your fault things like this happened."

Still," the ninja looked down, not wanting to look the heiress in the eyes." I never wanted others to get hurt, especially at your family's establishment. It feels like salt in the wound, you know?"

OH MY GOD

"Water under the bridge." the Chinese fighter said with a bright smile, which only confused Hitomi more than she already was at the moment. "All is forgiven!"

"So, how long have you and Jann Lee been seeing each other, Kasumi?" Kokoro asked, her eyes as wide as diner platers as she spoke. Whatever confusion that had held her tongue had evaporated as she jumped at the chance to get details on the new power couple.

But while both Kokoro and Hitomi managed to get their bearings straight, it seemed it was their companions who know found themselves at a loss for words.

Lei Fang and Kasumi looked towards the youngest woman in the room simultaneously before turning to one another and then looking back at the geisha who spoke. The confusion on their faces morphing into an unreadable expression as the woman's words sunk in. Jann, for his part, dropped the half-eaten egg tart from his mouth as he glared at Kokoro, once again trying to remove himself from his bed.

A knock stopped whatever the injured fighter was planning on saying.

"Hello." a voice asked from the other side of the door. A voice Hitomi vaguely recognized, but if the growing smile on Kokoro's face meant anything, she certainly knew it was. Finally, the door opened, and Hitomi was able to put a face to the voice.

"Elliot," Kokoro almost squealed as she ran up to the British fighter and wrapped the surprised boy in a hug."It's so good to see you after so long."

Hitomi laughed to herself at the exchange. Kokoro wasn't the most subtle person when it came to stuff like this. Hitomi assumed it was from her lack of experience with boys her own age, being relatively sheltered growing up. But sometimes, Hitomi couldn't help but believe the Japanese girl knew exactly what she was doing.

"Oh M-miss k-Kokoro," the Englishman stuttered as he fought valiantly to control the heat of his face. "It's good to see you too. I'm sorry it's under these circumstances, however."

Oh, they are so cute together.

"Hey, kid."Jann lee snarked, breaking whatever moment the teenaged martial artist was about to have in the process."This isn't a tourist spot anyone off the street can just walk in on."

"Oh, Mr. Lee, What happened to you?" Elliot said as he took note of the room's other male and of the extensive injuries of his body for the first time, "you look like you were run over by a truck!"

"I said he looked like he was gored by a water buffalo," Kokoro added in a whisper as she leaned into Elliots' shoulder. The non-shallowness of the action and bluntness of the words are enough to bring a smile to most of the room's occupants. Most of the occupants of the room anyway.

"What did you say, you little brat!" Jann Lee said before once again, causing the EKG machine attached to his body to erupt into a symphony of beeps. Thankfully Lei Fang was on the case as she cut off the distance between her and the bandaged man in a heartbeat and forced Jann lee to lay back down.

"You keep moving around like that, and you're gonna open your stitches."Lei Fang said as she glared at Jann lee, less like she had in the past and more like a mother would do to a disobedient child.

Honestly, seeing lei Fang interact with Lee with almost detached neutrality almost gave Hitomi whiplash. Was her friend actually over the kung fu fighter? Shit, maybe she should have joined that speed dating event too.

"Not that seeing you isn't a pleasant surprise Elliot," Kasumi said, her quiet voice cutting through Hitomi's thoughts like a knife."But why are you in Hong Kong?"

But before Eliot could answer, another rush of movement caught her attention, and like before, a sudden influx of sound erupted from behind the door to the room.

"Ladies and gentlemen, hide your wives and girlfriends cause the king is on the scene!" a voice echoed from behind the door. Before it was flung open as Zack almost slid into the room in a single motion."The master of disaster! America's favorite brand of sexual chocolate, The Most Electrifying Man in Entertainment today, the one and only.."

"Zack, what the hell are you doing here?"Jann Lee said, taking the breath out of whatever Zack was working up to speak. A situation that he didn't appreciate if the look on his face was any indication. "I thought hospitals had their own ward for mental cases?"

"Shit Jann Lee, what happened to you?" Zack said as he removed his sunglasses to see Jann lee better. "you look like you got run over by a truck."

"I said he looks like he was gored by a water buffalo," Kokoro added, repeating her statement. The same proud smile on her face as she leaned further into Eliot's side. Hitomi shook her head, seeing that Lei Feng had a similar looked on her face as she watched the scene unfold. That girl was thirsty.

"Now that is an accurate description." Zack said as he shot the young Japanese woman a finger gun as he gave her his best smile." I couldn't have said it better myself."

"uhhh, not that I'm not happy to see..." which, sure, Hitomi didn't hate the guy. But Zack tried too many times to get her into a bathing suit for Hitomi to ever be glad to see the American." But why are you here?"

"Oh snap!" the sharply dressed man said as he snapped back to attention, actually moonwalking towards her with an envelope in his hands." I come bearing gifts, my little loves."

Hitomi stared at the envelope, running her hands over the gold engraving of the letterhead and knowing full well what this was for and who it was from. She had wondered when exactly she would be receiving her invitation to this year's tournament. A part of her half expected to find the letter waiting for her when she returned home from her little vacation, but Zack was nothing if not theatrical.

"This better not be an invite to another island."Lei Fang said as she narrowed her eyes as zack handed off her own envelope. "Cause if this is..."

Whatever threat the Chinese heiress was readying herself to say died in her throat by the sight of Zack cowering in front of her with his hands shielding his face. "Smart," Hitomi thought to herself, at least he's learning.

"Chill, baby doll chill," Zack said, his confident voice wavering slightly as he used an equally terrified Eliot as a human shield." I'm a one-woman man nowadays. I ain't got time to be flirting with every lovely flower I see in the garden you dig?"

"It doesn't matter if you're with miss Nickie or not, Mr. Zack," Eliot said as he tried to deescalate the situation. "You really shouldn't trick people into having to stay on an island without transportation to get off it. It makes you seem kind of..."

"Sleazy," Hitomi added, actually enjoying the look on zacks face at the moment.

"Creepy."Lei Feng said, placing her hands on her hips as she watched Eliot shrink from her glare. Poor Eliot, Hitomi thought, the one good guy in the room, and he has to be crucified by his associations.

"Shameful is the least I could say, "Kasumi said, her finger on her chin as she thought of the least offensive word she could have thought of to describe Zack's habit.

"Kasumi!?" Zack said as he raised back to his full height and leaned over Eliot. A look of confusion flashing across his face before morphing back into the usual bright smile, "What are you doing here? Helena said you were still in Tokyo!"

"Oh!" Kasumi said, the surprise on her features melting the stoic mask she usually forced herself to wear when interacting with others. She looked so much younger when she did that, Hitomi thought ." I was just here...on business."

"Business," Kokoro said as she looked around the assorted cavalcade around her, catching Hitomis' eye as she did. "Right.."

Hitomi placed a hand on her head and laughed as she saw the look of confusion cross the faces of everyone present. Some like Jann and Zack looked to the room's youngest combatant like she had grown a second head, while Eliot and Katsumi quirked an eyebrow upwards at the girl's words. She must think this is turning into one of her "teen" dramas.

What was confusing was Lei Fang, who hadn't reacted to the accusation despite finding herself in the middle of whatever relationship drama was unfolding. Instead, the woman had simply returned to staring out of the window with the same lovey dubby look on her face she wore before Zack had barged in.

She was seriously taking this whole thing too well.

"But seriously, bro," Zack said as he turned his attention back to the injured jeet kun do fighter." What happened? Didn't think you would find yourself laid up because of a couple of terrorists or whatever."

"You should have been there, Zack!" the jeet kun do specialist said as a smile graced his features for the first time that day. Figures, Hitomi thought to herself. " Dozens of armed bodyguards roaming the halls looking for blood. Ready to put a bullet in between my eyes the first chance they got."

"Armed men?" Hitomi said in confusion, and who would blame her? She was there whenever the doctors and nurses talked to Jann lee about his injuries. She had even managed to sneak a peek at the man's medical chart when he was busy doing something to piss off one of the unfortunate nurses. " Why were they even shooting at you?"

"Those wimps couldn't hit the floor if they fell down." the Chinese fighter said as he shrugged off what ever concern Hitomi had shown for his wellbeinglike water off a ducks back. Quite rudely in the german fighters' opinion. "No, I got this from fighting the toughest son of a bitch I've ever seen!"

Hitomi did a double-take, all that was from fighting one guy? What kind of a monster could have done that to Jann Lee?

"You've gotta be kidding me?" Zack said as he removed those gaudy sunglasses, he was such a fan of, as he stared disbelievingly at the injured jeet kun do fighter.

"That guy." Jann Lee said as he stared down at his closed fist, completely ignoring zacks disapproving look." I'm gonna break that overgrown son of a bitch if it's the last thing I do!"

For once, Hitomi and Zack agreed on something if the look of disbelief crossing his features were any indication. Lei Fang, as well as Kasumi, on the other hand, didn't seem surprised in the slightest. The two women only looked on with displeased looks on both of their faces, which confused the karate fighter even more. What the hell had happened in that hotel?

But it was Elliot's face that concerned her.

Elliot was a sweet boy. Honestly, he was one of the kindest people Hitomi had ever met. He was undoubtedly one of the few boys she would ever consider giving her blessing towards dating her friend Kokoro. Whenever the day came where the geisha finally confessed her crush to the British teen, that is. But the look on his face didn't belong to the young gentleman she had learned to associate with him.

His eyes were narrowed and hard. His body was stiff and rigid as a look of realization crossed his now Stoney features. Eliot had seemingly transformed himself from a boy band cutie to a hardened street fighter within a few seconds of Jann Lee's words.

However, before Hitomi could voice these thoughts, she was interrupted by the sound 0f the door crashing open once again.

With a tumble and a fall, the form of Brad Wong crashed through the now busted open door, the disapproving form of several nurses as well as security following close behind.

"Can you believe they don't even have a bar in this place?" Brad said as he was hoisted off the ground by a particularly angry and somewhat bruised and bloodied looking security officers." No wonder people hate hospitals."

"Brad! What the hell are you doing here?" Zack said as the scene unfolded before him. He watched as more and more security officers piled into the room, each one grabbing one of Brad's limbs and hoisting him back up to his feet."You were supposed to stay in the car!"

"Oh, Zack, I thought I heard your voice!" Brad said as he wrestled his way out of the unfortunate security officer's grip." Your girl wanted to check out some shops, and I needed a drink."

Zack sighed as he placed his hands in his head with an animated flare that Hitomi already attributed to the self-taught Thai boxer.

Thankfully for Brad, Lei Fang had managed to convince the security officers to refrain from dragging him away with nothing more than a small smile and a promise of compensation for their troubles.

Lei fang really must have been in a good mood if she was willing to go the extra mile to ensure someone like Brad Wong was out of trouble.

With a grunt of thanks to the heiress, Brad made his way towards the now vacant seat Kasumi vacated.

"Damn, Jann Lee," Brad said as soon as he took stock of just who was in the room he had managed to crash into." What the hell happened to you?"

"Can everyone stop asking the same stupid question!"Jann Lee shouted, sitting up onto his feet for the first time. " I lost a fight, alright! I got surprised, is all, not gonna happen..."

"Was he a tall man?" Eliot asked, his unwavering as he stared at Jann lee." Around 7 feet tall?"

"Yeah, he was." Jann Lee said as he raised an eyebrow at the Englishman. "Dude was built like a brick wall too."

"Pale skin?" Elliot asked again, looking now at brad with a strange look in his eyes" As white as paper with faint scars crisscrossing all over his body?"

"Is there something you want to tell me?" Jane lee said suspiciously, and for the life of her, Hitomi couldn't help but agree with the man.

"Eye's so blue," Brad asked, a look of confusion morphing into one of realization" They almost look like a black pit."

Jann Lee didn't say a word as his focus shifted towards the drunken master, his own eyes narrowing as he connected the dots of the conversation. "...and showed no emotion on his face, no matter what was happening?

"Boys, you're kind of scaring me right now," Zack said, whipping his head back and forth between each side of the one-sided conversation.

"That son of a bitch!" Brad whispered, whatever aura of drunkenness evaporating off of him like a puddle under the mid-summer sun." So that giant bastard is here in Hong Kong?"

"Where is he?" Elliot said, cutting the distance between Jann lee and himself in a blick of an eye." Where is he right now?"

"I wish I knew." the hong kong native said, the tension returning to his body as the thought of challenging whoever had done this to him overwhelmed him. "I wouldn't be laying here in a bed if I did."

"You gotta be kidding me!" zack exclaimed, whatever frustration he felt at being left out and ignore finally bubbling over as he looked pleadingly to Jann Lee. " Don't tell me these two have been telling the truth this whole time!"

"Is anyone going to explain this to us normal people?" Hitomi said as she shifted her focus onto the faces of everyone else in the room. Was she and Kokoro the only people left out of the loop about what was happening? "What are you guys talking about?"

"Eliot and Brad got curb stomped a couple days back."Zack said, his usual light-hearted tone tinged with disbelief as he recalled what the traveling fighters had told him when he ran into the two of them." Apparently, some angry giant fee-fi-fo-fumed their asses up and down the street."

"The man was a monster," Brad said, his voice holding none of its usual slur and lisp as he spoke. Honestly, it sort of freaked Hitomi out how serious he was acting right now. " He's a hulking seven-foot-tall beast of a human being who looked like he spent most of his life locked up in a shed filled with knives and spikes."

"And apparently, this is the same guy that put good old Jann Lee here in this sorry state." Zack said with a shake of his head." But, damn, must have been one hell of fighter to be able to do all this."

"Inhuman is the word I would use," Elliot said, looking at his feet. A sense of shame overcame him. " No normal man could have done what he did."

"That man treated me like a rag doll." Jann Lee said, a smile creasing his features as the memories flooded his senses." and I'm gonna return the favor."

Kokoro couldn't help but to gulp, the mental image enough even make Hitomi feel a chill up her spine. They were all talking like this man was some sort of inhuman creature who belonged in a horror movie and not a real flesh and blood human being.

Hitomi looked to Lei fang and Kasumi to see their reactions. But, of course, being the only other people in the room to see whatever monster the boys were talking about...

"Don't you say such horrible things about John like that!" Lei fang spoke, stepping forward and placing both hands on her hips as she stared at the three men in question." He doesn't deserve to be treated like some sort of animal!"

Aw yes, the heiress's voice. Hitomi had only ever heard her best friend use that tone of voice once before, and she still felt a little sorry to the poor man who she had unleashed it on.

The room became silent as each and every person looked on in confusion at Lei Fangs' outburst. Elliot and Brad both lost whatever haze had overtaken them as they stared in wonderment at the heiress. Zack's eyebrow looked as if it couldn't rise further up his forehead as the moment seemingly went over his head. Kasumi just smiled at the scene, content in having the knowledge that no one else in the room had.

Hitomi looked towards her young Japanese friend, just in time to see Kokoro silently mouth "Who is John" towards her. Once again, Hitomi could feel her mind begin to run a mile a minute. What actually happened in that hotel between Lei Fang, Kasumi, Jann Lee, and now a mystery fourth person whom she had never heard of before now?

"WHAT DOES "DON'T TALK BAD ABOUT JOHN" SUPPOSED TO MEAN?!" Jann Lee shouted, his eyes a blaze of emotion, as he bore down on Lei fang with an intensity she had rarely seen on the jeet kun do specialist outside of a fight." WHY ARE YOU ON A FIRST-NAME BASIS WITH THAT GUY ANYWAY?!"

"Because, unlike certain immature man-children, I know." Lei Fang spoke back, her voice lacking Janns volume but none of its intensity," John isn't the type of man who would ignore the presence of a young woman for a fight!"

"AND WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?!"

"Yeah," Hitomi thought to herself as she watched the scene unfold, "What does that mean?

"So you did manage to get his name?" Kasumi said with a light chuckle." You work surprisingly quick."

"What can I say."The Chinese heiress laughed, a blush radiating off her checks that confused Zack, Eliot, and Brad. While infuriating Jann lee further and shocking both Kokoro and herself ." When I see something, I like..."

WHAT THE HECK HAPPENED IN THAT HOTEL?!