Hello again readers. It's been a while. I'd like to give you the reason why, and offer a suggestion.
I've kinda hit a wall with the Black Eagle route and I'm not entirely sure how to continue. I am however really enjoying writing this little story arc with Lysithea. Would it be alright if I separated out the first few chapters of Songstress with a few alterations (alongside Lysithea's chapters) and posted them up as an official starting point to the Golden Deer route of the story? That way we can have a dedicated story for each route.
Let me know in the comments! I don't want to give up on this story, especially with Three Hopes on the horizon.
Admission (Lysithea)
For two days now, Hilda has suffered with her lady issues. Unfortunately, her condition is further dampened by a nasty case of the sniffles today. Like the past couple of days, she sits in bed with the covers pulled up to her shoulders. Her face is flushed and she looks pretty darn fatigued as well.
I reach over and press my palm to Hilda's forehead. She's fairly hot. "You're certainly a bit warmer than you should be," I tell her with concern. "It's probably best you stay in bed. Rest up a little longer and come back to class once you're feeling better. I'm sure Professor will understand." I take my hand away.
"Alright, I will," Hilda agrees somewhat glumly, sniffling. She then leans a little bit closer and pecks her lips against my forehead. "But you will be alright in class without me, won't you Rolan? I wouldn't want you getting lonely, since you're aren't really all that chatty."
"I'll be fine," I reassure Hilda, repaying her peck with one of my own. My newfound sword-training partner flashes through my thoughts for a moment, and I smile. "Lysithea and I have been studying together while you've been recovering, so I should be alright."
Hilda raises a surprised brow. "You and Lysithea, really?"
"Yes indeed." I nod. "We've been sitting together at the front of Professor's lectures and everything. She's actually quite nice when you get to know her."
"Of all the people you could've become friends with, I'm surprised it's her," Hilda remarks with a chuckle.
"Why, is there a problem with Lysithea or something?"
"Not at all, silly. You pepping up and actually making friends with someone other than me is great."
"Then why the chuckle just now?" I ask teasingly, with an affectionate half-smile.
"Oh, no big reason. Lysithea is pretty abrupt, that's all. I didn't think you'd get along with her because of it."
I'm pleasantly surprised too, deep down. "There's a first time for everything I suppose."
"There sure is."
The monastery bell rings. Hilda steals another quick peck, this time on my cheek. "You take care now, Rolan," she adds, inching back and resting her head against the pillow. She then closes her eyes, too. "I'll just stay here until I'm feeling better."
"Please do." I get up from my knees and stand up tall. I then head over to the door and open it up. I glance across one more time after that. "I'll swing by tonight after mine and Lysithea's cram class to make sure you're alright. You take it easy, okay?"
"Course I will," Hilda reassures me, eyes still closed. "Have a good day, and take a few notes for me too."
"I will. Now, you get plenty of rest." I step out and shut the door behind me. Then I set off in the direction of our classroom.
With all of our main classes done for today, Lysithea and I sit at the front and take notes. Lunchtime saw the two of us head into town for more sweets and chocolate: it was really quite nice. We even shared a bag of lemon candies as well. Even if Lysithea was a touch bashful about it as we neared the bottom of the bag. I swear the girl can eat through them at a rate I didn't know was possible.
As far as right now though, the after-hours cram session to improve our Spear Aptitude marks is going well enough. I'm kinda lost on a few points, but I suppose you can't win them all. What's more, Lysithea and I are the only two students here because of Professor Byleth holding this extra lesson later than she usually does. The sun is already setting outside and most other students have already headed out for dinner over at the mess hall.
There's definitely something of a closeness developing between Lysithea and me since we started helping one another with our lessons, too. The usually reserved young lady has looked at me from the corner of her eye and cracked more than a couple of shy smiles today alone, and even gotten a little flushed as well. She looked absolutely precious when she did it the first time. Although, I wasn't brave enough to tell her that.
The last thing I want is to make things between us weird, after all. Even if she is kinda cute.
"Listen up now, you two," Professor Byleth says, getting up from her desk and walking over to the front of the room.
Lysithea and I share a mutual glance, and then look to our teacher.
Professor clears her throat and holds up a flyer in front us. "Take a look at this."
Lysithea and I lean closer to the paper.
"There's a pair's combat tournament over in the training grounds on Saturday," Miss Byleth explains. "The winning pair will even be rewarded with small purse of coin and a new sword." She points to the picture of said sword at the bottom of the poster. It's shiny and forged of steel. "Entering might go some way in helping the both of you improve your Swordplay and Combat Technique marks, so you should consider joining up before our upcoming exam."
My swordplay marks certainly don't need improving. I'm more than happy to help Lysithea though.
Professor places the flyer on the desk in front of Lysithea and me. Then she nods. "Okay then, I think that ought to do it for our little Spear Aptitude class tonight." She returns to her podium and begins gathering up books. "The two of you should go and get some dinner before the cooks close up the kitchen for the night," we're advised without Professor looking up. "And thank you both for coming; I'll see you at noon tomorrow for Magical Theory."
"Not a problem, Professor," I say with a small smile. "And I'll think about it. The tournament, I mean
"Me too. And thank you as always for the extra class time, it's greatly appreciated," Lysithea adds kindly.
Byleth looks up from the podium and nods at both, and then she finishes packing up her books and steps out.
Lysithea and me look at the flyer with Professor gone now, then to each other. We share a small mutual smile.
"Should we enter...?" Lysithea asks me cautiously, raising a brow.
An excited flutter in my chest provides the answer. "Sure thing. First things first though, we're gonna need to train more. Lots more."
"Umm hmm," Lysithea agrees, nodding. "I imagine we will, but I don't mind the additional work. I enjoyed our practice on Monday, truth be told." The younger girl's cheeks pinken slightly. "So provided we both try extra hard with our practice sessions and we do our best, I'm happy giving this a try."
"Then it's settled," I say with a spirit and start putting papers into my satchel. "But we'll have to train every night until Saturday, to get you up to speed."
"That's fine." Lysithea puts her textbook away and gets out from the bench. I do the same and the two of us set off out of the classroom.
There are two more days left until the weekend, meaning I don't have long to turn Lysithea from a novice into a reliable sword fighter. I am up for the challenge through. Honestly, I'm really enjoying her company. Her persistence resonates with me. She doesn't give up when faced with challenges.
I chuckle at the thought. Ironically, that makes her something of Hilda's opposite.
"And what was that little laugh just now?" Lysithea asks, glancing over.
"Nothing at all." I shake my head.
"You're quirky sometimes, Rolan," Lysithea giggles.
"Mother used to say that all the time." The two of us approach the mess hall doors. "Want to sit together for dinner?" I offer politely.
"I would, yes." Lysithea comes to a stop in front of the menu board just ahead of the doors.
I pause beside her and read out the main dish for tonight, "Looks like its pickled rabbit skewers."
Lysithea's eyes glint with delight. "One of my favorites!"
Now that I didn't expect. "Really now?"
"Of course. They bring back lovely memories of dinnertime at the family estate. My maid Eliza made them all the time for me," Lysithea recounts fondly. She glances to me with a curious brow raised. "What about you, Rolan? What's your favorite item on the menu?"
"Now let me think..." I tap a finger to my chin and ponder for a second. It's an easy answer. I snap my fingers triumphantly. "It has to be the two-fish sauté they serve here... with a side of lemon sorbet for dessert as well. You can't beat those two."
"Really...?!" Lysithea gasps, and then smiles. Her eyes shine even brighter now.
"No kidding. Why, do you like them too?"
"Like them? They're two of my absolute favorites."
Another pleasant surprise. "That's great." An idea strikes me. "Say, how about we come to dinner together next time they're on the menu?"
Her cheeks reddening just a touch, Lysithea nods. "...I'd actually rather like that." She snaps her eyes to the board again and follows the schedule down with her finger. "Here we go. It says they're next being served for Friday's dinner."
"The day after tomorrow." And the night before our tournament, too. "That settles it then, Friday it is. If you're up for it?"
"I certainly am. Friday it is!" Lysithea agrees.
Dinner plans made, the two of us enter the mess hall and queue for food. As ever, Raphael is at the front of the line. The big guy's probably charming a second serving out of the cooks with that really warm personality of his. Not that I've talked to him more than a couple of times or anything. You know when somebody is friendly and approachable. Raphael sure as heck gives off those vibes despite being a tall and burly fellow.
I look across the mess hall while we wait. At a quick count there are about fifteen- No, there are sixteen students still eating in here; I missed one sitting in the furthest corner by the door leading out toward the central hall. The small number of students is no surprise, given now late we're eating.
"Thanks again, Miss Norma!" Raphael calls out ahead of Lysithea and me. With a tray in hand, he leaves the line and seats himself at a table close by.
Lysithea gets her food after two more students, and I'm served after her. Together, we settle on a couple of seats further toward the back of the room. Lysithea sits down first, and I settle on the chair opposite from her so we can chat while we eat.
I start on my first skewer, biting off a piece of rabbit. The preserve the cooks use to pickle these has an oddly pleasing bittersweet aftertaste. The meat itself however is very tender - something I'm glad about. The adorable bunnies didn't give their lives in vein.
Starving after a long day's study, I finish the first skewer and polish off a second. Two more remain, along with a side of pickled radish. I'll take a break for now though. No sense in rushing and giving myself an uneasy stomach for the night.
Across from me, Lysithea is through three skewers and half of her radish. Exhaling contentedly, she pushes back her plate and clasps her hands together. "I'll wait on finishing the last one, I think." She looks from her plate to me, her gaze radiating attentiveness. "Meanwhile, how about we formulate a training plan?"
"Fine by me. All work as ever, I see," I add warmly, smiling.
"Of course. I'll have all the time in the world to rest when I'm dead." Lysithea smiles weakly, almost sadly. Her rainy look is there and gone in an instant though. "We however have a tournament to train for, and as my instructor I fully expect you to put me through my paces."
"Playing to win too, are we?" I chuckle.
"Naturally." Lysithea nods. "If I commit precious time to something then I give that something my all. A stance I know you relate to, Rolan."
"Of course I do." I move my plate to the left and pick up my satchel bag from its spot by my chair. I take out my miniature inkpad next, and then a quill and a scrap of paper last. Opening out my inkpad, I blot the quill. Ready to go, I put my satchel back down beside the chair. Lysithea moves her plate aside too. "Alright then. We have two more days to sharpen those skills of yours. The big question is this: How hard do you want me to push you, Lysithea?"
"However hard you're willing to go, I'll adapt," my classmate answers enthusiastically. She then gets up and walks around the table, sitting down in the chair next to me. "Don't hold back at all. I prefer having goals to aspire to, and responsibilities to meet alongside them."
Honestly, I really admire Lysithea's dedicated attitude. The more time we spend together, the more I'm liking it as well.
"Fair enough then: we're going all in."
By 'going all in', what do you mean? Be specific." Lysithea leans closer. I catch a whiff of her perfume and my heart quickens the smallest bit.
"You and I are going to spend every spare moment we have outside of sleeping and classes sparring," I clarify, noting down as such on my paper scrap. A partial distraction from her not unwelcome closeness too. "Provided you're willing, I'll bring you with me for my morning training session, and the one before bed. You seem to have a knack for the sword, even if you are a little unsteady right now. Way I see it, it's best we coax out that potential."
"Fine by me," Lysithea agrees spiritedly, fearlessly. "I'm with you all the way."
"You're sure about this?" I raise a questioning brow. "I push myself to the limit, you know."
"Absolutely, I'm okay with it. And... Well..." Lysithea leans away from me. Her cheeks are flushed pink. "It's actually really nice spending time with someone else that takes their studies seriously like I do. It's just like I said before, too many of our classmate's waste time."
It's a real pleasure knowing we feel the same way. "I honestly couldn't agree more, Lysithea. And..." I stall nervously on what I want to say next. A part of me really doesn't want to risk making things strange between us. We've been getting along so well these last few days.
"...What is it, Rolan? Is there something you want to say?" Lysithea asks softly.
To hell with it. You only live once. "Yeah. Just that I've really enjoyed your company recently, and that I respect how hardworking you are."
Lysithea gaps, clutching a hand to her chest. "...We feel the same there, it seems."
Quicker still my heart beats. "We do...?"
"Umm-hmm. Being honest, I'm very glad you sat next to me in class the other day. Usually I'm always busy with my studies... and it gets a little lonely sometimes. Having someone to study with like this has been a real treat." Lysithea pats her cheeks cool. There is a moment of stiff silence between us, and then she looks me square in the eyes. "And there's one more thing, too. Something you really should know if we're going to keep on being friends like this."
If my heart beats any quicker, I fear it'll burst. "Go on. I'm all ears."
Lysithea frowns gently. "...I really don't like the way Hilda treats you. At all. And now we're friends, I'm going to tell her that sometime."
Not quite the confession I expected. I can't say I'm surprised though. Not with Lysithea being the way she is - diligent and committed to a tee.
Yet, I feel the need to defend Hilda's bond and mine. "...Her asking me to do things for her isn't as bad as you think."
"Actually, it is," Lysithea counters with a hint of coldness. "Because she uses how you feel about her to her advantage. That's the way I see it, at least."
I sigh deeply. Hilda and I being romantically involved is common knowledge to one of our classmates. Great. Just great.
I look away from Lysithea and across the hall out of deflection. "...You figured us out, I see."
"Of course," my astute friend confirms smugly. "And it isn't as though it was hard to notice, Rolan. The two of you go everywhere together, and I've seen you hold hands under the table in class more than once. Not that something silly like two people dating bothers me or anything. I'm not a child..."
I can't help feeling irked for being found out. "...If it doesn't bother you then why bring it up?"
"Because-" I glance over to Lysithea amidst her brief pause. Her face glows red-hot. "Because... If I were bothered about stupid stuff like dating, which I aren't in the slightest, then I would treat my special someone with the respect he deserves. Especially if he were determined and conscientious like you."
Now this is a admission of deeper feelings if I've ever heard one before. "...Are you saying what I think you are, Lysithea?"
"Nuh-uh." Lysithea lowers and shakes her head. "I'm just speaking hypothetically, because a hardworking Ordelia woman like myself doesn't need a boyfriend. Even if it is nice sharing sweets with someone sometimes… and having someone help with my Swordsmanship marks..."
I feel a guilty pang in my chest, alongside a boyish fluttering. It's the strangest bittersweet sensation.
No way can I lie anymore. Not to Lysithea nor myself. Not with how well the two of us have gotten along recently.
"...Then I'm glad one of us isn't interested in that sort of thing," I admit quietly, holding my head in my hands. I breathe in and out to steady myself and move my hands away from my face again. "Because I'd be lying to myself if I said I didn't feel something for you, Lysithea. Even if I haven't known you long."
Lysithea gasps for the second time tonight. Loudly. "Y-You like me...?"
I nod slowly and stiffly.
"And you're not kidding? You really, honestly like me?"
"That I do. Quite a bit, actually. For how dedicated and unflinching you are with your studies. And for how nicely you've treated me."
"I... I see."
If my cheeks get any hotter I worry they'll set on fire. Regardless, I'll stay the course. "I just thought you should know, even if you really aren't interested."
"And supposing we lived in a world where I'm foolish enough to want love, Rolan... What more would you say to convince me?"
I smile weakly, willing if anxious about seeing this through to the end. "...I'd say that I get why you act so coldly toward people who waste your time and make fun of you; it's because all you want is to keep improving and earn a little respect." I steel myself with a thin inward breath, and then I breathe out. "And I'd also admit that the warmer side you show when someone respects you is downright lovely. It's certainly what won me over, anyway."
Lysithea smiles so very tenderly, holding her hand out for me. I accept her offer and she knots her fingers with mine. "And if I liked you back then I'd say you're really nice for not treating me like a child just because I'm one of the youngest students here." She squeezes my digits affectionately. "...I'd also say I've had more fun having you as my study partner these past two days then I have studying alone in months."
Exhaling deeply, Lysithea unthreads her fingers from mine and returns her hand to her side. I see conflict written across her face. It's painful.
"But that Lysithea would be a fool for giving in and being so honest, especially when she still has so much to do," my crush resolves bleakly.
Thick silence hangs clouds our little corner now. With each second that passes, I feel like a bigger and bigger idiot for speaking my mind. I've made a mistake here, a huge mistake. Worse, I've probably ruined a budding friendship with the only person I get along with non-romantically besides Dorothea.
Lysithea pushes back her chair. Its legs scrape against the floor and the sound goes through me. Head held low and a hand clutching her chest, my classmate seems a million miles away despite sitting right next to me. "Even if you weren't dating Hilda, which you are, you couldn't be with somebody like me, Rolan," Lysithea informs me so very sadly. "...You'd only end up disappointed and lonely in the end if you tried."
My usual hang-up regarding status in Garreg Mach comes to the forefront. "Is it because I'm a commoner, is that why?"
"Not at all," Lysithea answers flatly, shaking her head. "I'd make my family accept you, noble-born or not."
"Then if it isn't my birth, what is it...?"
Lysithea stands. Picking up her satchel bag off the floor and slinging it over her shoulder, she sighs deeply. "...Help me win the competition this weekend, Rolan. If you can do that then maybe I'll work up the courage to tell you." The girl touches a hand to my shoulder for a second and then quickly withdraws it. "And please, don't talk with Hilda about any of this unless we win, okay?" she adds with a hint of sternness. "There's no sense hurting her feelings for nothing."
I'm in no position to refuse given I brought all of this upon myself. "Alright then. I understand."
"Good. I'll wait for you outside of your room tomorrow at dawn. Then we'll head to the training grounds together. Goodnight for now."
"Night, Lysithea... and I'm sorry."
"Don't be. You can't change forces outside of your control. And neither can I..."
Without another word, Lysithea runs for the door and leaves the mess hall.
Left alone now, I hold my head in my hands and groan. "Way to go, Rolan. You're an idiot. An absolute idiot."
I move my face from my hands and busy myself packing my school supplies away into my satchel bag, a shallow distraction. Once I'm done, I look up to the ceiling and exhale. "Dammit all. I should've kept my big mouth shut."
I shut my eyes and lean back into my chair. The last thing Lysithea said repeats in my thoughts:
"You can't change forces outside of your control. And neither can I..."
Is something bad happening to Lysithea; something she can't talk with me about? Is that it?
Oh, who am I kidding? Whatever she meant is completely and totally lost to me. What she said was cryptic as all heck.
To be continued...
