Chapter 59: Still My Old Self
January 21 Thursday, lunch time.
Sayori: "Where are you?" She looks to her phone and saw no new messages. "I'm really worried." (I had one job and that was to watch over him and yet I can't find him. Now what am I going to do? Gabriella is going to be mad at me for losing her only son.)
Sky: "Sayori? What's wrong?" Sayori looks behind herself to see her light blue haired classmate.
Sayori: "Oh hey. No nothing's wrong."
Sky: "You sure about that?"
Sayori: "No it's horrible." She starts to look depressed.
Sky: "You want to talk about it?"
Sayori: "I can't find where my childhood friend went."
Sky: "Your friend?"
Sayori: "I can't find MC."
Sky: "MC, MC, MC? Oh right you mean Michael Conner?"
Sayori: "Yes! I can't find him anywhere."
Sky: "Calm down. Do you remember the last time you saw him?" (Why am I even asking?)
Sayori: "The last time I saw him was yesterday. I had to leave early to see my grandma at the hospital and MC went to the club. I told him I'll come by his place after visiting her, but when I got there he was nowhere to be found. Since then I waited to see if maybe he'll arrive late like maybe he went to see a friend and forgot to tell me, so I waited and he never showed up."
Sky: "I see and there hasn't been any reports of a body or missing posters? Huh?" She looks to Sayori with puppy dog eyes. "Uh?" (Maybe I shouldn't have said that?)
Sayori: "Ga! I tried texting him, I tried calling him, I told the others, but no luck."
Sky: "Calm down. I'm sure he has reasons to be gone."
Sayori: "Like what?"
Sky: "Well …" (Crap what do I say here?) "Listen did you two by chance a have a fight?" (I'm only asking to see if she's fine.)
Sayori: "No we haven't. The only argument we ever had was when I told him to stop doing things on his own."
Sky: "Why?" Sayori looks to her confused. "Why would he do things on his own? What does he do?"
Sayori: "Well he tends to go off or do things on his own. Like that time he walked up or downstairs on his own instead of letting me help out."
Sky: "Okay, go on."
Sayori: "There was that one time where he wanted to cook, but I keep telling him that I would."
Sky: "Okay?" (Didn't she almost burned a place down before? I can understand why he would want to cook.)
Sayori: "There was also that time where I offered to scrub his …"
Sky: "On second thought I don't want to know that."
Sayori: "Other than that we don't really argue well except …"
Sky: "What?"
Sayori: "There was a time when I almost … hung myself."
Sky: "Wait what?" Sayori nods. "Why!?"
Sayori: "I was depressed and felt that hanging myself would make everything better, but in the end MC stopped me."
Sky: "He did?"
Sayori: "Yeah at the cost of shooting his own foot."
Sky: "So that explains why he's in crutches."
Sayori: "Yeah, he threaten to end his own life if I end mine. I thought he was lying, but it wasn't and so he shot himself on the foot."
Sky: "I see, well thanks for telling me that." She avoids eye contact only to face her again. "Listen if I happen to see him, I'll let you know as soon as possible."
Sayori: "You'll do that?"
Sky: "Yeah, just tell me your number and I'll let you know if I spot him. It would make things more easier if you had more eye witnesses."
Sayori: "Thanks" She smiles brightly as they both exchange numbers and said their goodbyes as lunch ends.
Sky: (Connor … he did all that for her? He was willing to give up everything to save her and here I am hating him just because of his reputation. God I'm a fucked up human being. Maybe I should talk to him?) She walks to class.
Later that very same day. After the final bell rang. Playing terribly alone in her secret room. Monika finding it difficult to play the piano. Always off key, always miss timing, always playing the wrong note. Her thoughts overwhelmed after her talk with Yuri and what she said to her. To add more difficulties to her, her heart breaking even further when she heard that Michael has gone missing.
Unable to play anymore, she stopped herself and left as her club members wait for her. On the other side of school. Walking passed every other student as they gossip. Talking about her and the rumors surrounding her, the club and it's failure last year, talking about their interests or their love life. Choosing to ignore it all, she continues her way to the club. Holding her book tightly in her arms only to let go as …
Hina: "Hey girl!"
Yuri: "Ga!" Looking to her in shock.
Hina: "Oh sorry did I scare ya?" She smiles to her widely.
Yuri: "Y-y-y-y-yes y-you have."
Hina: "Sorry about that. I'm told I can't contain my voice. Wink, wink."
Yuri: "I-I s-see. May I ask your r-reasoning?"
Hina: "My reasoning for being here?" Yuri nods shyly. "I was on my way to the front gate until I saw you and thought I talk to you. Nothing more."
Yuri: "You wished to talk to me?"
Hina: "Well ya! Also I just wanted to ask how you get your hair so shinny? It looks soft that I just want to …" She touches Yuri's purple hair. "So soft."
Yuri: "P-please s-stop."
Hina: "Oh sorry. Didn't mean to be up all there."
Yuri: "I-i-it's fine." Holding the book tighter. "M-may I ask where your friends are?"
Hina: Oh them, they already left without me. Rude don't you think? All because I feel asleep, it happens to all of us you know?"
Yuri: "I suppose so?"
Hina: "Well can't be helped, at least my boyfriend is waiting for me."
Yuri: "B-boyfriend?"
Hina: "Oh shoot, I got to get going now. He's probably waiting at the front gate and I don't want him to wait forever. It was nice talking to you, b-bye." She runs off.
Yuri: "B-bye?" (She's a very strange one, but she means well. She almost reminds me of Sayori. Boyfriend?) Thinking back to her talk with Monika before continuing her walk. On the other side of the school.
Patty: "Monika!" Looking behind herself as Patty runs up to her.
Monika: "Oh Patty, what's up? You need something?"
Patty: "No not really, it's just …"
Monika: "Come on. You can tell me."
Patty: "Well … are you by chance feeling nervous about the election?"
Monika: "No why?"
Patty: "Oh you aren't?"
Monika: "No?"
Patty: "Amazing, you truly are amazing."
Monika: "Well that's a bit much don't you think?"
Patty: "No it's true. You're always so calm, you lead people, you athletic, and smart, not to mention pretty."
Monika: "You flatter me."
Patty: "I wish I could be like you. Maybe I should drop out of the election. There's no way I'm going to beat you."
Monika: "Drop out?" She says to herself.
Patty: "Well I should be heading out. My club is waiting for me. I'll see you tomorrow at our meeting." She attempts to leave.
Monika: "Listen Patty."
Patty: "?"
Monika: "You shouldn't doubt yourself like that. I'm sure when you win you'll do great. Just the way Zackary wants it, so don't think that way and fight."
Patty: "You really think so?" Monika nods to her. "Wow I mean … Thanks." She smiles brightly.
Monika: "Anytime, besides being me is like hell on earth. Be grateful for what you have." She says as she leaves.
Patty: "Monika?" (What did she mean by that?)
Walking down the halls as the club begins. Two girls meet face to face.
Monika: "Yuri" Their hearts pound.
Yuri: "Monika" They stare eye to eye in deep silence.
Monika: "Yuri I …"
Yuri: "You don't need to say anything."
Monika: "Yeah but …"
Yuri: "I've made my own decision. I don't deserve to be with him, so I made the decision to let him go."
Monika: "…"
Yuri: "Say something."
Monika: "…" She struggles to say anything. "… Are you sure about this?"
Yuri: "I am. If you love somebody, you set them free."
Monika: "You really are a kind soul, but right now we don't know where he is."
Yuri: "I'm sure he's fine. He's not weak. We seen it both."
Monika: "You're right. Let's enter the club and discuss where we could go look." She offers her hand to her.
Yuri: "Indeed" She takes her offer and enter as Sayori and Natsuki wait for them to begin their discussion. Later after arguing where to begin.
Sayori: "We could always …"
Natsuki: "Doubt it."
Sayori: "But?"
Natsuki: "How the hell can he get there if he's in crutches! Think girl! Think!"
Sayori: "Hmm?" She pouts.
Monika: "Well either way, we shouldn't be arguing for this long. It's best if we split up and look for him. We can't continue with club activates if he's not here."
Everyone Else: "Yes Mam!"
They all leave school grounds and go around town to find where Michael could have went. Searching the stores, the parks, the buildings, the roofs, and so on.
Monika: "Where could he have gone?" (Where would he go? Last I remembered he went missing was after our trip to the indoor pool. Back then we didn't know where he could have gone. Chances are he's hiding in those same areas, but where? I'm in areas I never went to before, so there's a possibility he's here. Places we never thought of going or never went to.)
After spending another few hours of searching. Everyone gave each other their reports over the group chat.
Sayori: "I tried look at the arcade, but nothing."
Natsuki: "Can't find him at the outlets."
Yuri: "He's not in the library or any stores I came across."
Monika: "I tired looking for him in areas we never went to, but no luck."
Sayori: "This is my fault. If I had just taken him with me then we wouldn't be doing this."
Natsuki: "Yeah most likely."
Yuri: "Natsuki"
Natsuki: "What?"
Yuri: "Please be more considerate." Natsuki groans.
Monika: "Well there's still one place I haven't checked. I'll go check out the beach and report back to you all."
Sayori: "Ok" She says sadly.
Natsuki: "You do that."
Yuri: "I wish you luck." They all hang up.
Monika: (The beach is the last location I haven't been to and with the response I got from the others it seems to be the same case. Please be there.) She heads to the beach as the sun sets and night rises. (It's getting dark. Not good as it makes it difficult to find him, but I still have to try. Let's see, where could he have gone if he were here?)
There standing in front of the sea as the full moon rays reflect off of him. "Michael?" Mesmerized as the light bounces off of his body with his gold eye glowing brightly. (He …) Taking a step back only to be noticed.
Michael: "Monika? What are you doing here?"
Monika: "I could ask you the same thing. You had us all worried when you never came home."
Michael: "That so?"
Monika: "We all skipped today's club meeting to go find you."
Michael: "Sorry"
Monika: "You got some explain to do mister."
Michael: "I just needed to be alone."
Monika: "And you never let Sayori or any of us know?"
Michael: "Let's head home now." He turns away from her.
Monika: "Hold it! We're not done here!" She says with authority which spooked him. "You made us all worried, you didn't call us, you didn't say anything, and you just want to head home now? What the hell is wrong with you!?"
Michael: "…"
Monika: "Say something!"
Michael: "Sorry" She walks up to him and grabs him by the collar.
Monika: "That's not good enough. You shouldn't make a girl worry. Do you have any idea how scared we were? You stupid, stupid fool." Setting her head on his shoulder as Michael hugs her.
[Hate Me by Saliva]
Michael: "I know. I had a lot in my head. I wasn't thinking clearly."
Monika: "… I love you."
Michael: "!" They both step away from each other. "What?"
Monika: "I love you. I'm in love with you and so is Yuri."
Michael: "You … and Yuri?"
Monika: "Yeah, we both had a talk about it yesterday. Not the best timing, but I just wanted to admit my feelings."
Michael: "I, I see, well …"
Monika: "You don't have to say anything. You don't have to …" Tears start to fall. "… reciprocate."
Michael: "Monika?"
Monika: "All this pressure, all this weight on my shoulders. It's too much for me to handle. I just want to be like you, to be like Yuri, to be normal, but … I … I don't want to be alone. I don't want to be Council President. I want to be normal, I want to have fun with you guys. I want to be with you. I want to love, to be loved. Instead all I ever get is disappointment." She starts breaking down.
"You can't understand what I have to go through. The expectation from everyone. From the teachers to our classmates, to my parents who show me no love. I don't want to be Student Council President, but if I drop out then my parents will disown me."
Michael: "…" Not saying a word, but listening to her baring her soul.
Monika: "I'm done with it, I'm done with it all." She rushes up to him where their lips almost touch. "Michael, please …" Showing her weakness as they both stare into each other's eyes. "Please … take my body."
Michael: "What?"
Monika: "Take my body. Do whatever you want with me." She kisses him before he could give his answer. Before he knew it he felt her tongue creasing his as he looks in shock at the once proud Monika he knew. The proud Literature Club President, the Queen of the school, a girl with pride and dignity overtaken by raw emotions.
As the full moon shines down upon them with no one around. The only sound to be heard are the waves of the sea. Both never noticed that there was one person watching.
Yuri: "…" Turning away. She left the two alone in their own little world.
By the time she left, Monika stopped kissing him allowing both to breathe again. Next thing he knew after he regained consciousness. Monika starting undoing her shirt, while she does that was when he saw the look in her eyes. The same look he saw before. The same lifeless eyes. When he saw that he immediately stopped Monika from undoing her buttons.
Monika: "Oh sorry I should've let you do it. Go on ahead." Setting aside her arms, she waited for him to finishing undressing her, but to her surprise he did the opposite. Buttoning her shirt the same way he did for Sayori, she grew confused. "What are you doing." She looks to the beach. "Oh I see. Maybe I'm being too bold. We should find a place to be alone, like a room?"
Michael: "That's not it."
Monika: "Hm?"
Michael: "I'm going home. You should as well."
Monika: "W-what do you mean?"
Michael: "You need rest." He finishes dressing her.
Monika: "But …" He doesn't say a word, but starts walking off. "Wait!" He doesn't look behind himself. "You're not going to take me?" Tears start to build again.
Michael: "No … I'm not."
Monika: "Why? Why don't you want me? Am I not good enough? Why? Why are you rejecting me!?"
Michael: "I'm not." He says calmly.
[Song Ends]
Monika: "Then why? Why won't you take my first time!? Defile me! Ruin the image that everyone has of me!" Not saying a word he walked away leaving her in tears. "Michael …" Seeing him go further away from her. Anger started to build up. "Why? Why won't you love me back? Why don't you love me!? After everything I did for you! I hate you! I hate you!"
Michael: (Sorry, but I can't. I have my own problems and I will not take advantage of you.)
Early morning of the following day. Waking up from her sleep. Sayori looks around her surroundings and saw Michael was nowhere to be found.
Sayori: "Again?" (Where could he have gone?) She looks to her phone and saw a text from him.
"Heading out for a quick walk before school starts. Lock up for me ok. Thanks."
(His message was sent at five a.m. That early? When he came home I was happy, but when I asked where he's been he didn't even look at me. Wonder what's going through his mind? Well at least he's telling me where he went. I need to get ready too. Schools going to start.)
Later during lunch. (Where could he have gone now? I can't find MC anywhere. Let's see where could a boy in crutches go? Hmm?) "Huh? Monika?" She sees her walking down the halls. (Maybe she know where he is?) "Hey! Monika?" She stops in place when she saw Monika surrounded by people. "Woah" (I knew she's popular, but this is ridicules.) She walks up to the crowd as they all ask Monika questions.
Student: "So what's the first thing you're going to do when you become Council President?"
Student 2: "Is there anything you like to say to your opponents?"
Student 3: "Monika, Monika, is it true that the current Council President Zackary is moving?" They all kept going.
Sayori: (Woah my head is spinning. That's a lot of questions to ask. I bet I wouldn't even be able to answer one of them and yet there's Monika answering them one by one. She really is amazing.) She felt a hand on her shoulder.
Sky: "Hey there, you feeling okay?"
Sayori: "Oh hey, yeah I'm doing fine. I'm just worried about MC."
Sky: "Did you find him?"
Sayori: "Yeah, but he's been acting weirder than before."
Sky: "Sounds rough?"
Sayori: *Sigh* "Yeah, but I'm sure things will turn out great."
Sky: "Very optimistic."
Sayori: "Got to be or else everyone in the club will get gloomy."
Sky: "Well I'll let you go then. You should go see where Connor went."
Sayori: "Right, I'll see you later at class. Bye." She says as she moves ahead.
Sky: "Bye for now." (I hope things turn out well for her.)
Later during the club. After everyone spent their free time. Monika makes her announcement.
Monika: "Alright I have an announcement to make. Next week is the New Year's Festival. Last week we all agreed to redo the Poetry Performance."
Sayori: "Aw man, my hearts pounding."
Natsuki: "I'm getting nervous about reading out loud to a crowd again."
Yuri: (I'm so nervous. I don't want to let the club down again.)
Natsuki: "So what do you have plan for us this time?"
Monika: "Well considering what occurred last year. Everything that we did went well, all except out performance."
Yuri: "…"
Monika: "So I believe the best course of action is to redo our assignments from last time. Sayori, you and I will be in charge of Pamphlets."
Sayori: "Yes mam." She salutes.
Monika: "Natsuki, I'm leaving baking to you."
Natsuki: "Got it."
Monika: "Yuri, I really love the setting you did last time, so I'm counting on you to do it again, if not better."
Yuri: "Y-yes, I will make myself useful."
Monika: "And as for? Wait? 1,2,3 … where's Michael?" Yuri and Natsuki look around.
Natsuki: "Wait where the hell is he?"
Yuri: "This is bizarre? He's always here."
Natsuki: "Wait you didn't notice him even though you two are always reading together?"
Yuri: "You read with him to, you should've noticed as well." While those two argue.
Monika: "Sayori do you know where he went?"
Sayori: "I don't know?"
Monika: "What do you mean you don't know? Did he not go home after I found him at the beach?"
Sayori: "No he did."
Monika: "Then what's the problem?"
Sayori: "It's just … when I woke up he was gone. He left me a text that's he's going for a walk before heading to school and during lunch I couldn't find him anywhere. I thought that he would most definitely show up here, but when I saw he wasn't I thought maybe he's running late. Next thing I know your making your announcement."
Monika: "Ey Sayori." She rubs her for head. Bzzt!
Sayori: "Oh would you look at that he texted me." She looks to her contacts.
Monika: "Well?"
Sayori: "So apparently he's not feeling well and just went home."
Natsuki: "It took him that long to respond!? Was he napping and lost track of time!?"
Sayori: "Seems like it."
Natsuki: "You got to be kidding me?"
Monika: (I see, so he left already? Yeah right. I know the reason he's not coming today. It was because of me. What I did to him. How could he face me after I threw myself to him and after what I said to him. I never meant to say it to him. How could I hate him? I …)
Natsuki: "So what now?"
Sayori: "I don't know? Monika, you got any ideas?"
Monika: "Wh-what?"
Sayori: "I was asking if you got any ideas for today?"
Monika: "Oh right, well for the time being. It's best that we continue working on our performance."
Sayori: "Well ok?"
Monika: "Sayori, I have another task for you."
Sayori: "Ok, what do you need me to do?"
Monika: "When you get home can you tell Michael about our plans for the Poetry Performance? Tell him what each of us are doing and to let him pick who he wants to help."
Sayori: "Sure I can do that. I'll let him know as soon as possible."
Monika: "Thank you, in the meantime the rest of us will continue practicing our performance and after that we can all go home. How does that sound?"
Everyone Else: "Yes mam!"
And so they all began practicing for the big day. They had a lot of work to do before the Festival and the pressure sets its course with each of them performing and giving out advice to improve their works. After they all finished it was now time to end today's meeting. Natsuki being the first to leave followed by Sayori.
Sayori: "I'll see all next week. Take care." She cheerfully waves to Yuri and Monika before leaving.
Monika: (Next week is coming shortly. After that …)
"I'm leaving after the Festival."
(What's left of my freedom will be gone.)
Yuri: "Are you not feeling well?"
Monika: "Huh? Oh? Yeah I'm doing fine. Thanks for asking."
Yuri: "I see well, I'll be taking my leave. Good day to you." She bows before leaving.
Monika: "Wait!" Yuri turning to face her after she shouted.
Yuri: "Is something the matter?"
Monika: "It's just …"
Yuri: "You kissed him again did you?" Monika's eyes widen.
Monika: "H-How did you …"
Yuri: "I saw it, yesterday."
Monika: "You did?"
Yuri: "Yes, after you told us you were going to go to the beach to see if he was there. I thought that maybe I could help you since the beach is so big, but by the time I got there. You two were kissing. When I saw that I left for home."
Monika: "Do you … hate me?" Yuri shakes her head.
Yuri: "No, I'm actually happy you two got together. These past few weeks I noticed you've been down. I saw the unhappiness you were in, the loneliness. That is why I can't be angry at you. I have no right to be."
Monika: "… Yuri I …"
Yuri: "You don't need to say anything. I'm fine really. My heart may be in pain, but I would be even more hurt if you two are in pain."
Monika: "… You're too kind."
Yuri: "I'll be leaving for home now. I'll make sure to get ahead start for the decorations.
Monika: "Yeah you do that." Yuri leaves, leaving Monika alone or so she thought as there was another peeking from the corner who heard the entire conversation.
Natsuki: "…" (Honestly those two.) She walks away to avoid being caught.
While all that occurs, sitting on a bench in a nearby park. Michael stares off into the orange sky.
Michael: (How long have I've been here?) He looks to his phone's clock. (Not that long. It took me time to get here, so at least I didn't wait long. Honestly what kind of guy would sit on a bench for hours alone? That would've been a very shitty story.) *Sigh*
(Oh who am I kidding. I'm the shitty one here. Monika, she bared her soul to me and what did I do? I turned away from her when she needed someone to support her. I never knew she felt so alone. The Monika I knew was so confident, so cheerful, but the one I saw yesterday. She was the opposite. So hurt, so alone, she was willing to give her first time to me. Did I make the right choice? Should I have taken that opportunity? Should I have helped her by pleasuring her? No I shouldn't. She's someone I respected. I could never do that to her especially when she talked highly of me when others looked down upon me.
I'm a coward, a loser. She confessed to me and I ran. Not only that, but she told me that Yuri felt the same way. I already knew that she may have liked me, but I always thought it was because of her scented candles. After all she did told me that they contained some aphrodisiac. Was that the only reason or am I just making excuses? It's not just that, in truth I'm just as fucked up as anyone here. Why is that?)
Sara: "How nice of you to wait for me lover." Hugging him from behind and kissing him cheek.
Michael: (That's why. Sara my abusive ex-girlfriend. Only seemed like yesterday that we broke up after all the motivation the girls gave me to call it off and yet here I am back together with her. I'm no man, I'm just masochist, a fool. I tell myself I don't need her and yet my body … it … it wants it so badly.)
Sara: "So what do you have plan today?"
Michael: "I … I don't know what you want from me?"
Sara: "Oh? Well I got some ideas."
Michael: "Like what?" She leans into his ears and whispers.
Sara: "If you're a good boy I might let you have my other hole."
Michael: "… What do you want from me?"
Sara: "Oh nothing much, but maybe … leave the club." She says flirtatious only to change to seriousness.
Michael: "What?"
Sara: "You heard me. You don't need those hussies, you don't need that stupid club, you don't need anyone else but me."
Michael: "… I …"
Sara: "Look what those whores did to you. They let you get hurt and left you in those crutches. Do you honestly believe they care for you. They're only toying with you. If you want proof then why not look at yourself."
Michael: "Myself?"
Sara: "They manipulated you into getting injured, they toyed with your emotions and what did you get? Nothing, no praise, no happiness, no pleasure, Is that really fair for you lover boy? You don't need them. They tricked you into breaking up with me, but as you can see we're back together. They fucked with our love, they ruined your happiness. If you weren't happy then why do you show up?
You see it don't you? You left me and here you are …" She grabs his face. "Fucking me, fucking me real good. Why? Because I trained you to be this good." She undoes his hair and covers his revealed golden eye with his dark brown hair. "This isn't you. This is. My lover. I'll admit it, I wasn't all that nice to you, but after our breakup I finally realized it. I need you. I need you more than anything else. Can't you see it? I changed.
I changed for you. To be a woman you deserve. I'm more than just your girlfriend, I'm your woman and you can do anything to me to your heart's consent. I never knew what I had until I lost it and now here I am with you. My true love, my lover. I love you." The two stare deeply into each other's eyes as she pushes aside his hair to see both his eyes.
Michael: "Sara, I … I miss it. I miss you. I dream about you."
Sara: "How flattering. You dream of me? I dream of you." They both kiss as the sun sets.
Michael: (Perhaps I never changed. I'm still my old self. A person I hate and yet I love it. This is my addiction, she is my drug, she is my love. My body yearns for hers. I want that pain back.
Just how fucked up can I be?)
End of Chapter 59
