The wait has been long. Please have mercy. I hope the wait has been worth it,
I will leave it up to you to judge if it has been. Here is chapter 10
Please enjoy!
-o-o-o-
There hadn't been any room. No room for her to move away from him, no time to think. All she knew in that moment was that she had to get away, that she couldn't bear to look at him at the fear of falling to her knees to plead with him. It was stupid of her. It was a miracle she hadn't gotten splinched in her haste to apparate away. Methodically she checked to feel her arms were still there, her legs, her feet, even her fingernails. Physically she was intact, but she was maimed in all the ways that counted. Hurt in a way that didn't leave any more physical traces than the prickling in her nose, a tell tale sign of tears.
Surrounded by trees, she started to make her way out of the park, following the trail to the twisted iron gates that led her onto the street. She'd apparated to a spot farther away on purpose, letting the sound of her soles hitting the pavement ground her. "He had all day, and nothing," she mumbled to herself whilst crossing her arms over her chest. And then… and then, how had she not known?
Hermione couldn't help but think she could've somehow spared herself this hollowness in her chest. If she'd kept better track, written down the signs, his scent, they way she wanted to succumb to the sound of his voice, how his kiss vibrated through her, how different his touch had been from anything she'd ever felt. If, if, if.
She found herself unable to determine which was worse, her own ignorance to the proof staring her in the face or the fact she'd been kept in the dark by one of the few people in this world she trusted.
Pansy.
She wasn't angry with her, not really. It was possible Draco at one point had intrusted in her about his designation and they were friends. It made sense she'd not want to break his trust by telling Hermione. Being an Alpha wasn't something to flaunt, she could understand that almost too well.
Stopping to look up at an eagle owl passing a few meters above her head, her thoughts returned to Draco. It was in the way he'd phrased it, "I'm not the Alpha for you."
He knew – and he didn't want her.
The closer she got to Grimmauld place the angrier she started to feel with herself. When number 12 appeared before her she halted for a beat, schooling her features and plastering on a smile. She hadn't thought this through. Harry didn't know about any of this but it was time she shared her new world with him. Wasn't it?
She'd known for a while she'd have to tell Harry about her visit with Ralf. Explain to him the turn her life had taken, not just because he was her boss and he would need to know she'd had to take leave from work during her heat, but because he was her best friend and he deserved to know what was going on with her. Mostly, she didn't want to feel lonely anymore and she could really use one of Harry's strong hugs right about now. Furthermore, it would be hard to walk in to his house and lie about what was going on with her.
When she'd composed herself enough to convince Harry she wasn't in the midst of a mental breakdown, she took the steps up to the door and knocked.
The wooden door creaked open and she was met with the familiar green eyes behind round spectacles. She didn't appreciate how his eyes narrowed as he took her in, nor did she enjoy how easily he seemed to see through her fake smile.
"Hi Harry," she said in an applaudable effort to sound cheery.
"Hey 'Mione," he said tentatively and stepped to the side to let her in.
Her arms longed to wrap around him, for him to steady her beating heart and stirring thoughts, but not yet. If she hugged him now she was afraid she'd lose her voice to quiet sobs.
By the time she'd made herself comfortable on the couch, nursing a cup of tea in her hands, his eyes had narrowed to thin slits and he seemed to be studying her every movement. Sometimes she loved she had a friend who knew her better than anyone else, but right now, that trait came across as a living lie detector, a skill he'd seemed to have perfected since becoming an auror. Maybe he was suspicious because she had yet do more than hum in answer to what he was saying about work and the weather.
"Not that you aren't always welcome here, but, it's not Thursday and you seem a bit ….," he paused, looking for words, "are you OK?"
Hermione let out a shaky breath and closed her eyes briefly as she said. "I need to tell you something."
"OK," he said and sat down next to her, placing a calming hand on her knee. She noticed a golden chain bracelet on his wrist, she wondered about it for a second. Had she ever seen him wear jewellery before?
She took a sip of her tea, an attempt at stalling the conversation ahead. There had been many times when Harry had been the one to confide in her, but it felt strange to have the roles flipped. Slowly, she pulled her legs up and wrapped her arms around them, forming a kind of armour.
"Talk to me," Harry said softly after a while of silence.
Hermione tried to focus her thoughts. "I don't know where to begin," she said truthfully. How does one describe the ray of emotions simmering within, where does one start to explain their whole life had taken a turn, an unwanted twist for the worse? Even more difficult, how does one describe that the tears threatening to spill out came from weakness, feelings for a man who was the most unlikely of person to have brought forth such feelings.
"Start wherever, I'll listen," he said calmly, seeking her gaze.
"Kay, but can you promise me something first?"
Harry answered with a nod.
"Promise me you'll let me finish talking before you say something and – try not to judge."
Another nod.
The room fell quiet as she pondered how to start, she could feel Harry growing a little impatient next to her as minutes passed.
"''Mione?"
"Okay, Okay. Yes. So. It began with this rash," she said, gesturing toward her neck and turning her wrists. Harry's eyes filled with questions but he kept quiet as she continued to tell him about her meeting with Ralf, about the existence of Omegas and Alphas, and specifically, her being an Omega.
She studied his face as she talked, looking away only as she had to describe the more intimate details of what it meant for her. Hermione let the words flow, explaining about heats, as clinically as possibly, catching Harry turning a little red. When she got to the part about her risking death if an Alpha didn't help her through her heat, he turned ghostly pale. All the while she talked, she worried what he was going to say. What was he going to think of her now? She silently debated whether she should tell him about Malfoy or not, deciding against it. There was no need to make the workplace uncomfortable for Harry too.
" –and I know it's not easy for you to say something to all of this, but I just hope after what I've told you, you still see me, because…" she quieted for a beat, "I'm not sure I do. I don't think I know who I am anymore."
Harry ran his index finger and thumb down the bridge of his nose, then took a steady hold of her shoulder.
He searched for her eyes and Hermione was a little afraid what she'd see in his when they met. She shouldn't have been surprised to find nothing but kindness looking back at her, emerald green eyes filled with concern and love. "I don't think I say this enough, but you are remarkable at anything you set your mind to. Embrace this new part of you, don't push it away. And let me be clear," he said, holding her gaze and tightening his grip on her shoulder, "You are still you, don't you ever doubt that."
Unwelcomed tears started to well out at his words. They were the perfect words. Wiping at her tears, she asked, "but what if I can't embrace it? What if I don't want to? How can you know I am still me when I don't?"
She looked down at her fidgeting hands, not really wanting to hear his answers.
Harry drew a deep breath. "I've learned that sometimes the right thing to do is fight, other times, the best you can do is accept the situation at hand. You can't control what life throws at you, but you can choose how you handle it. This is a part of you now, the sooner you acknowledge that, the sooner you'll feel in control again."
Gently, he placed an arm around her and tugged her to him. "As for how I know you are still you – let me ask you this, what was the first thing you did when you found out?"
She nestled her head against his shoulder and made a face as she thought back on it. "I threw up all over Ralf's shoes."
Her head bobbed a little when Harry let out a low chuckle. It was a strange thing to laugh at, but at least it seemed to let some of the tension in his shoulder give out. "Right. But then what was the first thing you did when you got home?"
"Well I –" She frowned a little. "I made a list of things I had to do, to survive, to learn what I could about Omegas and Alphas. Then I – then I went to the library." She knew he was smiling even before she looked up at him.
"See, making lists and going to the library, sounds a lot like the Hermione I know." There was an undeniable smugness to his voice. A few strands of hair clung to her face and as she drew her fingers across her cheek to wipe it away, it was as if she could feel her face again, she continued down her left arm, in a way of checking if it was true. It was. She wasn't sure when it had happened, but sometime between all the itching and complete inability to control her emotions and urges, her body had stopped feeling like hers. Harry's words had swept over her like gravity. Her body was hers, the Omega part of her was a new addition, but Harry was right. She'd attacked it as if it was a virus forming in her cells, started a civil war with no other outcome than failure. She needed to embrace all the new things about her because this wasn't something she could fight.
Sniveling into Harry's shirt, she half cried half laughed, "Gods, you're obnoxious when you're right." The truth was, she'd never been happier to be proven wrong. There was something in Harry's low chuckle that told her he knew it.
-o-o-o-
That feeling of constantly being out of touch with reality and herself appeared gone when she awoke, replaced with a sore neck due to her unnatural sleeping position on the sofa. Disoriented she forced her eyes open, only to stare at a sad wilted orchid on the coffee table. Her eyes widened a little at the fresh white lilies placed next to it. Harry rarely had flowers at home, mostly because he was terrible at looking after them, which led her to believe they were gifted.
Ginny? Had they made up?
At some point yesterday she'd fallen asleep on Harry's lumpy couch, she smiled a little when she noticed the soft blanket he'd thrown over her some time after she'd drifted off.
A couple of crucial things had deliberately been left out for their conversation last night, such as the topic of a certain blonde Alpha, the hotel room kiss they'd shared and the aftermath of it in that alley. As the evening progressed, Harry had looked at her, trying to hide his worry without success when asking her about her first heat, when it was time and if she had the situation 'sorted'. She kept the responses as casual as possible and told him she had it under control. It was a lie and in order to not let it show she'd made herself busy cleaning up after their dinner.
Harry had been more understanding than what could be expected. He'd even demanded she take a couple of days off work because apparently she looked in need of it. This was when they started to argue. She told him of her and Malfoy's success in acquiring the original potion; she needed to start the deconstruction work. Looking at him expectantly, thinking she'd argued her case well, he'd just shaken his head and made it known she was not to step foot inside the Bunker the rest of this week. Assuring her it was fine, the potion would still be there on Monday.
It felt like a punishment.
"People are dying, Harry!" she'd exclaimed. It wasn't that she minded not seeing Malfoy – that part was rather alluring – but she also knew the importance of getting the counter potion working.
"You have enough to think about right now, I have the situation handled, take this time to reflect and then you can come back," he'd said with that finality in his voice she'd come to recognise as his authoritative one.
Today was Wednesday and Hermione found herself having nothing to do and nowhere to be. It was already making her anxious. Dragging her feet to the kitchen, she spotted a piece of torn parchment on the table.
"Gone to work, Kreacher will make breakfast if you want, if not, I think there's some left of Molly's homemade walnut loaf in the breadbasket.
It's just three days. Do something fun. /H."
She scoffed at the last part. Techically, it was five days if you counted the weekend.
Whilst helping herself to Molly's homemade bread, she pondered defying his orders and going to work anyways. Then she imagined running into Malfoy, having to face him and decided against it. In a way, Harry was right, damn him. She needed time. All this confusion around her feelings for Malfoy had in a way drifted her too far away from her original plan.
Step four, find an Alpha and step five, try not to die. Those were parts of her list that needed her full attention. A part of her feared she was beginning to run out of time and even if she just yesterday found out she'd actually found an Alpha, it was one that wanted nothing to do with her. Not in that way. Noah was an option she needed to further explore, and if he turned out to be a decent person, she saw no other way than to let him be the one to help her through her first heat. It wasn't recommended to suffer through a second heat or any other for that matter, alone, but at least those wouldn't be fatal.
One heat. One Alpha, possibly Noah. That was the plan.
-o-o-o-
Draco had walked into the potions lab expecting to see Hermione there; he'd even prepared a speech to let her know he was sorry for Liverpool.
He was met with an empty lab. Dreading what this could mean, he headed back to the break room for the morning meeting. He quickly scanned the room. No Hermione. As though Harry had read his mind, he let them all know she was out sick and would be gone for a couple of days. He said she'd caught some kind of flu but Draco knew better.
It had happened. Her heat had begun and someone else was going to help her through it. The thought alone made him nauseous and he desperately wanted to know if she was all right. What Alpha was with her? Images of her with someone else unwantedly popped up in his mind and he felt like punching something. Looking around the table he noticed Theo's absence and he couldn't focus on anything else.
"Malfoy, are we boring you?" It was Harry's voice.
Draco looked up. "Whaa?"
Harry looked at him disapprovingly. "I said, do you think you can start the deconstruction work yourself?"
"No," he answered simply.
Harry sighed, as though annoyed with him. "You're going with Ron then. Read this, it contains all we have on Tilly's murder along with the report and the start of the investigation made by the other auror team." He dropped a purple folder in front of Draco.
"And where are we going?"
His boss sighed again and Draco almost felt bad for not having paid attention earlier. Almost. "As I told Ron before, he, and now you, are going to visit with the Union, apparently, Tilly had filed an official complaint regarding his situation at the restaurant he was working at. It could be a lead."
Draco gave a slow nod. The rest of the meeting he really did try to listen, but his thoughts kept returning to Hermione and by the time Harry stopped talking, he'd barely caught a thing. Retreating to the potions lab, he sat down on the settee and opened up the folder, he skimmed the parts of information he already knew and paused a little at the report. The pictures made him grimace, it was never a pleasant thing looking at pictures of a corpse. Tilly had been found not far away from the restaurant, Diggy's nest, where he worked. The restaurant, owned by a German woman named Annaliese Wagner, a pureblood, looked like a complete dump. Who in their right mind would ever eat there? Shifting through the papers he soon found the transcribed interrogations with a few of the staff members and with miss Wagner. The interrogations with the staff members gave little away, but it did state that Tilly had had problems fitting in at work, he'd complained to them about not being payed for overtime and that he felt he was treated unfairly. None of the staff members did however confirm this to be the truth. One did say Tilly at one point had told her that he was considering making a formal complaint with the Union.
Miss Wagner had stated that Tilly was a sweet young man who always showed up on time for shifts. When asked if she'd noticed anything in particular about him and how he liked it at the restaurant she'd said he seemed to enjoy working there and got along very well with the rest of the staff.
Draco scrunched his nose. The interrogation with miss Wagner was shit. The aurors hadn't even asked about the complaints he'd supposedly made with the Union nor did they seem to have investigated it further. If they had, they'd know a copy of it would've been sent to the employer, they could've caught miss Wagner in a lie had they done a proper job. Unfortunately this was not uncommon among certain aurors. It was clear the case had not been prioritized.
The door to the lab swung open, without looking up from the papers, Draco raised a finger. He could feel the impatience growing from the man waiting. He sighed, and looked up when finishing the sentence.
"Yeah?"
Weasley rolled his eyes. "Ready to go?"
"This interrogation is shit," he said, pointing at the paper in his lap.
"It is," Ron said and shrugged.
"Should we not talk to miss Wagner again?"
Weasley's eyes narrowed. "Not what Harry told us to do."
Draco fought back the need to say something snarky. "Fine."
"You need to change into auror gear," Ron pointed out, gesturing toward his own attire.
He stood and walked over to the bag of auror clothing he kept at the potions lab, noticing Ron not leaving.
"Wanna watch me undress?"
Weasley made a face and mumbled they'd meet up by the apparation point.
Draco hadn't worn the auror uniform since they caught Yaxley junior. He hated wearing it, it made him feel like a fraud, like he was playing dress up.
-o-o-o-
The Union office was located on the sixth floor of a tired old building, but the big windows allowed the daylight to reach every surface. It was busy, and people seemed a little bothered by their presence. They were led into a room surrounded by glass walls, it was a very nice space with no strange smells, unlike the Bunker, and Draco pondered they probably even had decent coffee.
The woman introduced herself as Hannah Aldrich and gestured for them to sit down. Apparently she'd been notified by letter earlier that week about their visit from Potter, because she got right to the point. "It is correct that Mr Tilly filed a complaint with us. I don't understand why you don't ask him about it."
"Where you the one handling the complaint?" Weasley asked, avoiding her question while helping himself to a glass of water from the carafe in the middle of the table. Since they'd been keeping the murders out of the papers the death of Mr Tilly was still unkown.
"No, that was one of our ex-employees, but I don't think the complaint led anywhere, actually, we haven't been able to reach her per Mr Potter's request. She took her vacation days so technically she is still employed here, but see she was to take on a job at Hogwarts, muggle studies I believe it was."
Draco and Ron exchanged a look.
"Are you talking about Yolanda Vass?" Weasley asked.
"Yes," she said, and got a befuddled look on her face. "Then you already knew who was assigned the complaint?"
Another look was exchanged between them. They had their connection, but what did it mean? Was it possible Vass and Tilly had been murdered for other reasons than them being muggles? If so, were they following a dead lead in order to locate and eradicate the death eaters?
-o-o-o-
She'd been sort of good at avoiding thoughts of Draco up until Friday when she was seated on Pansy's large balcony and faced with a question.
"What exactly happened between you and Draco?"
Not sure if it was the question or the sun beating down on her that was the reason she thought she was burning up.
"What do you mean?" Hermione said, trying to sound casual about it.
What did she know?
She'd arrived at Pansy's townhouse by lunch, bringing along with her a beetroot salad from Marjorie's for herself and the one with black kale chips in it for Pansy. They'd finished their salads and were now enjoying the sun and sipping on iced grapefruit lemonades. Hermione had been growing more and more anxious by the day, not having to work was hard, the days seemed to go on forever. Most of her time was spent waiting for Harry to get off work so they could sit down for dinner and she could try to pry out of him how 'people at work seemed' meaning Draco, and how they were progressing in their interrogations. She'd taken to occupying his sofa, spending her days corresponding with Noah and making small talk with Kreacher. She was pretty sure she suffered some sort of withdrawal, either from not seeing Draco for days, or from the fact she had nothing to do. She'd decided she wasn't interested in getting to know Noah, she just needed to make sure he could be trusted not to claim her. They'd started to make arrangements to meet. He seemed mature, nice enough and for the lack of a better word, boring. When Friday finally arrived she scheduled to meet with Pansy as early as lunch, thankful for her friend's flexible work hours.
Pansy searched the pocket of her sundress and pulled out a letter. It was crinkled and had already been opened. Swiftly, she smoothed out the note on the table between them.
"I would appreciate it if you'd, please, refrain from murdering me in my sleep.
For real though, don't come here. I'm sure your mother will fill you in as to why when you see her."
The letter wasn't signed, but she recognized the perfect penmanship of Draco Malfoy immediately. Hermione continued to stare at it for a long time before she spoke.
She did her best to look oblivious, even managing a convincing scowl of confusion. "Why is he telling you not to kill him?"
Pansy relaxed her head back on the deck chair, her eyes hidden behind dark sunglasses.
"Because I made him promise not to say or do anything that could hurt you."
"You did what? Why?"
Pansy pulled up her sunglasses to meet her eyes, looking at her as though the answer was obvious. "Because you are my friend and you're – going through things."
Hermione let out a question that had been bothering her since Tuesday. "Why didn't you tell me? About him?"
She sat up, crossed her legs and sighed. "The Alpha thing you mean?" Hermione answered her with a stern glare; it was obvious what she was asking. "I did, I mean I tried to tell you, but you didn't want to hear it then. I'm still surprised you didn't storm in here continuing the yelling from last I saw you to be honest". She caught Hermione's look and quickly held up a hand. "Don't get me wrong, I am glad you didn't, but – what happened? I need cause to hex him," she said seriously.
Hermione shook her head.
"We had to do some field work together, in another city, and– I'm not sure how it happened exactly," she said, even though she could vividly remember seeing him asleep on her hotel bed, and feeling a strong pull to lay down next to him.
She could practically feel Pansy eagerly waiting for her to continue.
"We kissed."
Pansy waved her hand, "Oh, OK," she said calmly and taking a mouthful of lemonade. It was odd, but Hermione felt a little disappointed at her friend's very non-dramatic response. She wasn't sure what she'd expected, but more than that, surely.
"That's all you have to say?"
"My dearest Hermione, that was bound to happen, I told you this in the beginning, before you'd even started working together. Although I do recall saying you'd end up naked in each other's arms, but in do time I suppose." She was quiet for a beat, contemplating. "Is that really why he thinks I would be angry?" She scowled, now realising she didn't have the whole story.
"Well, I somehow ended up on top of him," it pained her a little to reveal out loud what had happened next, it felt embarrassing and too personal, "then he pushed me off and stormed out, not mentioning it at all the next day. When we got back to London, he basically told me he wasn't interested."
Her scowl deepened. "You, an Omega, was on top of him, an Alpha?"
"Yes"
"And he just – he just walked away huh? You didn't do the deed? Bump uglies? Slip and slide off of each others bodies –"
"No." Hermione interrupted her. "What are you getting at? He didn't want me."
"He, an Alpha, didn't want you, an Omega?"
"Why are you sounding so confused about it?"
"He's an Alpha, Hermione." She said as though Hermione wasn't aware of the fact.
"I know," she said, imitating Pansy's tone.
Pansy looked at her seriously, the way and adult does when explaining something of importance to a child. "Him walking away. I mean it would take a tremendous amount of strength."
"Oh." Hermione said, thinking back on what she'd read of Alphas, and what Ralf had said. She remembered they were no laws protecting Omegas against Alphas, and Alphas felt the same draw toward Omegas that Omegas felt toward Alphas. If all of that were true, then maybe there had been another reason why he left the room? Something resembling hope started to make its presence known inside of her.
"Did he actually say 'I'm not interested'?" she asked with a poor imitation of Draco's voice, pulling Hermione out of her thoughts.
"Well," Hermione hesitated. "He said he wasn't the Alpha for me the day after, that's how I found out he's an Alpha, and he doesn't want me." The last part came out a mere whisper. She'd had to say it twice now and she didn't like it.
"The twat! He said that?" she exclaimed waving her hands around. "That's the way you found out? Merlin the lack of brain cells it had to take for him to go about it like that " she exclaimed and when catching the look on Hermione's face, she placed a hand on hers.
"He's lying you know."
"I don't think he is. Even though Alphas and Omegas attract each other, that doesn't mean he wants me."
"You couldn't be more wrong. It's because he wants you."
"That sounds like the stupid phrase 'boys hurt you because they like you' which be both know is a way to trick girls into thinking it's ok if a boy hurts you."
Before Pansy could say anything Hermione continued. "Anyway, yeah, so that's likely the reason he thinks you'd want to murder him in his sleep," Hermione said, glancing back down at the letter.
The last part of it had something stir in her stomach, what did he mean by the last part? Why shouldn't Pansy come to see him? It seemed serious. She took a sip of the lemonade to try and stop the burning sensation that seemed to come from inside of her instead of from the sun.
"Don't think I'd enjoy Azkaban, but I'd do it for you," Pansy said softly.
"I'll visit on Fridays," Hermione said with the beginning of a smile. Pansy laughed.
A little relieved they finally could drop the topic of Draco, she leaned back and closed her eyes. She didn't want to talk or think about Draco anymore, it was hard enough knowing she'd have to interact with him come Monday.
"Distract me with your love life please. I am desperate to know how you and the mystery bloke are faring."
Pansy made herself comfortable on the deck chair again, hiking up her dress in the hopes of receiving a tan to rival the one she'd had in Italy. Letting out long sigh she said, "I gave him a gift, maybe it was stupid, but we haven't exactly had the talk and I figured this way he'd know I cared and we'd had a pretty intense conversation about his mother and – you know how I like to gift things, like that necklace –" she gestured to the thin, glimmering gold chain dangling on Hermione's neck. She'd gotten it as a thank you for doing the article, if they hadn't become friends while drinking rosé amongst lemon trees, it could be construed a bribe, "but now, I haven't seen him since Tuesday, so I don't know where we stand."
Hermione took a swallow of lemonade. "Love sucks," she concluded.
"You know, I even got him flowers, to show I appreciated him opening up about things. I've never done that in my entire life. I shouldn't have, it gave too much away of how I feel about him. Probably scared him off. Men are so easily spooked by gestures."
Hermione did her best to convince her friend maybe it wasn't as bad as she thought, that maybe her mystery man had simply been busy. He hadn't, like Draco, told her he wasn't interested, there was still hope. It wasn't until she went inside to cool herself by splashing cold water on her face that it dawned on her. By some miracle, the lilies on Harry's coffee table were still alive. She'd even seen him give them a fresh cut and water at one point – and the bracelet. Her eyes went wide.
She, she was the reason Pansy's mystery man hadn't seen her - because Hermione had occupied his sofa since Tuesday.
What the fuck.
How had she missed this? She kept missing things, had she really become that blind and isolated as of late? She'd lived in her own bubble of misery she hadn't even been able to figure out her two best friends were dating.
"Hey, Pansy, what was it that you got for him? It wasn't a gold bracelet and lillies was it?" Hermione asked feigning a casual tone while she made her way back out onto the balcony. A split second was all it took for Pansy to realise she'd slipped up.
"Shit, you know."
-o-o-o-
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