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Chapter 14 - A Dish Best Served Green

Kakashi glared down at the empty glass before him. Other shinobi, returning from missions or just out for fun, conversed loudly over their own drinks. The large, open space of the bar, even at 3 A.M, was fairly crowded with Jonin, Chunin, and even a few Anbu. The owner, a retired Jonin, had opened the place up after aggravating an old battle injury too far, forcing him to leave the ninja ranks. He used his experiences to cater to the shinobi of the village. Nothing obstructed the lines of sight to each exit and the kitchen was open to the ninja's scrutiny, as was the bar. Paper targets dotted the walls. There were even some on the ceilings. A shinobi paradise.

The Copy-nin ignored the others, even though he knew a handful of people. He wasn't in the mood for company and everyone could sense it. The bartender, noticing Kakashi's empty glass, came over. "Can I get you another?"

The Jonin eyed the four empty glasses in front of him; he could barely feel a buzz. Stupid shinobi tolerance. His thoughts fixed on shinobi, and to his annoyance, Genma's face floated to the surface of his mind. "Better just give me the bottle. Strongest stuff you got."


Amaya, her arms full of grocery bags, tried to stifle a yawn, the early morning sun doing little to rouse her. Her stomach and an empty fridge had conspired to drive her from bed and to the store.

A group of Chunin, a couple of whom she vaguely recognized, staggered toward her, snickering among themselves until a dark-haired ninja with a nasty scar on his jaw stepped forward, his words slurring. "Need help with those bags, Princess?"

Her brow twitched; it was too early to deal with stupid, especially stupid and drunk. He reeked of alcohol. She politely shouldered him aside and went on her way. A couple blocks away, another ninja who sat outside a tea shop with his friends, called out. "Hey, Princess, I can carry you home bridal style if you'd like!"

She kept walking, ignoring the urge to punch him in the face. That shinobi hadn't been drunk. She didn't understand. When she'd been in Anbu, she broke her leg and Kakashi had carried her back to the village in his arms since both their packs were slung over his shoulders. He'd started calling her Princess after that. In retaliation, she started calling him Scarecrow.

Amaya stopped. No one knew that except her and Kakashi. Her hands clenched into fists, crinkling the grocery bags. "I'm going to kill him."


Brutal light assaulted Kakashi as he cracked open an eye. Why couldn't someone shut off the sun? He had a headache. Groggy, he sat up, nearly falling out of the tree he'd decided to sleep in. He held his head in one hand. He didn't remember a thing.

Two ninja walked beneath the tree he sat in. Concealed in its leafy branches, Kakashi eavesdropped as their words floated up to him. The pair didn't linger, so all he heard was the word "princess" and a snicker.

He frowned; that word meant something to him, but he couldn't guess. Not with his head still swimming. Glancing up at the devil-Sun, he noted the time and vaguely remembered needing to be somewhere. But where? He shrugged and leapt from the tree, stumbling when he landed. He was sure he'd figure it out eventually. The Hokage's face broke through the lingering haze of alcohol, so he decided that was as safe a bet as any. Maybe the Hokage would know where he needed to be.


How hard was it to find and strangle one Jonin?

Amaya had spent the better part of two hours searching for Kakashi. He wasn't in his favorite tree, wasn't at home, wasn't in any of the shinobi bars. Deciding he might have gone home while she searched, she headed that way.

Walking helped her think. She could string him up and bleed him out like an animal or maybe just gut him and leave him for birds. Both sounded quite nice but murdering one's comrades was frowned upon. And she wouldn't get to see him suffer for very long. No, she needed something that would satisfy her need for revenge without the possibility of jail time. But what? All her mind could think about was dancing around his corpse.

A flash of orange caught her attention and she saw Naruto walking ahead of her. She called out to him and he froze. Catching up to the blond, she noticed a small bottle in his hand. "Naruto, what're you doing?"

"Nothing," the Genin replied a bit too quickly.

"What's in the bottle?"

"Nothing."

She held out a hand. "Give it here."

"Yes, sensei," the blond replied, casting his eyes to the ground as he handed it to her.

"Hair dye? What'd you need this for?"

Naruto raised his head. "I was going to prank Kakashi-sensei." He folded his arms. "He left me to pay the bill at Ichiraku's yesterday."

"Naruto, you know this isn't right. I'm sure—" Two ninja walked by, one calling out how he'd like to take the Princess home and show her a good time. Amaya's brow twitched and she held up the bottle. "What color did you say this was?"

"I didn't, but it's neon green."

The Jonin slung an arm around the boy's shoulders. "Come on, I know where he keeps the spare key."


Kakashi, lounging in his favorite tree after his mission debriefing and subsequent reprimand about coming to said briefing hungover, was deep in his book and almost didn't notice Raido's approach.

"I've been looking everywhere for you," the scarred Jonin said.

"Well, you found me. What's up?"

"You mean you don't remember?"

"Remember what?"

"Oh, gods, you don't remember."

The silver-haired shinobi, closing his book, leapt from the tree to land in front of Raido. "What don't I remember?"

"Well, you see, you got pretty drunk last night…."

"And?"

"And you said some things…." Kakashi blinked at him, obviously not understanding or remembering, so Rai continued. "You said some things that maybe you shouldn't have."

Growing panic bubbled in the Copy-nin's stomach as "princess" flashed through his mind. He grabbed Rai's jacket. "What did I say?"

"I wasn't there, so I don't know all the details." The Tokujo took a deep breath. "But this is what I've heard."


Locking the door behind them, Amaya and Naruto left Kakashi's apartment. The Genin grinned at his sensei. "We got him good!"

"Yes, yes we did," she replied, a sense of contentment washing over her. Taking revenge wasn't something she often did, but maybe she should. It felt wonderful to know that everyone would soon have something new to focus on.

Mamoru climbed from her pocket to her shoulder. "That'll teach those dogs too. Nobody calls me Squeaker and comes away unscathed."

"That's right, my vindictive little friend. No one gets away unscathed." Amaya said, scratching her summon under the chin with a finger.


"I'm dead. I'm dead. She's going to kill me. I'm dead."

Raido didn't know what to do as Kakashi continued to repeat the same sentence he'd been repeating for the last five minutes. The silver-haired Jonin has taken the news of his drunken revelations by finding the nearest bench, sitting down, and staring into nothing as he chanted.

"So you found him," a voice said behind the scarred Jonin. Rai turned to see a man with short, spiky, black hair and brown eyes walking toward him. A cigarette hung from the ninja's mouth.

"Hey, Asuma. Yeah, I found him, but I think I broke him."

"I finally found you, my eternal rival," called another man coming behind Asuma. With his green spandex jumpsuit, his orange leg warmers, and bowl haircut, Might Gai was impossible to mistake. "Eternal rival, I - Eternal rival?" Gai knelt in front of Kakashi, who seemed not to notice. He turned to Raido. "What's wrong with him?"

"Well," the scarred shinobi began, "you've heard the princess story around town, right? He started it while drunk."

None of the Jonin noticed that Kakashi had stopped talking until he stared up at Rai. "What do I do?"

"Go home. Go home and dress nice. She'll feel bad about destroying your nice clothes. Take her to dinner and beg her forgiveness."

The silver-haired Jonin stood, walking away in a daze, mumbling to himself. "Right. Nice clothes. Dinner. Forgiveness."

Gai shook his head. "I hope your advice works, Raido. I'd hate to see his youthful flames extinguished forever."

"Me too," Asuma agreed.


Kakashi let the hot water clear his mind. He'd take her to her favorite restaurant, a little sushi shop in the heart of Konoha; he knew she hadn't been to it since she'd returned. It was where she'd had her last dinner with her parents, her last dinner in the village. The memories weren't all bad. They'd had their first date there, but Amaya considered it part of her old life. He'd take her anyway.

Rinsing the last of the soap from his body, the Copy-nin stepped from the shower, lazily scratching an itch on his shoulder. A flash of color caught his eye in the steam-fogged mirror. He wiped away the condensation.

Neon green stared back in place of silver.

"Oh hell."

A note waited for him in his room, tucked neatly among clothes that had already been laid out for him. His hand shook slightly as he unfolded the paper and read.

My Dearest Scarecrow,

Because the slaughter of comrades is (unfortunately) frowned upon, I have resorted to the next best thing. As you'll have noticed, there was a little something extra in your shampoo...

Kakashi ran a hand through his ungelled hair and scratched a persistent itch on his neck.

...The dye is chakra-based and won't come out until I decide nor can it be henged. So when your little slip-up blows over, your hair will return to normal. Have fun!

By the way, your ninken's outfits have been replaced with pink tutus, courtesy of Mamoru, and your soap is laced with itching powder. Naruto says that's what you get for skipping out on him.

Love,

Your Pissed-off Princess