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Chapter 18 - To Become Strong

Amaya sat atop the middle log on the 3rd training ground, yawning. If it wasn't for her promise to Sakura, she'd still be asleep, but both kunoichi had things to do later in the day. Well, Sakura had things. She had to tell Kakashi about Genma; how desperately she wanted to trade places with her student.

"Amaya-sensei?" Sakura asked as she arrived. "You're here?"

The auburn-haired Jonin dropped to the ground. "Why wouldn't I be?"

"I mean, you're here on time."

"I'm not your other sensei. I'm always on time."

"Yeah, I guess you have been. It's just weird." The young girl leaned her pack against one of the logs.

"So," the Jonin said, clapping her hands together, "what kind of training were you hoping for today?"

"I don't really know. I just..don't want to be a burden anymore."

"We can work with that. Now, I can't teach you any techniques, but we can work on your taijutsu. Come at me." Amaya slipped into a ready stance.

Sakura took a deep breath and charged the older woman, aiming for her stomach. The Jonin caught her fist, so she swept her leg out, hoping to knock her sensei off her feet. Amaya caught her student's leg with her free hand and a hard tug flattened the Genin.

The older shinobi hovered over her. "Let's try that again, shall we?"

The pink-haired girl stood slowly, taking the time to observe how her sensei held herself. Right away, she noticed the Jonin was completely relaxed. Copying her teacher, Sakura released the tension in her muscles.

"Good. The only time there should be any tension is the instant you strike. The moment after, it should be gone. Now come at me again."


The Genin collapsed, breathing hard and covered in sweat. "We've been at this for hours and I haven't gotten better."

Amaya, while less out of breath, wiped sweat from her forehead. "Yes, you have. You almost hit me a minute ago."

"Almost won't make me stronger. This is pointless. I'm too weak."

Sakura rose to her feet but found herself pinned to the ground on her stomach a moment later. The auburn-haired Jonin placed her foot on the Genin's back, bending Sakura's arm behind her until she cried out. "I have your attention, I assume? Now, listen closely. You. Are. Not. Weak. Never say that because, once you do, you might start to believe it."

"But I am!"

"If I had a grain of rice for every time I said that, I could feed the whole damn village for a year," Amaya ground out, pressing her heel into the small of Sakura's back to drive her point home. She released the girl after that and helped her up. The Jonin's tone softened. "My sensei did the same thing to me when he was finally tired of listening to me berate myself."

The young nin wiped tears from her eyes. "That's not true. It can't be."

"It is." Amaya brushed a stray tear from Sakura's face. "I was on a Genin team with two excellent ninja. I always felt worthless next to them and felt like I blended into the background. That's why I wore canary yellow clothes and dyed my hair black. That's why I was reckless and stupid and impulsive. That's why I created this." She tapped her tattoos.

"But you're always so strong."

"I'm only strong because I have to be to protect the people I care about. When you fight to protect others, when you do whatever you have to protect the people you love, that's the moment you find real strength. Understand?"

The pink-haired girl nodded. "I think so."

"We've done enough training for today. Go home, get cleaned up, and get some rest."

"Thank you, sensei."

Amaya smiled. "It was my pleasure."


"Enter."

Amaya slipped through the door into the Hokage's office. She bowed to Hiruzen, waiting for him to finish reading her test results in his hand. A smile crossed his face and she knew that he'd reached the end of her fight with Kazuma.

Laying the papers down, he laced his fingers together on top of them. "Well, it seems that you've lost none of your skill. Or your loyalties. So, there's no reason to keep you on probation. As of this moment, you are officially a Konoha shinobi once more and, I hope, permanently."

She bowed again. "Thank you, Lord Hokage. One thing, though, before I go…."

"Yes?"

"If I can, I would like to know the status of Haku's integration into our ranks."

Hiruzen leaned back, picked up his pipe and lit it. "It's far harder to convince the three councils to accept a rogue ninja than it is to persuade them to let a ninja-turned-civilian return to duty. He will not be turned away from the village, but if he doesn't prove his loyalty to us, then I can't guarantee anything."

"If I may speak freely?" When the Sandaime nodded, she continued. "He can't prove anything stuck in the village. He needs to be able to leave, to go on missions with other ninja, to be allowed to show how badly he wants to be here."

"I agree, but my hands are tied. I cannot go against the will of so many. Though, perhaps...perhaps an opportunity could present itself…."


Opening his door, Kakashi, momentarily blinded, blinked in the light of the setting sun. His vision cleared and Amaya stood before him, a tight smile on her face. He resisted the urge to shut the door in her face; he didn't want to face her.

"Can I come in?"

He nodded, stepping aside so she could pass. As the auburn-haired Jonin entered, the scent of lilacs followed her. Kakashi breathed deeply. She still used the same shampoo. Amaya settled herself onto his only couch which, to his slight embarrassment, was covered in dog hair from his ninken's visit earlier in the day. For animals, they understood humans well and were able to help him make sense of the knotted mass of emotions that had lived in his stomach since Raido's intervention.

The silver-haired Jonin — the color had washed out in his morning shower — sat beside her as close as he dared. "So what's on your mind?"

"How do you know something's on my mind?"

"Because," the Copy-nin said, "you play with the ends of your hair when you have something really important to say, but you don't know how to say it."

She immediately dropped the ends of her hair she'd been running between her fingers. "Damn, I thought I'd broken myself of that habit." She sighed. "But, you're right. I don't know how to say it, so I just will. Genma and I are going out."

He could see her brace herself for his reaction. It hurt to know that she thought he'd take the news badly, but he couldn't blame her. Change, especially change outside his control, had never sat easy with him. But with a gentle smile, he put her fears to rest. "I'm happy for you."

"I know you don't approve, but he makes me happy and…. Wait, what?"

"I said I'm happy for you." Kakashi's chest tightened at the words. He meant them. However, it would be some time before he could accept the changes that went with his words.

Amaya was caught off guard, her voice wavering with uncertainty. "You are?"

"I am. What kind of friend would I be if I didn't support your decisions?"

"Not a very good one," was all she could think to say.

"I also wouldn't be a good friend if I didn't tell you that if he does anything to hurt you, I won't hesitate to gut him and string him up with his own intestines."

Finally snapping from her confusion, Amaya realized that she wasn't going crazy again. Kakshi had really said he was happy for her. She hugged him without warning. "Thank you."

The silver-haired nin could only return her embrace, fearing that, if he spoke, he'd ruin the momentary revival of her faith in him.

Their conversation afterwards was lighter. Kakashi told her that he'd recommended Team 7 to participate in the Chunin Exams. Amaya relayed her fight with Kazuma and her meeting with the Hokage. "Oh, Sakura and I trained this morning. I think she might be excited for the Chunin Exams."

"I'm glad she decided to participate. It'll be a good experience for her. I trained some with Sasuke yesterday."

"What about Naruto?"

"Well, he came by, but I was training with Sasuke."

"He should've come to me. I would've trained with him."

"That's what I told him. I guess he decided not to."

"I guess so." Amaya took her leave shortly after, saying she needed to get home and sleep. On her way, though, she decided to stop by Ichiraku's to pick up some dinner. She found Naruto there, wolfing down his fifth bowl of ramen. She slid into the seat next to him. "Your last big meal before the Exams?"

"Yeah. I'm super excited."

"Really? So why didn't you come ask me to train with you like Kakashi-sensei suggested?"

Naruto waited until she placed her to-go order and then frowned at her. "He didn't. He said not to bother you. That you were busy."

"Well, I wasn't for most of the day."

The young blond shrugged. "Must have been a misunderstanding."

"Must have," she said. Naruto tucked into his sixth bowl, leaving her to her thoughts. Kakashi had no way of knowing whether she was busy or not, so why had he lied? It didn't make sense. Naruto's training was as much his responsibility as Sasuke's was and he wasn't the kind to play favorites. Her order ready, she laid a hand on her student's shoulder. "Good luck, Naruto. Just remember, whatever happens, I'll be proud of you."

"I'll give it my all."

"I know you will. I'll be rooting for you."

"Thanks, Amaya-sensei." The Genin grinned at her. "You won't be disappointed."