A/N: Still alive, somehow.
Surgery's looking more and more likely.
*siiiiigh*
I'd prefer not to have the doctors go poking around in my back unless absolutely necessary, so I'm still seeking alternative options in the interim. Can't keep killing my liver with all these pain meds either...
Gone about for a second opinion, then a third, which hasn't helped. Some say its a sciatic nerve, others claim its something I'll "get over" eventually. I think not!
Still, I've got got a few co-writers helping me these days, so things are looking up! You may recognize a portion of this chapter from my "Fragments of Remnants" plot bin; that's intentional, after all...this is the completed version of said fragment.
As ever, we're going by the Embers Rule. This will be deleted if folks don't like it. That's right, gone for keeps. Every bit of feedback counts. So by all means, speak up! Makes yourselves heard! Your words matter, after all. I wouldn't be here without you. That's no joke.
Now for your questions, comments, and concerns:
Q: Why don't you take as many requests anymore?
A: Because it requires exhaustive research beforehand. Case in point, I'm watching a LOT of new shows that have been recommended to me as of late. Also watching Invincible and looking into the comics...that is a ton to unpack. Holy crap. Up to episode four though...
Also watching other shows fans/friends have foisted on me.
Including the new season of Overlord.
WHICH I DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT!
I stopped writing Sage of the Great Forest out of depression, after being unable to purchase the books, only to find that the anime's continuing! Guess that's going back into the update rotation...
Q: On a scale of one to ten, how crazy will the next few chapters be?
A: Eleven~!
Q: More antics! More madness! Please, some of your stories have been so dark lately.
A: Then you've come to the right place. This has been, and still is, one of my more chaotic tales. In case you've forgotten, Naruto and Kaguya are drunken FIENDS in this story. Well, the former drinks to keep the latter drunken off her ass, and lets her out to play on occasion. Case in point, recall the last line of the last chapter.
I believe it went a little something like this against Adam and Hazel...
"Release restraint level one...!"
Ergo? Chaos ensuses.
Alright, I've kept you long enough. I could answer some more questions, but I'd rather the story speak for me.
As ever, I own no quotes, references, themes or memes. 'Tis only tributes!
Really, that's rather obvious by now.
...that wasn't very nice. I do believe you destroyed my bottle...do you have any idea how hard it is to find a vintage this rare?!"
"Yup. Thought so. She's pissed! Everybody duck and cover!"
"Too late. I'm gonna kill you so hard you'll die to death."
...that...doesn't make any senseohgodmyleg!"
~?
Raise Your Glass
"Release Restraints: Level One."
Adam Taurus couldn't look away. He wanted to, make no mistake, his body just wouldn't obey him. Some sixth sense said that to do so now, to avert his eyes now from the billowing cloud of smoke rising before him, even for a moment, would lead to his death. For all his attempts to move his legs remained rooted to the floor as the others sought cover.
Something gleamed in the smoke. Adam Taurus had seen some scary shit in his day. But this? This jumped the fucking shark and ate it besides.
In short, he was not prepared for what lay within; because it wasn't that baffling blond that emerged from the fog. A horned woman emerged from the haze in the man's place, still wearing the insufferable fool's clothes, though they drapped loosely around her thin frame. Fair of face was she, her skin an almost pallid gray to match her already-ghost-white hair; eyes a brillaint shade of white. A single red eye gleamed from the center of her forehead, cold and cruel. As he looked on it actually swiveled to blink at him.
I see you, Adam Taurus, it seemed to say. I know you; your every fear.
She cocked her head at him, producing an awful crack left had him flinching.
'Fly, you fool!' His mind cried out in nameless dread his body didn't understand. 'Flee! HIDE!'
"Hmm?" the -faunus?- woman raised an arm, considering as a small child might a new toy. "Hmmm?" she drew out the word, almost slurring it as she swayed in place. "I get to play?" she patted her face, as though to make certain it was still there. "Its been so long since he last me out...why's everything spinning.
Her eyes sought his.
"You there, boy." she raised a finger his way, tried to walk, then stumbled. "Lay down your sword and swear fealty to me. Do so, and I'll spare you."
Silenced stretched between the two of them. One could hear a cricket chirp in the void that followed.
Incredulity crept into the fear that held Adam and overshadowed it. "Excuse me?"
"You're excused, peasant." she hummed pleasantly. "Now...kneel."
"Daaaamn." Her heard someone snicker somewhere behind the pale woman. Sounded like the blond wench. "I like her. She's got attitude."
The woman made a pleased noise and looked back her way. "Good of you to notice, fiery child. I shall make you one of my lieutenants in the coming dynasty."
The harlot had the gall to laugh. "Uh...thanks?
The little red girl piped up. "Awww, what about me?"
"I shall consider it if you bring me more wine, daughter of Summer.
"On it~!
"Oi! Hands off my flask, squirt!"
"Nevah! Weiss, Emerald! Put little Cinder down and help me get it offa him!"
Adam felt a muscle jump just below his right eye. Was...was he being ignored?
He was! No one was looking at him! Not a single, solitary soul!
...what manner of madness was this? His instincts were still shrieking at him, hollering for a retreat, but they drowned now in boiling cauldron of his rage. This wicked witch dared to speak to him in such a manner? He led the White Fang! He would burn Haven to the ground! He would lead the Faunus into a new era! He, and no other! If anyone dared to look down on him, they would meet the fate of this woman!
"Don't look down on me!"
Wilt ripped through the air to seek her throat. Without even looking his way, the creature swayed on her feet like a drunkard at last call. Hiccuped now, as she swayed around the blade, ducked a followup blow, and leaped over a third. Despite her horns she gave ground as one might expect of a sloth faunus, feet creeping backward an inch at at a time. That small, insufferable smile never left her face.
"Must you make me exert myself so?" she stifled a yawn with the back of her hand as she swayed away again. "I'm still sleepy...
"Hold! Still!"
She did...and caught his blade between two fingers. His world came shuddering to a halt. Stuck. His sword was stuck. Trapped between those pale digits. It should've been easy to extricate it; to tear himself free and cut her to bits...and yet...!
Her brow furrowed. "Do you not wish to enter mine service?"
"NO!" he raged against her to no avail. "I don't even know who you are!"
"Truly?" Another hiccup, surprised this time. "Does the name Kaguya mean so little in this era?"
"Enough of your prattle!" Adam broke free -she let him!- and brandished his blade. "White Fang, with me! Attack! Slay this drunken fool!"
"What, you and a few men?" Branwen scoffed from cover. "In case you haven't noticed, you're a tad outnumbered...
Adam grinned into it. "I didn't come alone! I brought friends!"
Behind him, an awful roar filled the night. "OZZZZZPIN!"
Oscar swore softly, no doubt recognizing the brute push through the Fang to reach them. "Oh, no...
Kaguya clicked her tongue. "How very...irritating."
A wet mist hit Adam's nose.
"...?"
No, not a mist, he realized, blinking against it. It was blood. His blood. He looked down at the stump of his free arm, eyes widening behind the mask. There it was, spurting blood, severed neatly at the elbow. The rest of it struck the ground with a wet splat as he looked own. Oh. He thought numbly. She cut through my aura. Why don't I feelohhhhhthereitis!
Then came the pain.
He buckled, nearly dropping Wilt in his agony. Pushing fresh Aura to the wound only made it worse; it distracted him. In that single moment of inattention an open palm struck his torso and hurtled him away. He struck his comrade and was summarily rebuffed for it; Hazel barely deigned to catch him; even then it wasn't a gentle one.
Dimply he saw the woman pivot. Heard her speak. "Branwen."
Qrow bridled under her bleary glare. "Eh?"
"I believe this one harmed your niece. You and your...associates may have him. The brute is mine."
Qrow's gaze snapped to Adam. "Don't gotta tell me twice."
Yang cocked Ember Celica with a snarl. "I call dibs on his face."
Myrtenaster trailed a line of icy death. "Not if I get there first, Xiao-Long."
Adam stumbled upright, gritting his teeth. "You wretched little...
A scythe hooked around his ankles and yanked furiously.
His face smacked into the floor with an awful crack.
Their shadows fell upon him. Weapons clicked.
No. Not like this. He couldn't go out like-
Then they were upon him.
(.0.0.0.)
Ozpin must die.
No two ways about it. No matter how many times it took, be it dozens, or hundreds, or even thousands...he must die. Sooner or later one of those deaths would stick; that, or the Brother Gods would grow bored of him and finally put an end to his miserable life once and for all. Such was Hazel's theory. It was a good theory. He certainly thought so. And if he was the one to deliver said deaths, all the better. Downright cathartic.
Unfortunately killing the parasite was seldom simple these days.
He'd brought allies of course; mere children really, children Hazel swept aside with ease. A boy with a sword an' shield, a girl with a hammer, and another feminine-looking lad with gunlike knives. The rest were occupied with Taurus and the White Fang, which made them no concern of his. While he was given some pause at the sight of Emerald clutching two young girls to her -little lasses that looked oddly like Raven Branwen and Cinder Fall of all people- she made no move to fight and was thus summarily ignored.
Why pay her any heed, when his prize was at hand?
"OZPIN! Filthy parasite! Hold still and die!"
Oscar yelped and dodged nimbly, ducking his fist to scramble backward like a drunken crab as it cratered the pavement. "I'd rather not, thank you!"
"You have no say in the matter!" he bulled after him, dust crackling over his skin. "I'll crush your skull like grape!-
A hand closed around his wrist to hold him fast. It didn't belong to the parasite. He tried to look back to no avail; whoever held him had a firm grip.
"Now, now," a rich voice cooed in his ear. "Lets not bully the elderly."
Ozpin seemed to take offense to that, judging by the way the boy's body perked up. He didn't miss the way his eyes flashed, nor the sudden lilt to his voice. Made his blood boil, it did. Gretchen's voice whispered in his ear howling for blood.
...old, am I?" his sister's killer tutted once and levered himself up on his cane, wretched body-snatcher that he was. "I believe that's the pot calling the kettle black, Kaguya."
"Not another word, you old fossil," the woman slurred. "I'll eat you."
Hazel snarled and tried to pull away. "Release me!"
"As you wish."
Gravity betrayed him. There could be no other explanation words. One moment he was struggling against this strange "Kaguya" woman; in the next his feet left the floor he rocketed backward into Haven academy. His spine struck the towering statue of a woman; it held for the most part. His consciousness, did not.
"Still alive are you?"
It was there that things went sideways.
For you see, he came to and found that horned woman stepping on his head.
"I always did like the sturdy ones," she hummed down at him. "It takes effort to break them."
Hazel glowered up at her. Long ago, Salem had warned him of a woman with horns and pale skin. She'd told him to be wary of such a being. He'd given little thought to it at the time; indeed-he'd dismissed it as one of her riddles. Why shouldn't he at that? He hadn't expect to encounter such a creature here-
"I believe I shall have another drink!
...what the actual hell? Surely she wasn't about to...?
She was. Rather than attack Kaguya hopped off him, pulled another bottle from gods-knew-where and hoisted in the air.
"What say you?" she grinned blearily at him, hefting the dark-bluish-black bottle like some war trophy. "Share this with me and I might let you live."
Hazel drew another dust crystal and jammed it into his shoulder. Fire dust crackled across his skin to join the lightning already coursing through him. The moment it did, he pivoted and punched with all his might. Dark red spattered his face as he struck..
.
..
...the bottle.
In all honesty, he hadn't meant to. He'd been aiming for Kaguya's face. She'd skipped backward at the last moment. Result? Her bottle became the first causality.
Judging by the look she was giving him, he was about to be the second.
Kaguya looked down at the brilliant red wine staining her robe. Back to him. Back to the bottle now.
"That wasn't very nice," she rasped out, scowling at the puddle even now dripping at her feet. "I do believe you just killed my buzz."
Thunk.
Hazel looked down, alarmed to find it protruding from the point of his left shoulder. He felt no pain; his semblance prevented such, but it did little to disguise his shock when he saw the blood blooming there. She'd slashed through his aura like butter. He reached up with a large hand and ripped it free, ignoring the blood sluicing down his chest. A deep wound, but not a crippling one. He'd suffered worse.
"That was good rum you just wasted." a slow, sinister smile overtook the woman's sleepy face. "I'll have you pay for it with your blood. After all, its so rare that he lets me out to play these days."
"He-ack?!"
His head snapped back as the drunken goddess drove a heel palm into his chin. He was still soaring backwards when she yanked him out the air and smashed him flat onto his back. He didn't see how she did it and frankly he didn't care to; because she'd just reached down, hooked two fingers in his nose and yanked him upright.
"Pitiful." she spat, holding him. "Is this what passes for a warrior these days? How weak your kind is without chakra."
Weak?! He wasn't weak! He had the strength -the resolve!- to do what others never would! "Raargh!"
He lashed out blindly, to which she pirouetted away, performing a graceful flourish.
"Your arm is still dislocated, dear."
He reached up and snapped it back into place.
"Curious." She tilted her head anew, ashen hair falling over one eye. "Do you not feel pain?"
...my semblance prevents it." he growled through grit teeth.
It was the wrong answer.
"Wonderful!" Kaguya clapped her hands together, grinning from ear to ear. "I've been dying to try some new techniques. Do let me know if you feel this."
"Feel whaaaaaargh?!"
His words pitched into a startled snarl as several dozen needles burst from within his body to skewer his skin. Again his semblance stepped in; preventing him from feeling the pain. And still the woman smiled at him. She raised a hand and twisted it; his body usurped his control, limbs twisting at a horrific angle as his very blood betrayed him, forcing him down to a knee.
"Well?" she cooed. "Do you feel this? Do let me know."
He couldn't lose to this witch of a woman. He refused!
"I will never give up!" he smashed a fist into the ground and levered himself upright. "For my sister! For Gretchen! For all those souls Ozpin sent to their deaths! I will KILL-
"Stop." she held up a hand, cutting him short. "Did you say Gretchen just now?"
...he didn't like where this was going. But what choice did he have here? "What of it?"
Those unholy pale eyes widened, seeing something she hadn't before. "You're related, aren't you?"
"And if we are?"
"Oh." she hummed, only to repeat the word twice more. "Ohh. Ohhh! But that would mean...and you think...? Pfft!" she covered her mouth to stifle a snort. "Are you truly that blind?"
Hazel made it up to a knee. Her hair flicked out and skewered his right knee, pinning him in place.
"The only blind one here is you!"
"I think not...heh."
A low sound escaped Kaguya then, little more than a snicker. She covered her mouth to muffle it, to no avail. Her shoulders began to shake.
"...stop."
"HehehehahahaHA!" She clutched at her sides.
"Stop laughing!"
Kaguya paid him no mind; before long her giggles dissolved into outright laughter; she threw her head back, spread her arms wide, and cackled at the broken moon above. Her voice pitched into a demented shriek of raw delight, a cry to chill his very bones.
"STOP!"
Here at last the wicked witch complied; she shook her head and wiped a mirthful tear from the corner of her eye.
"You little fool." her hand waved and her hair flicked out again, drilling through his remaining foot to pierce the pavement beneath. "I'll have you know she was quite the drinking partner. Oh, the sounds she made under my fingers...how she squealed...
Hazel's face began to burn with fresh heat. This...was not something he wished to hear.
"Silly boy. Ozpin isn't the reason she died.
"You lie!"
"Why would I?" Kaguya leaned forward, smile gone cruel, "the truth, I've found, is far more painful than a lie. And I do love dealing out...bah!" a frown writ her angelic visage as she leaned back again. "What's the word?" a tipsy hiccup escaped her. "Blast it all, I can't remember. You know what I mean. I was there when your sister died. It was such a stupid death, too...I mean really, who walks into a pack of Beowolf when they're utterly sloshed, and without a weapon at that?! Pitiful," she shook her head, setting her long hair swaying. "Truly pitiful...I nearly didn't revive her on principle alone."
The gears of Hazel's thoughts ground to a painful thought. "Revive...?"
"Why, yes." Kaguya blinked. "Did you really think she was dead? Silly boy."
Of course he did. She'd been gone for ages. "But they never found the body...never...found...
"Naturally." the rabbit goddess made a point of inspecting her nails, uncaring as he bled beneath her. "She saw the perfect chance to get away from her overbearing brother and took it. Been off on a bender ever since. If you must know, she's currently off drinking in Vacuo.
"Why Vacuo?"
"No one goes to Vacuo.
No. No, this was a lie. It had to be. Must be...! Because if it wasn't...!
Hazel clamped both hands over his ears. Still her words persisted. "Then I've been...living...
"Living a lie? Because of me!" She belted out a laugh as vicious as it was cruel. "There it is. That's the look." her tongue flitted out, licking full lips. "Oh, I'd forgotten what despair felt like. It tastes better than any wine! I could get drunk on this...! Now, come here."
Hazel could no longer find words. He could only shy away from her grasp.
"It was not a request. Her eyes flashed and he found himself hauled forward by an unseen hand. "You desire proof, no? Let me show you.
Her third eye blazed.
Two fingers touched his forehead.
Hazel felt his eyes roll back. He saw. And he screamed.
(.0.0.0.)
Qrow Branwen considered himself a well-adjusted individual.
Well...relatively speakin', of course. He'd seen some shit. Lost some people. Seen said people come back from the dead. All kinds of weird shit. Bitches like his own sister and Cinder Fall, Maidens both, turned into helpless children for their sins, stripped of their memories and forced to start anew. So yeah. Proper weird shit, kind you didn't think to expect until it slapped you upside the dead, dragged you into a bush, stole your clothes, and offer you a cigar.
Again, proper strange stuff.
Small wonder the Brother Gods decided to fuck off and not come back.
All things considered, he wouldn't want to mess with someone like that either.
At least Naruto had excuse for his many, maaany vices. He indulged to keep that crazy horned bitch in him dozy as a lamb, or drunk off her ass. You see, there was a reason Qrow drank these days; not to keep the pain away as some might think; no, no, no, he drank because he was entirely too sober for this shit. Sober equaled sanity. With someone like Naruto, sanity got you killed. Ergo! Sanity was highly overrated. In other words? Nope!
But this right here? This? This took the cake.
Hazel Rainart, one of the toughest bastard he knew, had just been laid out flat. Not with a punch, or even a kick. That crazy bitch had just walked right up to him, touched his forehead
...what did you do to him?"
Kaguya smiled softly. "I showed him the truth. And the truth, as they say, sets you free.
He cast a glance back at Hazel's prone form. The man was still screaming, curled up in the fetal position. "Think you mighta broke him."
"Have I?" she tutted in mild disappointment. "Pity. Your kind were always so fragile, even in Summer's day."
He flinched. "...right."
Pointed barbs aside, Kaguya was a crazy bitch he'd rather not mess about with. No wonder Naruto kept her buzzed half the time. If he'd let her out...well, at least this wasn't a full release. If it were he'd have two drunks to deal with, not some wicked witch piggybacking the blond's body. For that at least, he was grateful. Naruto and Kaguya were a pain in the ass separately, but together...nope. Just nope. All the nope. Nope sandwich.
Still, she'd been out for awhile, and didn't show any signs of returning. That worried him in its own right.
"So...you, ah, gonna give Naruto back the wheel?"
"In due time." her gaze strayed to his flask, still intact at his hip despite all else. "Once I've had my fill of blood...or booze. Your choice."
Easy choice!
Qrow launched it at her like a heat-seeking missile. The rabbit goddess caught the silver tin with a happy squeal, ripped the cap free, and knocked it back. Damn. She was going to drink the whole thing. He tried to reach for it, only for her to hold up a finger an' ward him off. She held that position for a full ten seconds, swayed on her feet, then tore her lips away.
"Pah!" a tipsy grin greeted him as she tore her lips from the flask. "That's much better." a faint pink flush tinged her cheeks as she swayed in place. "I can actually feel that. Seems you still have your uses, Branwen...even if you aren't the favorite uncle."
He twitched. "Wanna run that by me again?"
"Oh, dear." she batted long lashes at him. "Did I stutter?"
"Favorite, eh?" he gnashed his teeth as he stepped over Adam's bloody,twitching form. Still alive? Good. Cheeky prick was getting a slow death for what he'd done to Yang. "Listen, you. I put with a lotta shit, but you just crossed the line...
There were some insults a man just couldn't take.
"What can I say, they have good taste." Kaguya stomped on Hazel's quivering body and butted heads with him. "Gotta problem with that...uncle Qrow?"
Harbinger flew free from its sheathe with a snarl. "There can only be one favorite!"
The drunkard brandished his flask at him, grinning ear to ear. "En guard~!"
Ruby yelped and tried to dive between them. "Uncle Qrow, no!"
"Uncle Qrow yes!" Yang yanked her back, hooting at the top of her lungs. "Fight, fight, fight!"
Weiss palmed her face. "This family is insane...
Behind, her Blake blinked.
"What did I miss...?"
A/N: Drunk Kaguya is best Kaguya...and damn scary,
Ayup~! Felt natural to end the chapter there. Hope ya enjoyed!
Once more, Embers Rule persists. If folks don't like it, poof! Gone. Deleted. No joke.
Pairing is going to be an...unorthodox one. I'm aiming for a surprise here. Care to guess it? I intend to make it something...amusing.
So in the Immortal Words of Atlas...
...Review...Would You Kindly?
And enjoy these previews!
Lets get crazy~!
SPOILERS! SPOILERS! SPOILERS!
READ IF YOU DARE!
(Previews!)
Winter saluted. "I've come to retrieve Arthur Watts. You will hand him over to us.
"Sure, sure, just as soon as you get that stick outta yer ass.
"Please tell me that drunkard doesn't have any children to speak of. I refuse to believe that...this...blond buffoon has any offspring!"
Qrow thumbed his chin. "Not that I know of...? I mean, there was that one time in Vacuo...or was it Atlas...?
"That's not encouraging!"
"You're such a disappointment."
"Wait, wha-
A closed around their hair, yanked, and whipped them into the ground.
Salem was silent for a long moment.
A pale hand ran over the Seer, silencing it.
"Finally," she cooed to herself, "A worthy opponent. Our battle will be legendary."
R&R~!
~Nz.
