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Chapter 37 – Needed Conversations
Kakashi groaned as someone knocked on his door. He wasn't in the mood for company and desperately hoped it wasn't an Anbu with a mission for him. He was tired and wanted to use the rest of his day off to rest. He wasn't fully recovered from Itachi's attack and racing across Konoha to stop Naruto and Sasuke from killing each other hadn't helped.
The Copy-nin rose, taking his arm from across his eyes, and pulled up his mask before answering the door. Grumpy words died on his lips as he realized the person disturbing his rest was Amaya.
She offered him a smile. "You gonna let me in or just stare?" He moved aside and she came in, flopping on the couch. "Mmmmmm, as comfy as I remember. Why do you get the nice couch?"
The silver-haired Jonin chuckled as he waited for her to sit up and make room for him. "If I recall, you used to complain about my couch. Said it had too many lumps."
"When you're sore from traveling, anything feels good."
He sat next to her, noticing how she was playing with the ends of her hair. Making him laugh was a ploy to distract him from whatever was bothering her. She'd done it before, when they were young. "Maya, what's wrong?"
She didn't look at him when she spoke. "I was just thinking...about how we'd celebrate a mission well done."
Kakashi frowned. He remembered how they'd "celebrate". The long nights, the smell of her on his skin. Memories of her had kept him company on many a night after she'd left the village. He'd be lying if he said he hadn't thought about what might happen when she returned from her mission. But….
He reached over and took one of her hands, tugging gently so she would look at him. "I don't want this to be like before. We tried my way once and look how well that turned out. Let's just take things one day at a time."
Tension drained from her body. A smile was her silent thanks before a smirk overtook it. "Don't even try to tell me you didn't think about it, though."
"A ninja never reveals his secrets," the silver-haired Jonin said, pulling his mask back down and relaxing into the sofa. Amaya scooted closer, accepting the invitation of his open arms and shortly fell asleep. Kakashi watched her as she slept. Before she'd left all those years ago, he'd tried to get her to sleep like this a few times, when she obviously needed the rest but refused to sleep. Every time, though, it'd been him to fall asleep first and to wake up finding her elsewhere.
For a Jonin to fall asleep at all in such a vulnerable position was the height of trust, yet with her action, the auburn-haired woman spoke of something greater. She felt safe, which meant far more to Kakashi than her trust. Not that he didn't value trust, one of the scarcest things in the shinobi world. He simply craved the far rarer commodity of being able to make her feel safe. He could count on one hand the number of times he'd felt truly safe and most of them had been around Amaya. If he could give Amaya more of those moments, he'd fight all five Kages blindfolded.
Sleep tugged at his mind and fatigue tugged at his body. He tried to fight but lost in the end. As he drifted off, he realized that he was simply too exhausted. Despite his past experiences, he didn't feel safe right now, even though he should've. He hoped she'd change that.
Careful not to wake Kakashi, Amaya rose from the couch and stretched. She felt rested, though only a few hours had passed. She turned back to her fellow Jonin, a soft smile on her lips. He made her feel safe, a triumph only her parents could claim before. She wondered, then, where her earlier misgivings had come from. She wasn't a shy person when it came to sex; her travels had taken her to a few places where pretending to be a high-class courtesan was better protection than an army. Her teenage years had been nothing but long nights with Kakashi, though then it'd been more of an escape from the war.
And yet, when faced with the possibility of sharing a bed with the silver-haired Jonin, she couldn't stop her heart from beating wildly with apprehension. She frowned as she thought. It wasn't that she didn't want him, but she now understood that physical intimacy meant more than simply pleasure. It could be a catalyst for deeper feelings but also the spark to burn the feelings out of a relationship. She decided she feared the latter and didn't want to lose Kakashi to the fire that had blazed in their younger years. She wanted the same passion but without the compulsion to destroy. She wanted a real relationship. A smirk crossed her face; Mamoru would be proud.
"What's with the smirk?" a sleep-tinged voice asked. Amaya raised her eyes from where they'd slipped to the floor and found the silver-haired Jonin's gaze fixed on her. A shiver ran down her spine, but she wouldn't let him know that. She sauntered forward and returned to her seat beside him, choosing not to lean into him again.
"I was just thinking about what our Genin would say if they saw us together. The teasing would be merciless."
Kakashi groaned. "Don't talk about them right now. I had to break up a fight between Naruto and Sasuke today. Sakura thought she could stop them by throwing herself between them. All that would've done was get her killed."
"I assume you talked with Sasuke?"
"Yeah."
"And?"
The expectant tone in Amaya's voice made the other Jonin pause before answering. "...I told him he shouldn't attack his teammates?" He inwardly winced as her eyebrow rose.
"So you told him the equivalent of what you tell your ninken when they get into something they shouldn't. 'Bad. Don't do that.' Does that about sum it up?"
"...More or less."
The auburn-haired nin sighed, walking out the door without another word. She could feel his eyes on her as she left, but she didn't stop. She had a mess to clean up.
Sasuke sat on one of the docks on the riverbank, his feet inches from the water. Anger boiled inside him. Kakashi had treated him like a child throwing a tantrum. But the Jonin didn't understand. If he was ever to find out the truth about his brother and the massacre, he had to get stronger. He had to get stronger; otherwise Itachi would never tell him the truth. As things were now, he wasn't sure he could get stronger in Konoha.
The fact that Naruto's skill was developing rapidly wasn't helping matters either. How could an idiot who couldn't even make a proper clone gain so much power in such a short time? Compared to his blond teammate, he may as well have been standing still.
Late afternoon sun filtered through the clouds as he replayed his first meeting with Orichimaru. Rubbing his neck where the seal was, he could almost feel the Sanin's fangs sinking into his flesh again. He didn't want to use the seal's strength. He wanted to beat Itachi with his own power, but the temptation was there. Maybe he could get away with using the curse mark sparingly, only when he really needed it….
"You know…. You keep frowning like that, it'll become permanent."
Amaya's voice jolted him from his thoughts. Leaping up, he turned to see her walking casually down the dock, coming to a stop in front of him.
Before he could react, a stinging slap sent him sideways. He barely caught himself from falling into the swirling river. Straightening, he cupped his aching cheek in shock. What was worse, he knew she had held back. He stuttered as he spoke. "The hell was that for?"
The Jonin sat down on the dock, her posture relaxed, patting the space beside her invitingly. He sat down warily, only to abruptly jerk back as she flicked his forehead. "Watch your language, or so help me, I will get a bar of soap." Slightly paler, Sasuke nodded and resumed his seat.
Silence settled between them, both waiting.
"Heard you got in a fight today..."
"..."
She glanced at him from the corner of her eye. "You going to tell me what happened?"
His jaw tightened, his only response a grunt.
"Fine…." Her eyes narrowed, noticing him rubbing his neck. "Is it bothering you?"
"...No."
"Liar."
He glared at her. "What do you know?"
"I know that you just tried to kill your best friend." He couldn't hide his flinch fast enough and turned his gaze away. "Do you really want Naruto dead?" She watched his fist clench and waited. Finally, she caught a small murmur. "What was that?"
His shoulders slumped. Barely noticeable, but she caught it. He took a shuddering breath, his voice no more than a whisper. "No."
"Then why?"
Again, silence. For a moment, she wasn't sure he'd speak, but when he did, she could see him shaking. "I don't understand. It's not fair. The idiot shouldn't be so strong."
"You mean stronger than you?"
"Yes! No one notices when I get stronger, but when Naruto does, everyone acknowledges him. I can't stand it. It's like Itachi all over again. I'm tired of being in someone else's shadow."
"And what? Would you leave the village just to get the recognition you think you deserve?"
"If I have to."
"Let's see how that would turn out." Amaya turned to face him, her expression calm and her voice even. "You leave. Where will you go? Orochimaru would certainly give you the power and attention you crave. But he would also take far more from you than he ever gave. You'd then be a traitor to Leaf, having abandoned everyone who cares about you—"
He cut her off with a shout. "No one cares about me!"
"Naruto does."
"He shouldn't."
"But he does. Sakura too."
The young Uchiha scoffed and rolled his eyes.
"And Kakashi, though he's...not the best at showing it."
Sasuke snorted, but looked up as he was pulled into a hug.
"And me."
He squirmed, trying to break free but to no avail.
"Hush. Enjoy the moment." Once he calmed, she released him. "Was that so bad?"
Sasuke grumbled something that sounded like no.
"Treasure you friends, Sasuke. They're all we have to fall back on sometimes. Shinobi life isn't kind, but if you've got friends who care about you, it's a little easier to bear."
They sat for a few moments before the Genin nodded. He stood, making some excuse to leave, so she accompanied him off the dock. As they parted ways, Sasuke paused. "Sensei..."
Her smile was gentle. "Naruto and Sakura won't hear a thing." A curt nod was his only reply. Her smile transformed into a mischievous grin. "But I can't promise your sensei won't"
The silence at her back as she turned toward home was deafening.
