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Chapter 39 – A Little Gossip, A Little Tough Love

Gate duty during the day was boring, but at night, it was even worse. Amaya reclined her chair back on two legs and stared up at the clear night sky. With Mamoru watching the gate, she didn't have to. Not that he wanted to, but she'd bribed him with the ultimate of bribes: sunflower seeds. The little harvest mouse could eat twice his weight in sunflower seeds but only got them on special occasions. Or when Amaya wanted something.

The Jonin connected constellations while she waited for Anko to arrive. Shift change wasn't technically for a few more minutes, so the snake-loving Tokujo wasn't late yet. Amaya hadn't really gotten to hang out with Anko much since returning; their schedules conflicted often. The auburn-haired Jonin looked forward to getting to spend some time with her old friend. It had taken them a long time to become friends, but once the tattooed Jonin understood that Anko had a crush on Kakashi (like every other girl in the village), they spent three days in the Forest of Death. Supposedly, it was a challenge to see who was worthy of his affections, even though Amaya had been dating the contested shinobi at the time. However, and no one else knew this but them, their challenge turned into a gossip session about the young men of the village.

Smiling fondly at the memory, the kunoichi didn't notice Anko approaching; Anko, to her credit, took the opportunity to knock Amaya's chair off balance. "That's what you get for daydreaming."

The auburn-haired Jonin picked herself off the floor and laughed with her friend. "Sorry. I was thinking about that little contest of ours."

Anko grabbed a chair and sat in it so her arms rested on the back. "The past is old news. I'm more interested in the here and now. Genma and Kakashi?"

"What have you heard?" Amaya asked as she righted her chair and sat back down.

"Only that you were dating Genma one minute and were seen at Kakashi's place the next. Multiple times, I might add." She flashed a wicked smile and winked.

"You know me. I'm a heartbreaker."

The black-haired shinobi threw her head back and laughed. She had to catch her breath before speaking. "Come on, Maya. We haven't gotten to talk like this since you got back. Let's try to be serious, for a few seconds anyway."

"All right, all right. I was dating Genma for a while, but things just...didn't work out."

"Story? Tell me."

Amaya shrugged. "We were too comfortable with each other."

"And that's a bad thing?"

"For us, it was. We wouldn't have been able to grow if we stayed together."

"Okay. I can get that. What about Kakashi? Are you two back together?" Anko leaned forward, another wicked grin on her face. "Had any long nights?"

"We are back together, but we're taking a different approach this time. We both want things to end better than before."

"I can't spread scandalous stories with that. I need details." The Tokujo rummaged through the bag she brought and pulled out several sticks of dango.

Amaya declined the offered sweets. "There aren't any details to tell. But speaking of scandals, I heard you and Iru—" The black-haired kunoichi slapped a hand over the other's mouth.

"Shhhhh! You want the whole damn village to know?"

"So it's true, then?" Amaya whispered. "You and Iruka? When? How? Where?"

Nodding, Anko took a bite of dango. "About a month ago, I got volunteered to help the Academy students with their survival training. A bad storm blew in and Iruka and I were separated from the rest of the group. We spent the night in a cave."

"Alone?"

"No, the whole Academy was with us. Yes, alone."

"And?"

"And nothing. We talked for a while. Well, after he stopped being a mother hen, wondering if his students were okay. And after he stopped looking at me like I might bite him."

"Now you're withholding details. What did you talk about?"

Shrugging, Anko finished off the last of her sweets, twirling the skewer in her mouth. "We talked about a lot of things. About our years in the Academy. About what had led us to this point in our lives. I told him things I've told only a handful of people. I felt that comfortable. And the best thing was, he didn't judge. He only listened. Truly listened. Not that smile-and-nod bullshit."

"That still doesn't explain how you went from 'talking in a cave' to 'relationship'."

"Well, after we were able to get back and finish the training, we parted ways. But over the next few weeks, we kept running into each other and it just sort of happened."

Before asking about any more details, Amaya glanced outside the gate house to make sure everything was all clear. Mamoru took the opportunity to demand half his sunflower seed payment. While doling out the summon's reward, the auburn-haired Jonin saw Sasuke walking as if to leave the village. She called to him.

The young Uchiha headed over and the Jonin hopped over the counter. He didn't speak immediately, but when he did, she knew something was up. "What're you doing here?"

"I'm on gate duty. What're you doing here?"

"Couldn't sleep, so I went for a walk."

"Uh-huh."

"What? You don't believe me?"

Amaya ushered him into the gate house. "Oh, I believe you, but I don't believe you just happened to walk this way." She pushed him into the chair she'd been using. "What's wrong?"

The Genin cast a wary glance at Anko, who smiled and wiggled her fingers in a wave. He remembered her and wanted to run as far and as fast as he could. His gaze shifted back to his sensei. "Nothing's wrong. I was just taking a walk."

"Lie to me again and I'll leave you alone with her," the auburn-haired ninja said, jerking her thumb at Anko. "She'll get answers out of you, I promise."

Sasuke's eyes darted between both women. Anko licked her lips suggestively. He chose the lesser of two evils. "I was having nightmares, all right?"

"Finally, the truth! Was that so hard? Now, what were they about?" Amaya wanted to push him, wanted him to deal with the pain she could sense behind his lies and dismissals. If anyone knew the consequence of avoiding trauma, she did.

Again, his gaze darted to Anko. He didn't want to talk in front of this woman he hardly knew. Talking with his sensei was hard enough. Licking his lips, the Uchiha focused on Amaya, pretending the other kunoichi wasn't there. "The massacre…." He paused, not wanting to admit everything, but knew if he left anything out, Amaya would somehow know. "And the seal," he added softly.

"You haven't used it, have you?" It was Anko's turn to speak up.

"A...few times."

"Recently?"

"No," he said defensively.

"Good." The Tokujo hesitated for a moment before turning and pulling down her collar so Sasuke could see her own seal. "I hope it stays that way. Trust me, Orichimaru's 'gift' brings nothing but pain and heartache."

Sasake's eyes widened in recognition. Why had no one told him someone else knew what he was going through?

"It's...intoxicating, isn't it? Like you only get a tiny taste of what it can offer, making you want it even more," Anko offered the silent Genin.

He nodded, mouth set in a firm line.

The corners of her lips lifted into a wry smile. "You have to be stronger than it. That binding Hatake put on you is the same I have, though I got mine from someone else. I fight every day and sometimes I come so close to letting go." She stopped there, stood, and offered a hand. "I don't think we've been properly introduced. Anko Mitarashi. One of the most kick-ass kunoichi of Konoha." She bowed with an exaggerated flourish, but then returned to her seat. "And the former student of Orochimaru, who he threw away like trash before fleeing the village like the traitorous ass he is. But I digress. Find that thing that will renew your strength day after day and you'll never have to fear Orichmaru again."

Amaya let Anko's words sink in. Sasuke needed to hear them. But he also needed to hear her. "You said you're having nightmares about the massacre too?"

He nodded. Shifting in his seat, the raven-haired boy wished his sensei would stop. Couldn't she tell he didn't want to talk? He'd rather not relive the memories that haunted him more than necessary.

"Look, I'm not trying to force you to talk, but I know what happens when you don't. I know that living with hate and fear and sadness…. It's crippling. I was promoted to Jonin far too early and I paid for the mistakes of others. Every night, I relive the mission I lost my whole team. Every time I close my eyes, I see the face of someone I've killed. Bottling up your pain only makes it worse. If you're lucky, you'll break long before I did. If you're not, you'll end up like me. I almost went insane. Hell, I was insane for a while, but I bottled that up too. But once I let go, once I got the help I didn't know I needed, once I trusted in others, I began to heal. I'm not saying you have to forget what happened, but moving past is healthy. Is anything I'm saying getting through to you?"

Averting his gaze, Sasuke hated to admit that she was making valid points. Hated it almost as much as he wanted to find Itachi. She was talking to him in a way no one else ever had; he couldn't hide, couldn't evade, couldn't lie. "Would...it be all right if...I talked with both of you again sometime?"

"Of course," Amaya pulled the Genin from his seat and into a hug. "As long as me, Kakashi, Naruto, and Sakura are around, you'll never be alone. Never." He dealt with the Jonin's embrace, knowing the less he squirmed, the faster it would be over. He wasn't enjoying this new touchy-feely stuff; it was strange after so many years of avoiding contact with people. Yet it seemed to be becoming a part of their relationship, a thought that made him frown. Despite desperately wanting to, he couldn't say he wasn't happy that Amaya was part of his life. The black-and-red-clad Jonin had done more for him in a handful of months than anyone had in years. If hugs were what it took to keep her there, then he supposed he could deal with it. Maybe. With a little protest.

Amaya let Sasuke escape from her embrace, hoping her next words weren't too much. "Would you be willing to talk to Inoichi-san too? As much as we can help you, he can help you more."

"Isn't he Ino's father?" The young Uchiha had no interest in his fellow Genin knowing about his talks with a shrink.

"Yes, and I know what you're thinking. Inoichi-san is discreet and would be willing to meet you anywhere you'd feel most comfortable. I wouldn't have said anything about him if I thought he might blab to his daughter. Trust me, he's helped many a shinobi."

Sasuke ventured a guess. "Like Kakashi?"

"No. Kakashi is...too proud and too stubborn to look to anyone but himself for help with the things that bother him."

"Iniochi-san has helped me, though," Anko chimed in.

"And you?" the Genin asked his sensei.

Amaya shook her head. "Barely any of my healing came from Inoichi-san. Most I received while traveling, which can be a form of healing on its own. What really helped were the people I met. In your case, though, I think he'll be the most helpful."

"I'll think about it."

The auburn-haired Jonin smiled. "That's all I can ask, but I sincerely hope you do."

"How would I contact him if I decide to talk?"

"He'll find you. He always does once you make up your mind."

The young Uchiha nodded before excusing himself, though not before he thanked both women for their time. Anko ruffled his hair as he left, which made Sasuke walk all the faster, earning a chuckle from the Tokujo. Once he was gone, Amaya returned to her seat. "Now where were we?"