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Chapter 45 – Long Overdue, Part 2
Izumo walked home, unsure of what he'd find. Would Kotetsu and whatever girl he'd had over be in the kitchen, making eyes at each other while they cooked? Would they be on the couch, making out, like he'd walked in on before? Would Kotetsu be alone but ignoring him? All of it made the brown-haired nin's stomach churn; he was glad he hadn't taken the rice ball Amaya had offered him, even though it was his favorite kind.
He sighed; at least Aoba had been more than happy to let him stay until he found a new apartment, alone. Even though Aoba was older than Izumo, they'd built a friendship over the years. And even though Aoba was a self-styled lady's man, more often than not winning the favor of any girl he went after, Izumo also knew he had the decency to take his dates elsewhere. He and Aoba had roomed together for two months once when Kotetsu had to go on an extended mission, so the Chunin knew they could get along again for a few months at least.
The thought of leaving the apartment he shared with Kotetsu hurt, though. Even before he'd realized he loved the other Chunin, he enjoyed Kotetsu's company, his easy conversation. He enjoyed their trips to the Academy to play games with the students there. He enjoyed how they didn't have to talk much to understand each other's plans while on missions. Without Kotetsu, he'd feel lost. Hell, he felt lost now, so it couldn't get any worse, right?
The Chunin stopped a couple times to let his stomach try and turn itself inside out. When he finally made it home, the living room light was on. Great, that either meant Kotetsu and his girlfriend were either in the kitchen or on the couch. Either way, he'd have to pass them to get to his room so he could start packing. He took a deep breath as he put his key in the lock, gripping the doorknob hard to stop his hand from shaking.
Opening the door, he first glanced at the couch to the left and to the kitchen to the right as he closed the door. No one was in the kitchen, but when he refocused on the couch, Kotetsu sat there, alone. His dark eyes were red and puffy; the bandage he usually wore across the bridge of his nose and on his cheeks was lying on the table, exposing the long scar there. His black, usually spiky hair hung limp around his face. A weak, watery smile barely clung to his lips. "I can't do this anymore," he said, his voice as weak as his smile.
Izumo froze for a moment before taking off his shoes and sitting on the couch, a respectful distance from his friend, even though he wanted to take Kotetsu into his arms. "Can't do what?"
"Pretend. Hide. Hurt you."
The brown-haired Chunin reached and laid a hand on Kotetsu's knee. The black-haired man couldn't even look at him. "Look at me, Kotetsu." When his friend finally raised his eyes from where they'd been staring a hole in the floor, Izumo gave his best, most reassuring smile, even though he felt like throwing up again. "You're not hurting me and you don't have to pretend with me. If you don't want me around anymore, I can leave, find somewhere else to live."
"You idiot!" The black-haired Chunin seemed to yell the words as much at himself as at Izumo. "Why would I want you to leave? I—" He stopped himself short and bent his head. Tears glinted in the overhead light.
"Kotetsu, you don't have to say anything. I don't expect you to return my feelings. And if they cause you this much pain, then I'm certain I need to leave."
Kotetsu whipped his head up. Tears streamed down his face but anger glinted in his eyes as well. "Will you just shut up and let me talk? I love you! I love you and I've been running from myself for weeks. And here you are, acting as if all this is your fault. Just stop it. I'm the one who needs to beg for your forgiveness and do whatever I can to make you more comfortable."
Izumo's stomach did a flip and his heart dropped out of his chest, but he kept hisself in check, just in case he did something stupid. "So you noticed?"
"Of course I noticed. We're best friends, aren't we? I know I've kept you up with all the girls I've been bringing home. I know you've barely been eating and wind up throwing up half the time anyway. And it's all because I was scared of what I felt." Kotetsu closed the distance between them, clung to Izumo, and cried harder, letting out every ounce of bitterness and self-loathing.
Izumo wrapped his arms around the other Chunin and simply held him as he cried. What could he say? Kotetsu spoke the truth. Izumo's stress was his fault. So the brown-haired man did the only thing he could. He held the man he loved until that man cried himself to sleep. Then Izumo carried him to his bedroom, tucked him in, and closed the door; they could talk more in the morning. He went to the fridge and pulled out three of the rice balls he'd made that morning and ate as wolfishly as Amaya had. Finally satisfied and exhausted, he stumbled to his bed and fell in, barely feeling the pillow before he drifted off into the most restful sleep he'd had in a month.
"So," Kakashi asked as they waited for their sushi to arrive, "What did Izumo want?"
Amaya hesitated, unsure of whether to reveal what she'd talked to the Chunin about. She shrugged after a moment; no matter what way things went, people would take notice eventually. "Izumo confessed to Kotetsu about a month ago and it didn't go well. He wanted advice on what to do."
The Copy-nin frowned. "Wait, I'm confused. They're not together?"
"No," the tattooed Jonin said slowly.
"Well, damn, I owe Gai money. You've seen the way those two act. Everyone just sort of assumed. So you're sure that was the problem?"
"Yes," Amaya said, a little exasperated. "I don't see how I could've misunderstood that badly."
"Huh. I just…. It's so weird that they aren't together."
"Why is that so weird?"
Kakashi put his head in his hand, propping his elbow on the table. "It just is. People that love each other as much as they obviously do don't usually stay...not together." When he saw Amaya raise an eyebrow at him, he continued. 'You haven't been here. The way they look at each other when they think the other isn't looking…. It's been obvious to everyone but them for about two years now."
"Really? That long? I'm surprised Izumo waited to say something until now. It couldn't have been easy for him to hide his feelings for so long."
"What's more surprising is that Kotetsu didn't notice. He's generally the more perspective of the two." Kakashi shrugged. 'Just goes to show how little we know ourselves sometimes."
They both grinned at the irony.
