Kyle Broflovski figured that if anyone deserved an award for "Biggest Idiot on the Planet", it would be…Kyle Broflovski.

He actually thought that Eric Cartman had changed his ways, that this guy who continuously made his life a living hell could actually be a decent person, perhaps even a good friend. Imagine Kyle's shock when, during their little Cartman Burger hustle, he walked in on Cartman wiping his ass with the burger patties that they were serving to all the kids in the neighborhood. Cartman decided to quit the bullshitting and fessed up to Kyle that everything, from the burger stand to being Kyle's new best friend, was all just an elaborate scheme to fuck with the young Jew.

Of course, Kyle thought. How could he have ever been so naïve? Obviously, Cartman hadn't changed for the better…he was still the fat, lying, racist piece of shit that he always was. Needless to say, Cartman found the whole thing hysterical and practically shit himself laughing, until Kyle spread the word to the other kids, who then proceeded to chase the fat boy down the street. Justice was served.

But falling for Cartman's sick lies was not the main reason Kyle felt he was the biggest idiot on the planet. The main reason, the absolute cherry on top of this whole shitty situation, was the fact that just the day before, he had blown off his former best friend as said friend was trying to reconcile their broken friendship.

Stan Marsh had been Kyle's best friend since they were toddlers. They were always at each other's side, sticking together through thick and thin. They seemed to be a good match for each other. In their group, Stan was the voice of reason, the rational straight man, who also wore his heart on his sleeve. He was the most sensitive of their clique. Kyle was the moral center, the self-righteous hot head, a trait no doubt inherited from his mother.

Were it not for their drastic differences in appearance (Stan's soft, yet messy jet-black hair and ocean blue eyes, and Kyle's emerald green eyes accompanied by a big fiery jewfro which miraculously stayed beneath his ushanka), one might think they were brothers; and in many ways, they were, especially from Stan's perspective. Stan was essentially the baby of his family, his only sibling being an older sister who constantly treated him like trash. So, to have another boy in his neighborhood to play with who was the same age as him was a very good thing for Stan. Of course, they've had their little fights, as all friends do, but they always got back together the next day and continued on as if nothing happened.

But, after Stan's tenth birthday, something else happened entirely: Stan had changed. He no longer enjoyed doing the things he usually did with his friends. He was unhappy. He was cynical. He was a total bummer to be around. Yet, he still continued to hang out with Kyle. Maybe he was trying to find some enjoyment, to get out of this mopey phase, but he never did. All he did was complain, talk about how "everything looked like shit", and ruin everyone's good time. He was becoming toxic to be around, to the point where his friends could no longer take it and they made it clear that they didn't want him around anymore. Kyle didn't understand why Stan became this way, but if Stan just wanted to be miserable all the time, then he couldn't be around him anymore. He could see the hurt in Stan's eyes as he told him this, but his friend didn't even beg him for another chance. Stan just turned and walked away.

At first, Kyle thought that if Stan just had some time alone, if they all just took a break from him, he would come back, apologize for being such a dick and everything could go back to normal. But Stan never did come back. He never spoke to Kyle or anyone else, and just stayed by himself.

Then came the news of Stan's parents getting a divorce. As if losing his friends wasn't bad enough, now Stan was losing his family. Randy and Sharon were always a little unhinged, and…toxic. Randy was a drunk who was constantly getting into some wild shenanigans, much to Stan's embarrassment, and Sharon could be possessively overbearing, sometimes even more than Kyle's mom. Add an angry, suicidal grandpa and a horrible big sister, it was a miracle that Stan could be as level-headed as he was. Crazy as they were, though, they were still his family and now they were breaking apart. Randy and his dad went out of town, while Sharon sold the house and took Stan and Shelley with her.

With this, Stan just withdrew even further. Everywhere Kyle saw him, Stan just looked empty, dejected, uninterested in anything around him. He wouldn't even speak to his girlfriend, Wendy. The boy was just like a zombie, totally dead inside.

No, not like a zombie, Kyle thought. More like a black hole, that just sucked the life out of everything.

He didn't even need to be the irritable cynic he was before. Kyle felt bad just looking at him. Stan's very presence was draining to Kyle. Was it because Stan was just such a downer that it projected to everyone else, or was that just how Kyle felt? Maybe. Kyle did genuinely feel bad for Stan and a part of him did want to approach him, see how he'd respond.

But whenever he saw Stan in his sorry state, he just seemed unapproachable. So much so that Kyle didn't even want to try talking to him, telling himself that if he did, Stan would just respond with some more nonsense about how life is shitty and all that. Why couldn't Stan just be happy again? Why did have to be so depressing and miserable now? Sure, his parents were splitting apart and that's not easy to go through. But couldn't he just put things into perspective? At least he wasn't living in poverty or in some third world warzone!

As much as Kyle didn't like it, he decided that Stan didn't want to be happy again. He never tried to talk to him nor anyone else, and therefore, Kyle had no reason to strike up a conversation. He didn't hate Stan. Kyle could never hate him. But this new Stan was not the boy he knew. To put it simply, Kyle just didn't know how to handle him. Stan had changed for the worse, so Kyle had to cut him off.

But while Stan had changed for the worse, Cartman seemed to have changed for the better. He was actually being nicer to Kyle, not making his usual antisemitic remarks, and Kyle was starting to enjoy his company. This little "friendship" between the Jew and the fat boy made Kyle feel more at ease and more positive. Cartman was actually fun to be around! So, over a couple of weeks, Stan was pushed to the back of Kyle's mind and Cartman was front and center. Stan could just go wallow in his misery, and Kyle would be having a great time, and with Eric Cartman of all people!

However, as much as Kyle tried to forget Stan and move on, he secretly knew that he couldn't. He would never admit it, but he could always feel Stan's presence. Those thoughts of him that he had relegated to the back of his mind were quietly gnawing at the redhead's conscience. Kyle tried to rationalize it as Stan's negativity rubbing off on him, but he knew that wasn't true. If Stan was any other kid, Kyle would feel a fleeting ounce of sympathy for him, then carry on with his day without problem.

But this was Stan…his best friend.

Whatever he had going with Cartman, it would never be the same as what he had with Stan. Kyle did sometimes think that, what if Stan did get better? What if he went back to his old, happy self again? Part of Kyle wanted to hope, but another part felt that if Stan went back to how he was, would Cartman do the same? If Stan came back, would Cartman start making Kyle's life a living hell again? Kyle certainly didn't want that. He was enjoying going entire days without any of Cartman's horrible, racist ways boiling his blood. Could Kyle endure it? His super best friend coming back into his life, as he was before, with the caveat being Cartman going back to his evil self? Or would he rather move on, to a better future where Cartman wasn't a total piece of shit, and actually a good friend, with Stan out of the picture?

While Cartman could never be a super best friend, as Stan was, Kyle figured he'd go with the latter choice. With that, there'd be no need to endure either Stan's pessimism or Cartman's ceaseless torment. Stan had changed, Cartman had changed, so Kyle figured he'd change too.

Now, imagine Kyle's surprise, when during their little neighborhood burger stand hustle, Stan Marsh approached him after weeks of no communication. Not only did Stan seem jovial, but the first thing he did upon seeing Kyle was embracing him in a bear hug! Kyle was definitely surprised to say the least. There Stan was, happy as can be, admitting that he had been a jerk and a total killjoy and that he finally saw things differently.

Kyle was joyous at first, figuring that Stan was finally getting out of this shitty phase and moving on…until he realized Stan was drunk. Not just tipsy, but shitfaced drunk. Stan didn't even deny it. Kyle realized that Stan wasn't out of this phase and was now turning to alcohol rather than moving on. Once Stan sobered up, he would just go back to being the depressing black hole that Kyle wanted nothing to do with.

So, when Stan expressed his desire to be friends again, Kyle coldly turned him down, telling him that things couldn't be as they were before. He didn't like it, but he didn't want to risk having to deal with an evil Cartman again, nor want to deal with Stan's sorry ass. Stan still begged, saying that he knew he was a shitty friend, but that he would get better. Stan thought that Kyle, of all people, would want that. The sorry noirette had tears building up in his eyes as he looked at the redhead. He desperately wanted to be back in his life. Kyle, though, said it just couldn't be as before. He figured that Stan was stuck in the past and that he would be the grown up in this situation.

Stan giving Kyle the middle finger only validated these thoughts.

Kyle turned around to head back to the stand, when he heard those words that made him stop dead in his tracks. Words he'd never forget,

"Kyle...I love you."

Kyle looked back at his former friend. Stan's blue eyes, made puffy with tears, looking straight into Kyle's emeralds…straight into his soul. Kyle had a moment of hesitation, but then kept walking. He made it back to the stand, assuring Cartman everything was taken care of, and went back to business. After a few moments, Kyle took one more look to where his crying former best friend was.

Stan was gone.

Kyle thought he would feel relief, getting Stan out of the picture once and for all. But he didn't. Instead, it seemed a little dark cloud was building up inside him. Not one of sadness, but the kind God sends when you've done something wrong and you know it. The feeling you get when you've hurt someone and you feel their pain coming back to you.

It was…guilt.

Kyle tried to push this feeling aside. What did he have to feel guilty for? He didn't make Stan become this way. If Stan was just going to be all sad and mopey all the time, what reason did Kyle have to help him? Maybe he could have been more assertive with Stan. Maybe he could have given some words of support after his parents broke up. Sure, Stan was having a tough time. We all have tough times! But Stan completely shut off from everyone. He spent all his days by himself. That was probably for the best, though. Stan probably figured he'd be better off wallowing in his misery alone rather than dragging everyone else down with him. Stan is sensible like that. Could Kyle have taken some initiative in trying to get Stan to come back to his senses, to get over himself? Maybe. Stan was always the super sensitive one. The one who needed to process his emotions some. Kyle was always hot-headed, and a bit impulsive. It wasn't the best trait, but at least it kept him going. Who would want to talk to someone like Stan anyway? How could Stan even live with himself being like this? And why in God's name did he choose to cope with alcohol of all things? Where did he get it anyway? Randy was out of town and Stan was underage. Maybe Sharon had some and Stan took it? Who knows?

Regardless, it wasn't Kyle's problem anymore. Stan was gone at last, off to ruin someone else's day with his negativity. Kyle could get back to starting his new adventures with a new and improved Cartman.

Or so Kyle thought.

Not twenty-four hours later, as Kyle and Kenny were preparing for the day and the neighborhood kids were lining up, Kyle just happened to walk in on Cartman with a patty sandwiched between his butt cheeks.

"WHAT THE FUCK, CARTMAN!?"

At that, Cartman dropped the friendly façade, and explained to Kyle that his "friendship" was all a rouse just to sell burgers that he wiped his ass with, and most especially, to watch Kyle eat them…multiple times. The realization was hitting Kyle like a train. Not only had Cartman not changed at all, but he took advantage of the fact that Kyle would be affected by Stan leaving their group. He manipulated Kyle into thinking he was his friend and then used that trust to trick him into eating…ass burgers. All those burgers they were making were inside Cartman's ass….and Kyle ate them! Cartman was choking on his laughter as Kyle felt ready to vomit. However, his moral compass was stronger than his gag reflex and he ran out to stop this disgusting scam.

"Everyone! Everyone, stop! Don't eat Cartman's burgers! He's been using the patties as toilet paper! Cartman is wiping his ass with these burgers! DON'T EAT CARTMAN'S ASS BURGERS!"

Unsurprisingly, all the other kids tossed their burgers, spit them out or threw them up. Of all Cartman's schemes, Kyle figured this had to be the most disgusting! Not just because of the patties, but because he used Kyle and Stan's break up to his own sick advantage.

"You mother fucker, Cartman!", Kyle yelled in front of everyone, "You were never my friend! I thought that maybe you were changing for the better, but you haven't changed at all! You're still the fat, racist piece of shit you always were!"

Cartman, still laughing and seemingly unphased by Kyle's anger (or that of the other kids), retorted, "Oh, fuck you, Kyle! You faggot ass ginger kike!"

"Get him!", yelled a boy in the crowd, and all the neighborhood children charged at Cartman. The angry mob pursued Cartman down the street, Kyle realizing that it's the fastest he's ever seen the tub of lard run. Good riddance, though. With a "friend" like Eric Cartman, who needs enemies?

-The Next Day-

"I can't believe that piece of shit!", Kyle said to Kenny at the bus stop, "Manipulating me into being his best friend, just so he could watch me eat his shit sandwiches! That fucking dick!"

"I can't believe that you can't believe that…", Kenny replied. Kyle briefly shot a look to the blonde boy, who apparently decided to wear his orange hood down, giving a rare full view of his face and hair. The impoverished country boy had golden blonde hair which seemed to be in a constant state of bedhead, gentle sky-blue eyes that showed a kind of wisdom beyond his years, a sprinkling of freckles across the bridge of his nose and a noticeable tooth gap in his smile.

Kenny may have been dirt poor, but he was anything but stupid. Kyle knew that he was right, and that he should have been more suspicious of Cartman. Within their group of four, just as Kyle and Stan were close, Kenny seemed to be a little closer to Cartman. Interesting, the two of them couldn't have been more opposite. Cartman was abrasive, evil, selfish, stupid and obese. Kenny could be a pervert and he certainly enjoyed dirty humor (maybe that's where he and Cartman bonded?), but he was quiet, loyal, empathetic, smart and a bit underweight. Cartman would always rip on Kenny for being poor and skinny, and Kenny would retort with a simple "fuck you". Kenny, being quieter and more observant, seemed to understand Cartman a little more. Perhaps he…?

"Did you know what he was doing Kenny?", Kyle asked. Surely Kenny wasn't in on Cartman's sick joke?

Kenny merely shrugged and said, "I was a little suspicious. He seemed to be too nice, but he usually wouldn't wait so long for the punchline. Guess part of me thought that maybe he was becoming better, but I still had some doubts."

"Maybe you could have said something, like give some word of caution?", asked Kyle.

"You seemed to be enjoying his company, so I didn't want to ruin it for you…just in case he had changed. Well, guess that was for nothing."

The two boys stood quietly, waiting for the bus to arrive. Kyle was still fuming, and Kenny was just stoic. The fact that Cartman was just pulling Kyle's leg was of no shock to him. As they waited in the cool morning, Kyle noticed Kenny pulling something out of his pocket. It was a little photograph and as Kenny looked at it, his expression dropped from neutral to somber. Kyle edged closer to get a look at it.

The picture was of him, Kenny and…Stan.

It was them at Stan's birthday just a few weeks ago. Stan had on his signature red and blue poof ball hat, while Kenny and Kyle donned party hats, Kyle's tucked into his bushy jewfro. They were all as happy as can be, having a great time at that pizza place. The redheaded boy felt a pang of sadness looking at the picture of his best friend. The Stan that Kyle knew all his life. The Stan that was happy, who had a big smile, a sparkle in his eyes and color in his face. The Stan that no longer was. The Stan that Kyle missed.

"I miss him, too."

Kenny's statement surprised Kyle out of his thoughts. He looked at the blonde boy, who just stared sadly at the little memory in his hand. Kyle thought of saying something, but chose not to. Kenny could read him like a book. The poorer boy then said,

"I wish we…that we could be friends again. I'd love to have him back. To be our friend again."

Kyle looked down and with a sigh said, "Look…he doesn't want help, Kenny. I'd love to have him back too, but that Stan isn't coming back."

Kenny was a bit surprised at hearing this from Kyle. Sure, he had gotten sick of Stan's pessimism too, but he thought Kyle would be a bit more hopeful, especially after the whole Cartman situation. "Maybe he'll get better? We've all had our little breakups before, and I know this one was…really unpleasant. But he could still come arou—"

"No, Kenny. It…isn't that easy, anymore. We…can't just go back."

"Well, why not? I saw you talking to him the other day. He even gave you a hug, which you seemed to like. What exactly did he say to you?"

Kyle figured it was best to just be straightforward with Kenny. Kyle couldn't hide the fact that he did want Stan back, that he truly missed him. He knew Kenny was insightful, so maybe that could help him how to cope with this.

"Well, for starters, Stan was drunk off his ass. Just totally shitfaced."

Kenny's eyes widened at this. "Stan's been drinking!?"

"Looks that way."

"Fuck," the blonde said. Kenny had become concerned for Stan in his absence, but now he was genuinely worried. And like Kyle, he too began to feel a pang of guilt. Kenny was all too familiar with addiction. Both of his parents were drunks and druggies, and he himself was prone to getting himself high on unsavory substances. Kenny did know his limits though, so overtime learned to control these impulses. Dying all the time could have its advantages. Stan, however, didn't have the curse privilege of being able to come back. If Stan did something to himself…

"Anyway, Stan was drunk, but he admitted to being a total killjoy and realized that his attitude sucked. He said he finally saw things differently, and that he wanted to go back to being our friend. But I figured that all of that was just drunken rambling, and that when he sobered up, he would just go back to his negative self. That he would start going off on how everything was shitty again. I couldn't be with this new Stan, so I told him that we couldn't go back to how it was before. That we were all changing and had to move on. I figured I was being the grownup in the situation, so I turned him down and went back to Cartman. Stan had changed for the worse, but I thought Cartman had become a better person. A part of me felt that if Stan did go back to his old self, then so would Cartman. The fat fuck would go back to belittling me and you and making our lives miserable, and I didn't want that. So, I thought if I finally got Stan out of it, we could all move on to a better future, at least the three of us could. Then, yesterday happened…and you know the rest."

Kyle finished his story and Kenny just stood there, somewhat surprised to be hearing this from the young Jew. As much as Kyle didn't want to admit it, the little bit of guilt he felt after his interaction with Stan only increased tenfold after Cartman's true intentions were revealed.

"Wow," Kenny said.

"God," Kyle said, "I must be the biggest idiot on the planet."

Kenny was quiet before saying, "Well…yeah." Kyle shot another look at Kenny. "I mean, thinking Stan going back to his old self would somehow make Cartman do the same…that's like, really stupid."

Well shit, Kyle thought. He knew he was foolish, but that didn't mean he wanted Kenny to confirm it.

"Plus, even if he was drunk, him coming to you first shows that he wanted to be friends again. Even if he does go back to being a downer once he's sober, I think it shows that he does want help."

"Well, I can't help him, Kenny. We're only kids, after all. I don't understand what he's going through, and looking at what it's made him, I don't want to."

"I'm not saying you have to be his therapist, but just being there, letting him know you care, it might motivate him."

"Maybe…but it's too late for that now. I pushed him away, told him that we have to move on. So even if I want him to come back, he probably wants nothing to do with me now. If I try to act all friendly to him, he won't take it well. And I don't need to face any more negativity than I already have. I just…look, I'd rather not talk about it anymore, Kenny."

"Alright," Kenny replied, a sad tone in his voice. The two boys stood quietly for a few more minutes, until the somber peace was broken by an unwelcome voice.

"Hey, fags, how's it going?" Neither boy wanted to deal with Cartman right now, so they just ignored him. "Christ, you guys, who took a shit in your burgers? Ppppffhahahahaha!" Kyle rolled his eyes.

"Shit, Kyle, lighten up a little! I mean, sure I manipulated you, pretended to be your friend, just to watch you eat my ass burgers…but you can't deny that you had fun doing it! You can't deny that I spice things up around here. At least I'm not a sad sack of shit loser, like Stan."

The redhead shot a death glare at the obnoxious pig. Whatever rift existed between him and Stan, he was not going to stand for anyone insulting his former friend while he was down, least of all Eric fucking Cartman.

"Watch your fucking mouth, shithead," said Kyle in a low threatening tone. Kenny knew that tone well. Kyle meant business and he was not going to pull his punches.

"It's true though! I know it and you guys know it! Why else would you want to be friends with me instead? At least I make your days lively, Kyle! Or would rather put up with that guy's bullshit all day? 'Waaaah, my life is shit and I'm so sad! Waaaah, my mommy and daddy don't love me anymore! Waaaah, I'm such sad loser and Kyle loves Cartman more than me because he's so kewl and I'm such sad little crybaby faglord that wants to be all boohoo and—"

Cartman's insensitive rambling was cut short by the horrific pain of having Kyle's knee smash into his groin, followed by a hard punch to nose, finishing off with a left hook into the eye. Cartman lay on the ground in pain, spitting out blood and gasping for breath, his hands at his crotch. As he writhed in agony, Kyle and Kenny spotted the bus approaching. It came to a stop and the two boys boarded. The driver didn't even wait for Cartman to recover, opting instead to shut the doors and drive off.

With the insufferable turd gone, the two boys could sit in quiet once again; saying nothing during the whole bus ride. Kyle dreaded seeing Stan, as his former friend still rode the same bus, only being picked up at a different stop. While Kyle and Kenny continued to sit in the back as they always had, the dark-haired boy now opted to sit alone in one of the front seats. He would also stand a little distance away from the other kids at his new stop, usually making him the last one to board.

Today, however, Stan wasn't at the bus stop.

Kyle was not put at ease by this, despite his initial trepidation. A mix of guilt and worry now came over the young redhead. He tried to push these feelings away, to take his mind elsewhere, but they persisted.

Kyle hated these feelings. He hated having this negativity continuously nag at his conscience. He hated thinking about Stan like this. If only things had been different.

The last of the students boarded and the bus took off, without a Stan to be found. Now, Kyle felt a new emotion mingle with the guilt, albeit in a much smaller quantity, but still noticeable: bitterness.

Damn you, Stan.


Okay, so this is my first fanfic and I'd love to know what you think, so please drop a review if you'd be so kind. I'll try and get the next chapter up soon.