Hey.
I have absolutely no idea what this chapter is...
lemme know if you have any thoughts or comments or anything.
all mistakes are mine as always,
enjoy!
Vx
It had been three days since Halstead had walked into the bullpen that morning with dark circles under his eyes and a dark bruise forming on his jawline. Voight knows he sent him home late evening yesterday so either he went to a bar and got in a fight, Jay was going through it again. Only thing he had to do was try to figure out how.
Leaning in the doorway to his office, Voight looked out at his team. Everyone was sitting at their desks getting caught up on paperwork as they had been taken off call to get through the backlog they seemed to have built. It was nearing the end of shift and he couldn't help but watch Jay the longest.
In the five minutes he had been paying close attention to him, Jay had: refilled his coffee, zoned out exactly four times and had checked his phone exactly six times. He had noticed Jay's eyes stray toward his phone way more often than usual this shift but as the time drew closer to the end of the day he seemed to be getting more antsy.
Voight knows that Jay knows he can come to him, and can trust him. But he also knows that his detective likes to keep a lot of things, personal things, close to the vest. So getting him to open up about whatever the hell was going on would prove to be a challenge.
One week, Voight decided, give him one more week before he intervened.
This shift had been rough on Jay. He had been the most tired today, caffeine only doing so much to help him. The glare from his computer screen was causing a strain on his eyes, which was leading to the build up of a migraine, the tell tale signs were all there; vision going fuzzy, words blurring, the pounding behind his eyes. But it was a paperwork day and he had already told Sam that it was, so he was expected home at 5:30 no later. So give him a break if he's checking the clock every five minutes.
At about 4:30, Jay noticed Voight watching him out of the corner of his eye as he rubbed his forehead again and reached for some more pills. He quickly turned back to his computer hoping to pass for normal but knew he had failed the moment he heard Voight sigh and clear his throat. Hailey, Adam, Kevin and Kim looked up but looked away when Voight shook his head, Jay had yet to look over, knowing that it was him Voight was after. Voight cleared his throat again and crossed his arms, a movement Jay caught in the corner of his eye again. But he ignored, again.
"Halstead." ok, yeah that public call out he cannot ignore.
Jay looked up and over to Voight, leaning in the doorway to his office, a blank but slightly annoyed expression on his face.
"Sarge." Jay replies, short and quiet.
"My office. Now." with that he turned back into his office, not looking back at the team sitting in the bullpen looking between the two men. Jay sighed, shook his head at Hailey's concerned glance and braced himself for whatever was about to go on once he stepped over the threshold. Checking the time on his phone one last time, 4:45, he shut the door to Voight's office.
"Sit down Halstead" Voight started.
"I'm good where I am, thanks," Jay replied, holding his hands behind him.
Voight looked over at his detective, studied the way he held himself, the way his eyes kept flicking over to the clock on the wall.
"Jay. What's going on?" he tried, starting gently.
"Nothing. Sarge, I promise, nothing is going on. I don't know what you're after but you're not going to get it here."
"What is that supposed to mean?" Voight could feel himself getting angry, Jay had gone on the defensive and was going to last out, the only way to get anything now would be to push.
"This past week, the way you've been looking at me, all of you, it's like you're waiting for me to break. I'm fine, I don't get why you're all so worried all of a sudden. I'm not going to snap, I'm not going crazy, I'm fine." Jay blew up.
Voight raised an eyebrow, so he was going with anger and pushing him away then.
"Yeah Jay because that screams fine. You look like you haven't slept all week, you've zoned out more times than I can count today and - Halstead - why do you keep looking at the clock?" He finished his calm sentence with a yell frustrated that his subordinate was seemingly distracted even during their talk.
"Jay. I'm just looking out for you, I'm doing my job. If you're jammed up again," he gestured to the fading bruise on his jawline' "you need to tell me so that I can help you."
Jay scoffed, "you think I'm jammed up? You think that the only reason that something could be potentially wrong is because I messed up or because I fell off the edge again. That this is my fault?" shaking his head and chuckling low Jay continued, "I'm fine, nothings wrong, so just back off and stop treating me like a kid." he yelled out storming out of the room and grabbing his jacket from his desk he stormed down the stairs to his truck and drove off.
Voight sighed, slammed his door shaking his head and looked at the clock on his phone. 5:10. Jay and himself had been in silence for a short while before and during the whole blow up, but he didn't realise how long they had been talking - arguing - well, Jay fighting Voight taking it and trying to stay calm. He quickly typed out a text to Jay, to make sure he didn't break anything or himself of his rage drive home and to make sure he knew they were alright and that he expected him in work in the morning.
Sitting at his desk he looked out the window at the members of Intelligence who were sat trying to look subtle while watching the office door during it all and not wanting to leave during or after for fear of further blow ups. Voight watched as they all one by one finished their reports, shut their computers down and got ready to leave before trickling out of the bullpen.
'Oh kid. What have you gotten yourself into this time?' Voight wondered.
Jay looked at the text from Voight as he slammed the door to his truck shut. Shaking his head he slightly pales at the time at the top of the phone. 5:45. He was late, he was 15 minutes late. That's not too bad right? It'll be fine, right?
He bit the bullet and walked through the door to his apartment, toe'd his shoes off - placed them neatly at the door and hung his jacket up and walked into the kitchen.
Before he had the chance to turn the corner, he was pinned against the wall and lips were on his neck. He smiled, rested his head against the wall and ran his hands up the back of the man holding him in place.
Sam.
Jay let out a breathy moan as Sam sucked on a sensitive part of his throat, "Sam?" he said, not knowing where he or this was going.
"You're late." he said, voice quiet as he nipped at his neck, teeth grazing.
"I know I'm sorry. Voight -" Jay got cut off when the lips moved to his mouth.
"Shh," Sam started, "I'm sick of the excuses, what do you want Jay?"
At this, Jay pushed his head further into the wall, trying to pull away to see Sam's face. He was confused, "What do you mean by that?"
"What do you want?" Sam nipped at his neck again, "it's a simple question."
'Still confused' Jay thought, "umm - right - right now? Or?" thoughts not piecing together, whatever Sam was doing on his neck was really pulling him apart.
A low throaty chuckle bounced off of Jay, the air on his sensitive neck making his knees weak, "what do you-" this time Jay was the one to cut Sam off, pulling his face up to meet his lips once again as he pulled him towards their bedroom, gentle laughs and kisses shared between the two.
Jay lay in bed later that evening, the first time in a few days, and was lost in his thoughts. Sam had acted like the man he first came to know, happy, carefree and loving Sam. he could chalk it up to him missing him due to the mental distance between them this week or because Jay was busy with work or because they weren't sharing the same bed on a night anymore. Either way Jay felt that he was at fault, he knew there were some things he could control and others he could not but he should have been able to control himself and his time enough to be able to share a bed with his partner.
Sam was in the shower so Jay thought he would surprise him with drinks, snacks and a movie in bed. Quickly throwing some clothes on, he headed out to the kitchen in search of Sam's favourite food, and a couple bottles of beer while grabbing his favourite movie on his way back to the bedroom.
He placed everything on the bed, put the disc in the tv and waited for him to come out.
He heard the shower turn off, and a couple minutes later Sam stepped out of the shower in his boxers and one of Jay's old academy tees. Stepping towards the bed, Sam let out a soft laugh "what's all this then?" he said looking at the array of food set up in the middle of their bed.
"Just uh - just something to say sorry. For how distant I've been. We haven't felt right for a few days now and that's on me. I'm going to try harder to be better and it'll be alright. I love you and I've missed you these past couple days. So - yeah - I'm sorry." he ended his strong speech with a mumble, suddenly feeling self conscious with the way Sam was looking at him.
"Aw Jay. I know you're busy and your job's important. I get it, I really do but I have missed you and I hate when you get sucked into a case. But I appreciate you trying to be better. I love you too." Sam replied, gently climbing into bed next to him. Noticing the movie case, Sam let out a laugh "wait, you don't like this movie?" Jay just smiled back at him, eyes wide and soft, "yeah but you do." Sam just smiled and kissed him again, looking down and laughing when he sees that Jay is also wearing one of his old tees.
"Oh my - we really need to get our own wardrobes back." Jay laughed.
"Yeah? Or just don't leave me to sleep alone again, be better." Sam replied, voice as soft as ever and a sad smile on his face.
Jay let out a small sigh "I'm sorry. I'm trying"
"I know" Sam replied, pulling Jay down so they could cuddle while watching the movie.
Well this day ended differently to what he had imagined, 'relax' Jay thought to himself 'he had a bad day, you apologised, you're all good'.
Jay nuzzled further into Sam's arms, feeling his eyes drift shut praying for the peace to last a while.
