hello hello! hope everyones alright? big chapter for y'all today.
I wrote this instead of starting my DV essay so whoops?
also just putting out a TRIGGER WARNING FOR RAPE/NON CONSENSUAL SEX AND CHOKING - im so sorry I don't know why I do this to him...
please let me know what you think - as always any and all mistakes are mine,
Vx
After that night, Sam had seemed to calm down and back off some. Everything was almost back to normal, he didn't get as angry as often, didn't get mad if he was late home, as long as he told him first, everything was good.
Jay was paying attention at work, almost back to the top of his game, on the ball and working cases without the concerned glances from his team mates. Voight still kept a close eye on him but that was to be expected, once that man smelt potential danger, he wouldn't get over it.
Jay sighed as he looked over the file once again, he was sitting on the couch in Med's ED staff lounge, waiting for Will to go over some things for their most recent case. There had been a string of overdoses and Will was the one to notice the link so Voight had sent him to get more information, and because he knew it had probably been a while since the two brothers had seen each other. The fact to which Jay could not argue. He hadn't seen Will in what felt like ages, but was probably more like a month or two, he had missed his brother as they had grown closer since Will had moved back to Chicago, being the only people they had left. But they were both busy with work and Jay wanted to spend his time off with Sam because he lives with him but never really gets to spend time with him. He knows he should make a better effort with Will but Sam always asks to spend time, have dinner together, watch a movie, and he understands why. He has a stressful job, for both him and the partner, he sometimes spends the night or week in the station or out on a stake-out, sometimes he goes undercover and so has to stop all contact for however long it takes - so he understands that Sam worries and wants to spend time with him when he has the hours to spare.
"Jay?" Will says for the third time, placing a hand on his younger brother's shoulder trying to get his attention. He had been late meeting his brother, some emergency that needed his attention so when he finally made his way to the staff lounge a number of apologies fell from his mouth, to which he got no response, he grew worried. After calling his name a few times he realised how out of it Jay was. He laughed as he tried his third attempt of gaining his attention, but stopped when he felt him flinch under his hand.
"Hey, woah. It's just me. Hi"
"Will." Jay replied, trying to calm his racing heart, running his hands over his face.
"Yeah? You alright?" he asked, concerned.
"Yeah, I'm good. Sorry just this case," he sighed, "Could really do with your input?"
The brothers got to work, piecing together what Will knew medically and had seen come through the ED while Jay threw in his input from their side of it all. After about an hour and a bit Jay had gotten all he could out of Will, and was in the process of putting his jacket back on when Will cleared his throat.
"So," he started, awkwardly, "haven't seen you in a while. Are you doing ok?"
Jay was slightly taken aback, not really knowing what to say, "um, well, uh," he stammered, "works just been busy but yeah I'm alright." he brushed his worry off.
Will didn't believe him but he looked like he was sleeping and wasn't on edge so he couldn't really pull him on anything other than not seeing him in a while.
"Alright then. You and Sam ok? Is he treating you well?" he added with a chuckle.
Jay blanched "Yeah, he's perfect. Why?"
"Just asking, jeeze." Will replied hands up in surrender "I'm your big brother let me act like it. I'm going to tease you."
"Yeah? Sorry bro."
With that the brothers hugged, clapping the other on the back as Jay headed out to the station, before he got out the doors Will called out "meet me at Mollys later, love you!" to add to the teasing, Jay just blushed and threw a finger over his head, not turning back to see the chaos of the ED watching them.
With the input from Will, Intelligence was able to compile the rest of the information needed to plan and execute a raid. Getting the guys responsible for the fourteen overdoses in the past two weeks, they also managed to get the crew for smuggling charges.
"Good job today guys, get yourselves out of here, and buy Dr Halstead a drink." Voight told the team as they were packing their gear away in the roll up.
"Meet you guys there? Last one buys a round" Adam said with a laugh as he heads out to his car with Kim.
"You coming? Or want a lift?" Hailey asked, turning to Jay, who just shakes his head with a smile, "I gotta run home first, I'll be there and I'll pick Will up on the way. Promise" he adds after Hailey raises a brow at him.
"Ok, see you soon."
"Yeah."
'Fuck' he thinks, what to do.
Unlocking his front door, he chucks his keys onto the side table and toes off his boots, rounding the corner looking for Sam. When he didn't immediately find him, Jay heads off to their room, hoping for a quick shower and a change of clothes, needing to wash off the long day that was making him feel dirty. Stepping out of his clothes and under the warm spray, he runs his hands through his hair, eyes closing as he replays different events through his life. His childhood wasn't the best, he accepts that and he's moved on. His brother left for college and med school and he joined the rangers. The different paths they had chosen led them astray from the other, reconnecting briefly for their mothers funeral before Jay had to go finish his tour and Will had to go back to New York. He and Mouse were shot and their humvee blown to pieces, them being the only two from their unit to survive. Coming back to the states, struggling and fighting with each other and themselves to fix what that damned country had broken and bring back what it had stolen. Joining the police and getting into intelligence, Mouse joining him, then Mouse leaving him again, Abbey appearing, Erin leaving him, shooting that little girl and meeting Sam in a bar where he was trying to get black out drunk before leading him back to his apartment. Which all lands him here, two years down the line, in an apartment with Sam, who he loves and is sure loves him. But he can't help but feel like he is missing something, someone. He knows he is missing out on nights at Mollys with the boys and watching the game with his big brother but Sam always says that theyre together, he helped him come back so he should want to spend time with him. Is that a crime? He spends all day at work with his unit, does he need to spend his evenings with them too? Or is he allowed to spend his days off, his evenings with his boyfriend, his partner?
Shaking the water off his hair, he steps out of the shower, going to dry and redress as he hears a key turn in the lock.
"Jay? You home already?" he hears Sam call out for him.
"Yeah, I'm in the bedroom, just getting changed." he replies.
"Where are you going? I just got back?" Jay hears him say as he sees him lean against the doorframe, blocking his exit.
"Mollys with the team and Will. We finally got the guys for the drug trafficking and overdoses, with Wills help so were celebrating and-"
Sam cuts him off, "wouldn't you prefer to let off some steam here though? Celebrate with me?" he says with a smirk.
Jay sighs, "well yeah, you know I would but I promised the team, I'll see you when I get back, I won't be late I promise." he almost pleads, not believing they are about to get into this same argument again.
"Can I come?" The question shocks Jay, Sam had never asked to go out with his unit with him.
Smiling at this sudden change of heart Jay lets out a breathy laugh "yeah, come on. We need to pick Will up on the way."
Before he knows it, all three are sitting in the car, a quick look from Will to Jay, trying to hide his shock as he greets the couple in the front. The conversation in the car was short and awkward, which luckily for all involved didn't have to last any longer as they pulled up outside of the much loved pub. Will hopped out and crossed the road first as Jay and Sam slowly got out.
"I know I've already met them but how prepared do I need to be?" Sam asked, weirdly looking worried, so Jay puts one of his arms over his shoulders, chuckling slightly, whispering in his ear, "don't worry, you'll be fine, as always." he kissed him lightly on the cheek, not one for PDA and took his arm away from Sam's shoulders. Sam walked on turning to Jay with a smirk, and made sure to have a hold of his hand before they entered through the front doors.
"There he is!" he heard Adam shout, and watched as Hailey informed them they all owed her and Kim 50 bucks for doubting him, which made Jay furrow his brows and Sam to tighten his grip on Jay's hand.
"What did I miss?" he asked, laughing through his worry.
"Oh just that you wouldn't make it out again," Adam replied, before correcting himself after a smack over the head from the girls, "but glad you did, and that you brought Sam too! Nice to finally be back out with you both."
The two boys just smiled at him, before Sam offered to go to the bar.
"You ok?" Will asked quietly, looking at his younger brother.
"Yeah, I'm fine, drop it." Jay quietly snapped back, turning back over to Sam as he reappeared with a beer each for them.
The night was going well, everyone was sufficiently buzzed, Kim had just left, taking Adam, Hailey and Kevin with her, leaving the Halsteads and Sam. They had all spent the past four hours swapping stories, everyone trying to embarrass Jay with stories of him from work or his childhood, Jay could do nothing but sit there and drink. It took a lot to get Jay drunk, they all knew this but they had all watched as he knocked back drink after drink, getting quieter and quieter as the night went on. So as the others left, Hailey threw Will a look, asking him to keep an eye on him and Will sent one back asking to have his back at work.
It took another half hour or so, Will having swapped over to drink soda, Sam still slowly drinking his beer as he passes Jay another whiskey, before Will suggested that they call it for the night, Jay again staying silent just looking over at Sam.
"Come on man, we should get him in a cab and get him home." Will tried.
"Hey! Back off, I know what I'm doing just let me deal with him" Sam bit back, startling Will with his tone.
"Woah, calm down, he's my brother I'm just looking out for him. He's had a rough few weeks. I just want to make sure he's alright." Will said, trying to stop the possessive fight before it happens.
"Yeah I get that but he's my boyfriend, I think I can get him home." he glared at Will before turning to Jay and resting a hand on his shoulder, squeezing harder than he should be to pull his attention away from his fingers playing with the still full glass in front of him.
"Ok, come on. We're going home," he pulled Jay to his feet, helping him out the door before he could even say bye to his brother "don't call him later. He doesn't need the extra pressure."
Will just watched them go, watched as the door shut behind them and turned back to the table, helping carry the remaining glasses to the bar, sighing.
"What was that about?" Stella Kidd asked from behind the bar as she wiped down a glass.
"I have no idea." Will just sighed and hung his head again.
"I don't want to over step Will but you need to keep and eye on that one. Jay didn't seem like himself tonight, and I've seen too many guys like Sam in my time." she said, resting a supportive hand on his arm.
Will just looked up confused, tilting his head asking "what do you mean guys like Sam?"
Stella's eyes got softer and her face fell just a little more, "it's not my place but keep an eye on him. I don't like the look he had on his face and the way he was holding Jay tonight, like he felt very possessive and wanted to show Jay was his. We all know Jay doesn't do emotions or PDA or drink that much in a place where people know him." Will was still slightly confused but was understanding a bit more, not wanting to believe what she was implying.
"Just watch him."
With that Will smiled at her, passed her an extra twenty, "take it, thank you" and left, feeling sober enough to drive Jay's truck back to his and then get an uber from Jay's to his place.
He looked up at what he knew was Sam and Jay's apartment and saw the main light still on, but not wanting to disturb or anger he quickly booked the cab and went home to some much needed rest.
In the apartment Jay had still yet to say anything, this level of drunk he would either spill all in a rage or go silent, tonight he had picked silence.
"You looked so hot tonight. Everyone had some funny stories to tell about you, what would they think if I told them some of my own of you? Huh?" Sam said with a smirk. "So hot drinking that whiskey and looking me with those big sex eyes. Looking at me with that smile that drives me mad, I hope you don't smile at anyone else like that. Mine, my smile, my eyes, my hot, sexy boy."
Sam helped him take his shoes off, placing them by the door and leading him to their bedroom where Jay tried to push off Sam's advances, not wanting to do anything in the state he was in.
"Come on Jay. Please?"
Jay just mumbled out a no.
"Why not? Don't you love me?"
Jay seemed to sober up as he was pushed onto the bed, "what? Of course I do?"
"Then why don't you want to do this?"
"Because I'm tired and drunk Sam"
"That makes it more fun, you take more when you're like this, let me have you how I want you."
"Sam -" Jay didn't get to finish his thought as Sam straddled his lap and helped lead him so he was lying on the bed now, pinned under him as he ran his lips over the sensitive parts of his neck and jaw before whispering sweet nothings in his ear, knowing it would make him come apart.
Jay felt like putty in Sam's hands, but part of his brain was yelling at him to get up, this wasn't right. So he started shifting about, trying to get free, and found that Sam wasn't having any of it, and they both ended up on the floor in the same position as earlier, which was not his intention.
Looking up at Sam, Jay saw that rage that had been hidden the past week shine in his eyes and panicked.
"What the hell is your problem? Am I not allowed to fuck my boyfriend? You've been good all this time and now is when you want to change that?" he spat out, putting more weight into his thighs as he sat lower on Jays hips.
"I - I ju-just, Sam" he pleaded, knowing he didn't want this, didn't like how Sam was acting. He seemed to be taking pleasure in watching Jay struggle and beg.
"Sam, stop. Come on its late. We -" he was cut off again as Sam managed to unbutton his jeans and pull them down to his knees all while attacking his neck, before he placed both hands either side of his throat and squeezed.
Jay inhaled, both with Sam thrusting into him and the tightness against his throat. He pushed against Sam's arms, digging into the crease of his elbows but to no avail. 'What is going on? Why was he doing this? Was Sam more drunk than he thought?' Jay couldn't help but let his mind wander, trying to distract from the pain in his lower half. He could feel himself getting close to the edge, Sam panting above him, still holding his neck in a way he knows will be bruised in the morning.
"I love you" Sam cried out as he came undone, running a hand down to help Jay along, catching his moan in a kiss, before pulling out and off the floor heading to the bathroom, kissing him again before he went, leaving Jay with a "see, I knew you wanted it".
Jay looked down at himself, still lying on his back on the floor, he took stock: his back hurt, his throat was tight and throbbing and his lower half was a mess. He heard Sam step out of the shower and climb into bed so he hopped in trying to wash off the evidence of what just happened, before heading out to sleep on the couch, hugging himself tight under the blanket, praying for sleep to come.
Morning came as he fell off the couch, finding it hard to breathe, his dreams mixing what happened last night to his time captive overseas.
'Oh god!' Jay thought 'last night…' he didn't even want to finish that thought, rushing off to the bathroom to inspect his neck seeing the dark purples forming in a wide circle, the only gap being the strip whereis adams apple was, the gap between thumbs. He quickly jumped into the shower, scrubbing himself raw to once again wash off what had happened, hoping that by scrubbing and scratching away he will be able to get rid of the feeling of his boyfriend pinning him down on the floor.
He finished his morning routine in half the time, throwing on his jeans, clipping his gun and badge to his belt before grabbing one of his hoodies, hoping he would be able to position the hood in a way to cover the majority of his neck, before rushing out the door, phone and keys in hand. Not bothering to say goodbye to the 'sleeping' figure of his boyfriend in the bed, who watched him rush about and leave without so much as a second look towards him.
Jay managed to not crash or break any speed limits as he drove to work, arriving earlier than the rest so started the coffee machine in preparation of the others arriving and sat down at his desk organising his paperwork for the day and trying not to watch the clock, Sam's voice asking "don't you love me?" bouncing around and echoing in his head.
His spiral was paused when he heard the buzz and clang of the gate on the stairs and re-adjusted his hood, 'here we go' he thought, as he watched his Sergeant appear from the back stairs and Adam and Kim appear from the front.
Setting up a fake smile he turned to them all calling out a calm "Morning!" praying no one would bother him today. He didn't hear their responses, just a steady stream of "don't you love me?" circling at the back of his mind.
