We arrived home from the Mononoke village late that Saturday.
I can't believe this! I didn't go to work for three whole days…! I mean, what should I even say…? That it was the flu…? Or maybe…
"Geez, don't be stupid, Miku. Then they would want to know why you didn't call when you found out…"
"Worrying about trivial things again, I see."
Of course the jerk would find a way to enter my room without me noticing…again.
"Why are you always so mean? You know it matters to me."
Miyabi tilted his head a fraction and his smirk almost appeared to be more of a glare, "In the end, it just begs the question of what you're doing working."
I couldn't believe how arrogant he was being, not to mention, a little sexist.
"Do you not hear yourself when you speak?"
But of course he ignored me and continued to speak without hearing me, "Once you're my bride, we're going to the Mononoke village, where…"
Thankfully, Miyabi was suddenly cut off by the sound of the doorbell ringing.
"Well now, I wonder who that could be?"
A familiar and much welcomed voice called through the door, "Miss Snow!"
Miyabi appeared more surprised than I did by the temple's caretaker's appearance, "Samon? What is it?"
"It's …a coworker by the name of Ikumi Sato is at the door. She says she's here because you haven't been to work in three days, and she got worried."
Samon didn't look me in the eyes as he said this as though he felt responsible for my friend's worry.
"Oh. It's Ikumi…?!"
Well hell. She sure had the worst timing… I hadn't even come up with an explanation yet.
Samon continued to avoid my eyes, "She's, um, waiting in the living room."
This is really bad… What if she finds out that this place is housing demons? It would be a disaster!
"O-okay. Tell everyone that they are absolutely not to leave the rooms!"
Samon finally met my eyes, " I already told Shinra. I saw him on my way here."
"You won't have to worry about Chikage either. He won't leave his room unless he needs something."
I glanced at Miyabi, finding little comfort from what he said, after all, it wasn't Chikage I was worried about.
Samon quickly added, "I Believe that Yukinojo would pick up on the mood and stay where he is."
"Good," I replied somewhat breathless, "What about Kyoga?"
Miyabi gave a heavy sigh, "Listen, Miku, don't you think you're being a bit careless?"
I gaped at him, but he ignored me and continued, "You told them you're not feeling well. That's far too vague. You couldn't think of a better excuse?"
"Well, it was really sudden and… Wait I don't have to justify any of this to you!"
However, he was right. That excuse was quite vague and such a cliché… Of course I would never let him know that he was right…
"I'm going to see Ikumi! DO NOT leave this room!"
And before Miyabi could complain or respond I rushed off to the living room leaving him with Samon.
…
I entered the living room and Ikumi turned to me a worried look in her eyes.
"Snow! Are you feeling better?"
I felt anxiety start to well up inside me and struggled to keep the anxious tremor from my voice, "Yeah. Thanks for coming all the way here to check on me that was really sweet."
But she wasn't listening. It was like she was on the verge of panic or tears or both, " I was so worried. Every time I called, it was your priest who answered. He kept saying you couldn't come to the phone…so, I figured you must be pretty sick then."
"Well, I guess I was pretty tired…"
I felt awful and not because I had worried her so much but because I would have to continue to lie to her…
But I would have to keep it up. There was just no way I could let her see the men who were living here.
An urgent voice called suddenly from the hallway, it was Samon, "Wait, Kyoga! Do not go in there!"
"Why? I have to do something!"
"So, do it later! You're just going to cause problems," came Miyabi's voice.
Ikumi's eyes widened, clearly confused and a tad embarrassed, "Um…is someone here?"
"Well, hell…"
Miyabi and Samon were trying to keep Kyoga from walking down the hall, and of course Ikumi turned around just in time to see them.
"Right, the priest…and… Oh?"
Her eyes widened a moment and then just as quickly softened into a kind smile, "Your fiancé! Hello!"
Miyabi smiled back at her, "Well hello there, and welcome."
Ikumi seemed perplexed by his seemingly innocent comment, "Welcome?"
I glared at Miyabi who just shrugged and continued to smile.
"Umm, so…"
And that's when Kyoga decided to make a very unfortunate appearance, "What's everyone so flustered about?"
"Hm? Haven't I seen you at the library?"
This time Ikumi didn't seem surprised in the least. In fact, she seemed to be practically drooling at the sight of Kyoga, who, might I add, was wearing nothing but his kimono robe and it was falling open completely exposing his masculine chest.
"Oh yeah. That's right…" I said in a small voice.
I had almost forgotten that he and Shinra had come the library and had caused a ridiculously loud scene…!
Kyoga just tilted his head a fraction and eyed her from head to toe, "Oh, yeah I was. Good memory!"
Ikumi continued to smile at him as though three men living in my house was completely normal.
"Well, I'm particularly good at remembering a person's face. Besides, you're very handsome. So, then I take it you're friends with Snow's fiancé."
She didn't state it as a question, so she most likely assumed this to be true.
Not wanting Kyoga to ruin that assumption, I quickly jumped in with, "Yes! What a coincidence…right?!"
Kyoga glanced at me, bewildered. Thought it would seem that he was starting to get what was happening.
"Yes, I see. Ahem, that's right! Small world, hehe."
I would have killed him if it wasn't for the fact that Ikumi seemed to be buying it, "And this is the priest who manages the shrine."
"Samon. It's so good to know that Miss Snow has such a kind coworker."
A tinkling laugh escaped through Ikumi's lips, "Well, that's nice of you to say. I'm only to happy to work with Miku. It makes going to work a lot more fun."
I watched bewildered, as they all talked and smiled. I felt relieved, though, I had to admit that I was still a bit nervous.
So, this is actually going to be okay. As long as she never finds out what they really are…
Ikumi suddenly went noticeably quiet, and her eyes widened a fraction, "By the way, what's your fiancé doing here?"
"Seriously?!"
She brought a finger to her chin, "It doesn't feel like he just came over to hang out. Is he…"
I stumbled over my words, "R-really, he just came here to hang out!"
Ikumi's eyes clearly stated that she did not believe me, "Really? 'Cause it feels more like he lives here."
Miyabi sauntered over and wrapped an arm around my shoulder, "We don't have anything to hide. You should just tell her that I live here."
"You do?! So…you've shacked up?!"
Ikumi seemed surprised, but there was something else in her eyes that I couldn't quite read.
I found myself wanting to crawl into a hole and die. I yelled at Miyabi "We're not shacking up!" And then to Ikumi, "He's just staying here."
Ikumi's smile was back in place and a rush of relief washed over me, "Well, at any rate, I'm glad you are okay. I was…really very worried."
"Yeah," I sighed, "I'm sorry I didn't say anything. Things have been a bit hectic."
Ikumi's eyes flashed with worry again, "I bet. You've been out for three days, I'm sure you've been busy going to doctors and such."
Ugh, I can't believe she bought it. I feel awful.
"But…have you been feeling sick for a while?"
This question gave me pause.
"Huh? Why?"
Ikumi leaned into me and whispered into my ear, "This house…It feels like there's a buildup of bad energy here."
"Bad energy…?"
She nodded, "I can't put my finger on it… A ghost? No, not a ghost, but…"
"Gh-ghost?!"
I never really got into the whole ghost thing before…But if there are ayakashi, then I suppose there must be ghosts, too.
"So what's this bad energy…?"
Ikumi paused thought for a moment, "Well, if it's not a ghost…"
My friend paused for a moment and looked around her. She stared right at Miyabi and Kyoga, then Samon.
"Hm? What?"
Kyoga apparently did not like being stared at like he was some kind of ghost.
"Nothing," was Ikumi's quick reply.
Samon also seemed to fidget under her inquisitive stare, "Um…"
Miyabi did nothing but glare back.
Ikumi… Does she perhaps know that they're all ayakashi?! But how…? After all, they look completely human. They don't have their ears or tails exposed at the moment.
But an instant later, Ikumi's face relaxed and, "Well…I don't want to keep you. I should get going."
"Oh…okay, well. Thanks for stopping by."
"Sure. I hope you feel better soon so you can come back to work."
I watched Ikumi go and finally exhaled.
"Geez, that was quite a shock… I thought for sure she had figured you out!"
I glanced at Miyabi, but he was watching Ikumi exit down the shrine steps, "…That was…very strange."
"Huh? How so?"
Kyoga was also watching her, worry in his eyes, "Yeah, it was… That girl, what is she?"
I blanched at him, "What is… She's my coworker."
Samon seemed to be struggling with the urge to follow her, "But, there was something…" He then glanced at me then back to the Shrine stairs, "Perhaps…we're just overthinking this."
Miyabi breathed out a heavy sigh, "I hope so."
They're all sure acting odd…Did I miss something.
However, my thoughts came to an abrupt crash as Miyabi opened his mouth and once again started making demands, "Yo, Snow! We're having Inari sushi tonight, right?"
I felt like I was coming out of a slight daze, "Huh? I don't know, I was thinking I'd make some fish."
Kyoga scoffed at the idea of fish, "Fish… I prefer meat. I'm a red-blooded man, in every sense of the word."
In every sense…
"Kyoga, stop putting images in my head…!"
I then turned to Miyabi, "And besides, I already bought the groceries, and it's not exactly a balanced diet if Inari sushi is all we eat."
"Moron. It's a less balanced diet without Inari sushi. It's not healthy."
I paused for a moment, "You know, when I brought the Inari sushi to the Mononoke Village, your grandfather was really happy."
"Yeah…what a waste."
"What the Hell is that supposed-"
But I stopped mid yell…
Talking about the Mononoke village always has me thinking of that night…
Not wanting him to read what I was thinking in my eyes I quickly looked away.
Miyabi… Why on earth did he hold me like that…?
I risked a glance back at him, but he was talking to Kyoga now.
Miyabi hadn't tried to make a pass at me once since we returned home.
It's not that I want him to…It's just, he used to touch me every chance he got…it's like he wasn't himself…
Before I could stop myself, I blurted, "Okay, I'll add Inari sushi to the menu tonight."
Miyabi glared at me like a threatening child, "Not just tonight. Every night."
"Yeah, Yeah," I shook my head and smiled, glad that at least he hadn't completely changed.
He then went back to his room, a little dissatisfied with my answer.
Well it would appear that the jerk hasn't noticed just how preoccupied I am…has he?
I breath out a heavy sigh.
But if Miyabi's such a jerk…then…why can't I stop thinking about him?
"What's the matter?"
It had been so quiet that I nearly jumped out of my skin at the sound of a voice from behind me.
"Hell! Ch-Chikage! When did you…"
He cocked his head a fraction, "I had heard that your visitor left, so I came out of my room."
He then narrowed his eyes and seemed to be scrutinizing me, "You've been acting quite peculiar ever since you cam back from the village."
"I've been…What…"
His eyes then became quite serious, "Did something happen with Miyabi while you were there?"
How'd he know?! Had Miyabi told him?
I thought back to how Miyabi had clung to me as though I were a lifeline and then ever sine hasn't so much as touched me.
Though I was fairly certain that Chikage didn't know all the details of what had happened.
"Something…?"
Chikage was clearly now becoming impatient, "You've been acting strange, but Miyabi's not himself, either. And it feels like the two of you have distanced yourself from each other. Am I imagining this?"
"Chikage…"
I didn't know quite what to say. Normally Chikage felt pretty indifferent about anything dealing with myself and Miyabi. Was actually possible that he was worried about us? He always appeared so expressionless, but perhaps he was just calmly observing everyone.
Eventually I decided I could trust him, after all he most likely already knew Miyabi's past and about his mother.
"Well, while in the village, I learned a bit about Miyabi."
Chikage's eyes softened yet remained unreadable, "Yes, well… I imagine you would have observed a thing or two."
I let out a frustrated sigh, feeling quite perturbed with myself, "It's just that, while there, it struck me how I don't know anything about him…And it's not like he's going to tell me anything about himself."
Chikage nodded in silent agreement, "Honestly, it wouldn't be a fun conversation. I'm sure he doesn't want to talk about it."
For a fraction of a second I thought I saw sadness flicker in his eyes, but it was gone before I could be sure, "He doesn't bring anything up on his own when he talks to us, either."
"Oh…"
I didn't know why, but this surprised me.
"Still, is looks to me like he's opened up to you quite a bit."
I almost laughed. Though not because I found his words funny, but rather how untrue I knew them to be.
"Trust me, he hasn't. Miyabi… I'm fairly certain he only thinks of me as a way to get power. Just the human he needs to get power…"
At first, Chikage seemed to have no response. He just fixed me with his unreadable eyes as I stared down at my feet. But then…
"I overheard you two earlier…Idiot…"
"Excuse me?!"
Did Chikage just insult me?!
However, when I glanced over at him he appeared to be deep in thought as though remembering something from long ago. And when he looked back to me I almost could have sworn that I saw in his eyes…joy…but it was, again, gone before I could be certain.
"He calls you an idiot because he likes you."
"!"
He then slid his eyes from mine, "He's awkward. He doesn't really know how to express what he really feels. But really, he can't stand to be alone."
"He's lonely…?"
And when he says 'idiot', it means he likes me…?
I thought back to that night, right before he clung to me.
"…Idiot."
"Miyabi…?"
"…You truly are an idiot."
I remembered how he had then hugged me, the way he had clung to me, almost seeming scared that I would leave.
If that was how Miyabi really felt, then…
"Huh? A visitor?"
"Yeah. Thank god she didn't find you."
The voices of Shinra and Miyabi could be heard down the hall.
"She would have seen you for the little oni you are with one look."
"I'm sorry, but if she didn't see through Samon then there's no way she'd have figured me out!"
Samon's voice then joined that of the other two, "No, I'm fairly certain that you're the riskier one between us."
"I could see you confessing yourself," I could almost hear the smirk in Miyabi's voice, "'I'm a demon.'"
"Like I'd ever do that!"
As their voices drew nearer, I turned around to greet them.
Shinra came stomping into the room his cheeks tinged with red.
Miyabi was talking to Shinra and Samon with a smile on his face.
That smile, the Miyabi who teases me…and the Miyabi who doesn't like being alone. They're all the real Miyabi.
It suddenly dawned on me that I wanted – truly wanted – to get to know him, the part of himself that he keeps locked away.
I decided to go back to my room by myself. Miyabi enters shortly after.
He slid the door closed and turned to face me with eyes that almost appeared annoyed.
"Say something before you go back to your room. You shouldn't be by yourself."
I knew he was right; however, I couldn't help but feel a bit defensive, "This is my house, Miyabi. So, I think I can survive a little bit by myself."
I then looked up at him, tentatively, "Besides, even if something were to happen, would have no trouble finding me, right?"
His smirk was back in place where it belonged, "Obviously."
Come to think of it, I used to cringe at the very thought of needing Miyabi to protect me, even more so, him being anywhere near me. But now, the fact that he saves me…the fact that he's here…truly makes me happy…
His next words destroyed the fantasy I had clearly been deluding myself with.
"…What is it? You want me?"
I've fallen silent, and Miyabi smiles at me, teasing me.
I didn't know why or what I had been expecting, all I knew is that someone had to ask, and that someone had to be, "…. Are you lonely?"
His perplexed eyes stated that he clearly had not been expecting this as a response, "What?"
I knew he would fight it, but I just had to try, "If you do, I'll put my arms around you and hold you as long as you like."
He gave me a look of utter disgust, "Tell me you're not serious…"
He was fighting it just like I thought he would, but I forced myself to trudge on, "You hugged me when we were in the village. And…it felt different from the way you usually do it."
He looked away, but I refused to let that stop me, "Was it because of the awful things those ayakashi had said to you? Did their words cause you to recall something unpleasant?"
He looked at me now…in anger, "No."
"Then why…"
A smirk that bordered on becoming a sneer, tugged at the corners of his mouth, "I did it…because you're a moron."
Again…? And I'm supposed to believe that this means he likes me?
"You shouldn't give that garbage a second thought. I am half ayakashi. It's true."
"So? Someone says those awful things to you, and you just take it? I'm sorry, but I don't buy that."
I looked him square in the eyes as I said my next words, "Why? Why didn't you defend yourself?"
He looked away again, "Talking back wouldn't have changed the truth."
"No, it wouldn't…but you told that boy back in the village to be strong."
He looked back the anger still in place, "Yeah. I became strong to make a place for myself in the village."
To make a place for himself…Meaning what? That there's no place for a half ayakashi unless they make one themselves…?
Miyabi looks away again, seeming more distant than before, "I've cursed my mother who bore me and my father who chose a human woman a million times. I can't help but think, if only I was never born…that there are any number of men who could take my place."
"Don't say that…! There is no replacement for you!"
After everything he had done to me, I didn't know why my heart was breaking for him now.
He looked back at me, a snide smile, clearly meant to hide what he was really feeling, in place, "There you go again… saying these incomprehensible things."
"But it's not! It's not incomprehensible. I don't want anyone else to save me. You're my fiancé…"
I looked away to the ground, and Miyabi narrowed his eyes as he looked at me. He then leans in and whispered.
"…Nobody would care if I quit being the head of the clan. Nobody would even care if I died."
He then leans away seeming completely convinced of his own words, "Another kitsune would take my place as head of the clan. He'd protect you."
I knew I should be carful with him, but I was becoming fed up with this self-pity party, "Don't you get it?! I don't wantanother kitsune to protect me! And everyone in the village does like you. Minus a few assholes…but you know what?! We all have people in this world who hate us."
He looks back at me the anger still evident in his eyes, "That's a happy interpretation. The person they're sucking up to is 'Miyabi, Head of the Clan.' Not ME. They're only looking at my position."
"Miyabi! Please, why are you so hard on yourself? Not everyone is sucking up! Some of them want-I want to get to know you. And not just your strong side, but the side of you that is weak as well."
"I don't have a weak side."
"That's a lie… You've always wanted someone to love you, right?"
Something flickered in his eyes that almost seemed to plead with me to stop but I wasn't done, "The reason you hate your parents isn't because you were born half ayakashi… It's because they never granted you the love you yearned for… It's because your mother died, and you never received the love you so desperately needed."
I apparently had hit a nerve with that last part.
"Shut up."
Miyabi's voice suddenly fell an octave lower. He pushed me down and pinned both of my hands to the floor.
"Do you wish for me to show you what happens when an ayakashi really wants a human?"
"Miyabi…!"
"I'm sure this is what my father did to my mother. And thus, I was born. I should never have been born. Then, nobody would've had to suffer."
"Please don't say that… You must know this isn't true!"
"…I said, shut up."
"I'm sure you're mom and dad loved each other. Otherwise, you wouldn't be here…"
"Love between a human and an ayakashi…It is pointless."
He had said these words once before.
"If as a result, a second-rate creature is born, if it makes nobody happy, then…"
"But it's not…it's not pointless…There's no question that your mother regretted leaving you when she died…"
"Do I need to force your mouth shut?"
His hand then violently tear the buttons from my shirt. His hand, running up my skirt, is different from before. It's rougher and exploding with emotion.
Oh God…
I didn't know what to think. I was terrified. This wasn't the Miyabi I knew. What if he really ended up doing to me, what he believed his father did to his mother?!
"You shouldn't have said that…"
"Miyabi, you're not the kind of person who'd do this! You're kind and warm…"
"Don't speak of things of which you know nothing. What do you know about me? You think you understand me?"
"Miyabi…"
"You're always getting inside me, disturbing me…!"
All of a sudden, Miyabi's eyes open wide in shock, as though he suddenly realized what he was doing to me and remembered…who he was.
He loosened his grip on me, quickly stood up and stepped back.
"Miyabi…?"
"Don't be conceited. You can't understand me. After all, you're nothing more than a tool."
"!"
He looked at me his smile more arrogant than ever, "When needed, you'll give me power and bear me a child. I have no other use for you."
Why… Why is he saying this to me…?
He then looks away again, "I'm bored of this game… I'm not going to seduce you any longer."
"Miyabi… wait."
His eyes veer to mine and there was hatred in them, "I'm not going to say this again. Don't talk to me like this again…Ever…! If you understand, you, a lowly human, won't speak so brazenly."
His voice was colder than any voice I had ever heard…
He then stood up and took one glance at me before leaving the room.
"Miyabi…"
Did I truly only exist to give him power in his eyes…?
I felt the tears streaming down my cheeks.
Why am I sad…? How many times have I said I hated Miyabi…I covered my exposed chest. Shaking, I slid to the floor and quietly sobbed.
