Chapter 9

The next morning Jess woke up at 8, which was late for him nowadays. Yawning, he lifted his head only to realize that he had a pen imprint on his cheek, and he suspected he'd see ink once he looked in a mirror. Looking down, it dawned on him that he had fallen asleep at the table, pen-on-face, his face resting in a copy of The Bell Jar. He sighed and re-shelved the book (the rest he'd put away last night as he went). With that, he grabbed a towel and walked over to the bathroom.

Jess walked out half an hour later, towel around his waist, and stood in front of his bag. He groaned, resisting the strong temptation to wear the Metallica he had stuffed in as a rebellious impulse, and instead grabbing a black tee shirt, normal jeans, shoes and a blazer. After pulling on the garments he looked in the mirror, feeling about seventeen years old again. Except he wasn't angry. When he had spent so much time staring into this same mirror when he was seventeen, glooping on obscene amounts of hair gel and occupying the space for half an hour at a time, he had felt himself almost consumed by anger. On some deeper level though, he'd felt shame, and worse in his eyes, fear. Fear that Luke was going to give up on him, masked by anger at Luke based on Jess' own certainty that he would. Even though Luke never did, it took Jess years to get down to that bottom part and understand that it wasn't going to happen. Sometimes, there was a specific anger that Lorelai would never understand him or like him, covering for the fear that if that were true, maybe she was right not to, and maybe he didn't deserve Luke or Rory's care. Standing in front of the mirror this time, he didn't have the first anger shielding the deeper one.

He opened the cabinet above the sink and grinned in spite of himself. Hair gel. New. He sighed, opening the package and slicking on a tiny bit. Maybe that was the difference. Moderation wasn't in teenage Jess' vocabulary. He sighed deeply. Looking into the mirror one last time, he nodded slightly and walked out of the bathroom.

"The world breaks everyone, and afterward, some are strong at the broken places."

The old Hemingway lane resonated through Jess' mind as he walked downstairs and into the diner. Immediately he spotted Lorelai at the counter, grinning at Luke as he smiled and poured her coffee (no doubt her fifth cup in ten minutes). He had to admit, he never saw Luke as happy as he was when she was around. Jess remembered that feeling, and it made him even more uneasy. He held onto the railing for a second, trying to steady himself, and at that precise moment Lorelai met his gaze.

Her blue eyes terrified him. Not that she looked angry, because he remembered that look on her vividly, and this wasn't it. But he'd forgotten how much they reminded him of Rory's, how it felt so similar yet so different to look into them. Nearly the same eyes, but while Rory's were always filled with comprehension, often Lorelai's were glazed with uncertainty and apprehension, when not actual loathing. Today he was getting uncertainty, which was the better version of what he had been expecting. Resisting the urge to look away, he didn't break contact. Instead, he nodded almost imperceptibly, bowing his head slightly and stepping slowly off the stairwell and onto the floor of the diner.

Lorelai knew something entirely different was going on with Jess the second he refused to break her gaze. That he met her equally, rather than trying to intimidate her or ignore her or refute her. Lorelai might not have her daughter's IQ, but she was a perceptive person, and when it came to reading people Lorelai Gilmore might as well have been Steve Nash. And as much as Luke had been trying to explain this to Lorelai for years now, she never really believed it herself.

Before recently Lorelai hadn't had a real interest in working things out with Jess. Recently, however, a few factors had made her reconsider her position. Lorelai had always thought that if she made an effort with Jess, it would be for Rory's sake. But right now it wasn't. Rory hadn't even willingly told her about stopping in Philadelphia. Lorelai had found a receipt from a coffee shop stuck in the pocket of a pair of borrowed jeans while doing laundry and then casually asked if she'd seen Jess. Rory could never directly lie to her. Rory dismissed the whole thing as unimportant and just blushed and walked away. She was actually surprised to hear from Luke that Jess seemed calm and civil about the whole affair, suggesting that perhaps the encounter wasn't about to ruin Rory's life. But this was just another thread.

The main reason behind her change of heart was Luke. Luke, who she'd been dating for about five years. Luke, who wanted to marry her so badly that he had asked her father three years ago and given away the spot where the ring was hidden a year later. But still, he hadn't proposed and although Luke said he wanted to, he said there were a couple things he needed to work out. Only after much time had passed did it occur to Lorelai that maybe Jess mattered to him more in the greater landscape of their lives than she'd previously thought.

She caught Luke trying to read the book once. Rory had left a copy of Jess' book in the enormous stack residing in the diner, and she had found Luke squinting at the pages. When Lorelai asked him what he was doing, he sighed and set it down in frustration, saying that he didn't know what the hell any of it meant but he just thought that, well, maybe he should. In that moment, Lorelai realized that Luke saw himself as Jess' father figure. And all at once a wave of guilt washed over her for not even trying, not even caring, for the man who Luke saw as his kid, when Luke had been there for Rory without exception since the first day he met them both. Not only did it put the whole fight they'd had so many years earlier (after the car accident) in perspective, but it also helped to explain why he would always seem awkward before leaving to go see Jess, and awkward upon his return, never really talking about it but always getting upset if something prevented his frequent trips.

More than anything else, now that Rory was happy, healthy and on an better path, Lorelai just wanted Luke. But all of him, and forever. She couldn't stand the idea that anything would hold them back or keep any part of him from being shared with her, or vice versa. And since he was the most important thing in her world, she realized that she needed to give Jess a second look. Luke deserved that much from her, at the very least.

Jess walked behind the counter, clasping his hand on his uncle's shoulder. "Long time no see," he said. Luke turned in surprise. "Jess! You're early!" Luke replied. For a short second both looked confused but Jess sighed and pulled Luke in for a hug. Luke smiled involuntarily and Jess caught the shocked expression or Lorelai's face. "Yeah well, I was up late reading or I probably would have been down earlier to help. Sorry about that. Hello, Ms. Gilmore." He reached out to shake her hand. Looking at him curiously, Lorelai cautiously half-smiled. "Ya know, at this point I think we can go with Lorelai. How are you, Jess?" She shook his hand quickly and awkwardly, then motioned for Luke to bring her more coffee. Jess grabbed the coffee and poured some more into her cup, and then into his own.

"Thanks."

"No problem," Jess nodded, "Things are good. Other than this late onset coffee addiction. I swear my teeth are going to turn black and rot before I hit thirty."

"A natural risk of living such a satisfying life," Lorelai smiled, unable to frown as the coffee touched her lips, "How'd that happen?"

"Got converted at work. My friends Matt and Chris nearly bleed the stuff, and I realized if I was gonna be working the same hours they do I'd need to either take up speed or this and I've never really been one for drugs."

"Plus speed is just so 2007." "2003." "Touche."

"As much as I hate breaking up this little reunion," interrupted Luke, "I feel the need to interject for the sake of my own health and safety. Lorelai, what do you want to eat?"

"Um…the Ro…I mean, sausage wrapped in pancakes tied together with bacon."

"That was a one time deal and it wasn't for you."

"But…!"

"Lorelai."

"Fine, omelette with bacon and cheddar, double bacon and bacon on the side, more coffee, and don't even think about trying to put fruit with it like last time!"

Luke sighed, turning to his nephew. "Jess?"

"I can…" "No. You're not working today. Plus Cesar's on my list."

"Well in that case, I'll take three eggs over easy, toast, extra bacon and a dough…fine, and some fruit. God, you're such a killjoy."

"Ha!" Lorelai chortled in spite of herself, earning an exasperated glare from Luke and an amused smile from Jess.

"Remember when you two hated each other? That was fun," Luke sighed, walking into the kitchen and leaving an awkward silence in his wake.

Jess turned to Lorelai, unable to help himself. "I'm sorry, I just want to be clear here. Why are you doing this?"

"Honestly?" Lorelai asked. Jess nodded. "For Luke."

At that, Jess smiled. "Well who woulda thunk I had something in common with Lorelai Gilmore."

"You know, when you look more carefully there is some common ground. I tried reading Proust once."

"Why? He's a pompous ass."

"I know, so was the guy whose book I borrowed."

Jess laughed. "Yeah, well at least you don't have to worry about that with Luke. Even though he has a hundred books in his legal residence I'm pretty sure he hasn't read any of them."

"He keeps the fishing guides at my house. Sorry about those by the way, I probably should have picked them up," Lorelai said awkwardly, not knowing whether or not to mention her.

Jess met her eyes. "It's okay, really," Jess smiled, "I'm not out to ruin your daughter. Not that I ever was, but you really don't have to worry about anything on that front."

"I heard she came to see you."

"It was nothing."

That alone made Lorelai stop for a second. The way he said nothing used to reek of defensiveness and disdain, but now he was looking directly into her eyes and saying it with such honesty that she could not convince herself he was being anything less than sincere.

"So you didn't call her?"

"No. We hadn't talked since Truncheon," he said, "Not that there's any bad blood. But she's doing great and I'm decent and our paths just haven't really crossed in any significant way."

"I believe you," Lorelai affirmed slowly, "But I'll believe you more if you pour me some more coffee."

"Better yet, I'll put on a new pot."