Chapter 3

November 16, 1920

Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania

I squinted as I opened my eyes, the sun pouring into the room. I quickly realized that I had forgotten to close the shades the night before. I groaned quietly, picking up a pillow and putting it over my eyes. I hated mornings. The cruel world of high society awaited outside my door, and I never wanted to venture off and find out what problems would arise today. But… Mia was also outside that door, and I was eager to see her.

Reluctantly, I climbed out of bed, shivers running up my spine as my bare feet hit the wood floor. I grabbed my kimono, wrapping it around me, and I slid my feet into my slippers. If anyone saw me leaving my room dressed like this, I'd never hear the end of it. I quickly snuck out of my room and slowly opened Mia's door, not wanting to wake her. After closing the door behind me, I sat down on the rocking chair. Mia was still asleep. She was laying on her side, her arms were wrapped around her stuffed bunny. She only took up a small portion of the bed, and the rest of it was still in the same condition it was in last night.

I leaned back against the rocking chair, feeling somewhat nostalgic. Right after Mia was born, I was allowed to take an extended break from my household duties and care for her. It felt like yesterday I would hear her crying in the middle of the night, requiring my attention. I would sneak into her room and hold her in my arms, feeding her for as long as she needed. Those were some of the most precious moments, where it was just the two of us, while the rest of the world was asleep. I would happily go back to those days; she's grown up far too quickly, in my opinion, though I did l love the little girl she was now.

It was Mia and I together, just us. Cal was too busy with work to take time to appreciate the life that had just joined us, and my mother was visiting one of her old society friends in Philadelphia. I didn't mind that they didn't seem to care, because I loved her enough for all three of us. I liked having her all to myself for that time. I guess I didn't realize that eventually I'd be called back into my responsibilities, and Mia would be left alone.

A light stirring noise interrupted my train of thought. Mia was moving slightly, indicating that she was waking up. She crinkled her nose and rubbed her eyes. "Mommy?" She hadn't opened her eyes yet, but she could sense my presence.

I smiled and walked over to the bed. "Good morning beautiful," I said quietly. I ran my fingers through her soft curls, waiting for her to open her eyes. She finally did, and her blue eyes and little smile filled my world. I loved her so much it almost made me cry. She was so perfect. Almost immediately, she scooted over in the bed, giving me room to lay down next to her. "How did you sleep?"

"Good," she smiled. I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her closer. She touched her soft little lips against mine. She was the only one to ever kiss me, which didn't bother me in the slightest. I didn't want anyone else kissing me. "Do you have to leave today?" She asked. I could tell she was hoping that I'd say no, that I'd be available to spend the day with her.

I smiled and shook my head. "No," I held her closer, tickling her stomach. She laughed and squirmed around in my arms, making me laugh too. "I'm spending the day with you, baby." I had an endless list of nicknames I used for Mia: sweetheart, sweetie, sweet girl, baby, baby girl, to name a few. There was only one that I never used for her: darling. That nickname was reserved for Cal. It was a cold, unloving nickname in my opinion, one that reflected duty rather than love. It was perfect for him. But not for Mia. Mia was too warm and loving for cold and unloving nicknames. "How about we get up and start the day?"

Mia nodded, excited to hear that I was all hers for the day. I gave her a kiss on the nose before standing up and flipping through the closet. A second later, the door opened slowly, and Mia's caregiver, Ms. Williams, walked in. "Oh, hello Mrs. Hockley." I inwardly cringed every time they used that name, and although I repeatedly asked the staff to call me Rose or Mrs. Rose, they never would. I knew they didn't just neglect my request, but rather they feared Cal and what he would do if they found out they were speaking to me casually. "Would you like me to get Amelia dressed for the day?"

I looked at Mia and smiled. Today would be all ours. "No, thank you." I turned back to Ms. Williams. "I can take care of her today." I smiled happily at the thought of being free of Cal, my mother, the estate, and being able to spend the day with Mia. Ms. Williams curtsied and left the room, leaving me alone with Mia. "So, what color dress do you want to wear today?" I knew the answer would be purple, but I always asked anyway. An outfit was always just picked out for me, and I never got a say in what I wore. I wanted Mia to have a say in the things I could give her control of.

"Hmmmm… purple," she said happily, clapping her hands together. I smiled and pulled out my favorite of her purple dresses, little Mary Jane shoes, and a matching purple bow. She ran over to me and I lifted her into my arms. "What are we gonna do today, Mommy?" Before I could answer, she was listing everything she wanted to do. "We can draw, we can read, we can walk! We can have the best day!"

I laughed and kissed her cheek. "Of course we can, sweetheart." I placed her on the edge of the bed. "Arms up," I instructed, and I lifted her nightgown over her head. I pulled the little dress over her head and helped her slide her arms in. I picked out a nice pair of white socks, purple lace at the top, and put them on along with her shoes. Then, I shifted my attention to her hair. I took the small hairbrush and combed through her silky curls, pulling her top pieces up to tie in the bow. I looked at her as I finished and smiled; she looked so adorable, so perfect. "Well, don't you look beautiful," I kissed her forehead.

"Now you have to get dressed, Mommy," Mia reminded me. "You can't go out in your nightgown." She looked me up and down, a little bit of judgement clear in the position of her eyebrows. I almost laughed out loud but kept my composure. The judgmental look withered away and was replaced with the usual smiley face. "I can help you get dressed!"

I lifted her and placed her on the ground, allowing her to open the door and lead the way to my room. Of course, with my luck, I ran into my mother right outside my bedroom door. "Rose, what are doing?" She asked. She glanced down at what I was wearing and looked back up at me disapprovingly. Mia must have sensed turmoil ahead, because she gripped my leg tightly and hid behind me. "And what are you wearing? Do you really think it's appropriate to leave your room dressed like that?"

I rolled my eyes. "I can spend time with my daughter dressed like this," I replied. I reached down and touched Mia's hair, trying to put her at ease somehow. I kept my eye contact with my mother. "Now, if you'd just step aside, fewer people would have to see me dressed like this." Mother rolled her eyes and stepped aside. "Thank you," I said, glaring at her one more time. Finally, Mia and I were safely in my room. I locked the door and lifted Mia into my arms, holding her close to me. I sat down on the couch, still holding her. She was on my lap facing me, and I could feel her arms around my neck. "Are you okay?" I asked, trying to find signs of fear or distress.

Mia nodded quickly, and I sighed in relief. "Why is your mommy so mean?" She asked me suddenly. I was surprised from the question, partly because she hadn't asked before, and partly because she picked up on my mother's hostile attitude but not Cal's.

I held her on my lap and looked at her, knowing that every interaction with her father and grandparents tainted that innocence that I wanted to preserve as much as I could. "She's… she's just not a nice lady," I tried to explain as delicately as possible. "It's not about me, and it's not about you. It's about her. Do you understand?" I looked at her for a moment before she nodded. "Okay, good. Why don't you help me pick out my dress?" I stood up and segued the conversation away from my mother, not wanting to spend more time discussing her.

Mia walked over to my closet and opened it. "Can you wear a purple one too?" She asked, a beautiful smile crept up on her face. "That way we can match!" She then proceeded to try to pull a purple dress out of my closet, but of course, she was far too small to reach.

I chuckled and walked over to help her. "I'll get it," I told her, and she moved out of the way. I pulled out the purple dress that she had picked, then grabbed shoes and jewelry. I laid out the clothing on my bed and looked at her for her approval. "Good?"

She nodded. "Perfect." We went to the bathroom so that I could do my makeup. I could have someone do it for me if I wanted to, but I always thought they put on far too much, making the five pounds of cakey foundation stick uncomfortably to my face. I much preferred the little bit I put on myself.

I sat Mia down atop the sink, while I sat at my vanity. She looked at me and sighed. "I wish I was as pretty as you."

I stared at her in disbelief. How could she say such a thing, especially when she was the most beautiful five year old I had ever seen? I liked that she saw me as a sort of role model, someone to look up to, but I never wanted her to think that I somehow had something that she didn't. "Mia," I said finally, turning to face her. "You are the most beautiful girl I have ever seen. And you'll be just as beautiful as you grow up. I promise." I leaned over and kissed her cheek.

I remembered a time when I would say similar things to my mother. I would see her as this goddess, too important to take care of me. When I saw her, she was always dressed up at her fanciest, leaving for some gala. But this was different. Mia had seen every form of me: the done up wife going to the gala, the socialite hosting tea for her society friends, the wife going about her responsibilities, even the mother who crawled out of bed with her hair misshapen and her feet in slippers to see her daughter first thing in the morning. I was grateful that I was able to show Mia that it's perfectly normal to occupy all of those roles, not just the ones that the rest of the world sees. That way, when she grows up, she won't think herself inferior because she can't be beautifully done up all the time.

"Can I have some makeup?" Mia asked, interrupting my thoughts. She was kicking her legs cheerfully, looking at me with that bright smile.

I smiled back and picked up one of my brushed. "Why, of course you can." There was no makeup on the brush, but of course she didn't know that. I put it on her cheeks, her nose, and her forehead. "Beautiful." She giggled and continued to kick her legs back and forth while I finished getting my hair and makeup done. We moved back into my room, so I could have Mary put my corset on.

Mia was sitting on my bed holding her stuffed bunny in her arms. I was gripping one of the four posters on my bed, trying not to let on how much the corset hurt. I didn't want Mia to have to see me in pain, although emotionally I was in pain all the time. "Are you okay?" Mia asked. She must have noticed that I was gasping, closing my eyes, and squeezing my hands tightly.

Mary had finished tightening my corset. I put on a fake smile, the best one I could summon, and I nodded. "Of course." I hated going through the daily struggle of putting on a corset, but the idea of Mia needing to wear one when she was older was a painful thought. I never wanted her to experience half the things I had, and I desperately hoped that somehow times would change before it was time for her to.

I slid into my dress and was zipped up. Mary excused herself, and I put the finishing touches on my outfit before taking Mia downstairs. "I'm hungry," she whispered to me as we walked down the stairs.

"Well, it's a good thing we're about to eat breakfast then, isn't it?" I smiled and took her hand. We continued walking until we reached the cafe, as the Hockleys called it. It was really just another dining room, more open and light than where we ate dinner. We always ate breakfast in the cafe, but unlike dinner, we didn't all eat at the same time. Cal and Nathan would eat breakfast at dawn, before they left for work. Mother and Elizabeth often ate at ten, leaving Mia and I to eat right in between.

Mia and I ate together as often as we could, but sometimes I would need to run out the door without any breakfast, leaving Mia alone. I hated it, but it was better to leave her and have Cal and my mother happy than to stay and have them yell at me in front of her. I knew that Mia was a rather anxious child at times, and seeing me being yelled at only made that worse.

We ate a quick breakfast before immediately going outside to the garden. It was getting rather chilly in Pittsburgh, since it was already mid November. Mia was wearing a small shearling coat with little pompoms on the drawstrings, a garment I knew she loved strictly because I bought it for her. I often found her wearing the clothing I bought her more than anything else. I hoped it because she liked it better or wanted to wear what I bought, not because she thought she had to please me in any way.

The cold breeze hit me immediately as we went outside. It wasn't too cold, just breezy enough to need a coat but warm enough to be outside for a long time. Mia let go of my hand and started to run. "Look at all the pretty leaves, Mommy!" She called for me, skipping away, crunching in the fallen leaves as she went.

"Don't go too far, Mia!" I warned. I smiled, enjoying watching her play like a normal child rather than a porcelain doll. How I wished she could be free all the time, to build snowmen, to jump in piles of leaves, to swim. She ran back over to me and held out her stuffed bunny. "You want me to take Bunny for you?" I asked, smiling.

Mia nodded innocently. "Bunny doesn't like the cold," she replied. She positioned the stuffed animal on my lap and skipped away again.