Chapter 5
November 18, 1920
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
It was the night of an important gala, but not just any gala. This gala was celebrating the union between Hockley Steel and Vintage Metals. It was a gala for Cal's company, so by his logic, a gala to honor him. More than ever, I had to play the dutiful wife, the arm candy, the woman that everyone could call "lovely" to her husband.
Everything about high society functions made me sick to my stomach. I saw it all as a nightmare from which I could only wake up after hours of mindless chitchat. Men would approach Cal, introduce themselves to me, and then tell Cal how lovely I was. From then on, I would be neglected, left to stand quietly on Cal's arm. Back in the days before the wonderful Cal had left forever, he would talk to me, laugh with me, dance sometimes, just make the galas fun. I missed that, I missed having a real partner, who took care of me as much as I took care of him. Those days were over. This was my life now.
I stood in front of my full length mirror, dressed and ready to leave. I wore a silver gown that fell to the floor and had a heart shaped neckline lined with jewels. My hair had a clip on the left side, sending all of my curls to fall over my right shoulder. I touched up my lipstick, put on my high heels, and left the room.
I went straight to Mia's room, where she was sitting and drawing. Her hair was wet and combed, and she was in a nightgown. She looked up at me and gasped. "You look pretty." Her eyes were wide as she looked me up and down, a large smile on her face. "You look like a princess!"
I laughed, flattered by her compliment. She was such an honest little girl, I knew she would never compliment me if she didn't believe it. Having Mia around was like being a celebrity, having a fan following you around the whole time. "Thank you," I smiled, kissing her cheek.
"Are you leaving now?" She asked, looking somewhat disappointed.
I wanted to tell her that I was disappointed too, that the last thing I wanted to do was go to this stupid gala. But of course I couldn't say any of that. "Yes," was all I could say. I did allow my face to reflect the disappointment I felt, and I hoped she picked up on the fact that I would rather stay with her. "Ms. Williams will put you to bed tonight, okay?"
"But she doesn't read me the bedtime story like you do!" Mia whined. "She doesn't sing to me!" I could see she was about to cry, and I desperately didn't want her to. If she cried, I often cried, and I couldn't cry in front of her, not now anyway. Not when I was supposed to leave for the gala any minute. "Why can't you put me to bed?"
My heart broke. I pulled her closer to me, wrapping my arms around her. She didn't cry, thankfully, but she rested her cheek on my shoulder. "I wish I could put you to bed too," I said quietly. "But guess what?" I said, turning her so she could look at me. "I'm going to be here tomorrow night, and every night after that." These galas didn't come around so often anymore, and if they did, they usually required us to leave after Mia's bedtime, allowing me to put her to bed before leaving. "So… just for tonight, I need you to be a big girl and be good for Ms. Williams. Okay?"
Mia nodded and hugged me tightly. "Okay," she whispered, and I held her tightly in my arms.
Of course, this sweet little moment was ruined when Cal came barging in. The door swung open, making a loud bang as it hit the wall. I saw Mia nearly jump out of her skin, squeezing my hand tighter. "Let's go, sweet pea. The car is waiting outside."
I looked up at him and nodded. I then turned back to Mia, giving her a tight hug. "Good night, sweetie," I whispered into her ear.
She held onto me tightly, refusing to let go. "Do you really have to go, Mommy?" She asked, still not letting go.
I was about to answer, telling her that it would be alright, that I'd be back soon, that I'd even wake her up when I got home, if she wanted me to. But Cal interrupted, making everything worse. "Amelia. Your mother has to leave. Let go." He spoke to her like he didn't even know her, and he didn't care to. He spoke to her as if she was beneath him, and it hurt me to watch him do it.
I freed myself from Mia's tight grasp. "Everything's going to be okay, Mia," I whispered, kissing her cheek. I stood up, following Cal out of the room. "I love you." Cal slammed the door behind us, leading me down the hall and to the staircase. I looked at him angrily. "How do you do that?"
"Do what?" He asked. I stared at him, trying to figure out if this was just an act, him pretending he didn't know why I was upset. I didn't see that in him, so perhaps he genuinely didn't know how awful his behavior was. He looked back at me, arching an eyebrow.
"How do you act like she's some sort of stranger?" I asked angrily. "How can you not realize what a beautiful, smart, kind, sweet, wonderful little girl she is? How do you not treat her the way she deserves to be treated?" I was working myself up: my eyes were tearing up, my face was turning red, and I was clenching my fists. I needed to calm down somehow. He kept walking, but I grabbed his arm, forcing him to look at me. "I don't care how you treat me. I really don't anymore, Cal. But I need you to think about her for once and think about how your treatment of her makes her feel." I looked at him, trying to reach that compassionate part of him that had been around a few years ago. "She's your five year old daughter. She's not one of your workers, she's not a stranger, and she doesn't deserve to be treated as such."
Cal crossed his arms, glaring at me. "You have quite the nerve, making demands about how I treat her." The way he looked at me told me that he was about to do something, something that would make me regret my choice to argue with him. "Let's go. We're going to be late."
•••
We arrived back at the estate later that night, around midnight. As I handed my coat to the maid, I heard the sound of footsteps on the stairs. It sounded like Mia's but it was far too late for her to still be awake. Sure enough, when I turned around, there she was, running down the stairs towards me. Her curls were bouncing, her bunny was tucked under one arm, and there was a huge smile on her face. "What are you doing awake?" I asked, smiling as she ran towards me.
"Yes, I'd like to know that as well," said Cal, standing behind me. His arms were crossed, and his eyes were shooting daggers at her as she held onto me tightly. I wished there was a way I could protect her from Cal, but of course there wasn't. "It's midnight. Go up to bed… now."
I sighed, kneeling down on one knee so I would be even with Mia. "Go upstairs, sweet girl, I'll be right there," I smiled and kissed her cheek, trying to keep her as unsuspicious as possible. She nodded and ran back upstairs, leaving Cal and I alone again. I stood up and glared at him. "Who are you trying to hurt? Me or her?"
"I'm not trying to hurt anyone, sweet pea," Cal sighed, dismissing me. "Enough of the dramatics." He tried to walk away, but I stepped in front of him, stopping him in his tracks. "What are you doing?"
I tried to take a different approach this time. I tried not to seem angry this time, but instead just seem sad. "I'm trying to find the man I knew before this," I replied, tears welling up in my eyes. "I'm trying to find the man I courted, the man I married, the man I loved for five years!" I watched as he looked away. This wasn't the right time to have this conversation, I realized then. He was drunk, unfocused, and not receptive to anything I was saying. "I don't know if any of that was real, but if it was… I can't bare to believe that man could just disappear because of my infertility." I picked up my purse and walked upstairs, going straight to Mia's room.
I opened the door to find Mia sitting on her bed, on top of the covers. She was wearing one of her little nightgowns, her hair was in her normal pigtails, tied with little ribbons, and she had bunny rabbit socks on. "Is Father angry?" She asked right away. I hated that her first instinct was fear, that she couldn't just… live.
I helped her slide under the covers and pulled the covers over her. I sat down on the edge of the bed. "What are you doing awake?" I tried to change the topic, and I hoped she would forget her original question and move on.
"I couldn't sleep," she answered. "I heard the car driving in and I wanted to see you." I thought she had moved on from the topic of Cal being angry, but apparently not. "Is Father angry?" This time she kept eye contact with me. She looked at me with sad eyes, eyes that wouldn't allow me to lie to her.
I sighed, stroking her soft curls. "He's not angry at you, sweetheart," I looked at her intently, trying to make her understand. "He's not happy. He's angry at the world, and he's angry at me," I tried to make this as delicate as possible. "I promise, he's not angry at you." I did believe what I was saying. Cal wasn't angry at her at all. He resented her, he didn't feel any need to get to know her, but he wasn't angry at her. He viewed her as an extension of me, and therefore her behavior was my fault. I could handle Cal's anger, I could take it. It was far better than having him take his anger out on Mia.
"But Mommy, why is he angry at you?" She asked, and I didn't know how to answer. How do I tell her that he hated me because I couldn't have another child, that he hijacked me into agreeing to marry him, that he only loved me for my childbearing abilities, and that he was stuck with me. "Why did you get married if he gets so angry at you?"
My word, these questions! I had no idea how to answer any of them. "Now those are some great questions, but they're also quite complicated to answer," I explained. "When you're older, and you can understand, I'll answer them. I promise." She looked somewhat satisfied with that answer, and I was relieved to not have to lie to her. "Now, it's nearly midnight. How about you go to sleep now?"
Mia nodded, slowly drifting off to sleep. I sighed in relief, relaxing once I was sure she was asleep. "You have to sing to me, or else I can't sleep," she said, startling me. I started to sing, and I watched as she slowly drifted off.
I disappeared to my room afterwards, successfully avoiding Cal. I had taken off my makeup, undone my hair, and gotten undressed before climbing into bed for the night. Exhausted, I shut off my oil lamp and lay down, closing my eyes.
About five minutes later, I opened my eyes to hear Cal screaming. He was yelling at the top of his lungs, but I couldn't make out what he was yelling about. What I did know was that the yelling was coming from the right, probably next-door… where Mia's room was.
I jumped out of bed, running out of my room and next-door. I found Cal standing in Mia's room, gripping her arms tightly, the way he often did to me. He was screaming at her, something about him not wanting to see her out of bed again. He was hurting her, I could tell by the way the veins in his hands bulged out. Mia wasn't crying, somehow, but she looked absolutely terrified. "Cal!" I screamed, running over to him. "Cal, stop it! Stop it! Let go of her!"
He wouldn't listen, but I finally managed to pry his hands off of her. I stood in front of her, protecting her with my body. He tried to approach me, but I shoved him away. I could tell he was incredibly drunk, and I could smell the brandy on his breath from a mile away. "Leave, Cal," I instructed him angrily. "Sleep it off." I watched as he stormed out and slammed the door behind him.
Immediately, Mia started sobbing. "Oh, baby, I know," I lifted her into my arms, struggling not to cry myself. "It's okay now, he's gone," I whispered, holding her close to me. "It's okay, it's okay." I glanced down at her arms, where there were already large red blotches starting to form. I closed my eyes, in pain for her, and continued to just hold her.
A moment later, Ms. Williams came in to see what the ruckus was. "Mrs. Hockley," she said, sounding surprised. She glanced over at Mia, ten back to me. "Is everything alright? I can take her and put her back to bed, if you'd like."
I nodded, rubbing Mia's back. "That's alright," I smiled politely. "I'm going to keep her with me tonight." Ms. Williams nodded and left, and then it was just Mia and I once again. I looked down at Mia, wiping her tears from her damp red eyes. "What happened, Mia?"
"It was so scary!" She continued to cry, holding onto me tightly. "I was coming to find you, but Father found me in the hallway and yelled at me for leaving my room," she cried, and my heart broke. "And he really hurt my arms."
"I know, sweet girl, I know," I held her for another moment before looking down at her. "Do you want to sleep in my bed tonight?" I asked. She never had slept in my bed, and I knew the prospect of staying with me at night would make her happy. Mia nodded, clutching me tightly. "Okay, good. Let's go."
I carried her into my room, locking the door behind me. I put her down and pulled the covers over her, laying down next to her. I held her against me and wrapped my arms around her, needing to feel like I was protecting her somehow. "Good night," I whispered.
"Good night, Mommy," Mia whispered back. She fell asleep instantly, but I did not. I was too busy thinking about everything that had happened that night. Before tonight, Cal yelled at me and hit me and totally ignored Mia. That was bad enough, but now Cal had begun yelling at Mia and hitting her, terrorizing her. I couldn't let that stand. I couldn't let it go any longer.
We needed to escape.
