Chapter 14

The next day, Jess had a chance to reflect on his experiences over the last few weeks. He'd seen Rory. Rory Gilmore, his former muse, town princess, the pivotal woman in every story he wrote, and yet he couldn't reconcile himself to her as comfortably as he always had. He couldn't put his finger on it, but something was off.

Furthermore, not only was he making an effort with Lorelai for Luke, but he was beginning to actually not mind being around her. Jess always thought that Lorelaiwould be someone who, at the most, he'd have to put up with for Luke or Rory's sake, and that she would always be a challenge. Sure, the last part was true. In no way was he clamoring to listen to the Bangles or deal with the kind of drama Lorelai Gilmore brings into your life on a regular basis. But as true as those things might be, Jess had realized that not only could he deal with Luke's significant other, but he was starting to see the good in her. Her wit was always sharp, she was entertaining and intelligent, even if her pop culture references were a little dated.

She obviously really cared about Luke, as was obvious every single time they looked at each other. Those types of glances were the things that authors neither Lorelai nor Luke had heard of wrote about and that had amazed Jess from the time he could turn a page. And he saw the little bits of Rory here and there in her mother. Not just in the coffee addiction or the legendary eating or the repartee, but in Lorelai's insight and kindness, her strength and intuition. Understanding Luke's position made it much easier for Jess to handle the crazy that came along with having Lorelai around. Plus, Jess had to sympathize with him a bit. There was no hope for any man when it came to falling in love with a Gilmore.

He tried to refocus on stacking the rest of the volumes before Lorelai and Luke came downstairs. He had decided to stay on the couch in the shop last night after realizing how awkward the whole sleeping situation was when it came down to it. He was definitely going to have to just sleep on the downstairs couch at Truncheon when they visited from now on. Getting a bigger place wasn't an option. He had made the decision a long time ago that he wanted to stay still for as long as he could, at least until there was a reason significant enough to make a move. Something like a relationship serious enough to merit a possible need of more space, maybe. But there was plenty of space in the apartment for a cozy twosome.

Matt and Chris weren't exaggerated when they mocked his nonexistent dating life. It was pathetic, actually, which was why Jess refused to think about it. It's not that Jess didn't get attention. He always had, especially when he didn't want it, but he refused to settle, which meant that truthfully he hadn't dated anyone at all in the last few years. He'd gone out once or twice with a few girls, always leaving them in the kindest way possible but never able to become serious with them. Some part of him thought it was time to just realize that there were more options out there and that life wasn't a novel, but that entire thought process was counterintuitive to the dominant part of his personality. So for now, he had settled for being the hermit of the family since Luke had abdicated the throne, resting on the idea that he had plenty of time for those things once he felt more stable.

But the truth was, Jess was stable. He was ready. He just couldn't reconcile himself with the fact that he was strong and safe and able and willing to give everything that is a part of a real, serious, possibly lifelong relationship. He couldn't believe it of himself, that he had achieved that. And even though he was ready, he knew in the surest part of himself that maybe he wasn't the only one who needed some more time to get their shit together.