Chapter 16

I told Jack to wait in his room, so that I could get myself ready before he would see me. He had seen me naked countless times by now. His hands had explored every inch of my body, his lips had kissed every freckle, every finger, everything he could put his lips on.

But it felt as if he still hadn't seen me. I still felt a level of self consciousness. Not discomfort, but to have Jack staring intently at me required everything to be perfect. Or, at least, required me to have my hair brushed and to have myself looking just right.

I stood in the bathroom, brushing through my curls. I couldn't find my kimono, so I slipped on Jack's bathing robe. It was originally Jack's spare, but he gave it to me instead. I slipped my arms into the sleeves and tied it loosely, letting the neckline fall to my shoulders. I pulled my hair over one shoulder, running my fingers through it.

I walked out of the bathroom connected to his room and stood right in front of him. One of my hands played with the knot, slowly loosening it. I looked at him as he looked back at me. "I don't have to pay you for this one, do I?" I asked with a smile. "I'm not exactly in the same financial situation I was in the last time we did this."

Jack laughed. "No," he smiled at me. His eyes smiled too, they squinted happily and the blue brightened. "Besides it's not exactly like the dime got me very far." I smiled back at him. He looked down, flipping to a page in his portfolio. While he did that, I untied the robe and let it fall to the floor. Jack looked back up, a purely comical look on his face. "You're so beautiful." I blushed, still just standing in front of him.

I leaned closer, one hand on the arm of the chair and one hand on the top of the back. My lips were less than an inch from his. I lightly touched my lips to his, then eased myself onto the bed. We spent a moment in silence as I watched Jack nervously begin navigating the paper. "Jack, was there anyone else all these years?" I asked suddenly.

Jack didn't look up. He let out a long sigh. "No," he said finally. He still didn't look up at me, he was looking at the paper, sketching away. "No one could hold a candle to you. But I'm sure you know that." He looked up at me then, the corners of his mouth curving up in a smile. I blushed, making him chuckle. "Now, I know the artist isn't supposed to blush, but I'm almost positive the model isn't supposed to blush either."

I smiled, looking away. "My apologies. It's not every day that I pose naked in front of the man I love." I looked at him then, biting my lip and arching my eyebrow. I was determined to tease him, to make him blush, to make him lose control.

Jack stopped drawing and looked up at me. He tapped his charcoal against the paper for a moment, just staring at me. "I really have to finish the drawing? I can't just come over there… show you a different art form?" He arched his eyebrow and smiled playfully.

I threw my head back and laughed. "Yes, Jack. Finish the drawing." Knowing what he wanted and keeping it from him was delicious, really. He started to draw again, at a faster pace than before. Finally, he finished the drawing and closed the portfolio. "So," I ran my fingers through the tips of my hair. "What should we do now?" I arched an eyebrow. Jack fake frowned, throwing his head down, and I laughed. "Jack, just come here."

He walked over to me, pulling his shirt over his head, not bothering to fidget with the buttons. I pulled him down on top of me, hard enough that he lost his balance and really fell onto the bed, on top of me. I laughed, grabbing his head in my hands and kissing him.

Jack continued kissing me, sending shock waves throughout my body. "Jack," I whispered. As I said his name, he pulled away and looked at me. As he hovered over me and smiled, I was filled with emotions I couldn't even name or describe. I placed my hand against his cheek and smiled. "I love you." Jack smiled and whispered it back before kissing me again.

•••

After, as I lay in Jack's arms, questions regarding our future swarmed my head. What kind of future would we have while Mia and I were in hiding? Would there be a point in time when Jack decided that this was all too much for him? We couldn't go anywhere or do anything. We couldn't get married. Most painful of all, I knew I could never give him a child.

"Rose," his voice was thick, quiet, the way I loved it most. I looked at him to see him looking back at me, and by the look on his face, I could tell he was studying me. "What are you thinking about? What's bothering you?"

I sighed, taking his hand and holding it. "I'm sorry. I have to say that before saying what I'm about to say." I took a deep breath and sighed. "I'm just… I just don't think I believe yet that I'm with someone that isn't going to start hating me. I don't think it's registered yet that no second shoe will drop."

Jack and I were both laying on our sides, face to face. Our eyes were on each other's, and we were always touching in some way. Jack was touching my cheek, stroking it rhythmically, while one of my hands was on his shoulder and chest. The conversation was an uncomfortable one, and as a result, I was moving my hand constantly, from Jack's shoulder to his chest to his waist, back up to his hair and cheek. I couldn't keep still.

"Rose," he wrapped both arms around me, pulling me closer to him until my head was against his chest. He leaned down, planting a kiss in my hair. "I'm yours forever, just the way I am now. Nothing will ever change the way I feel about you, nothing will change the way I treat you. I promise." He was holding me in his arms, as close as he could. We both had spent so much time apart that occasionally it just felt good to have our bodies against each other, just melting into each other. "I promise… and I wish I could take away all of your doubt about my love remaining as sure and steadfast as it is now. I know that may never be possible, but I would do it in a heartbeat if I could."

I looked up at him. "I know that," I whispered, pressing my lips to his. We were back to facing each other, and we could look into each other's eyes again. I broke away from his eye contact, looking anywhere else. "Jack, can you seriously tell me that it doesn't matter to you that we can never be a couple outside of this house? That I can't marry you?" I looked down, tears suddenly running down my cheeks. "That I can't give you a baby?"

Jack sighed and placed his hand against my cheek. "I wish we could do all of those things. I wish I could give you all of those things. I wish I could show off the amazing, kind, strong, compassionate, smart, beautiful love of my life and her wonderful daughter. I wish I could take you to town picnics, I wish I could take Mia to build snowmen in the town square, just like my parents took me. I wish I could get down on one knee and promise you the world and everything it has to offer. I wish I could stand with you at the altar and tell you in front of everyone that I love you and that I want to spend my life with you. And I wish I could give you a baby and help you raise them, and watch them grow up, feeling nothing but pride and love." My heart throbbed as I cried. My eyes were closed, and I was just listening to Jack's voice and feeling his hands move in comforting motions. "But I want to be with you, more than anything else. I love you, and I love Mia, and that's all I need. That's all we need."

Jack wiped my tears as I continued to cry. I looked up at him, after keeping my eyes away for a few seconds. "Are you sure?" I asked one more time. "I'm giving you an out. I can leave and stay with Molly. You can meet a normal girl who doesn't have a psychotic husband and a daughter that isn't yours."

He shook his head, touching my bottom lip with his thumb. "I don't want that," he said quietly. "I don't want anyone but you. I don't want any life that doesn't have you in it." He kissed me, then kept his lips close to mine. "Hear me when I say that I love you more than anything. Without you, life is nothing. I would do anything for you and Mia. With the both of you, my life has been infinitely better, than the last eight years. I don't want to spend another second without you."

I leaned closer and kissed him again, wrapping my arms tightly around his neck and pulling myself closer to him. "You never have to again," I said breathlessly. He pulled me back against him, and I held him tightly, afraid to ever let him go again.

Jack gave me one last kiss before wrapping his arms around me. I felt his chest against my back and his arms around my waist. I had my hands on his, holding them tightly. "I always imagined what life would be like if I could've been with you," Jack said quietly.

I rolled over in his arms. "I'm guessing you never imagined I'd show up on your doorstep with Mia, running away from Cal." I smiled sadly, still caught up in all of the limitations of our relationship.

"No, I didn't," Jack whispered. He kissed me again and smiled. "This way is better," he said before another kiss. "This is real. My mind couldn't create the feeling of having you next to me, having your lips on mine… this is better than anything I could've imagined."

"I always hated the fact that I couldn't show Mia what love is. I didn't want her to think that what Cal and I had was in any way acceptable. But…" I paused, wrapping my arms around him, "I promised myself that I would teach her what to look for, that I would help her find her own Jack."

"Maybe now we can set that example for her," he whispered. He leaned over and kissed my forehead. I never wanted to leave this bed. I always wanted to have Jack's hands on me, roaming around aimlessly. I always wanted his lips to be this close to mine. "Rose, what are you thinking?"

I looked at him for a moment. His head was tilted to the side, his hand was on my cheek. He was staring at me, analyzing me, checking on me. He cared more than anyone else ever did. I wouldn't give him up, I wouldn't give up the life I had now. I only realized in that moment how genuinely scared I was of Cal showing up. "I'm thinking about Cal," I said quietly.

"Wow, I love it when I'm kissing a girl, and she's busy thinking about another man," Jack smiled, and I laughed. "Tell me, what's happening in that head of yours?"

"Do you really think he'll never find us?" I asked.

Jack sighed and shrugged. "I don't really know. I hope not," he touched my cheek, offering some support and love. "I won't let anything happen if he does, Rose. I promise you that. I won't let him take you from me."

"I need you to promise me something Jack," I whispered. "If this ever happens, if Cal ever appears… don't get yourself killed trying to protect us. I'd rather us get separated, I'd rather be dragged back to Pittsburgh than lose you and be dragged back anyway. Please, Jack, promise me that if he pulled a gun-"

"This is a completely hypothetical conversation!" Jack said loudly. He stroked my cheek gently. "Rose, I promise you, everything will be okay. I promise you I'll keep you, Mia, and myself safe." He thought I didn't notice that he didn't really make the promise I asked for, but I did. And I didn't mind. I knew if he made that promise, it would be a promise he couldn't keep.

I wrapped my arms around Jack's neck and kissed him. His top lip was between mine, and I could feel his teeth on my bottom lip. The way he kissed me, the way he placed his hand on my jaw, easing my head to one side so he could kiss my neck… kissing him was like having my first kiss all over again. The first time I kissed him was different than any other kiss. It was the right kiss. "Jack," I loved the way his name sounded, the way it felt to say his name. He stopped then, looking at me. "I love you."

His lips hit mine again. "I love you too."