Chapter 1

"Does Jay seem a bit…. distracted… to you?" Adam whispered to Kim later that morning, as he watched Jay clumsily spill his coffee on his desk, looking more frazzled and out of it than usual as they were looking into leads for a case. It was bizarre, Jay was usually the most put together, level-headed one of the group. Adam was confused, he had seemed fine up until they grabbed coffee this morning.

Kim stared at Jay, who did seem out of sorts since breakfast at the coffee shop, suddenly the significance of the moment dawning on her. The blonde ponytail, those unmistakeable piercing blue eyes. She wondered how she didn't see it before, just now. His reaction made sense. When Jay got shot last year, Kim took his wallet from the scene, returning it to him at the hospital later. She had searched through it to find his health card while they were in the ambulance, to have it ready as they approached the hospital. A small photo fell into her hands as she frantically pulled cards out. It was hidden in the creases, tucked in, clearly having been in there for a long time. It was incredibly worn, the colours faded, one of those old photo booth strips you took at the mall. Hailey & Jay 2002, written on the back in what looked like a girl's handwriting. She had no idea who this girl was, never heard Jay even mention anyone named Hailey, but this obviously meant something to him, to carry this around in his wallet every day. She tucked it back in his rightful place and forgot about it. Never asking him about the photo of the mystery blonde. She had never told a soul about that, forgetting that it had even happened until now.

Kim was feeling bold and needing to get to the bottom of this. So, she marched up to his desk and decided she was going to ask him once and for all.

"This morning… was that the girl from your wallet?" Kim blurted out. Jay had been acting strange all day, staring off into space or at his phone. She had never seen him blush so fast or seem so off put by anything in her life. This was not the historically stoic Jay Halstead she knew in front of her right now.

"What did you just say?" He replied bluntly, looking up from his computer screen, shocked.

"You heard me Jay", she said calmly, and confidently. Kim wasn't backing down.

"How do you know about that?" He said somewhat defensively. It was the best reply he could come up with.

"I had to find your health card in your wallet when you got shot last year...", Kim started to explain, Jay nodding, realizing how she saw the photo.

He paused, thinking about how he wanted to explain this. There was so much he could say, but all that came out was, "She's my, she was- was my best friend. We grew up together, we lost touch. After I came back from my second tour…we had a falling out. She moved away; I haven't seen her in over 7 years."

Kim had every intention of replying and asking more questions but refrained after realizing that Jay wasn't being secretive or holding back information about his personal life for the sake of it, but rather that he just looked… sad.


He had been thinking about Hailey all day. He couldn't get her out of his mind. Her smile, her laugh, her everything. He had debated calling his brother, knowing for a fact that he still kept in touch with her every now and again. They had never talked about it, Jay never brought it up, neither had Will. It wasn't a secret that Will has her current number, and he knows very well that Will knows he knows that. He may have snooped a time or two on his brother's phone about her. He knew that was weird, he felt a little creepy doing it. It was even weirder that the act of searching her up on Will's Facebook felt wrong and so foreign to him. He never thought in a million years that they would be in this place, a fragmented and torn version of their once rock solid friendship.

So instead of going home right after work he drove around town, scouting out a few of their familiar places, ones that he thought Hailey might be at. Hoping for another chance encounter. It was late by the time he decided to call it quits, his body protesting at being up for so long, and still in the same damp clothes he had been wearing all day and into the night as they finished up a high profile case at work.

His heart started beating when he turned the corner of his street, the headlights illuminating his front porch.

He should have known. He pulled up into the driveway and walked towards his house, only to find a familiar figure crouched on the front step.

"Thought you'd never come home", she said with a hard to read smile on her face.

"I was out looking for you", Jay reasoned right back.

"Mhmm. Will told me this is where I might have luck finding you", Hailey replied.

"Did he now. Didn't know you still talked to Will…", he tested her.

"I never stopped talking to Will. I know you know that", she smirked, challenging him.

Jay pursed his lips and raised his eyebrow, knowing he was caught. "I see. Well, you could have let yourself in, you know where the key is."

"With how jumpy you are? Never Jay." Their banter returned quickly. Hailey spoke fluent Jay, and vice versa. Their languages were always one and the same.

Jay decided to speak on the looming and necessary conversation about their current situation. "Hailey I'm really not in the mood for a fight tonight."

She could hear the exhaustion in his voice.

"I didn't come here to fight Jay. You gonna invite me in for a drink or what?" She flashed her dimples.

"Good because I have a massive migraine coming on, I'm actually feeling a bit sick", he blurted out. Jay hated that. That after all this time, Hailey was sitting right in front of him on the porch, willing to talk things out, and he was making a lame excuse. Well wasn't exactly an excuse he was feeling shitty. His head was pounding, he had been outside on a raid all day, he felt the chill down to his bones.

"Still huh?" She asked, referring to the migraines.

"One of the few things that's stuck with me over the years", Jay laughed nervously, the effort itself making the throbbing in his head increase.

Hailey didn't miss a beat. "Well hot toddy's it is then. Come on, we can start a fire", she said, ushering him inside and away from the wicked Chicago winter winds. Picking up on the way he said migraines were one of the few things that stuck with him over the years, the hint of loneliness and dejection in his voice.

"Okay", his voice cracked a little. His heart skipping a few beats when he felt Hailey's hand on the small of his back, pushing him in the house past her.

Nostalgia washed over her as she walked in his parents' house…err his house. It felt like home, even after all these years. The house looked different now, different than when they were kids. As it should, Jay had updated it over the years. Some parts of it were the same though. She paused to peek at the photos he had hanging in the hallway. Some of him and Will, his parents, what she assumed were his co-workers, Mouse, their old lab Lucy. She felt a pang of hurt in her heart when she didn't see any of her. But then again, why should there be.

"I'm sorry about your dad by the way…. And that I didn't call. I wasn't sure if you wanted me to…", she added.

"That's alright. Thank you."

She hated how awkward this was. She watched as Jay started a fire in the living room, the stone fireplace was always her favourite part of his house. They spent many, many nights watching movies in front of it, or drinking hot chocolate and warming up after a cold day playing outside.

"The picture you're looking for is around the corner in the office by the way", Jay said with a small satisfactory grin on his face, he saw her disappointment as she discreetly snooped around.

"How do you know that I'm looking for a picture?" She challenged him.

"It's been years Hails, but you still have the same tells", he pointed out, mimicking her disappointed face.

Hailey tried to hide her surprise. "How very detective of you", she joked.

"I've been reading your mind for a long time, and I don't need a badge to tell me how to do that", he raised an eyebrow and smirked victoriously.

A chill ran down her spine. After all this time, Jay still knew how to push her buttons. Hailey got up off the couch, taking a breather, heading towards the kitchen to make a hot toddy for Jay, a stiff old fashioned for herself, she sensed she was going to need it, based upon the tension between them in the house after only a few minutes.

As the kettle was boiling, she caved and quietly turned the light on in Jay's office.

Her face lit up when she immediately laid her eyes on her favourite photo of them. It was the summer before she went off to college, and before Jay left for Army training. They were sitting on the edge of the dock at his cabin up north. The sun was at the perfect golden hour, she had a University of Chicago hoodie on, he had an Army one. It was the last photo they took before their worlds changed and their once deeply connected paths hit a fork. Hailey was behind Jay, her arms wrapped around his shoulders, pulling him in tight for a hug. His hands came up to rest on her forearms, well one hand on her forearm, his other sitting on top of her hand. It was still such an intimate photo to her. Jay showed his love through touch, in this photo they were more connected than they typically were at the time, like he was holding on to her and not wanting to let the life that they knew together go. His mom forced the pictures, they laughed at the time but now she was glad she did. Jay had this silly smirk on his face, Hailey's dimples wide, glancing at him like he was her world. And at the time he was, he still very well could be. His freckles littered his cheeks, as they always did by August. Things changed drastically after this, some for the better, but mostly for the worst.

She picked up the frame, gently running her thumb along the side.

"Before it all went to hell?"

She jumped, hearing Jay's voice behind her. Wondering how long he had been standing there.

It was long enough. He stared at that picture nearly every day and wondered what he could have done differently.

"Would you go back?" She asked, essentially reading his mind.

"Hmm?" He pretended that he needed clarification.

"And change anything?" She added softly, the weight of the question not lost on him.

He exhaled loudly, thinking about that for a minute.

"Yeah I would", he added definitively. "Would you?"

It took her years to realize, too many, that the person that came home from war was still Jay. Only he wasn't the asshole she thought he had turned into. He was just hurting, and that manifested itself in other ways. Ways in which that she thought had ruined their friendship, with all the built up hostility and anger.

"I would have paid more attention. When you came home", she admitted.

He looked down at his feet, trying to reign in the emotions he was suddenly feeling. He had shut everyone out when he came home, Hailey included. And treated her poorly, treated himself poorly too. It wasn't her fault things happened, she had to know that.

"I'm sorry Hailey."

"I'm sorry too, Jay."

"I wasn't ready for it back then…", he started to let his guard down, open the floodgates.

"I know", she cut him off. She knew where he was going, but she wasn't sure that she was ready.

Jay hesitated, and was about to say something, the words practically formed on his lips, just as the loud whistle of the kettle went off in the kitchen.

They stared at each other for a moment, quietly, wondering if they should continue this conversation. Jay got scared and held back what he was going to say a minute ago. Hailey knew he chickened out, and her face momentarily looked disappointed and relieved all at the same time, but she quickly collected herself and brushed by him.

"I'll go get that", she said referring to the kettle, Jay silently kicking himself for not ceasing the opportunity.

He stood there in the doorway, still a bit stunned. He turned around to her in the kitchen, planning on helping her get their drinks ready.

He really did have a wicked migraine coming on and was so not in the mood for yelling. Maybe this was for the best after all, putting a pause on the elephant in the room conversation.

"Go lie down Jay. You look pale", she said gently, as she poured the hot water in his mug.

He was still hovering over her, to the point that she thought he was for sure going to say something, he looked like he was going to explode with whatever tension was building inside of him. She knew that look all too well, his eyes and body language were telling her that he wanted and needed a hug.

She put the kettle back on the stove, and started to propel her body forward, extending her arms towards his neck.

"I don't want you...what if I'm getting sick" ...he backed up suddenly. His heart was beating out of his chest, he was sure she could hear it.

"It's alright Jay, you're just run down", she said softly, continuing to pull him close to her. She could tell he was anxious, too much so.

She wrapped her arms around his neck, encouraging him to bring his head down to meet the crook of hers. She could feel his heart pounding through his chest, so she intentionally slowed her breathing, to try and calm him down. She took a few deep breaths before she felt him truly reciprocate the hug. Her hand ran gently up and down his broad shoulder blades, and she felt his fingers tapping her lower back. She pulled apart from him when she knew he had relaxed a little, making note that he still smelled the same.

"See, I'm fine Jay. This is okay. We're adults. You don't have to be nervous around me", she bluntly told him.

He nodded, smiling, the fresh scent of lavender bombarding his senses, and mostly remembering all that once was.


Hailey sat next to him on the couch and set his mug down on the coffee table. She dug through her purse and pulled out her handy peppermint roller.

"You still carry that around huh", he said incredulously.

"Old habits die hard Jay", she deflected. He knew she only started doing that for him. It was a little satisfying to know she still did that, that she had a reminder of him in her purse all this time.

They sat on the couch for a few minutes sipping their drinks, an awkward silence forming between them, until Jay broke the ice.

"Can you do the head scratching thing" …he asked seriously, but with an underlying smirk on his face.

"Jay I'm not in the mood for playing around", Hailey half rolled her eyes.

"I'm serious Lails, my head really hurts. Please", he pleaded.

She looked at him and knew he was being serious this time. The concussions from sports, the military and work added up over the years. He paid the price for even just a small bump on the head, it always seemed to cause a massive migraine now.

"Lails. Wow haven't heard that one in a while. You must actually not feel good", she said sounding surprised and amused at the same time. She got caught up in her own train of thought for a moment, remembering something she thought was lost in her memory for good.

"Lailey! Lailey!" A four year old freckle faced Jay Halstead shouted at his neighbourhood friend Hailey Upton as their moms walked towards each other on the sidewalk, planning on taking the two to the park to play together.

"It's Hai-ley", the ever sassy young girl replied. Her own mother scolding her for correctly his speech, Jay had tried so hard to get her name right, but he was still working on it. He looked frustrated for a second, before he gave her a mischievous grin, knowing that bugged her.

"Okay, Lai-ley", Jay chirped back, sticking out his tongue, getting a rise out of teasing his platinum blonde pig-tailed friend.

It had just stuck as a nickname since then, long after Jay grew out of his slight speech impediment. He would still call her Lailey or Lails as they got older, when he wanted to get under her skin. Then it just eventually evolved into a term of endearment, one that grew on her and she secretly loved.

Hailey shuddered at the flashback she just had, her brain putting that part of her childhood and that part of her relationship with Jay in a metaphorical box and locking it tightly away again. She shook herself out of it, just in time to hear Jay's reply, not wanting to give him the satisfaction that she was reminiscing on their younger days.

"I really don't", he admitted, sighing loudly as he exhaled, cradling his head in his hands as he sat leaning forward on the couch.

"Okay, come here", she caved and put a hand on his back to alert him. She gestured for him to lie down on the pillow she set on her lap.

He looked at her with a twinkle in his eye as he excitedly grabbed a blanket and gently laid down on his back, Hailey protectively cradling his head and neck in her hand until she knew he was in the right spot.

She grabbed the ice pack sitting on the coffee table that Jay must have taken out of the freezer and gently set it over his eyes. He sucked in air at how cold it was, she immediately took it off his forehead.

"Is this okay? Or too cold?" She asked.

"It's okay. It feels good, I was just surprised at how cold it was", he explained.

"Okay", she hummed. She started by running her hand through Jay's hair, her fingertips massaging his scalp. Alternating that between scratching the top of his head and gently pulling at his hair, for some reason he liked that, and it made him feel better. He was quiet for a minute or so, soaking this in. He was sure it was some sort of placebo effect in his brain, but absolutely nothing made his headaches feel better than Hailey doing this, it had been years. He thought about her every time he had one, wishing she was there to make it go away.

"You know it's not the same if you don't do the song" … briefly removing the ice pack as he grinned with one eye open.

Hailey snorted at that, she almost forgot about this part of the routine. She had been doing this for him since they were teenagers. Jay would beg for Hailey to sing ridiculous songs to distract him when his head was pounding, anything to take his mind off the fact that it felt like an ice pick was digging into his skull. Eventually, Hailey settled on one rap song in particular, a hit with Jay. It made him, and her, laugh every time.

"Right, let's see if I still remember how to do this", she cleared her throat and started singing an acoustic rendition of "Get Low", by Lil John. The two of them were laughing together in no time.

"You know I don't think either of our bosses would appreciate the vulgar music we listen to", Hailey told him.

"My boss curses like a sailor and trust me has done much worse than singing some harmless motherfuckers here and there in a rap song" Jay admitted with a chuckle.

"How about you? Rap music not a good look for a big shot attorney like yourself?" Jay asked.

Hailey smirked. "You know what my taste in music is. Once a gangster, always a gangster Jay."

"Fair", Jay laughed with his eyes closed.

"So how did you hurt yourself this time?" Hailey asked, expecting an elaborate story.

"Promise not to laugh?" Jay asked.

"Always", Hailey confirmed.

"I was grabbing something out of the breakroom kitchen at lunch, underneath the sink. I came up too fast and smacked my head on the corner of the drawer. And then I had to be outside in the rain all day, and now I just feel bleh", he explained.

Hailey put her hand over her mouth, trying to keep from laughing. She shouldn't laugh, she had done that before, and it was painful.

"You said you wouldn't laugh!" Jay pretended to be hurt.

"I know, I know I'm sorry. You're right it's not funny, that sounds painful." She ran her hand underneath the back of his head, finding a lump. He instantly jumped when she did that.

"Ouch!" He yelped.

"Sorry, sorry. It's just swollen back here; you'll probably have a goose egg", she replied.

"Oh, I know, I feel it forming", Jay said, not surprised.

"Do you want to switch the ice there?" Hailey suggested.

"Yes please", Jay replied.

"Okay lift your head a bit", Hailey helped support his neck as he raised it off the pillow slightly.

He relaxed back down, the ice feeling good on the growing lump protruding from his scalp.

He found Hailey's hand and immediately linked his pinky finger to hers, something they used to do all the time as kids to signify a promise, or even just while they were sitting down watching TV. That was a weird quirk Jay had, always wanting to touch hands.

"Really going down memory lane today huh", Hailey joked, but didn't pull her hand away.

"Just trying to pretend that things are still normal between us", he softly admitted.

Hailey felt a twinge of sadness at that, she wanted so badly for things to be how they used to between them. She thought about him almost every single day.

"Things can be normal again Jay", she whispered, stroking his hair.

He felt hopeful at that, he missed Hailey more than anything else. He missed her presence in his life, the laughter, the consistency, the comfort she always gave him when he needed it most.

He went to say something, to admit a deep part of his heart, but she spoke first.

"Get some rest okay, we can talk about this later", she whispered psychically, running her thumb across the back of his hand.

He nodded, his eyes feeling heavy, letting out a yawn. It was about to be the best sleep he had in months.


Ahh hope you liked this so far! Changing things up and writing Hailey & Jay in a different way. I promise it will make sense eventually. Writing this story has made me feel quite vulnerable so far, but has been a nice outlet. Would love to hear your thoughts, or predictions on where this is going :) Have a great week, stay safe and healthy - K