Chapter 2
Morning came, the embers of the fire still glowing in the soft sunrise light.
Hailey was stretched out next to Jay, she had somehow ended up lying down next to him with a blanket tucked over her shoulder.
She felt him stir next to her, grumbling as he rolled over to face her.
"How are you feeling?" Hailey asked, knowing he spent most of the night sound asleep with his cheek pressed against her shoulder, something that was rare for him back when she was friends with him last.
"Better actually", Jay said rubbing his temples, evaluating his headache.
"Good, let me see the back of your head", Hailey coaxed him to sit up so she could check the goose egg.
Jay winced a little when she touched it but didn't have complaints otherwise. "The ice helped I think", he confirmed, feeling it himself.
"It looks like the swelling has gone down anyways", Hailey fished out the ice pack that had fallen in between the cushions on the couch through the night.
"Thanks." He smiled at her, a look in his eyes that she couldn't place. Gratitude? Embarrassment? Nervousness? It hurt her heart a little bit that she couldn't read his cues or his mind as well anymore.
He was thinking the same thing, staring back at her. Only, what was going through his mind was that Hailey showed him a kindness last night that he didn't think he deserved from her.
They sat on the couch for a few minutes, still waking up, not discussing the precarious position they found themselves in this morning. As kids and teenagers, they did this once in a while, it was never weird. But now was a different story. After everything that had happened between them and all the time that had passed, this felt different, significant, as if they were teetering on a dangerous line.
They were so deep in each other's thoughts and presence that Jay didn't hear the front door lock being wiggled open until it was too late.
"Jay?!" Will called out. "Sorry I know it's early, but I had to drop off that speaker I borrowed before I head in for my shift…"
He stopped mid-sentence when he saw a blonde ponytail hanging over the side of the couch. He froze, thinking he just interrupted something super awkward for his brother.
"Sorry…I didn't realize. Sorry", Will stammered trying not to look.
Jay wished he could have taken a picture of his brother's face when the mystery blonde ponytail revealed herself and turned towards Will.
Pure shock. "Hailey?!" Will exclaimed, looking from her to Jay, a smile instantly forming across his face, masking the initial surprise of who had spent the night on the couch with Jay.
"Hi Will", Hailey said sheepishly, sitting up and rubbing her eyes to wake up.
He immediately walked over to the couch to give her a hug, not even thinking twice to see if they were clothed or not, he didn't care about that. He had doubts that was the situation he was walking into but with these two he honestly didn't know. Hailey being here was a huge wild card.
He half picked her up off the couch, squeezed her hard, holding her in. He missed seeing Hailey around, she was a big part of his childhood and growing up too.
"How long are you in town for?" Will asked, eyeing the two of them. Something clearly happened here last night, what, he wasn't totally sure yet.
"About that…just until Monday but…", Hailey looked towards Jay, they didn't really get a chance to talk about that since he wasn't feeling great last night.
The Halstead boys looked at her in anticipation.
"I actually just got offered a job at a firm downtown. I have to let them know by next week", she smiled.
Jay couldn't contain his excitement, what that would potentially mean for them.
"Seriously? You should have said something! That's amazing, congrats Hails", Jay replied.
"I know, I was getting to that and then you weren't feeling great, so I was going to tell you this morning", she added.
"What's wrong with you?" Will asked concerned, only focusing in on the Jay wasn't feeling great part of her statement.
"It's nothing Will I'm fine. I had a bad headache last night, it's gone now", Jay smiled softly at Hailey.
Judging by his messy hair, he suspected he weaseled his way into a famous Hailey Upton head massage and that's why he was feeling better. Migraines ran in the family; he had his fair share of help from her over the years too. The head scratching thing was always more their thing, but when it got really bad for Will at times, she stepped in. Magic cure. Will checked his watch, "Listen I have to run. Hailey great news that you're potentially moving home, happy for you, we've missed you around here. Keep me posted. Sunday dinner?"
She laughed, "You guys still do that?" She asked in half disbelief.
Sunday dinners at the Halstead's were a staple for her growing up. Her own family life was a bit complicated…their parents knew that and always invited her over for some stability. Hailey's parents were always at the restaurant working anyways so it didn't matter to them that she was spending time with someone else's family every Sunday.
Jay's mom always went all out on Sunday's. Her reasoning was that it was the only day of the week everyone was home together, typically, and it was a time to relax and catch up on the week's events. When they were young, they would tell jokes or talk about school. As they got older it evolved into sports, politics and any other current events in their lives. But one thing always stayed the same. Mrs. Halstead would always make a roast with all of the fixings and a delicious pie or dessert of some sort. Hailey secretly tried to emulate that with her friends in New York, but they just didn't seem to get the importance or symbolism behind it like she did.
"Of course, we still do that, well not every Sunday because of our shifts. But we try as much as we can", Will's face sunk for a second, missing their parents was hard. But they tried to keep it up as much as they could.
"I'll bring the pie", Hailey replied, the boys taking that as her accepting their invitation. For some reason, suddenly Jay felt a little nervous.
After Will left, Hailey and Jay stood awkwardly in the living room.
"So…. you slept over last night", Jay said stating the obvious.
"I did. And I should get going, need to head back to my hotel", Hailey replied neutrally, trying not to make a big deal out of things.
"You're staying at a hotel? You know you can stay here if you need to…", Jay put the offer out there, finding it silly she was paying for a hotel in the city.
Hailey smiled, "Thanks Jay. Work is paying for it though, so it doesn't matter."
"Okay", he said cautiously, with a smile.
"So"
"Well I better- ", Hailey and Jay spoke at the same time.
"I better get going", Hailey replied softly, but awkwardly.
"It was really good to see you Hails", a slight crack in Jay's voice snuck out as he chewed his bottom lip.
"We should talk later", Hailey said, the tone of her voice switching to a more serious one, Jay knew what was coming. The migraine just prolonged the blow out they were going to have.
"Yeah, we should", he nervously rubbed the back of his head. "I guess a headache can't save me again tonight. It was kind of nice…you and me, just like old times. But I know we have to talk about this eventually", he exhaled, and motioned between them.
Hailey smiled reluctantly. "Saved by the head scratch. Take it easy today alright? Just rest, drink lots of water." Hailey replied automatically, knowing Jay liked to push himself, he always felt tired the day after a bad migraine.
He nodded, intending on taking her advice. "I will, thanks."
She turned to leave the house when Jay called out to her.
"Wait, I, I don't even have your phone number", he said sheepishly.
"Are you asking for my number Jay Halstead?" Hailey replied, her inner fiery attitude coming through.
Jay thought he saw a little sparkle in her eye, "Yeah, I am."
She grabbed his phone from his outstretched hand and put her number in.
"I'll call you later", he replied, taking his phone back.
"Sounds good", she half smiled and left.
The second the front door was closed she let out a huge breath that she didn't know she was holding in, feeling a rush of emotions coarse through her veins. She paused before heading back to her rental car. She was in deep trouble.
Little did she know Jay was doing the same thing on the other side of the door. His back against the solid oak frame, pondering if he would be able to survive a second time if Hailey came in and out of his life again.
Jay had been fidgeting all afternoon, ignoring the barrage of text messages he was receiving from Will.
WHAT DID I WALK IN ON THIS MORNING?!
JAY. I KNOW YOU CAN SEE THESE. I HAVE QUESTIONS AND NEED ANSWERS.
IS THIS A THING AGAIN? HOW DID YOU EVEN GET A HOLD OF HER DID YOU STEAL HER NUMBER FROM MY PHONE?
The closest Will had ever got to calling him out about Hailey in recent years.
Jay laughed at that one, honestly if he was in Will's shoes, he would have a lot of questions for him too. He decided to text him back and put him out of his misery.
Ran into her randomly at a coffee shop yesterday. Spent all night after work searching around the neighbourhood for her, found her on the front step last night waiting for me. I felt like shit, so she took care of me for a bit and we fell asleep on the couch. Nothing happened.
This is my favourite love story of all time. What are you guys going to do? Are you going to ask her to take the job and stay in Chicago?
Jay thought about it, that was in a roundabout way what he was planning on doing, well what he was hoping she would decide too.
I don't know Will, we're talking tonight. We need to clear the air about some things.
Ahh I see, so no Molly's?
Not tonight, have to rip the band aid at some point.
True, okay well good luck. Keep me posted if I need to set the table for 2 or 3 tomorrow.
Jay didn't love the slight lack of confidence Will had in him regarding the looming conversation with Hailey. But based on their track record, he couldn't blame him. He plopped himself down on the couch again, resting his head on the pillow she slept on last night. He inhaled and smiled, the familiar smell of her perfume lingering behind. She had been wearing the same brand since high school, he could pick it out anywhere. It was comforting and stress-inducing at the same time. They were finally going to hash things out.
Will took a swig of a fresh beer as he sat at a table at Molly's with Kim, Adam, and Kevin.
"Jay didn't want to join us tonight?" Adam asked.
"No, he was meeting up with an old friend tonight", Will stated, not wanting to give away too much, he wasn't sure what his brother's coworkers knew.
"Is it Hailey?" Kim asked innocently.
Will nearly choked on his beer. "Umm, yeah, actually it is. How do you know about that?" He asked curiously. As far as he knew, Jay never spoke about Hailey to anyone.
"We were with him at the coffee shop yesterday morning. He was out to lunch the rest of the day. It was bizarre", Kim replied.
"Yeah, Hailey does that to him", Will confirmed.
"So, what's the deal with them anyways? High school sweethearts or what? He seemed spooked as hell after we saw her", Adam prodded.
"High school sweethearts?" Will scoffed. "More like grade school. Those two have been attached at the hip for as long as I can remember…well up until the last little while…", Will trailed off, knowing he was treading into dangerous waters.
"Define the last little while…", Kevin added.
"More than 5 years less than 10?" Will guessed. "I'm unsure of the exact timeline to be honest…I think there have been some grey areas over the years if you will", he tilted his head back, taking another sip of beer.
"Ten years is a bit more than a while Will", Adam shook his head, confused. Up until this morning, his friends had no idea about this mystery woman, he never spoke of her. But based on what Will was saying, she was a huge part of his childhood, his teenage years, his adulthood. It's like Jay was living a double life this entire time.
"Yeah well, I guess you're right. I'm not sure that Jay has ever forgiven himself for what happened, or fully gotten over Hailey. Even with Erin…She was a nice distraction for a few years there. I liked Erin, I thought they might end up together, but you guys know how that played out…", the table raised their eyebrows, confirming the obvious.
Will continued. "He was a mess afterwards. But not as nearly as badly as the Hailey fallout… I mean I'm talking I flew home from New York during my residency one weekend because he was so distraught on the phone. He was really, really in a bad place after that. He hides it well now, but every once in a while, if I catch him napping on the couch, he's always whispering her name in his sleep." The table was so captivated by Will's words, even as he trailed off quietly at the end, hanging on to every little piece of information that they could. Will paused, doing some daydreaming and reminiscing of his own, shaking his head to bring himself back to the present.
"Even after all this time?" Kim asked curiously, she was on the edge of her seat, had goosebumps. This felt like an epic once in a lifetime love story. She had no idea Jay had this sort of past up until 24 ish hours ago, it was intriguing. And a lot of things made sense now. The extreme aversion to going out for Greek food, blushing when Kim teased him for staring at pretty blondes every once in a while, refusing to go to NYC for a weekend trip with the unit. It was because this thing with Hailey hurt him so much, and he had done everything in his power to rid his mind of things that reminded him of her, to protect himself. It was sad really, Kim thought.
Will grinned, staring down at his empty glass. "I've said too much. Just know that Jay and Hailey love each other very much, they always have, I think even to this day. But this conversation never happened. He would kill me for telling you guys any of this."
Kim, Adam and Kevin nodded in agreement; Jay was a private person. They understood and respected that, now more than ever.
Meanwhile, back at home, Jay sat nervously on the couch, checking his watch every few minutes, waiting for Hailey to show up. He had texted her an hour ago, inviting her over to have some drinks and talk. She agreed and told him she would text him when she was on her way.
He hadn't heard from her yet and it was making him anxious. What if she didn't show? What if she had decided to go back to New York and had no intention of making things right between them? He was getting in his own head, playing out all the potential scenarios when he heard the soft turn of the knob of his front door, familiar footsteps following it.
"Jay?" She called out.
"Hey", he said poking his head out around the corner of the kitchen.
"Sorry I'm late, something came up at work, had to take an unexpected call", she explained.
"That's alright", he said neutrally, not wanting to show his hand, give away his nerves.
"Wine?" He changed the subject.
"Please", she hung her coat up in the hall closet and joined him in the living room.
They sat awkwardly on the couch, the same couch they had slept on together last night. But that was then, and this was now. Jay took a deep breath.
"So, I guess we should do this then", he set his wine glass down and shifted his body to face Hailey.
She smiled and chewed the inside of her cheek nervously. She could hear her heartbeat thumping in her chest. She had thought about this moment for a long time, when they would reunite, what they would say to one another. Now that the moment was here, she had the urge to turn away and run. It had been an effective strategy for the greater part of the last decade for them.
"Yes, we have to", she said quietly, accepting the fact that the time had come to air out their dirty laundry.
When she saw Jay through the coffee shop window yesterday morning, an old fire lit within her. She felt so angry, all of the unresolved feelings she had about them bubbled to the surface, ones that she hadn't thought of in years. She was determined to scream and yell at him and tell him what she really thought. She had replayed this scenario in her mind over and over, but when she saw his face last night on the front porch, she knew he didn't have it in him to fight with her. Jay was a kind-hearted person, by nature he was a helper, a gentle soul. He had made mistakes, they both had. She didn't know if she had it in her to be angry anymore.
"I kind of want you to yell at me, it might be easier. I deserve it", he said with a small voice, breaking the ice.
"You know, I've thought about this moment for a long time Jay, what I would say to you if we ever had the chance to hash this out, move forward. And trust me, a lot of yelling and anger was involved in every imaginary scenario that played out in my head", Hailey started.
"I've made a lot of mistakes in my life, and letting you go is the top of my list", he blurted out before she could say anything else. She paused, her mouth dropping at his shaky, but bold statement.
The silence was deafening. She could see the tears building in his eyes, knowing that he carried the same heartbreak, guilt and sadness that she did. He looked at her and she nearly crumbled, her walls weakening.
"We were just kids Jay", Hailey whispered, softly resting her hand on the back of his head, her thumb tenderly moving through his hair over his goose egg from yesterday, feeling a lump form in her throat. Her heart physically hurt at the thought of how their relationship had changed and slipped away from them over the years. She hated what happened and how both of their worlds were turned upside down from there.
"I know", he choked out.
His eyes pierced her soul, just like they always did. They were the same shade of green that she always remembered, the skin around them a little older, with more creases as they had aged. His carried a certain undertone of fatigue and pain in them, it made her sad. That he was no longer the bright eyed Jay Halstead that she had grown up with, and eventually grown apart from. His eyes carried secrets that he had refused to burden her with, pain that he kept locked in, only for himself. There was a time where she wished that he would just unload on her, let it all out, let her help him carry it. She had tried that, many times, and it had been unsuccessful. But sitting here now, she realized that maybe there was hope that they could find their way back still.
"Where should we start?" Hailey put it out there, in her mind there was an obvious place to pick this up from, but she knew deep down they had to go back in time first.
"I guess we should start at the beginning", Jay took a deep breath as his earliest memories of Hailey flooded his mind.
Wow, first of all thank you for all of the feedback on this story so far! I know I've been quite mysterious with the plot thus far, but I'm hoping it will be worth it once we get into things. This chapter was to set the stage a bit, give some more back story and angst of course! So excited for the shows to come back this Wednesday. Happy Sunday and happy reading! -K
