Chapter 3
The Upton's and the Halstead's lived on the same street for as long as Hailey and Jay could remember. They grew up together, went to grade school and high school in the same neighbourhood. Jay had Will, and Hailey had her brothers Nick and Mike. Nick was the eldest, a year older than Mike, and Mike was a year older than Hailey, just like Will was to Jay. Naturally, Will, Mike and Nick became friends, Jay and Hailey following suit shortly after. Their other neighbour Greg was also a huge part of their lives, Jay, Hailey and Greg were inseparable.
Their childhood was incredible. They would run down to each other's houses to call on the other to ride bikes, play soccer at the park and hockey in the winter, amongst other activities. Summers were always spent up at the Halstead cabin, swimming, boating, star gazing. Looking back, she couldn't have imagined anything better. She was so lucky. Hailey was the only girl in their crew, a label she eventually took pride in. Growing up, the boys did their fair share of teasing her, but never excluding her. They always let her play sports with them, and she eventually became the best soccer player out of the bunch. It made her tough, and taught her to know her worth, to never let anyone boss her around or talk down to her because she was a woman. Hailey was a true tomboy. She was never into doing "girly" things, wearing dresses, the colour pink, she despised that. She was much more comfortable playing in the dirt, wearing jeans or playing sports. Jay always saw her as one of the boys, his best friend, and never questioned it.
That was until middle school, when natural changes started taking place and he really took notice of Hailey. There was a brief period of time when he had a crush on her, but never told her. Little did he know, she was feeling the same way. A moment missing in time.
By the time they got to high school, their relationship and dynamic had remained steady. They had never acted on their feelings for one another, internally deciding that it wasn't worth the risk of losing each other as a friend. They never spoke about it, but both knew what the other was thinking. It came to a peak one night in the 10th grade, Hailey had been asked out by a guy named Steven. He was in the 11th grade, Jay played hockey with him and he was in Will's year. Overall, nice guy, not a mean bone in his body. But there was something about it that boiled his blood, why would he go after Hailey? Couldn't he get with someone his own age? What did her brother Mike think about this? Apparently very little according to Will, he never got involved in Hailey's love life.
"Sounds like you're jealous", Will pointed out one night after dinner.
"What? No, that's not it", Jay replied defensively.
"Mhmm, kinda sounds like you are", Will chirped back, knowing this was a sore spot for his brother.
"That's enough Will", their mother jumped to Jay's defense, seeing the redness spread across his cheeks. She too had her own theories on whether or not Jay and Hailey had feelings for each other.
Will laughed and rolled his eyes, seeing Jay get embarrassed was enough confirmation for him, so he left it.
As time went on, Jay and Hailey had become somewhat distant. She had been dating Steven for a few months and seemed happy. Jay on the other hand, was miserable. They still walked to school every day together but didn't talk as much. It made his heart hurt. Where there used to be happiness, laughter, closeness, was now replaced with awkwardness, silence, unspoken thoughts.
"Are you mad at me?" Hailey finally asked him one day.
He snapped out of his daze, "What? No."
"Well it sort of seems like it, you've been…distant…lately", she treaded slowly.
Jay's expression softened, that was the last thing he wanted her to think. "I know, you're right I have been. I'm sorry. Just this thing with Steven…didn't want him to think…you know."
Hailey rolled her eyes. "Seriously Jay. That's what this is about. Steven doesn't think there's anything going on between us, he knows we're just friends. Let's not make this weird okay, you're my best friend. Friends again?" She extended her arms out for a truce hug.
"Friends", Jay replied with a fake smile, knowing that in his heart he wanted more.
The next week went okay for the two friends, Jay was making an effort to like Steven, who he had to admit, was a nice guy, and good to Hailey.
Thursday came at school, Jay reminding Hailey that she would have to walk alone tomorrow morning, he was getting his wisdom teeth out with Will.
"Have fun", Hailey joked, knowing Jay hated the dentist.
Jay gulped.
"It's going to be alright Jay", she softened, touching his arm to comfort him.
"I know", he took a deep breath, leaving it at that.
"I'll come visit tomorrow after school, kay?" She told him, he smiled and turned towards his house.
If anything, the next morning was the opposite of alright. Will had a bad reaction to being put under, he was throwing up at the dentist's office and all the way home. Jay was feeling okay, just out of it, and sore. Their poor mom was in for an afternoon. She had taken the day off work to look after her boys, which she was thankful she arranged in advance. She was a nurse and was more than capable of taking care of them. She brought them ice packs, pain meds, and tucked them in for a nap. She was truly a saint, Jay and Will were so lucky to have her as a mom.
Will was a mess the rest of the day, Jay tried to sleep it off but was in a lot of pain too. When their dad, Pat, came home around dinner he was already on their case about milking this too much, calling them babies.
"Pat enough. Just leave them to rest", Katherine Halstead scolded her husband. She rarely got angry or had words with anyone, but when it came to Will and Jay, she was very protective.
"Relax Kate, I was only kidding, right boys? You're okay", Pat came over to the couch and gave them each a shoulder squeeze, a very rare display of affection from him.
Will and Jay just groaned and mumbled something back to him, sleeping soundly the rest of the evening.
Hailey had knocked on the door later that night, but the boys had already gone to bed. Kate told her to come back tomorrow to visit, which she happily agreed to. She originally made plans to see Steven on Saturday but decided that this was more important. She told Jay that Steven didn't feel any sort of way towards him, that he knew they were just friends. That was definitely a lie, Steven was extremely jealous of Jay. Hailey bringing him up all the time, spending a lot of time together, the classic girl-guy best friend pairing. It was a recipe for relationship disaster. Hailey had tried to smooth things over as of late, and she could tell Jay was making an effort to include Steven in things too, but she knew he didn't like him. Deep down she really needed Jay's approval with Steven, and if she didn't or couldn't get it… well.
"Let's put it this way Steven, if you forced me to choose between you or Jay you wouldn't like the answer", Hailey replied angrily after yet another argument with her boyfriend. Ultimatum, who does he think he is…she thought to herself. Steven rolled his eyes, said he was joking, but quietly changed the subject and moved on, they were on thin ice.
Saturday morning came, Hailey rolled out of bed early and made herself some toast for breakfast. The phone rang shortly after she was done eating, Kate on the other end.
"Morning Hailey my girl", Kate's calm, affectionate voice flooding through the speaker. Since she had no girls of her own, she always said Hailey was the daughter she never had.
"Good morning Mrs. Halstead", Hailey replied.
"You know you can call me Kate; it's been long enough. Mrs. Halstead sounds like an old lady, Pat's mother to be exact", she joked.
"Right, okay Kate", Hailey giggled on the other end.
"Listen I have a huge favour to ask. Pat is away at work already, and I just got called in. They're really short staffed at the hospital. Are you able to come over today to watch Will and Jay? If you have plans that's alright, I'm sure they can manage on their own, Will just had a really tough time yesterday, I would prefer it if someone kept an eye on them", Kate asked.
"Of course! I'll be over in 20", Hailey jumped at the chance. Things with Jay were a bit weird right now, but she was willing to put that aside. Will sounded like he needed some TLC. She secretly hoped Jay did too.
"Okay thanks so much, I owe you one!"
They hung up, Hailey thinking she didn't need anything, extra time with Jay, vulnerable, tired, hurting Jay, was enough.
"Who were you just yelling to on the phone?" Her brother Mike groggily asked as he made his way into the kitchen for breakfast ten minutes later.
"Hmm, no one?" Hailey tried to cover it up, not wanting Mike to know Steven just blew his cool when Hailey told him she was ditching him for Jay today.
Mike rubbed his eyes, "Must have imagined that."
"You're still half asleep", Hailey grinned, fooling her brother entirely. "Listen I'm going over to hang out with Will and Jay today. Rough wisdom teeth situation…Kate just called."
"Alright, sounds good. Tell them I hope they feel better", Mike replied, yawning his way through his cereal.
"I'm going to see Jay and Will", Hailey shouted up the stairs to her parents before she left, not that they really cared. They would be at the restaurant all day and night anyways.
Hailey shook her head and laughed as she made her way out the door, brothers, so oblivious. That she was grateful for, especially when it came to matters of the heart. Turns out, she didn't need an ultimatum, she would pick Jay today, tomorrow and every day after that. Steven could interpret that how he'd like.
There was a chill in the air, fall was here in Chicago. Hailey zipped her coat up even higher to make the short walk down the street to the Halstead's.
She knocked and opened the front door to let herself in.
"Hi!", She shouted out to no one in particular.
"Hi honey", Kate greeted her at the door, already in her scrubs, looking like she was in a rush.
"Sorry to do this last minute, there's a bug going around the hospital", she hurried to get her coat on.
"No trouble at all, I didn't have plans today anyways", Hailey brushed that part of the story off.
"Good. Will had an okay night, he's stopped vomiting for now, I think. Just make sure he drinks a lot of fluids today; he's dehydrated a bit. Jay was in pain last night, maybe just make sure he stays on top of his meds, ice packs in the freezer for both of them. 20 minutes on!" Kate rambled instructions while Hailey took her coat and shoes off, poking her head around the corner to see where the brothers were.
"If they want food, you know where everything is…soft stuff only though", she added.
"Got it. I'll call you if anything changes", Hailey replied.
"You are the best, you know that. Help yourself to anything you want, you know we think of you as family here. These two are lucky to have you, Jay especially", she said that with a twinkle in her eyes. Hailey blushed a little and bit her lip before letting out a shy smile.
"They're in their bedrooms by the way", Kate winked and left as quickly as Hailey came in.
Hailey wasn't sure what that meant, but she suddenly felt nervous. Sure, she had been in Jay's bedroom before, plenty of times. But not recently, they stopped doing that the older they got. It was just a strange place to be in Hailey's mind, especially once they started dating other people. Well, she didn't even know if she was dating someone anymore. But Jay didn't need to find that out today.
She quietly went up the stairs, intentionally avoiding all the spots that creaked, she knew this house almost as well as her own.
First, she poked her head in Will's room, to her surprise he was awake.
"Hey", she whispered as she stepped inside.
He looked at her funny at first, then registering her face. "Hey Hails", he mumbled.
"How are you feeling?" She asked.
He gave her a "so-so" motion with his hands. "Your mom asked me to come babysit today", Hailey giggled, earning a smile out of Will.
"Do you need anything?"
He shook his head, indicating that the ice packs were still cold.
"Okay, let me know if you do. Get some rest", she said quietly as she shut the door and made her way down the hall to Jay.
She took a deep breath, reminding herself it was just Jay. She had been in here countless times before; this was super normal. Everyone needed some care after their wisdom teeth.
She knocked, not getting a reply. She waited a second, knocked again and announced that it was her, and that she was coming in.
She sighed in relief; Jay was sleeping soundly, fully clothed. She approached the side of the bed he was sleeping on, gently sitting herself down on the mattress. She reached out to put a hand on his shoulder, still with no reaction from Jay. He was breathing, she knew that much, mouth breathing more specifically. His cheeks were pretty swollen, he reminded her of a cute chipmunk.
She was feeling bold, so she gently cupped his cheek, rubbing her thumb along his under eye. He was such a deep sleeper. That got a reaction out of him though, she smiled. He started to come to, opening his eyes, finding Hailey's eyes staring right back at him.
"Hey kid", she joked.
He groaned, the pain shooting through his jaw, he closed his eyes again, his forehead scrunching up in discomfort.
When she saw that, she lost her joking, playful demeanour. Jay was not looking so hot.
"Hey, it's alright. What can I do?" She asked, knowing that even though they were in a weird place in their friendship right now, she still hated seeing him in pain.
Jay attempted to sit up, his arms feeling a bit weak. Hailey was there to support his back and help prop him up on pillows. He let out a breath he was holding in, wincing at how much his face still hurt.
"I'm going to go grab you some ice okay?" Hailey asked gently, he managed to nod his head at that.
She left the room and hurried downstairs. She grabbed an ice pack from the freezer, a glass of water and some ibuprofen that their mom left on the counter. They had already had other meds not too long ago.
"It's the strongest you can have right now", she read his mind as she saw the pleading look in Jay's eyes for something else.
"Here", she handed him the medicine and held the glass of water up so he could take a small sip.
He nodded gratefully and eased himself back into the pillows. Hailey held up the icepacks to his cheeks, one on either side. Jay brought one of his hands up and set it on top of hers. She froze for a minute, his warms hand sending a chill down her spine, her heart racing in her chest.
"I can grab this one", he whispered, Hailey blushing, realizing she got the signal wrong.
"Okay", she replied, playing it off.
"We can hold hands another time, when I'm feeling better", Jay added, knowing he had her.
Hailey bit the side of her lip, not knowing how to respond to that. So, she replied with her default coping strategy, humour.
"Yeah, you wish Halstead", they both chuckled, spending the rest of the 20 minutes in silence.
Throughout the day, both boys seemed to rally a bit. Will wasn't as nauseous the longer the anesthetic was out of his system. Jay was okay, still swollen and uncomfortable but that was to be expected. Both of them had made their way downstairs after lunch, Hailey had just been doing homework all morning in the living room and going upstairs to check on them periodically.
"Well, well, well if it isn't my two favourite Halstead's", Hailey smiled, they were both in track pants and hoodies, blankets wrapped around their shoulders, ice packs in hand.
"Mmmm", Jay groaned, Will mumbled something of the same.
"Come here", Hailey patted the two spots of the couch next to her, she was taking the middle. "We can watch a movie."
Both boys nodded, plopping themselves down next to her. They didn't get too far in when she felt Jay's head slip onto her shoulder, she smiled.
Hailey started heating some leftover chili for dinner a couple hours later when she heard a commotion from the living room.
Jay was standing up off the couch.
"What's wrong?" Hailey asked confused.
"Aaa-aaa-choo", Will sneezed into his sleeve.
Hailey looked at him, even more confused. That was until Will sneezed again, his nose looking runny after his nap, sniffles followed. Hailey nodded her head in understanding.
Jay was a huge germaphobe. To the point where if anyone had so much of a sniffle, he would avoid them for a week. If Will was coming down with a cold this was going to set him over the edge, being stuck inside with him for the next few days.
Hailey rolled her eyes, handing Will a tissue box from the coffee table. "Relax Jay, maybe it's just allergies."
"In October? He has a cold, look at him", he replied back.
"It was only a sneeze or two Jay", she half joked. Jay didn't like that.
"Doe, he's right, I thinck I'b catching a, AAACHOO, a cold", Will wiped his nose, looking a little miserable, still sporting a devilish grin though, knowing Jay would hate this.
"Really Will", Hailey sighed, she knew he was egging him on.
"Wha?" He looked at her, already sounding congested. Swollen cheeks were not going to make his sinuses feel good either.
"Jay, for once, just be nice. He's not feeling good", Hailey went over to cover Will with a blanket on the couch, feeling his forehead in the process, not too warm.
"When your nose is dripping like his in a few days, I want you to remember this", Jay said, his attempt at a threat. Hailey laughed to herself as Jay retreated up to his room, taking his chili and some Lysol wipes with him. The immaturity always made an appearance at the first sign of a sniffle from anyone.
Hailey brought Will in some chili and sat with him until he dozed off again in front of the TV. She brought out another box of tissues as he had gone through most of them in the first hour, the skin under his nose looking red and raw already. He sniffled and sneezed his way through the rest of the movie they were watching and fell asleep on the couch.
Kate and Pat arrived home not too long after, Hailey filling them in on their day, pain and swelling were under control, but now Will had a cold.
"Naturally Jay is upstairs hiding in his room", Hailey mentioned, Kate nodding, knowing Jay's aversion to germs.
"Thank you, Hailey, enjoy the rest of your weekend", she gave her a hug and walked her to the door. Hailey didn't bother going upstairs to say bye to Jay, she knew she wouldn't be allowed in anyways because of her close proximity to Will.
Sure enough, Monday morning rolled around. Hailey's alarm went off for school, but when she opened her eyes, she immediately felt the tickle in the back of her throat, her sinuses already clogged. She coughed as she sat up, silently cursing Will, she had caught his cold after all. On top of that, Steven called her yesterday, they met up and he ended things. She was a bit surprised, but not. And even less upset than she thought, maybe it was for the best. Nonetheless, not a great 24 hours.
She went downstairs quickly to grab some orange juice and a tissue box of her own, informing her mother that she wouldn't be going to school today, no questions asked based on her scratchy voice. She didn't want to give Jay the satisfaction so she told her brothers to let him know she was sick and wouldn't be at school.
She passed the day by napping and watching movies. She was just about to muster the strength to shower when she heard her doorbell ring. Everyone else was at school or work, so she wasn't sure who it could be. She almost didn't answer it when she checked to see who was on the other side.
"Did you come here to gloat Jay?" Hailey said with a tissue in hand.
"No. came to bring you some soup", he gestured to the container in his hands.
"I wouldn't want you to get sick", she said slightly sarcastically, blocking him from entering.
"Damage is already done, I live with Will, and apparently you on the weekends too", he said, sounding back to himself, his usual chipper sense of humour.
She rolled her eyes, but let him in. Well he practically let himself in, she just moved out of the way to make a path as he headed towards her kitchen.
"How are you feeling?" He asked as he brought out a bowl of chicken noodle to her.
"Miserable", Hailey whispered, rubbing her sinuses to ease the pressure.
Jay put a hand on her back, pointing to the soup in front of her. If she wasn't imagining things, she swore she felt his hand gently rub across her shoulder blades too.
She finished the soup in silence, feeling uneasy that Jay was just staring at her, she looked like crap right now.
"What are we watching?" He asked her, not seeming to care about her appearance, turning on the TV. She stared at him, annoyed that he was acting so normal after his meltdown on Saturday.
"Shocked you even want to be within 6 feet of me", Hailey accused him.
Jay's features softened, knowing he deserved the sass. "You took care of me on Saturday, I owe you one. Favour bank", he grinned.
"You're going to bring the favour bank into this?!" Hailey laughed; she couldn't hold up an angry front with him much longer. The favour bank was their form of currency, they operated on an "I'll get you back", mutual benefit type of system, for pretty much everything. Jay needed help from Hailey with his math homework? Favour bank. He would run with Hailey as repayment when she was training for soccer, even though he hated running. It was something that worked for them.
He shrugged, "Figured that would be the most appropriate form of payment", he grinned.
Hailey's face fell for a second, "Steven broke up with me", she blurted out.
Jay looked surprised at first, then quickly hiding that with a neutral face.
"Sorry Hails. He didn't deserve you anyways", Jay said, supporting his friend.
"Wasn't meant to be I guess", she added, silently looking at his eyes for confirmation.
If he did have any feelings, he hid them well she thought. But she saw the excitement on his face when she told him it was over with Steven.
Jay grinned slowly, patting the couch cushion next to him, gesturing for her to move over a spot.
"You're gonna get sick now for sure", Hailey warned as she snuggled closer to him, he pulled a blanket up over her shoulders, his own arm finding a place behind her on the couch. It was strangely intimate, even though she did not look or feel her best.
"I know", Jay exhaled, accepting his fate, whatever that may be.
"Will gave us the flu of death, we spent that whole week in bed. So sick", Hailey laughed.
"So, so sick. That was a terrible week", Jay shook his head and laughed, taking a sip of his beer.
"I knew I loved you then, you know", Jay blurted out, interrupting Hailey's trip down memory lane.
"What?" Hailey asked in disbelief, of all the moments, she didn't think that was the one.
"That night, us on the couch, the first time we really did that as teenagers, all snuggled up. I knew then", he confessed confidently.
Hailey shyly grinned, she didn't think it was that early on. "Why didn't you say anything?" She questioned.
Jay shrugged his shoulders, at a loss for words. "Wasn't the right time." Story of their lives.
That didn't give Hailey much, but then again, she didn't expect this big emotional confession from him either, it was Jay she was talking to.
"I was scared. That if I told you, it would ruin things forever. And here we are, things were ruined anyways", Jay added sadly.
"I knew then too, just in a different way. I wasn't even upset that Steven broke up with me. You know why? Because deep down I knew you didn't like him, and that bothered me more than anything. Just didn't sit right", Hailey explained.
"We've really done it to ourselves haven't we", Jay laughed, shaking his head. Knowing there was so much more than happened after that, leading them to this point, once again snuggled up on the couch together, just under different circumstances.
"Where do you think we really went wrong?" She asked, Jay raised his eyebrows, mentally preparing a list for that answer.
He was about to reply, when Hailey stopped him. "Actually, I know what you're going to say. And I thought I was ready for this tonight, but I'm not sure that I am", her voice wavering, laced with emotion. Talking about their old memories together was starting to make her feel like she wasn't in control anymore, that she would just revert back to Jay. And that would be the logical, easy choice and decision, it was so automatic for them. But they couldn't do that again, they had to get through this as adults, they couldn't pretend things didn't happen anymore. They weren't kids anymore, although she wished more than anything, she could turn back the clock and have just one more day as if they were the younger versions of themselves. Ones who had never experienced heartache, illness, death, war.
Jay looked to the floor, just when he thought they were getting somewhere. He nodded though, understanding that this had to happen at her own pace. He didn't have the right to push her anymore.
"Well, you know where to find me", he smiled.
"Yeah", she stood up awkwardly from the couch, envisioning the three of them lying on it together while Will and Jay were recovering after their wisdom teeth surgeries.
"Dinner tomorrow?" Jay asked cautiously, he wasn't sure what to make of this conversation, it was hard to gauge where Hailey was at right now.
"Um yeah, sure. I'll bring dessert", she confirmed.
Jay followed her to the front door, like he had so many times before. He was about to close it when Hailey paused, and turned around to face him, staring at his mouth. Before he had time to react, he felt Hailey's lips on his, her tongue softly prying at the entrance of his mouth. He eagerly accepted her.
Just when things were getting interesting, she pulled back, much to Jay's objection. He could feel the heat rising in his lower belly.
"When you said you knew you loved me that day, when I was sick at my house…", Hailey started.
"Uh huh", Jay was staring at her intensely, hanging on to every word she was saying.
She was flustered, Jay shared when he knew, so it was only fair she did the same. She owed him that much.
"I knew that night you told me you wanted to enlist, remember that career fair we went to in junior year?" Hailey was starting to ramble. Jay nodded his head, that night not really ringing a bell in his mind.
"I came over to your house, I was sort of scared. Just like I am now. You told me everything was going to be fine; the army was a good decision for you…", Jay knew where this was going.
"I told you to do it. That I would be proud of you either way. But deep down Jay I was terrified, I still am. I had feelings for you then and I didn't say anything. Because I knew you were planning on leaving, that it wouldn't be fair to either of us, a life of long distance, uncertainty.
Jay nodded in agreement at that, his army years were the most turbulent of his life.
"When I left your house that night, I gave you a hug, you remember?" She asked, and he nodded back, remembering that the hug in particular did feel different, she hung on tighter and longer than usual.
"I was going to kiss you, tell you everything. But I chickened out. I guess just now…I wanted to see if my feelings were still the same, here on your porch", Hailey told him, staring right at him.
"And?" Jay spoke, breathlessly.
"They are", Hailey's eyes locked with his as she pulled away, unlocking her fingers with his.
Jay watched speechlessly as she walked towards her car.
He realized he had it all wrong. He went into this night thinking Hailey hated him, and that she hated him all this time. But he was wrong, it was far from hate. There was still hope. That it wasn't hate that fueled her absence from his life, it was love. Hailey Upton pushed him away not because she was angry, but because she still loved him.
That's it for another chapter! I plan to keep sprinkling in flashbacks of Hailey & Jay growing up throughout this story. I think (and hope) it will ultimately make sense with what I'm building up to. To move forward, first they have to reminisce and talk about their past. I hope that makes sense to everyone! Thank you so, so much for all the lovely reviews and messages. So glad you are enjoying this so far, I have loved writing it. P.S The opening of 8x04 was EVERYTHING. 8x04 in general honestly, it's about time for Upstead. – K
