Chapter 9
Hailey woke up feeling refreshed the next morning, soaking up the extra time she had to sleep.
When she made her way to the kitchen for a coffee, Jay had already beat her there, a fresh mug sitting on the island waiting for her, calling her name.
"Thanks", she said happily, "Mouse not up yet?" She asked curiously.
Jay shook his head, also looking a bit surprised. "Haven't seen him up yet."
"He needed the sleep", Hailey put out there, fishing.
"Yeah he did", Jay didn't deny that.
Jay made Hailey some toast and eggs, and they relaxed together on the couch. Something they so rarely had these days, just uninterrupted time with each other.
It was late morning and still no sign of Mouse. Maybe he actually took my sleep suggestion to heart, Hailey thought to herself. Jay interrupted her a few seconds later.
"I'm going out for an ATV ride, want to come with?" He asked.
"Sure", Hailey smiled, retreating to her room to change into old clothes that she didn't care about getting muddy.
"Should we see if Mouse wants to come?" Hailey suggested, Jay waved her off.
"Nah, let him sleep, we can go another day", he replied.
The two of the snuck out the back door, put on their helmets, and Hailey climbed on the back of the ATV, wrapping her arms around Jay before he took off into the woods. Inside the cabin Mouse was trying to sleep, not just because he was tired, but because he was sick.
Hailey and Jay came back to the cabin about an hour later, laughing as they got off the ATV and headed inside, brushing the dirt off their shoes and clothes.
"That's been so long since we've done that", Hailey commented.
"It was nice", Jay couldn't help but smile her way, he was feeling so much more relaxed being up here already.
"Let's go make lunch I'm starving", Hailey walked through the back door, to find Mouse at the kitchen sink.
"Morning", Hailey smiled, Mouse still had his back to her.
"Hey", he said in a raspy voice, hating being sick, it always made him feel weak.
"You okay?" She asked, picking up his strained response.
"Yeah, I'm fine", he croaked out. His head and ears were killing him.
"You don't sound fine", Hailey and Jay looked at each other. She was about to go closer and check on him, but he quickly flinched away.
"Headache", he replied, before heading back to his room.
"Let him sleep it off", Jay replied, seeing that Hailey had the urge to follow him.
She raised her hands, giving in and listening to Jay, who was already starting on sandwiches.
About an hour later, Mouse was still shivering, trying to force himself to fall asleep, not getting too far with that.
"Mouse?" He heard a soft knock at the door and the familiar sound of Hailey's voice.
"Mmm", he grumbled back.
She opened the door ever so slightly, then fully when she saw him curled up into a ball shaking.
She couldn't help but think of Jay a few nights ago, shivering hard in his sleep. Surely this was just because Mouse was coming down with something, maybe Jay hadn't been feeling good that night either.
He felt her cool hand on the back of his forehead and then his neck.
"Hey, are you okay?" She asked. He almost laughed, he felt far from okay and not just because he was feeling sick.
"Cold", he replied, teeth chattering, although he knew his temperature would betray him.
"Mouse, I think you have a fever", she replied softly, starting to gently take the layers of blankets off of him, assuming he had the chills.
He realized what she saw as she took the last blanket off his body. The long shrapnel scar across his shoulder blade. He felt her pause, running a finger down the back of it.
"What's this", she asked quietly.
That set him right off, and he flinched away. "It's nothing. Just leave me alone Hailey." His tone was a bit sharper than he intended.
He heard her exhale loudly. He was sure she was debating on sassing back or not.
"Okay", she gave in. "I brought you some Tylenol and more water. I'll leave it on the nightstand."
He felt her get up off the side of his bed, cover him with a thin blanket and leave the room. He didn't want her to think he was being ungrateful. Hailey always took care of him, and never asked for anything in return.
"Did that go as expected?" Jay asked somewhat smugly as he watched Hailey return from down the hall, looking annoyed.
Hailey raised her eyebrows, "Ya, pretty much. He's worse than you at admitting he's sick."
"He'll be fine Hails, just leave him be", Jay replied, having his doubts. He knew Mouse hasn't been sleeping, that probably didn't help with anything either.
"Surprised you aren't disinfecting everything right now", Hailey accused him suspiciously.
Jay shrugged his shoulders. "One day, one hour in a war zone and you realize pretty quickly what's important to you. How much the little things that once bothered you don't matter at all."
He said it so bluntly, and at the same time, void of emotion. It surprised Hailey.
"Yeah, I guess that's one way of looking at it."
Hailey didn't push that conversation, something about the look in Jay's eyes told her that he meant every word of that, literally. It made her question what really happened to these two while they were away. She didn't have long to think about that because Jay set her lunch down in front of her.
"Thanks", she smiled, especially wide at the smiley face Jay drew on her plate with ketchup. "Didn't know I was having lunch with a 7 year old."
Jay laughed, jokingly going to pull the grilled cheese away from her. "Hey, I slaved over the stove to make you this", he pretended to be hurt.
"You're right, thanks babe", Hailey chirped right back. It almost spilled out of her mouth too easily. Jay's ears turned the slightest shade of red, subtle, but noticeable to her.
"Ha, ha, ha very funny", he quickly recovered. They made their way to the couch to throw on a movie and relax for the afternoon.
Hailey was still thinking about that interaction she had with Mouse. Who looked so angry, so quick to react, when she touched that scar. The Mouse she knew growing up wouldn't hurt a fly, even after everything he had been through, his upbringing could have very easily and understandably made him cold and jaded- but Mouse didn't have a mean bone in his body, would never think about lashing out at her. She felt unsettled by it, but convinced herself she was overthinking things, he just wasn't feeling good. Being sick made you cranky, that was pretty standard for everyone.
She decided to extend the olive branch later that afternoon, by making some soup with whatever veggies, noodles and other items she could find in the pantry up north. It was slim pickings, but she made it work.
"For Mouse?" Jay inquired, hoping he could snag a bowl too based on how good it smelled in their tiny kitchen.
"Yeah, I don't think he's had anything to eat all day. Plus, this is definitely soup weather, chilly spring days", she replied.
"That's nice of you, I'm sure he'll like that. He's been raving about how much he's missed your cooking for a while now", Jay smiled, hearing that Mouse had been a little harsh with her this morning. He really had been talking about her cooking, even when they were deployed. It gave Jay comfort, and he suspected it did for Mouse too- talking about the familiar, the constants. Hailey was always that constant.
Hailey smiled. "I'll go see how he's feeling", she said as she disappeared down the hall.
As she approached his bedroom, she swore she heard him crying, something she would come to realize was his new norm a year or so from this point in their lives.
She softly knocked on the door once again, hearing a quiet grunt of permission from the other side.
"Hey", she said, staring at him as he was sitting up in bed, shirtless, knees pulled into his chest. He had filled out a lot more than she had remembered too, result of the Ranger training she suspected.
"Hey", he replied sheepishly. He apologized right away, his guilty conscience getting the best of him. "I'm sorry about this morning. I was just in a bad mood."
"I know, that's okay. I made some soup", Hailey presented it as more of a question. "Peace offering?"
Mouse perked up slightly at that. "For me?"
Hailey smiled, "Yes for you silly. You're sick. Sick days call for soup."
Mouse smiled, for the first time today. "Thanks Hailey."
He threw on a sweater and left his room to follow her to the kitchen, Jay giving him a nod.
"Go sit down Mouse I'll bring it over", she replied, as she saw him heading towards the stove.
Mouse hated being sick because he always felt like a burden. And his dad would make him feel weak and about 2 feet tall. His mom did her best to look after him, but she was subject to the "let him sweat it out" comments too. He just got used to taking care of himself, not relying on anyone. So, he felt awkward Hailey was doing all of this for him, he didn't know what to say.
Jay made room for him on the couch, that was a surprise to Mouse too. He was typically the germaphobe of the group.
Hailey set the bowl of soup down in front of him and reached behind him to grab the blanket off the couch to wrap around his shoulders.
"You don't have to…", Mouse started, feeling awkward with all eyes on him.
"Relax Mouse. You're not feeling good, just let me take care of you okay?" She replied.
Jay saw his shoulders relax a little bit, accepting that it was okay to be vulnerable in front of them. "Okay. Thank you."
He really did feel a bit better after the soup, although the pain in his head and ears wasn't going away.
"Earache?" Jay asked, after watching him try to put pressure on it to relieve the discomfort.
Mouse nodded.
"You probably have an ear infection. From jumping in that lake I'm sure", she raised her eyes, not letting the two of them forget it that she told them it was a bad idea.
"Yeah maybe", Mouse admitted. He used to get them all the time as a kid, he knew what they felt like, and this most definitely felt like one.
"You still feel warm", she said after sitting in between him and Jay, surprising Mouse with her cold hands.
He exhaled, accepting defeat. "Yeah, I don't feel very good."
"Well, if you aren't feeling better and your fever doesn't break by tomorrow, I think we should take you to the walk-in clinic in town", Hailey suggested, glancing at Jay.
Jay nodded and agreed with this plan. Mouse was hesitant at first, but eventually was on board.
They spent the rest of the night curled up by the fire watching TV and Mouse's head eventually found its way to Hailey's shoulder.
She looked down and smiled, looking over to Jay, who knew how anti-snuggle Mouse was. Hailey saw this as a victory for their friendship. It was like pulling teeth trying to even get a hug out of him usually.
"Aww", he whispered as he nudged her gently. Hailey grinned, and wiggled until she was comfortable, and Mouse's neck wasn't craned.
She put an arm around Mouse and pulled him into her chest, lightly hugging him. He instinctively moved and relaxed into her. They didn't need a blanket because he was still running hot.
Jay half-smiled. Mainly because he was half jealous, but also realizing this would probably help Mouse sleep, and he desperately needed it. He hasn't slept well since they've been home, even before that.
Later into the movie, Jay felt his eyes getting heavy too. He looked over, Mouse was still fast asleep, which was a miracle all on its own. He grabbed a pillow, glancing at Hailey for permission, who grinned and nodded his way.
He set the pillow on her lap and sprawled out on top of her. He had the length of the couch since Hailey and Mouse were both on the chaise lounge portion of it. He pulled a blanket over his shoulders, and felt Hailey rest a hand on his back, relaxing all of his tense muscles immediately.
Her gentle, rhythmic hand movements across his back, dragging her thumb along his shoulder blade, very quickly lulled him to sleep.
Hailey wasn't far behind the two of them, Mouse's body heat and Jay's body weight made her feel safe and secure, and sleepy.
She couldn't help but smile, feeling a bit warm and fuzzy on the inside. Here they were, her two best friends in the whole world, two of the people who knew her best, who have seen her through all the stages in her life. Having spent the last few years apart, going off to war, growing into two strong, brave men, Army Rangers. And they wanted nothing more than to be held and snuggled on this tiny couch together.
Hailey would reflect on this trip up at the cabin for years to come. What she said and noticed, and what she didn't. She didn't know it then, but this would be their last normal week together.
It had been years, probably decades, since the three of them fell asleep on the couch like this together.
"Your hands are cold", Mouse murmured from his half asleep state the next morning.
"Your neck is warm", she replied back.
"Do you feel any better?" She asked quietly, trying not to wake Jay.
Mouse shook his head no in response, curling even closer into her.
"Okay", she said, rubbing his back. "Once Jay's awake, we'll take you in to the clinic."
"Thanks Hailey. For all of this. Even though I still feel shitty, that was the best sleep I've had in a long time", he admitted quietly.
"Good", she smiled.
"We actually slept here the whole night? You don't even have a blanket!" he replied in disbelief, sitting up, double checking the clock to make sure it was morning.
"Mouse you had a fever all night…..and still do", she said after pressing her hand against his cheek. "I didn't need a blanket between that and my lap pillow furnace", she chuckled, pointing down at Jay who was still fast asleep, mouth wide open, quietly snoring.
"Sorry if I kept you up or grossed you out by being sweaty. I don't want to get you guys sick", he said sheepishly, feeling a bit embarrassed because he was sure he looked as rough as he felt.
"It's alright Mouse. It's not like I was going to leave you to suffer alone in your room. Plus, pretty sure you have an ear infection anyways, we've been together for a few days now, if either of us were going to get sick it would have happened already", Hailey reasoned.
"True. Guess I'm just not used to people taking care of me", he admitted.
Hailey gave him a half smile, understanding what he was implying. It made her want to hold him closer, so she did. She opened up her arms, motioning for him to lie down again. "Come here", she whispered.
"Everyone needs a little TLC when they're sick, nothing a snuggle can't fix. Even you Greg, who's against physical touch", she smiled.
"Okay, okay I admit. Being hugged all night made me feel warm and fuzzy", he replied, somewhat dramatically.
"Never thought I'd see the day", Hailey laughed.
Mouse could feel her laugh in her chest; her heartbeat was steady against his cheek. It made his eyes heavy again.
She felt him relax and wiggle around to get comfortable, this was an ultra-vulnerable version of Mouse, one she rarely saw. She was pleasantly surprised that he was opening up and allowing this.
"It's still early, you can close your eyes, get some more rest okay", she encouraged him, and craned her neck to give him a small kiss on the side of his head.
"You better not let him see that. You know you're his girl" Mouse chuckled, referring to Jay.
Hailey felt a blush spread over her cheeks, thankful that Mouse couldn't see her face. He laughed though because he could feel and hear the spike in her heartrate.
"It's okay Hails, secrets safe with me. Although I'm not sure how much of a secret it is, to literally everyone. But hey", his turn to laugh.
Hailey didn't have a witty comeback this time. She just shook her head and stared at the ceiling. Was it that obvious? To everyone?
"Yeah, yeah. I'm gonna pretend that was just the fever talking", she said playfully, but not denying Mouse's statement. She was Jay's girl; she had always known that. And he was her guy, there was never any question about it. They had just never talked about it together. Maybe that sounded silly, but it was just how their relationship was.
"Maybe one day, you guys will figure it out", he said with a yawn, before going quiet again.
"One day", Hailey nodded and whispered back to no one in particular.
Hailey was busy washing Mouse's bedding so he could crawl into fresh sheets when they got back from the clinic. The cabin was secluded and private, but it was only a short drive to town, which was convenient for situations like this.
She was just out of the shower herself when she heard the two of them come in. Surprisingly, it sounded like they were bickering.
She only caught the tale end, but it sounded like Mouse was heated about something, and just snapped on Jay. He was just tired and irritable Hailey thought. He would feel better soon.
Hailey toweled off and got dressed, meeting Jay in the kitchen.
"Hey", she said, unsure if she should bring up their fight.
"Hey", he replied, taking a sip of his coffee.
"Is he okay?" She asked vaguely.
"Yeah he'll be fine once the antibiotics kick in", Jay nodded reassuringly.
"That's not what I meant", Hailey alluded.
Jay paused. He was aching to tell Hailey, he never kept things from her. But this was borderline classified. He wasn't even sure what he could share. Mouse wanted to keep things private. And if Jay came clean about himself, he was bringing Mouse down with him, so he held it in. Mouse felt ashamed about it, even though he shouldn't be.
"He'll be okay Hailey", he confirmed, brushing off any other hidden meanings behind her question.
"Okay", want some lunch?" She changed the subject.
Jay smiled and nodded gratefully. The two of them carried on with their day.
Mouse would resurface later that afternoon, feeling and looking a lot better already.
It was rainy that day, so they stayed inside and played board games, watched TV and made food. The relaxation was just what everyone needed.
The rest of the week went by in a flash, too fast for their liking. For Hailey, the end of their getaway meant back to school and her busy life as a law student. For Mouse and Jay, that meant back to Benning in a week or so.
On their last night, the three of them climbed on the roof and watched the stars together, something they always did as kids. The fresh air, the soft lapping of the lake water against the dock, the clear sky- something they didn't have in the city. It was quiet and calm, their last bit of tranquility before things changed forever.
Hailey thought that the two of them looked more at ease, relaxed and rested. Maybe a few nights in their own beds and some time by the lake, away from all the noise, was what they needed, despite Mouse being sick for a few days while they were up here.
And "their own beds", was a bit laughable too once she thought about it. The three of them had spent a night sleeping on the couch together. And Jay had not so secretly been crawling in with her every night after that. Hailey never questioned him about it, nor did he bring it up the following mornings. He was always gone before the sunrise. Hailey had also not so secretly enjoyed spending the nights with him. She was always cold at night, and he was always warm. He would quietly open her door, sneak under the covers and inch his way towards her. Often Hailey would put a hand on his back, and gently scratch at his bare skin, or Jay would rest his head on her shoulder, and her fingers would end up running through his hair. It changed every night, but they were always touching in some capacity. That was how Jay always slept, wanting to touch, but this time felt a bit different. Like he wasn't doing it out of habit, he was doing it out of necessity. He would confess years later that being held during the night was the only thing that helped him sleep and keep the night terrors at bay.
As they drove away from the cabin, they collectively exhaled, knowing that each of them would be returning to an environment that was more chaotic and not as familiar as this safe bubble of theirs. Hailey thought if only they could have stayed at the cabin forever, tucked away in the woods, where no tragedy, violence, and heartbreak could have found them.
"I knew Mouse wasn't okay, deep down, I just had this feeling. And I didn't say anything. You hid it better than he did, at first anyways. I told myself he had been acting funny because he was sick. And as for you, sneaking into my bed every night to sleep and disappearing before I woke up…I just thought...maybe you were interested and just wanted to"… she cut herself off, shaking her head. Hindsight was always 2020. What if she had caught it then? The two of them, they could have got the help that they needed. Mouse especially.
"Well if it's any consolation, I did also want to do that. Still do", Jay said boldly, cheeky smile on his face.
That made her smile at least, and blush, while playfully rolling her eyes.
"In hindsight, all the signs were there, I just didn't want to believe it. I'm sorry Jay", Hailey said.
"Hailey that's not on you. He had some rough years, we both did, we all did. But he turned it around."
"I know. Just part of me wonders and has always wondered if things would have been different if I caught it then", she quietly admitted.
Jay looked at her, realizing for the first time how much of a burden she had been carrying around about that trip. He had thought about that week a lot too. How it was the last time he was up at the cabin before finding out his mom had cancer, before his relationship with Will started to get strained, before his dad became even more cynical and stone cold. And of course, everything that had happened between him and Hailey, Mouse, how he had a part in the night Mike died. The list went on, and his entire body ached every time he thought about it.
Jay sort of laughed, shaking his head. "You know what he said to me in the car, driving to the clinic, after that night we stayed on the couch together?"
"Hmm?" Hailey asked.
"With such a smile and look of relief on his face…. Even though he was sick, he's like Jay I finally slept through the night, as if that was the first time in a while", Jay sounded choked up as he said that.
Hailey grinned, biting her lip at the same time to keep the tears at bay that were threatening to spill over.
"You did a good thing for him then, and you just didn't realize it. He doesn't blame you for not intervening earlier, and neither do I", Jay confirmed, setting a hand on her shoulder. Mouse had trouble with his mental health for years to come after that, Jay too, but Hailey had made Mouse feel super safe for that one night. Jay didn't think she really understood the gravity and value of that for him, for both of them.
Hailey reached up to put her hand over Jay's, leaning into his grip on her shoulder.
"Wanna video call Mouse?" Jay offered.
Hailey's eyes lit up when he said that. "We can do that?"
"Yeah we can do that", he smiled. "I'll message him."
Mouse got back to them and said he was tied up right now but free in an hour.
"Come on, let's go for a walk. I need some fresh air", Jay suggested.
Hailey got up off the couch, helping Jay by pulling on his good hand. "Let's go old man."
He jokingly glared her way. "Your birthday is before mine", was the only comeback he could think of.
Hailey smiled and shook her head, grabbing their coats. Jay was able to get his on independently this time, but needed help with the zipper, it was still pretty chilly out.
"This kinda makes me feel like I'm in the first grade or something", he laughed, Hailey doing up his coat for him.
"Feel free to try this on your own, if you're going to make fun of me", Hailey laughed.
"I'm kidding, please help me", Jay stuck out his bottom lip in a pretend pout.
That made Hailey laugh too, as she opened his front door, the cool morning air hitting her right in the face.
Without realizing it, they started on their familiar walking route, one they used to do growing up all the time after dinner, or if they needed to get out of their houses and talk about something important. They ended up at the nearby park and found a spot on a bench under the willow tree. Their thinking tree, as they used to call it.
"Haven't been here in a long time", Hailey said.
"Me neither actually. I forgot how relaxing it was", Jay said after taking a deep breath.
Jay slowly slid his right hand down his thigh, outstretching it towards Hailey. She grinned, placing her left one in his, as he gave it a good squeeze.
They got lost in each other's eyes for a second, before being called out of their trance by a familiar voice.
"Is that Jay Halstead and Hailey Upton?" An older woman called out as she approached them on the trail.
Jay and Hailey instantly turned their heads, Jay's ears turning red in the process.
"Well, I'll be damned. I don't believe it, you two here. I didn't think I'd ever see this again", she said in awe.
"Hi Mrs. Connors", Hailey said sheepishly, realizing her hand was still in Jay's.
"Hi baby, it's good to see you back in Chicago", Mrs. Connors, a pillar of the neighbourhood, replied. She lived a few doors down from the Halstead's and Upton's for years, longer than Hailey and Jay had been alive. Apparently she was still living there.
"It's really nice to see you", Hailey smiled.
"Likewise. Back for a weekend visit?" She asked curiously, eyeing Jay, who hadn't said a word, he was always afraid of her growing up. Hailey had no idea why; it always made her laugh; Mrs. Connors was the nicest woman alive. Always brought the best food to the neighbourhood BBQ's, let the kids swim in her pool, and gave out full size chocolate bars on Halloween. Although Jay, Will and her brothers had once hit a baseball and smashed a window at her house. That was the only time she had ever seen her lose her temper. But that was years ago, and it was long forgiven.
"I'm actually moving home. Accepted a job downtown", Hailey confirmed, Jay looking at her, happy as can be.
"That's great news, congratulations. I'm sure the two of you are happy you don't have to do long distance", Mrs. Connors stated. Hailey's eyes went wide, Jay's face went a shade of red Hailey had never seen before.
'Oh, we aren't…", Hailey laughed nervously.
"Oh", Mrs. Connors backtracked. "Well you should be. You know we always thought of anyone the two of you… you know what, forget I said anything. It's just nice to see you two together again. This neighbourhood, it wasn't the same after, you know… well. That was a long time ago. I'm going to carry on with my walk before I put my foot in my mouth again", the woman laughed.
"It's okay, really. We aren't offended, not the first time we've got that", Hailey admitted, Jay laughed too.
They got up off the bench to hug their old neighbour, and waved at her as she left, promising they would come see her for dinner one day.
"Well. That was something", Jay laughed.
"Good to know even Mrs. Connors thought we were dating", Hailey giggled.
"Come on, let's go home", Jay reached to grab her hand as they walked back through the park. Hailey didn't pull away.
"Why didn't we just go for it?" Jay asked out loud, interrupting her thoughts. "Then I mean, after the cabin. After I came back the second time, totally understand why we didn't", he stressed. "I think being together would have saved us a lot of heartbreak."
"Or made it worse?" Hailey contrasted. "Like that time you made out with me at the bar", she remembered vividly. Every bone in her body was telling her to go for it, but her brain put the brakes on, telling her that this would change and ruin their friendship forever.
"Yeah, maybe", he exhaled. "And ugh, I made an ass out of myself that night. I'm sorry honestly. I don't think I ever properly apologized for that."
"That's okay. It was a long time ago; you were going through some things. And to be fair, during our grey area. It wasn't that I didn't want to be with you Jay… I really did. I just didn't know what that was going to look like and chickened out. Looking back I don't know why I was so afraid, it wouldn't have changed a thing", Hailey said that without thinking, looking down at her hand intertwined with his.
"Hypothetically, what if things would have turned out different that night…", he suggested somewhat sadly, Hailey knowing what he was alluding to.
"I don't know, honestly. I don't have an answer for that", Hailey replied after thinking about it for a minute.
"Hailey Upton, who has an answer for everything, speechless. Wow", Jay joked.
"Oh, shut up", she nudged his good shoulder.
"Grey area was a weird time for us", Jay admitted thinking back.
"It really was", she agreed. "2008-2010 as a whole was a weird time for us."
Jay went quiet, unsure if he should say anything else. She might not be ready.
"Jay?" Hailey bravely spoke up, although her voice was shaky and quiet.
"Yeah?" He replied nervously, every muscle in his body tensing, telling him this was it.
"I think we should talk about Mike."
A long weekend treat! I haven't had too much time lately to write because I'm wrapping up school (woohoo!) So hopefully this chapter and the last tide you over for a little while. That promo for Wednesday…I am not over it! I've watched it an embarrassing amount of times lol…finally getting the content we've been waiting for! Hope everyone is doing well. I could write thousands and thousands of words per chapter on this story…but need to cut myself off somewhere. Enjoy! Happy Easter and Happy Passover to all celebrating -K
