A/N- Another late, long chapter! I hope you all enjoy this one, I loved writing it. Not to (again) TMI you all about things that are irrelevant, but my home/normal/comparatively boring life has become a total mess once again, so that's the reason for the delays. However since writing is therapeutic, whenever I do finally sit down to write, I'm coming up with a ton right now. So I guess you all both benefit and suffer from my lack of professionalism. Sorry/you're welcome :D

This was actually one of my favorites to write so far and I hope you all enjoy it. As always, please read and review, and recommend if you like it enough! I do not own Gilmore Girls or any of its characters or concepts, but given reality I would take Stars Hollow any day.


Chapter 45

While Rory was at Lane's, Jess thought he'd be having a somewhat relaxing day of work at the diner. He couldn't have been more wrong.

"Jess!" Lorelai demanded, hurdling her way into the diner. That alone wasn't abnormal. Jess was pretty certain that Lorelai had never sought coffee at a normal human speed. But something was different in her tone, something that made him take notice. He turned to her expectantly.

"Take your ten, we need to talk," she said, ignoring the confused glances of the few customers in the diner. Jess nodded and gestured upstairs. Lorelai immediately headed up while he told Cesar he was off.

As soon as Jess walked through the door, he found Lorelai sitting on the bed Rory had been sleeping on, her arms crossed across her chest. She sighed deeply, and Jess slowly approached, sitting on the other bed, facing her.

"Look, I really do trust you. At least, much more now than I did before," Lorelai began slowly, "And I can see that you and everything you're doing for her is really helping. I'm not trying to accuse you, because I honestly don't think you're doing anything wrong. I don't think of you as that kind of guy anymore. In fact, I know you're not like that. That's not why I'm here."

"Then what's your question?" Jess responded slowly, meeting Lorelai's eyes purposefully. She inhaled deeply.

"Jess, why are you doing it? Really, truly, the entire reason. Not just the main reason or the right reason, but the entire reason behind what you're doing. Is there some part of you that is just doing this because you want her back or something? She never really filled me in on how things ended with you guys and the more recent events, but I just…need to understand why you're willing to do all of this for her, even now."

Closing his eyes, Jess took a deep breath. After a moment his eyes found Lorelai's. He gave a grim smile. "You want the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but? Alright, I'll give you that, but I can't promise you'll like what I have to say." Lorelai nodded, and Jess continued. "I don't know why I'm helping her. I just know that not helping her didn't even occur to me. The second I knew something was wrong, it wasn't a question of whether or not I was going to do something, it was what I was going to do or how I was going to do it. And it wasn't motivated by some desire to get back together with her or anything like that. I didn't expect…I don't expect that to happen. I don't even really know what to think on that line of reasoning. But that's not the issue right now and it wasn't when this came up. The truth is even if she never looked at me that way another day in her life, she's Rory. I am going to help her, anytime she needs help, that she'll have me. I just will. No matter what I get out of it. Now that could be fueled by some crazy sense of guilt or debt I feel to Luke for what happened here when I was in high school, or even to her for being such a shitty guy at times when we were involved, or maybe I really just care about her that much, in a way that will never go away, that is based in romantic attachment. It could be any one or a combination of them. I don't know which, and though I've tried to figure it out sometimes, I realized something. It doesn't matter why I'm helping her, or if my motivations are pure or not. Because no matter what anyone thinks of that choice, myself included, I know it's what I'm going to do. If your logic said it was a bad idea, I'd still do it. If Luke thought it was a bad idea, I'd still do it, and generally speaking defying Luke is the closest thing in my mind to sacrilege. And even if I reasoned and rationalized in my own mind that helping her wasn't the best decision in some scenario, I would help her anyway. It's not a choice, Lorelai. It never has been and never will be. Yes, I'll admit that I care about Rory. I'll also admit that I care about her a hell of a lot more than most of my friends, and of course a substantial portion of that was based on being in love with her. I don't know where I stand on that at this point, and I don't know where she stands either. But right now, that aspect of everything is irrelevant. I want to help her. I need to help her get through this. If, once this is settled, she still wants me as a part of her life, there might be something to consider but at this point you can be assured that I'm helping her and that I'm not doing so intending to get anything out of it. I just…have to. Do you know what I mean?"

Lorelai sat quietly for a moment. Any other moment Jess would have cracked a joke about Lorelai and silence being unlikely bedfellows, but he knew the significance this conversation could hold, and he took it just as seriously as Lorelai did. After a while she looked at Jess carefully.

"Did Luke ever tell you about when I married Rory's dad?"

"Not much," Jess admitted, "He grumbled about it. I got the abridged version."

"Then I'm guessing he didn't tell you about when my dad ended up in the hospital during that time," Lorelai exhaled deeply. Jess shook his head, his eyes glued to Lorelai.

"I slept with Rory's dad the night before Luke came over to ask me to elope. I told him what happened and we broke up. Not long after, I married Christopher. The marriage was a mess and was falling apart, and Luke and I were barely speaking. Everything was a mess. And one day, Rory was sitting in her grandfather's class, and suddenly he collapsed. He had a heart attack. Chris and I had a fight earlier that night, which really isn't relevant to the story…point is, he had left the night before and I couldn't get a hold of him. For more than a day in the hospital I wasn't able to reach him or find out where he was. I needed him to show up and he didn't."

Jess looked at Lorelai, imploring her to continue. "I didn't tell Luke what had happened. Chris didn't like when I talked to Luke and I also thought it would be better for our marriage if I kept my distance. But someone told him. Which I found out when he showed up at the hospital with food and a complete willingness to go run all of my mother's crazy trauma errands. Nothing happened while he was there. I didn't even really act that grateful, because I knew how upset Chris would be if he saw him there. But I needed him, and even though there was nothing there anymore, and we'd probably never been in a worse place in our relationship, he came through without question. And I kind of knew, deep down, that he would. And always would. Which is another reason why I divorced Chris and that Luke is the love of my life."

"He's everything a man should try to be," Jess said, smiling softly, "I've thought that since I first met him when I was a kid and I realized that not every guy my mom's age did drugs or beat people up. And that they could have jobs. And as I got older I realized that if I could become half the man he is, hell, a tenth of the man he is, I would be incredibly lucky. He just…cares about people, so much. And he does right by everyone. That's the kind of person I want to be, that I'm trying to be. But in this situation it's not even a trying type of thing."

"That's because you take after him in that way," Lorelai replied, meeting Jess' eyes, "You care about some people unconditionally and will be there for them come hell or high water, to the ends of the earth, no matter how much they fuck up or you fuck up or you both do. It's the way you are with Luke, which I realized recently. And it's also the way you are about Rory, which I know for sure now, but probably saw coming a lot earlier than I want to admit." Jess looked at Lorelai curiously and she smiled at him gently.

"Jess, I don't know what will happen with you and Rory, or if anything will. But if it does you have my blessing. Not that you need it, but…you know what I mean. And I just want to thank you, for doing this for her. You're the only one who seems to be able to help her out of these things when they get like this. None of the rest of us can reach her, even me. We can do some things, but you…she needs you. And it's nice being able to count on you being there for her. I'm sorry for questioning your motives. I just wanted to…get it. And I honestly didn't think I would. But I do."

She stood up, as did Jess. He hugged her, without a moment of hesitation.

"Thank you," he responded quietly, "It means a lot. Especially from you. With what you are to Luke…and to her."

"I wouldn't be saying it if I didn't mean it," Lorelai replied honestly, "Unless, of course, you had coffee to bribe me with. Which…"

"I will be fetching immediately," Jess smirked, starting down the stairs, Lorelai on his heels, "Do you take your bribes plain or with a donut on the side?"

"Two, or I go rogue," Lorelai demanded, sitting at the counter as Jess poured her some coffee and went to get the donuts.

Jess couldn't help but grin to himself while getting the donuts. He had Lorelai Gilmore's approval. Somewhere deep down he always had always known that it would by necessity involve pastries and coffee.