A/N- Hi, all. I hope you enjoy this chapter even though I wouldn't call it happy. It's necessary. And I know this will sound like sacrilege to some of you, but it's important to remember: Sometimes Rory Gilmore really sucks. Sometimes the best of us do. And you can't just go through life acting like that's not the case. People hold you accountable for your shit, as they damn well should. So in that vein, here's this chapter.
Also, sorry about the language on this chapter. I'd say the language here would be more M so consider yourself warned. As always, please read and review. I do not own Gilmore Girls or any of its concepts or characters, though ASP taught me that even the most beautiful people I wish I could be, in every part of their bodies and souls, have some kind of ugliness inside them, and that that's okay.
Chapter 57
The next day Rory arrived back at Truncheon around two, somehow managing to carry all of her luggage as well as three coffees. Jess had told her Matt would be working in the office and that Chris had the day off. He wasn't thrilled about her plan but he knew better by now than to get in the way of a Gilmore on a mission. Plus, she'd had more success with Chris than he'd expected. So after Rory dropped off her things and a coffee for Jess upstairs, he looked at her solemnly.
"All yours," he sighed, gesturing towards the door, "Sure you want to do this?"
"It can't possibly make things any worse," Rory pointed out. Jess nodded in acknowledgment.
"Alright then. Thanks for the coffee," he smiled, "And if it goes poorly I'll buy you one after."
"You'll buy me one after anyway," Rory smirked, "Unless you want me to die of withdrawal."
"You know, I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to encourage an addict," Jess rolled his eyes, unable to suppress his grin, "Fine, fine. We'll get coffee after. Now go get it over with."
Rory smiled at him nervously and he took her hand, reassuring.
"Look, Rory…" Jess said, his voice low, "You know it doesn't matter to me right?"
"What doesn't?" Rory inquired, her voice soft.
"Whether or not he likes you," Jess answered, "Now or ever. I mean, it'd be great if he did, but if he doesn't, it's not going to change…"
"This?" Rory filled in. They hadn't had that discussion yet and they hadn't kissed since the first time, but they both knew there was something there, and openly acknowledged it.
"This," he affirmed, "The way I feel about you…his opinion won't change that. It couldn't. But it does mean a lot to me that you care about what they think. I just wish you wouldn't put so much pressure on yourself."
"I've been hearing that for twenty something years now," Rory smiled grimly, "I'm pretty sure that's something I can only change about myself so much. At least this time it's for something I'm sure I want."
He nodded in understanding. They hadn't spoken much about her technically-still-ongoing life crisis. They were both blissfully ensconced in their new status quo. But of course Jess knew that she was still coming to terms with certain things, and trying to figure them out, and sometimes, little things like this would come out of her that would reassure him that she was coming into a deeper self-awareness.
"Well best of luck," Jess offered, gently squeezing her hand once more before returning to his bed and the manuscript he was attacking with his signature green pen. Rory had laughed when she'd noticed the green ink. No one else would have gotten it, but then again, it was Rory. He knew he couldn't get anything past her.
"Thanks, I'll need it," she replied. Then she walked down the stairs to go handle the nuclear missile sitting in an office chair.
"Matt?" Rory asked briskly as she knocked on the door. She heard an audible sigh.
"Come in," Matt replied, his tone annoyed. To be fair, she'd never really heard much of another tone from him. Other than maybe sarcastic politeness.
"We need to talk," Rory said, sitting down at the chair opposite him before he had a chance to respond. She handed him a coffee and he rolled his eyes.
"God, I should've known you were sleeping together. Jess put you up to this?" Matt gestured to the coffee and Rory's eyes narrowed.
"Not that it's any of your business, but no, Jess and I aren't having sex. We are, however, close. And might eventually, yes, sleep together. Which really seems to piss you off," Rory shot back, "Why is that?"
"Just because I think you're a bitch doesn't mean I think you're stupid," Matt responded hatefully, "I'm not blind. You're smart. Which makes it all worse. So don't even try to pull that I don't understand crap on me. You know exactly why I feel the way I do about you."
"Chris is past it," Rory replied pointedly, "And so is Jess. The person who actually had to endure it. So I don't get why you feel so entitled to hate me endlessly when the person who actually suffered the abuse that you claim as your just cause has managed to reconcile those feelings and move past them."
"What?" Matt asked blankly, "Look, I know we write books for a living, and that you like to use all the fancy words you learned at Yale. Get your money's worth. But why don't you just make your point? If you think there's any value in doing so."
"Jess and Chris are past it," Rory rolled her eyes, "But you just will not let it go. You won't allow me to go a single day here feeling like I'm actually welcome."
"Because you aren't," Matt glowered, "I didn't want you here. Chris didn't want you here. And Jess was blinded by infatuation. Happens to the best of us, but usually he can work past the more base urges. Guess you're an exception. I hope you feel special. But don't mistake it for the right decision."
"I'm not going anywhere," Rory crossed her arms across her chest, "And I mean that in two ways. I'm not going anywhere as in I'm not leaving Truncheon, the apartment upstairs, or Jess' life anytime in the forseeable future. If I have my way, probably ever on that last bit. Which means you're going to have to deal with me for a long time."
"And the other way?" Matt inquired, glaring at her.
"I'm not leaving this office until we figure this out. Jess is handling things outside."
"I can kick you out. I work here."
"Jess and Chris voted. 2-1. They win. I am not leaving this office until we figure this out. And neither are you."
"I'm pretty sure that the co-owner agreement doesn't have the ability to bind me to my chair," Matt narrowed his eyes.
"Maybe you shouldn't have made the agreement so vague then," Rory smirked, "Used a few more fancy words. Dared to specify."
"What exactly do you think you're going to accomplish here?" Matt asked, "Do you think you're going to make me like you? Forgive you? Give you another chance, or whatever you got Chris to do?"
"No," she answered, "I'm not stupid. You were right about that. But we're going to get on decent enough terms with each other than it no longer presents a conflict to Jess. To be honest, I don't care about you. Just like you don't give a rat's ass about me. But I care about Jess more than…"
"Oh, shut up," Matt cut her off, "You don't care about Jess. Or maybe you do this week. This month. Which boyfriend are you trying to piss off this time?"
Rory flushed crimson in humiliation and anger. She knew this is why Jess had wanted to come in, because Matt would be harsher. Matt wouldn't mince words if Jess wasn't there to protect her. Matt would be cruel. But this is why she'd wanted to talk to Matt alone in the first place. They wouldn't get anywhere with holds barred.
"You're not seriously telling me that you've never done something really cruel in your life," Rory responded, "If so you're full of it."
"I have, but not to people I loved. Not to people who meant something that important to me," Matt continued, "Not for such a superficial, stupid, petty, weak reason. To someone who had put so much goddamn strength into everything he did. With me as his motivation. So no, Rory. I've done cruel things. I've cheated on women. I've broken women's hearts. I've done wrong to my family and even my friends. But I've never done something as terrible as what you did to someone who did that much for me, because of me. No, I haven't."
Rory's eyes started to sting with tears. For the first time since she had started speaking to Jess again, she was finding the actual answers. And the truth wasn't pretty.
