Origins: Doctor Mario
"So, tell me, Mario, how familiar are you with alternate universes?"
Mario blinked. He was summoned to Master Hand's office, which already brought up long-repressed traumas of being sent to the principal's office in New Donk High, and to be blindsided with a question as obtuse as that?
"Luigi likes to read a lot of sci-fi, so I'm-a vaguely familiar with it," Mario explained, "Like the universe is the same but a few things are-a different?"
"Precisely," Master Hand began, "Ever since coming into contact with this universe there's been one off-shoot that's interested me greatly,"
Master Hand snapped his fingers. A portal blanketed one of the bay windows replacing the greenery of the Smash Mansion with the sterile white of a laboratory. A rotary phone rang. The portal shifted, like an eye upon a tilted head, to see the source of the noise. In a pink nurse's office was Peach, chomping bubble gum in her mouth.
"Ey, if that nurse's outfit is any indication, she's still got curves in all the right places," Mario whispered to Master Hand.
The silence was deafening.
Meanwhile, a universe, Peach picked up the phone, "Doctah Mario's office, how can we help ya?" she rudely snapped in a decidedly New Donkian accent.
Peach's face twisted into a frown, "Uh-huh. Address sir? Uh-huh. Have you been quaranti- sir Doctah Mario outlined the restrictions last time he- Sir, sir, sir, sir. Do not cuss at me, sir. We will be ovah soon,"
"Doc! We've got a live one," she shouted as soon as she hung up the phone.
A man strode into view. Wearing a white lab coat with bizarrely matched white pants, Mario was looking into the mirror.
"Who is it this time?"
The Doctor's voice made Mario dizzy. It was as if it was being spoken by the star of a medical drama on TV. But this was reality, this was him down another path in life.
"That Sniffit family, um…Fauci?" Nurse Peach announced.
"This is like the sixth time Fauci has broken restrictions. And he wonders why he keeps gettin' the virus?"
"Alright, that's our cue," Master Hand said, stepping through the portal, Mario following after him.
"Doctor Mario," began Master Hand, "I am Master Hand, and I bore witness to your battle against Rudy the Clown and Mad Scienstein, and…"
"Rudy the Clown? Mad Scienstein?" protested Mario, "What happened to Bowser?"
"Oh, you mean Mayor Doug?" Nurse Peach asked, "He's cleanin' up New Donk as we speak."
"Yes," stated Doctor Mario, jabbing an accusing finger at Mario, "And who are you? Last I checked, my twin brother was profiting off of his smut magazine."
"Enough," Master Hand shouted, "What I was trying to explain was that I'm Master Hand. I bore witness to your fight against those who would steal the virus. That alone has given me cause to invite you to our fighting tournament,"
"Oh," Doctor Mario muttered, "I haven't fought, not in a long time. I took boxing in high school, but since then I haven't so much as thrown a punch."
"Either Way," Master Hand said, flipping over and floating up to simulate a shrug, "I think it'd be worth your while. Because if you do, I'll give you the cure to the virus."
"What?"
Master Hand snapped his fingers. As he did, the phone rang again. The four stared at one another, unsure of what the next move should be.
"Go on," Master Hand hissed, "Pick it up,"
Nurse Peach picked up the phone, her hands shaking, "D-doctah Mario's office how can I help…Oh, Mistah Fauci? Wazzat? No symptoms? I…uh… yeah we just stumbled upon a cure. I still would suggest wearing a mask as not to transmit…no Mistah Fauci I'm not infringin' upon yer rights, I…ya know what, goodbye sir."
Nurse Peach hung up the phone as Master Hand continued, "No one in this cobbled-together world will ever get sick again if you join us."
"You've got a deal, but you still haven't explained who this person is."
"It's a-me Mario," Mario tipped his hat.
"No, I'm Mario," Doctor Mario growled.
"No, I'm Mario," Mario growled back.
"No, I am!"
"No I am!"
"No I am!"
"No, I am!"
"You both are Mario," bellowed Master Hand, "You all just occupy different universes,"
"Huh, sounds like the last sci-fi novel I just picked up," Doctor Mario mused.
Mario laughed, "You're gonna love my universe's Luigi."
"Well, this one's a scumbag, so the bar for Luigi love is very, very low."
Mario laughed once again, but Master Hand cut off any more banter. "If we could please get going. Your clothes have already been teleported there."
"Oh my God, you're going on a vacation without me." Nurse Peach suddenly whined.
"Yeah, we've been on every vacation together since we met in med school."
Nurse Peach pulled him into a hug, "I'm gonna miss you Teddie bear, give 'em hell."
"You know I will," Doctor Mario cooly responded.
As the two kissed, Mario caught a glimpse of something reflecting light off of it, something on the doctor's gloved finger. A wedding ring.
Just as Mario felt his throat clench from sadness and jealousy, Master Hand cleared an invisible throat, causing the couple to separate.
"You'll be receiving your spectator tickets once we get all set up. Such public display of affection is not necessary."
The affectionate couple blushed, clearing their own throats. Doctor Mario waved one final goodbye, stepping through the portal with Mario and Master Hand.
Upon stepping into the mansion, Doctor Mario froze, "My patients! How will we implement the cure?" he wailed.
"Calm down Doctor," Master Hand explained, "This place exists in its own dimension, so time has not advanced, nor will it. You'll be dropped off at this exact moment at the conclusion of the tournament. Mario, I trust you'll show the doctor to one of the available rooms?"
"Yes sir," Mario said.
"Good," Master Hand growled, disappearing in a snap of his fingers.
"So uh…" Mario began as they walked up the staircase, "You married your Peach eh?"
"Yes, right out of med school. She chewed out the class asshole for getting a question wrong about hemoglobin and it was love at first sight. You?"
Mario cast his glance down as the two pushed through the double doors, "No, she's… a princess. Of the Mushroom Kingdom."
"I'll be damned," said Doctor Mario, his eyes widening, "Apparently whatever divergence separates us forgot some fairy tale magic on the way."
Mario chuckled, but it wasn't a real one. Every time he had to bring up the fact that heritage separated him from the girl of his wildest dreams, he felt a piece of his soul die. Reading his doctor counterpart's expression, he must've picked up on it, as his expression became a melancholy one.
"So," blurted the suave doctor, "Where's this universe's Luigi?"
"Probably trying to beat his own record at the DDR machine downstairs,"
Doctor Mario smirked, "Now that I'm familiar with."
"Well, that's where the familiarities are going to end with some of these people. Try not to have a heart attack when you meet Bowser."
The doctor raised an inquisitive eyebrow, "Why would I? Is he a mayor as well?"
"Well, not exactly…" Mario explained as the two continued further down the hall.
