Hey, Dewey speaking, guess who has four paws, a head with outsized proportions, and is finally free from the confines of a closet?
..I'm still waiting for your answer, enigmatic voice in my head that prevents me from doing all kinds of bad things, also known as: conscience.
... I'm still waiting ~
..hmm, you know, I've never really thought about the almost overwhelming amount of echo that resonates in my head whenever I try to contact my consciousness.
Deeeweeyy is eel meeejooooor ~
hehe, i really should start imagining furniture in this very open and empty place where my conscience is supposed to reside.
hmm, the first thing I'm thinking about is placing a very nice nightstand right next to a comfortable sofa bed that is right in front of a fireplace that is always on.
Oh well, that's for later.
Right now I'm trying to win a rubber chicken pull competition against Dorothy.
Spoilert alert: she is surprisingly much stronger than me.
Therefore, I have to be more agile than her.
Crocodile-Kangaroo-Caribbean style!
"Whoa, look what Dewey is doing," I heard one of my many brothers yell.
I quickly started jumping and rolling onto my belly as I convulsed on the floor still holding the rubber chicken.
Rode like a crocodile that keeps its prey fixed on its fauses.
jump like a kangaroo that, uh, well ... bounces?
And I was convulsed as emphatically as an annoyed Caribbean man in the middle of a tantrum trying to jump in line at McDonalds.
My millennial style of the Crocodile-Kangaroo-Caribbean , quickly made me gain even more ground in our very fun rubber chicken tugging competition against Dorothy.
In the end, I was victorious in my glorious battle of wills against Dorothy.
The rubber chicken was mine.
Therefore ... the glory of victory was mine.
With that in mind, I made sure that absolutely all of my siblings in the yard found out about this when I quickly turned in his direction and lifted the rubber chicken over my head.
And exclaim to the heavens themselves:
"BA BAAA!"
"Baba ...brrp "(you scared me ... you cheated), Dorothy stuck her tongue out at me in response.
Then I turned to see her with a smug smile on my snout.
"Ba ba ba, brrp", (universal rule number 1 sis: the best ones always cheat), I exclaimed while pointing the rubber chicken at him, "Ba ba ba, ba ba" (now as we previously agreed, you will be the one to throw the tennis ball for me to chase)
"Bba baba", (I don't feel like it anymore, let's play something else)
"Baba !?" (what !?), I exclaimed as I dropped the chicken to the ground, and saw Dorothy sad, "... Baba ba, humm" (... b-but I really wanted to play throw the ball).
Dorothy looked away, "baba", (I don't play to throw the ball with cheats), she said, then her belly started to growl, and she turned to see, "baba ba ba", (I'm hungry let's eat)
I can't believe what Dorothy is saying, the winner of our contest of wills was supposed to be the one chasing the ball, that was the deal!
"Baba va ba brrp" (I'm not hungry, you can go on your own), I huffed looking away, and took the rubber chicken over my head, "baba ba", (I'm going to find someone who really wants to play with me at throw the ball)
Dorothy just rolled her eyes and left in the direction of our home.
hmmp, I can't believe how low some dogs can go.
Surely this would not happen if my many brothers and sisters had not scared our former mascot / billionaire Slave to an island in the middle of nowhere prior to my birth.
How do I know about that !?:
Well, Mom likes to talk to Dad a lot about how weird it seemed to him, that someone who goes by the name Dodie, alone in his house full of dogs there decided:
'hey I'm eccentric and have a lot of money, I'm going to leave a bunch of fine breed Dalmatians unattended in a home in the middle of Camden at 101 Dalmatian street, surely no one will try to steal or adopt them, look how eccentric I am!'
that is to say, it is not that I have anything against the idea of leaving dozens of dogs alone as we are in a home.
Clearly we can take care of our basic needs without the intervention of a human for all that I have seen and heard so far.
But I still have that little voice in my head that keeps telling me that it is only a matter of time before some wild human discovers that they can only walk in the door and walk out with anything of value that is inside our home.
It's not like we can call the police to make a real report.
I mean, we have a police horse, I think, but that's just as useful in a real dangerous situation as a policeman in a wheelchair.
Jesus Christ, now that I think about it ..., I have never felt so unsafe in my own home.
Before, in my time as a human, my mommy and I had at least my daddy to protect our home.
And let me tell you something about my human dad.
He was the biggest person I know, and he was also very scary when he got angry.
Oh, and now that I remember it better, he was also a million times scarier when he had a nearly empty glass bottle in his hand.
it was just thanks to him that I felt completely safe whenever I returned home after doing all kinds of funny antics outside, Hehe, no one ever dared to provoke the wrath of the incredible dragon that was my dad.
mmm-hmm, certainly my dad was a mighty dragon and my mom and I were his precious treasure, maybe that's why he always hit people who said weird things to Mommy.
Although ... he sometimes hit me too ... hard ... but ..I'm sure that was just for the same reason my mom used to chain me to the water heater in the basement.
I was behaving badly.
... God ...
... I miss both mom and dad.
I no longer ... feel like I want to play throwing the ball ...I think-I think I'll just call this a day, and I'll just go take a little nap in front of the painting of my old human mom in the basement.
I am, almost 101% sure that doing that will surely make me feel better.
It was as I led my brooding self back into my home, and subsequently to the basement.
That I felt like I was suddenly raised high above the ground for a couple of ...
Hands
"And who are your little one?", he wonder, in perfect English the orange haired individual who turned me towards his face, our noses touched, that was intense "oohh, aren't you the cutest thing in the world?"
I just blink and bow my head in response as I allow myself to settle back on the ground and watch how the human proceed to look more around with a wonder that would put a preschooler visiting the Interactive Science Museum to shame.
I decided it would be a good idea to follow him. Like many of my brothers, apparently.
I have a lot of questions hovering in my head right now, like:
What does a human do in our home?
Is it some kind of homeless trying to sneak into my home?
Should I wake up my inner chihuahua and start barking erratically from left to right to let the whole world know that there is an intruder in our home?
Would the positronic princess agree to be in an open relationship with me Mr. Box and maybe Dawkins?
What is the molecular structure of water?
What happens if you add salt to a frog?
So many questions.
Such important questions.
Maybe if I continue follow this mysterious human I would get my answers.
I continued to watch with growing fascination as Dolan seemed hell-bent on having this human do his housework.
hmm, silly Dolan, if you really want to train a slave you need to whip him on the back first so he knows who's in charge, not just give him a bottle of soap and wait for him to clean all our bowls for you.
Seriously, I am the only one in our household who has read '101 Right Ways to Train Your Slave' ... Although I think that was strangely written on an admissions pamphlet for Walmart minimum wage workers.
Oh, something new and fascinating is happening. the human has only just discovered that he can in fact exercise total dominion over our stained, small, and vulnerable bodies to throw us carelessly on the wet floor as if he were a professional curling player.
It sounds like fun, but just when I was going to take my turn to play a curling rock shaped like a dog.
Dolan came in and ruined all the fun for me and all my other brothers and sisters.
Party pooper.
Then another fascinating fact passed right in front of my eyes.
the human found his one true love.
His true love was in the form of a simple pink scouring pad that Dolan, like some mysterious envoy of Cupid, had placed in his hands.
I observe how the human danced a salsa with the passion of a Don Juan experienced in the ways of love and heartbreak.
Then I knew.
That mop ... had found his right match.
I almost cried, it was beautiful.
It was like witnessing two Angels of titanic proportions dance their last dance on earth before the end of time.
The human made bold and fleeting movements.
and the mopping lady, in a very tragic outcome of fate, always responded to the incredible passion of the human with her perpetual stoic being ... Becouse, she didn't have a face.
It was so tragic, but so beautiful at the same time ...These two poor and misunderstood souls danced, because, in their very tragic history, one would always lack the face to respond to the other's pure and reciprocated love.
Dante, Gothic Brother, crazy paranoid end-time prophet as we know them, likes to wear eyeliner, etc, he was right next to me witnessing all this tragic and beautiful outcome with the same eyes as me.
"Ba ba, baa ba" (don't cry brother, the important thing is that they both found a way to show their silent love), I said, as I quickly put a comforting paw on his back, drawing his attention.
"Thanks Dewey, I really needed to hear that," he said as he brushed the tears off his nose and nodded in the direction of the human.
I, too, nodded in the direction of the human until I lost sight of him and had to move quickly to continue narrating whatever he was doing.
I really like to narrate things.
ah, I see that not even the stairs are an impediment for this magnificent don Juan to stop his dance with the mop lady.
On the other hand, it seems like a room clogged with dozens of toys of many colors and shapes ... they are.
¡Seaquake!
I quickly dove even down the aisle to avoid being buried like Dolan was concerned about the great wave of toys that was coming our way from the stairs to the second floor.
For one second ... I seriously feared for the human's life, that guy had just fallen wildly from our second floor stairs and was then buried by an avalanche of chew toys!
He could be suffocating or something!
Just when I was going to release the loudest scream of my life.
Daddy dog made an appearance on the second floor up the stairs.
Oh no, we woke up dad!
Quick, everyone run and make yourself a ball in a corner before it hits us all-!
¡Wait!, Dewey, remember. This is not our human dad.
Ooohh you're right myself ... and I still can't quite decide if that's a good thing or a bad thing in the long run.
I mean, Daddy dog looks slightly chunky, but I have a suspicion that even an elderly human in a weird black wetsuit could beat him.
It's too soft.
believe me, I know very well, I slept on it for a long time before they let me out of the closet.
Whoa, God, that sounded so bad now that I think about it.
"honey, try-" Dad exclaimed before the orange-haired human's body resurfaced from the pile of toys like a majestic phoenix.
Daddy dog's tired eyes widened after spotting the home invader, "why is a human in our house?"
Dolan, who had also just risen from the sea of squeaky toys in a less majestic way, quickly gulped.
Oh so it's Dolan who brought the human into our home? Hmm, I never saw him as that kind of dog.
"Ah well, that kinda, maybe, my fault"
Dizzy and Dee dee were the two in charge of betraying Dolan, when they jumped out and into the sea toys.
"Its Dylan-"
"-new pet!"
Daddy dog was shocked by this statement, "Your Pet !?", he asked as he quickly shook off what little sleep he might still have framed in his snout.
"Do you know humans can live over 100 years, that's 700 years of a dog!" Dad exclaimed as he approached Dolan, "that's 10 generations"
Wait what!?
100 human years equals 700 dog years? That ... is really strange, I thought we aged in the same way.
that is, I am 8 months old, that in dog age as far as I think I know would translate to how the beginnings of my adolescence-adults ... I think.
Is it perhaps my perception of time that is wrong here? Maybe 8 months have not passed since I was born.
Or, maybe, dogs perceive time in different ways than Homo sapiens sapiens?
How old is Dorothy?
Why does it look like we were born at the same time when it is clear that she arrived first than me?
Okay, this is making my brain explode, I have to find something to distract me before I start speaking German.
"... park!"
Nanite itta nda, chichiyo !?
"¡Trigger word!", Dolly chanted cheerfully behind our Otōsan's back.
Aaahhh! This is my first trip to the park! Quick brothers and sisters, I want to see how the outside world is like.
(To be continue)
Au:Again, I'm really sorry if I made you wait for the chapters, but I'm still trying to bring you some quality work that you can enjoy without so many grammatical errors.Please let me know if you find any gramma mistake, and I will correct it as soon as possible.
