"It's done."
"What's done?"
"The thing that I've been waiting to do for basically my entire adult life."
"Joining the circus?"
"Try again."
"Breaking the world record for polka dancing?"
"You guys suck at this."
"Just tell us!"
"I finally replaced Sanders."
"What?" Rory exclaimed, "But how? Chris and Matt…"
"Gave in once I found a suitable replacement."
"Wait, who's Sanders?" Lorelai asked, confused. Jess sighed.
"This awful author whose books we've been publishing for years against my better judgment. And giving prime real estate in the store."
"But now he's gone! Who did you find to replace him?"
"Guy named Brock. Writes weird, modern Beat type crap, but I really like it. Matt and Chris do too, it's strange but in an awesome way."
"As if you need more Beat influence."
"Hey, until the place is full of orgies and drugs, we obviously need more Beat influence."
"Fine, fine. Who am I to question your artistic sensibilities?"
"Anyways, I'm about to go demolish the Sanders stack but I need caffeine first. I'm assuming you're both ready for your next fix?"
"Are we ever not ready for the next fix?"
"Remind me never to let you guys near heroin."
"Unless it's caffeinated I'm probably not interested anyway."
"So this is…"
"A coffeeshop."
"I could tell."
"Then why did you ask?"
"Because it's not our coffeeshop. Have you been holding out on me?"
"This is a work coffeeshop. I come here with writers."
"So you have been holding out on me."
"Um, not to interrupt your lovers' quarrel or anything, but can we actually get coffee? Otherwise the Mommy's going to start having withdrawal symptoms."
"Fine. But we are not done talking about this!" Rory pouted.
"I didn't think you'd like it!"
"It's a coffee shop! How would I possibly not like it?"
"It's…"
"It's what?"
"Masculine."
"WHAT?"
"Oh boy…" Lorelai rolled her eyes, turning towards the woman at the counter, "Hi, three large coffees and a couple Xanax? I think she might need them."
"What exactly makes a coffee shop 'masculine', Jess? It's not like there are bear skins on the walls."
"Nothing. Forget it."
"Forget what? That my boyfriend's a sexist?"
"Okay kid, I think you need your fix sooner rather than later," Lorelai said, handing Rory the coffee, "Drink it fast enough and he'll just turn into a blur." Rory looked at Jess with dagger eyes. He sighed.
"Fine, if it means that much to you, I will bring you to every coffee shop I know in this city. Happy?"
"You're buying at all of them," Rory scowled. Lorelai smirked.
"Mommy taught her well."
"In other news," Jess rolled his eyes, "Chris had something interesting to tell me this morning."
"Oh?"
"He and Hannah are moving in together."
"Really?" Rory squealed, "He finally gave in?"
"Apparently."
"That's so great! Hannah is amazing, he's really lucky."
"Yeah, they seem like a good match."
"I'm glad she'll be around."
"You two seem to get along pretty well."
"It's nice to balance out some of your masculine energy when Mom isn't here to help me do so."
"Mommy can always be here if she can live in this coffee shop."
"Can you stop referring to yourself in the third person?"
"I accept bribes."
"Fine," Jess rolled his eyes, heading for the counter. Lorelai turned to Rory.
"So...not to pry, but have you and Jess thought at all about moving somewhere? You're kind of living together by default."
"It's convenient living above Truncheon," Rory answered, crossing her arms over her chest, "But no, it hasn't really come up."
"You might want to think about it, kid. It's a small space.
"We like it cozy."
"So do I. Do you not remember we lived in a shed? There's a difference between cozy and cramped."
"We like things how they are."
"Okay, okay. Just asking."
"The only thing that's problematic is not having room for more books. But we always manage to find space."
"Like you need more books."
"We always need more books!"
"Rory, you alone own three copies of that stupid…"
"It's not stupid! It's romantic!"
"It's not romantic to marry your stepbrother. Well then again, maybe for you…"
"Okay, done talking now." Jess held the coffee out to Lorelai, and Rory took it.
"She's cut off."
"You sure that's safe? You don't want her going all House of Cards on you…"
"There's no subway here."
"Fine, I'll work on a more apt reference, but I just personally would be sad if you were murdered."
"And you're coming dangerously close to it," Lorelai scowled, "Luckily I still have the power of walking." She went up to the counter to get a refill. Jess looked at Rory.
"Everything okay?"
"Of course. Mom's just being Mom."
"So crazy?"
"I wouldn't have her any other way."
Three cups of coffee later…
"I think you guys are gonna need to be sedated."
"Relax, Jess, we're fine. Just mildly buzzed."
"Mildly? You've had five cups of coffee in less than an hour. I still can't believe you guys snuck those last two by me."
"We've had years and years of practice."
"Luke is going to kill me."
"Oh, come now, Luke understands. I steal his coffee all the time."
"And he screams at you whenever you do it!"
"Do you have a point?"
"You two are addicts, I swear," Jess sighed, "Thank god after tonight I'll only have to corral the one of you."
"Oh please, you know you'll miss me," Lorelai sing-songed. Jess narrowed his eyes.
"Corrupting my girlfriend isn't necessarily the most endearing of your features."
"Hey, she was my daughter before she was your girlfriend!"
"Which is why she has all those bad habits in the first place."
"You mean delightful character quirks?"
"You're cracked."
"You're mean. And you love her, quirks and all."
Jess looked at Rory and smiled. Lorelai gagged.
"You two are nauseating."
"That's the five cups of unadulteratedly intense coffee."
"Pretty sure it's you guys."
"Careful, or I'll switch you to decaf."
Lorelai nearly choked, "Why would you even say that out loud? Blasphemy!"
"If you cut her off, I might cut you off," Rory smirked. Jess raised his eyebrows.
"Oh, really?"
"Really."
"Well then. That's a horse of a different color. Lorelai, apparently you are free to mock me and drink as much coffee as you want."
"I don't know how I feel about my daughter's body being bartered in this way. On the other hand, thank you, Loinfruit, for your loyalty."
"Just drink your coffee."
