Jasper rubbed his sore nose with a soft huff. Doctor Drab was settled against the wall, glowering at everyone that looked at him. But he had a nice view of the upcoming fights so Jasper just left him to it. After the whole fiasco of landing on the man and accidentally hitting him in a rather painful spot when he scrambled to get off, he was glad that Doctor Drab was paralysed. As much as he liked him… he looked like he had a temper and Jasper was very leery of being near angry adults (or adults in general), even if the guy looked far older than his actual age suggested.
"Next match, Hanzo vs Kurapika! Start!"
That was Baldie, right? And Kurapika was Blondie?
He felt his stomach twist unpleasantly. Hadn't Baldie been hurting Gon? Was the ninja man going to do the same to another one of Jasper's maybe-friends?
His nails dug into his palm and he turned away from the fight. He couldn't watch that again. He didn't remember the end of Gon's fight and he didn't want to have another episode like that. This was a good day and he didn't need blank spots in his memories to ruin it for him. Instead, he trotted over to Lerio and plopped himself in front of the man.
Behind him he could hear dull thunks and thuds but he forcefully tuned it out. "You never told me how you managed to wield a knife like that," he said loudly, forcing a grin on his face.
Doctor Drab blinked at him. His eyes shifted to the fight, then back over to Jasper's face. There was a short snort before the teen tried to respond. "'aad to l-learrrn," he slurred awkwardly, his lips and tongue not quite moving normally. Jasper felt his right eye twinge at the strange sight but he blinked it away quickly. "'Uff 'ild'ood."
"Rough childhood?" Doctor Drab hummed in confirmation. "Will you teach me?"
A loud thud sounded behind him and brown eyes flickered away again briefly. "Yeaa."
"Awesome," he barked in glee. "I learned a few things already from my Aunt Fei, like how to hold it and to stab the pointy end into people but you handle it way better than I do. I mean, I guess I've never really tried to learn more. 'Cause I haven't gotten much better than when I had my memories. I usually only use my knife when I know I have a shot at making it hurt. But you didn't! You hit Purple over and over and he didn't bleed much but his hand couldn't hold that arrow anymore. So, does that mean you hurt the, uh, the… muscle in the hand? I can do that for the feet! Well, the ankle. But you must have a lot of knowledge about the body, right? That's why I call you doctor, I think-"
"Hanzo wins!"
His loud rambling was drowned out by the announcement, making him jump a little. Doctor Drab's eyes were shining with amusement and even his lips were pulling up in a smile.
"La'errr."
"Right… right. Sorry," he laughed nervously. He hadn't realized that he'd been talking so much or that he'd been getting progressively louder until now. He placed his hands on the floor, lifting just enough to turn his body towards the fighters. Blondie was picking himself up off the floor with a wince, his hand rubbing at the back of his neck. Baldie was standing next to him, a small smile stretching his lips.
"You're pretty fast and you've got one hell of a swing," Baldie commented, rubbing his sternum. "I'm sure you'll win your next match!"
Blondie scoffed but he did nod in the ninja's direction before heading over to Killua. From where he was sitting, Blondie looked okay, if not a little upset as he shoved his wooden blades behind his back. Relief swelled over Jasper like a wave, and he slumped a bit.
"O'aaay?"
Doctor Drab was watching him, brown eyes scanning his form carefully. He smiled at the drugged man easily. "I'm okay! I was worried about Blondie but he looks okay!"
The announcer man shifted, bringing his arm up and slashing it down the same as he had the last few matches. "Next match, Killua vs Pokkle!"
Jasper watched Killua look at the archer still sitting by the medic and let out a scoff. "That would be no fun. I give up, he can have the win. I'll fight next round."
He frowned in confusion. Fighting an injured man would have guaranteed a win, so why didn't Killua fight?
Before he could even try to get up and question the other boy, the suited man spoke up again. "Very well! Pokkle wins! Next match, Kurapika vs Hisoka. Start!"
All thoughts of questioning Killua flew from his mind as soon as the clown man started walking forward. Gold eyes flashed briefly in his direction and he shivered, hunching in on himself. Even just that short view had his stomach churning in unease and Blondie was going to face this man. If he'd been worried about the fight with Baldie… well, now he was ready to flee from whatever results this fight was going to have. He couldn't get involved and so couldn't change the outcome. And something in his gut was saying that Blondie was going to get hit hard.
…
Jasper ended up squishing himself into Doctor Drab's side. It was uncomfortable, it made his skin crawl, and it was still better than watching the fight. While he'd rather try to talk to Killua (considering Doctor Drab couldn't really speak so well currently), the boy was focused rather intensely on the fight. So, he turned from the fight and shoved his face in between Doctor Drab's arm and the wall and started humming a lullaby from his mom. It didn't do nearly enough considering how loud they were but he eventually made it to the end where Kurapika was announced the winner.
Which what…?
He jerked around to stare at the clown sauntering back to his previous spot with a wide smirk adorning his face. Curiosity be damned, Jasper was not going anywhere near that man. The longer he looked at him the worse that gut feeling of his got.
Blondie on the other hand, looked worn out and Jasper couldn't quite understand what emotion was currently on the teen's face. When those eyes looked up and caught Jasper looking, the blonde suddenly looked a bit horrified. Then he was rushing over with quick, neat steps. As Blondie reached them, kneeling down in front of the two of them, the announcer behind them called out, "Killua vs Gittarackur."
"Jasper, don't fight your first round, okay? You'll be up against Hisoka and that… just don't fight him."
"I'll be fighting clown man first go around?" he squeaked in alarm. Why couldn't he have fought Blondie? He'd much rather have a friendly match than anything to do with a man that was giving him literal nausea.
"Yes. Please. Throw it as soon as possible." The seriousness in Blondie's tone did absolutely nothing but make him feel worse.
"Kay," he responded weakly. If he threw his first match, he'd only have one more chance. It was going to be a huge gamble but… he was determined not to be the only loser.
Blondiee let out a breath, his shoulders relaxing. He turned to Doctor Drab with a small smile. "And how are you doing, Leorio?"
"Greeeaaa'," the brunette hummed, sarcasm practically spilling from his mouth. "'Illuaa."
"Right. Jasper, would you like to come stand with me?" Blondie asked, glancing over his shoulder.
"Start!"
"I don't really want to watch," he whispered, feeling stupid over the apparent weakness. After Gon's match, however, he just really didn't want to see or hear any of it.
Blondie nodded, standing back up with no questions asked. He didn't move too far away, only close enough that he wasn't blocking their own view of the fight. Which was turning out to be more of a conversation and-
Jasper's jaw dropped.
Did that man just shapeshift?
Pinhead wasn't actually a pinhead!?
"Big brother Illumi!?"
"I heard you stabbed Mom and Milluki."
Even from where Jasper was he could see Killua shudder and take a step back. His hands were already halfway up like he wasn't sure if he should be defending himself. "You could say that…"
Wait… Killua had actually hurt his own family? But… why?
"Mom couldn't stop crying," the newly revealed Illumi continued. And that just made Jasper's emotions towards the boy twist towards sour. Why would he attack his own family? Hadn't they raised him? "Tears of joy."
His mom was happy that he stabbed her? Was it… some form of training? But then why did his big brother not know where he was?
What?
Jasper was so confused but the pinhead who was not actually a pinhead was still talking so he couldn't even sort through all of the strange feelings that were now cropping up.
"But she's concerned about you being out on your own so she called me to check up on you when I got the chance. Lucky me, huh? I had no idea you were going to be taking the Exams… even if Mom said you might. As for me, I'm here to get a license for a job that's come up."
Killua's shoulder hunched, and despite the mess of how he felt towards the white haired boy right now it still made Jasper want to go over and try to distract his… maybe-friend. When he next spoke, Killua's voice was subdued and hesitant even if he didn't stumble over his words. "I don't actually want to be a Hunter… I just felt like taking the exam."
Okay. If he had one more confusing revelation his chest and head were surely going to explode from the emotional overload. Was this something he had been told before? Or had Killua kept it to himself? Why was he taking the Exams if he didn't want to be a Hunter!?
Despite not wanting to watch the fight, his attention was now riveted on it. He couldn't look away even if he wanted to.
"I see. That's a relief. In that case I have some advice for you." Suddenly, the air started to thicken and weigh heavily upon his shoulders. Jasper gasped in a breath, terrified of the malice now rolling off the tall man in green. For the first time, that color didn't equate to safety anymore. "You're not cut out to be a Hunter. You were born for one purpose. To be an assassin."
Assassin…?
Like stab you in the middle of the night and run away, assassin…? He just couldn't picture that!
"You're a puppet of darkness, devoid of passion. There is nothing you desire, nor is there anything you wish for. As one who lives in the shadows, the only pleasure you're capable of is derived from causing death. Because… that's how Dad and I raised you."
His hands were trembling now, in fear and growing anger. Fear for himself and for Killua and anger because… he hated how this man was talking to his little brother. That's not how a family should treat each other. Family was supposed to be close, share fun and joy. This man, this Illumi, said that Killua wasn't allowed to have that. That he didn't feel that at all. It… It wasn't right. Killua laughed and had fun- their wrestling match from this morning came to mind- and he enjoyed being challenged as far as Jasper had noticed. So- So, this man was wrong!
Though it was verging on something blasphemous to how he viewed family, Jasper thought Killua might have been in the right by stabbing them if this was how he was treated at home.
"What do you imagine you would accomplish by becoming a Hunter?"
"It's true. I don't really want to be a Hunter, but everyone wants something. So, you're wrong; there is something that I really want," Killua protested vehemently. His posture was small but defensive, ready to fight for his decision. The air only grew heavier and Jasper was now extremely worried. If this turned into another Gon match, he wasn't sure what he would do. Killua had already admitted to not wanting to be a Hunter so intervening was a possibility. But would it disqualify him or Killua?
And…
If Killua was really in danger would Jasper really sacrifice his chance at a license? His chance at finding his family?
"Hm. Enlighten me. What is it that you really want?" Illumi's hand floated up in an offhand gesture of dismissal and his blank looking face and voice did not hide how contemptuous he sounded.
If Jasper thought he could get away with it, he'd stab this man right in his annoyingly blank eyes. The way that Killua lowered his head just set off every protective instinct the preteen never knew that he had. He balled his fists in his shirt and bit his lip to keep himself from doing something rash.
"What's the matter? There really isn't anything, is there?"
"There is!" Killua was shivering now, sweat glistening brightly on his pale skin. When he finally spoke again, his chin was tilting up but his eyes were still lowered, refusing to look at his older brother. "I… want to be friends with Gon… and Jasper…"
Jasper felt his breath catch in his throat as his chest warmed under the simple declaration. For some reason… he just knew that this was the first time the other boy was admitting this. For him to admit this in front of an older brother he was seemingly terrified of- Killua, like Gon, really wanted to be his friend.
"I'm so sick of killing people. I just want… to be friends with Gon and Jas. I just want to have fun."
"Impossible."
And just like that, Jasper decided that if Killua's family wasn't going to take care of him, he was just going to have to bring the boy to his own when he found them. They would definitely like and take care of him, especially as Jasper was going to return the friend claiming as soon as he could. As soon as Killua… was finished with his match.
"You are incapable of friendship. The only thing that you can do is discern whether or not you can kill them. That is all you were ever taught. Gon has such a radiant personality that you don't know how to classify him. You don't actually desire his friendship."
At this point Jasper had pushed himself to his feet, his knees trembling with his conflicting desire to help but not get involved.
"If you stay with him, one day you'll end up wanting to kill him. You'll wonder if you can and you'll want to find out because you are, by nature, a murderer."
Murderermurderermurderer-
RedREDReD"We're already his friend," Jasper yelled, unable to contain it anymore. Behind him he could hear Doctor Drab making a loud grunt of agreement and in front of him, Blondie had turned to look at him in astonishment. "So stop talking to him like that! He said he doesn't want to kill anymore and you can't make him!"
Those black eyes turned to Jasper and he froze, like a rabbit caught in the eyes of a fox. They were deep and endless, a void of nothing sat in the face of a mask that portrayed distaste the like of which one might direct at dirt on one's shoe. "I see." Illumi's hand curled around his mouth as he continued speaking, turning away and allowing Jasper to discreetly gasp in a breath. "This troubles me. You are already friends, you claim? I don't understand your penchant for monsters, Kil."
"W-what?"
"Oh, well. I'll just have to kill Gon and that thing." Thing? Was… was that terrifying man referring to Jasper when he said that? Wait! He wanted to kill Gon and himself!? "Assasins have no use for friends. They only get in the way."
There were needles in Illumi's hands now and he was turning back towards him. Jasper wanted to scream but his voice was caught in a thick painful knot at the base of his throat and his limbs were still paralyzed with the ever increasing malice. It was absolutely not a surprise that Killua was terrified of his older brother and though he could not express it now, he was only more determined to steal the boy away.
(He was a good thief, after all.)
"I'll start with the closest one." His attention was jerked back to the immediate danger, even as Kurapika shifted in front of him, one hand already clasped around his wooden swords.
"Hey! Wait a second, the match is still-"
Faster than he could comprehend, there were needles lodged in the announcer man's face and he was screaming as his skin started to warp painfully. Jasper could only stare in horror, those dispassionate eyes staring directly at him. "Don't get in my way."
His vision was suddenly blocked as more people came to stand in front of him. Blondie was directly in front of him but Baldie came to cover one side and even Hisoka shifted close enough to intervene. Though their presence was supposed to be comforting, he still felt like death was looming over him.
"Oh. Damn. If I kill them I'll be disqualified and Kil will automatically pass," came the empty voice, his visage blocked by the blue of Blondie's strange clothing choice. "Ah… and the same thing will happen if I kill it or Gon. I know! If I win, then I can kill it with no consequences. And after that I can track down Gon. If I pass this exam first, I can kill everyone here and still keep my license, isn't that right?"
"That's right, according to the rules," Ink Beard responded casually and Jasper couldn't help but gape in the man's direction. He was agreeing to this!? Wasn't he against the killing? He'd literally set everything up to avoid bloodshed!
"Did you hear that, Kil? If you don't beat me, I'll kill your friends," Illumi said with a chillingly dead laugh. "Will you be able to fight for your friendships?" He paused and there was silence. Jasper could not see Killua (not without putting himself into that man's line of sight) but if he felt anything like Jasper did, it was more than understandable. "No. You can't. Because deep down you're more worried about if you can beat me or not, aren't you? And you already know the answer. 'I'm not strong enough to beat my big brother,' you're thinking. Remember the lesson I drilled into you? Never go up against a superior opponent.
Don't move. Move one more inch and I will assume the fight has begun. The same goes for if our bodies come in contact with each other before the fight starts. There is only one way to stop me. And you know it… But don't forget, if you decide that you won't fight me, your dear friends will certainly die."
The silence that followed was agonizingly heavy. Ringing was starting in his ears and Jasper felt as if his knees would give out any moment.
"You win, Illumi. I admit defeat."
Killua's voice rang clearly across the room despite being hardly above a whisper. And with it the malice disappeared, leaving Jasper gasping against Blondie's back as he staggered forward into the teen.
That had to be the most terrifying thing he'd ever experienced. It had to be.
He was so scared that he'd been frozen! No matter how much he wanted to stand up for Killua again, his voice would not appear and his muscles would not move. Though, he did now have respect for whatever childhood the assassin boy had lived through. It must have been horrific.
And then Illumi's voice spoke again. And it was almost happy even despite the monotone. "Ah! I feel better now. I wasn't really going to kill your friends but now I've gotten what I want."
Jasper peaked around Blondie's side, worried eyes taking in the scene, his fists clenching in Blondie's clothes to keep him steady. "I have to tell you," Illumi hummed, leaning down so he was face to face with his brother. One hand settled on his hip but the other carded through white hair until his fingers were buried and his thumb rested in the middle of Killua's forehead. The preteen's eyes were wide and hollow, staring as if seeing something far in the distance. "You don't have the qualifications for friends. Moreso, you don't need any. You'll continue listening to what Dad and I tell you. You only have to do everything correctly and it will all be ok. And if someday it becomes necessary for you to pass this exam, then I'll guide you but today is not that day."
Illumi pulled away and turned to walk back to the sidelines completely avoiding the strange little huddle Jasper was in. He paused when he turned around, though, pointer finger coming up to tap his lips. "Oh, I almost forgot, Kil. Dad wants you to come home now."
With that strange closing statement, everything fell quiet and the audience was treated to the sight of a small boy coming to life in fits and starts. And though his body jerked and moved, his face was blank and his eyes were hidden by his bangs. He didn't move very far, only a few feet away from the middle of the room, but it was just enough to show he was out of the way.
"Right then." Another suited man stepped forward, shoving his glasses up his nose. The previous one was already being looked over by the medic. "Next match, Hisoka vs. Jasper!"
He jumped, his hand clenching at the blue cloth caught between his fists. No way. Absolutely not. "I surrender," he wheezed side-eyeing Hisoka who had sidled even closer to him unexpectedly. The pouting look of disappointment should not be on any adult's face and it made him push closer to Blondie. The teen in front of him shifted, slowly forcing Jasper to move or let go. Considering he was shifting Jasper further out of view, he followed along willingly.
"Hisoka wins! Next match, Jasper vs. Killua!"
Now that was something he could handle!
With a puff of relief exhaled from his mouth, he skittered his way to the middle of the room. Under heavy scrutiny from so many eyes- some of which he knew were extremely hostile- he was not feeling so well. But this was just Killua and even if he was feeling absolutely awful because of his brother, he wasn't nearly as bad as Hisoka or Illumi.
Killua stood in front of him shortly and Jasper still couldn't see his eyes. He pursed his lips, ready to talk to his friend to see if he could get him out of his slump. Honestly, Killua would probably give him the win if he asked but considering what just happened, Jasper wanted to work his way up to asking first.
"Start!"
He jerked back in shock when the boy appeared right in front of him, but he didn't get very far because-
He could see Killua's eyes now. They had darkened to deep blue, dull, and fathomless. He looked at Jasper with no recognition and the moment stretched on into eternity.
The look in his eyes-
Empty-
So empty…
Killua-
Ah. His chest was warm…
Why?
Jasper finally tore his gaze away from his suffering friend to look down at his chest. A pale wrist stuck out of it, Jasper's own hands wrapped tightly around it. Red was staining the front of his shirt, ruining the snow white color of Killua's skin, and warming his belly with the streaks of it.
Red.
So much red.
"Oh."
He was pretty sure the wrist was supposed to be attached to hand but he couldn't see it. Which meant-
There were fine tremor's he could feel now in his fingers. Jasper wasn't sure if it was his own limbs shaking or Killua's. He looked back up, on the single tear trail that worked its way down a porcelain cheek. It made the boy look wretched in a doll-like fashion.
Like watching the sun rise, a light built up in Killua's eyes; from deep abyss to sparkling sky, Jasper watched the transformation with something close to awe.
And then it was tainted by twisting features.
No. No, no, no. Now he just looked sad-
Jasper tried to reach up, one hand releasing it's death grip on the boy's wrist to go up, up, up. His body shifted along with the movement and suddenly the warmth in his chest turned agonizing. His fingers dropped millimeters from Killua's cheek as he tried to curl around the hand still- still-
"Jas… No- I… I didn't-" His voice was quiet and pained. "I-I'm not a- I'm not…" He wheezed, the pounding of his heartbeat started to drown out everything. But he could still hear Killua's pleading voice through the din. "I-I give up! I give up! Please! Nutty! Jasper! Please!"
Did that mean… he won?
AN: For all of those that wanted a badass Jasper... Today is not that day
Q&A: KrixLight- Maybe a few more chapters than just one to see him fight. He's not a good upfront fighter anyway. He'd have been toasted either way considering his options were Hisoka (though Hisoka probably would have let him win), Illumi, or Killua.
Shoutouts to Tetractys- Thank you for all your lovely comments!-, Moran9-Ahsborn, and Fk306!
