After dinner, things weren't any better. Clearly, Rory still felt extremely awkward about Lorelai having talked to Jess, and she was trying to do her best to dispel that, but it was obvious in her entire manner that she still felt weird. Eventually, Lorelai felt compelled to put her out of her misery.
"Rory, do you just want to talk about it?" Lorelai sighed, "I'm sure Jess told you something. We can just talk about it. If we have to."
"No!" Rory said quickly, "If you don't want to, we…"
"Ugh, just stop, you're a terrible liar. One thing you didn't get from me," Lorelai smirked. "Alright, Luke and I are fighting, it's about kids, and he wants them and I'm not sure. Happy?"
"…but why? Why wouldn't you want more?"
Lorelai shot Jess a questioning look, which he studiously avoided. Rory caught it, but chose not to comment, filing it away for later.
"…it's complicated. I just have mixed feelings. I'm not sure I don't, but not sure I do."
"Didn't you guys…"
"Talk about it before? Yes, been there, done that, got the lecture," Lorelai rolled her eyes. "But things change over time. And we haven't talked about it in a while. Look, any other questions? I'd really just like to get to a topic change."
"Look at you, taking after my chatty boyfriend," Rory quipped, making Lorelai crack a smile and Jess narrow his eyes, "Fine, fine. What do you want to talk about? Anything new at the Inn?"
"Apparently Sookie was able to keep it from burning down today, and, more impressively, not set it on fire herself," Lorelai smirked.
Through the rest of dinner, they all chatted normally, things having evened out a bit. The light behind Lorelai's eyes was still dimmed, but even so, they were managing rather well, all things considered. Until Jess's phone started vibrating.
"Um…I need to take this," Jess mumbled, not meeting their gaze, "Rory, you…"
"I got it, go ahead," Rory said quickly, nodding. He walked towards the restaurant exit, answering his phone. Lorelai sighed deeply.
"Three guesses who's on the other end."
"I mean, can you blame him?" Rory asked, unable to help herself, "It's a big thing."
"…you're taking his side?" Lorelai said incredulously, "I'm sorry, when did that start happening?"
"Well, I'm sure Jess sa…"
"Actually, Jess specifically didn't take any sides. But you are. Why? You think it's that terrible for me not to want more kids? As I recall, last time the topic was raised, you didn't want any in the first place."
"That was a long time ago."
"Oh, so things can change over time. Interesting," Lorelai retorted, crossing her arms across her chest, "Look, I don't have to defend myself to you."
"You're camped out here hiding from your fiancee. I think you at least owe me an explanation."
"Seriously? Camped out hiding? Fine, if that's how you feel, I'll just…"
"Whoa, what did I miss?" Jess said quickly, taking his seat.
"Oh nothing, just Rory making clear that I should be leaving," Lorelai said in a huff. Jess looked at Rory, who refused to meet his gaze. He sighed.
"Somehow I doubt that's the whole story. Rory, you want to fill in some blanks?"
"I was just being honest," Rory replied stubbornly, "Someone has to be honest with her."
"And by honest you mean…"
"Tell her how what she's doing affects other people."
"Rory, no, nobody has to do that. What matters right now is how it affects her. How it affects Luke is between her and Luke."
"Well, somebody has to take his side, and apparently you didn't!"
"What?" Jess said, exasperated, "I didn't take your mom's side! I stayed out of it!"
"How? You know this is stupid."
"Hey, thanks," Lorelai bit back, clearly angry now. Jess took a deep breath.
"Lorelai…why don't you meet us at home. You don't need to leave, but even if you wanted to, it's too late to do tonight, and Luke would kill me if I let you. So just…go ahead. We'll be back in a few, okay?"
Lorelai sighed. "Fine," she responded, standing up and gathering her things, shooting one more hurt look at Rory before she turned around and walked out. Once she had, Jess turned to Rory.
"Okay, I get you have an opinion, but when did you go from being empathetic towards your mom to…that?"
"When she decided to start tanking her life again," Rory resonded, "She messed this up last time, and she messed it up for years before that, and now here she goes again. When it gets close, chickening out. Like she always does. She finds something to break and she breaks it, just so she can't ever get the thing she wants, and then has an excuse not to be happy."
"Alright, Dr. Freud, have you considered you've had one two many coffees?" Jess said, rolling his eyes, "I mean, I get your point, but just because that's what she's done before, doesn't mean that's happening now."
"No? Then why is it happening a month before her wedding is finally, really happening? Why is she starting shit about something that she's never brought up before, and suddenly changing her mind? And what do you know about her reasoning that I don't?"
"Rory, enough with the interrogation," he said shortly, "Look, it seems like your intention is to stop your mom from causing herself hurt, right?"
"Of course, isn't that obvious?"
"But you just hurt her in your effort to do that. Isn't that counterintuitive?"
"I hurt her a tiny bit. So that she doesn't hurt herself a lot."
"And who made that your job?"
"Somebody has to do it! Somebody has to take care of her!"
"What?" Jess said incredulously, "Rory, that woman walked out of her parents house with you and a walkman when she was seventeen, and look at her now. How could you think she needs anyone to take care of her?"
"Everyone does," Rory said, simply, "Especially her. Sure, she survived, but she also self-sabatoges. And she's always there for me. I have to be there for her, to help make sure she doesn't break everything again. It's my job."
"Rory…it's not."
"You wouldn't understand. It's our mother-daughter thing. Nobody else would get it."
"Are you sure that's really what it's about?" Jess pressed, "Because I don't think your bond with your mom, unique and incredible as it is, means that Lorelai needs you to take care of her, or to be codependent."
"Codependent? When did we decide to call in Dr. Laura?" Rory said, crossing her arms, "Are you seriously trying to tell me I shouldn't be as close as I am to Mom? Because…"
"Of course I'm not," Jess said quickly, "All I'm saying is that she's capable of managing her own life. And whether you like it or not, it's hers to manage. Just like yours is."
"But she doesn't…"
"Maybe not before, but she really is now, Rory. I said basically the same thing to her a couple months ago, when you were still figuring things out, and she backed off. How'd that work out?"
"That's totally different."
"Was it? She thought you might be self-sabatoging too. It sure may have looked that way from the outside. You and I, and maybe even Luke, might have understood on some level that that's what you needed, but she didn't, and from the outside, it would look like you were flailing. But she stepped back, and let you figure things out, and make your own choices, and look where we are. Do you really think she would have encouraged you to choose Philadelphia if she felt like she had to take care of you, or like you couldn't take care of yourself? Or me, for that matter?" Rory looked at him, shaking her head silently.
"So that's what's happening here, just in reverse. Regardless of how you feel about her choices, they're just that- her choices. The reason she talked to me at all, I think, was partially because she knew I wasn't going to ask questions or make her talk extensively if she didn't feel like it, but also because she knew you'd give her advice, or tell her what to do, or what you thought. And of course, you can and should- if she asks. But sometimes that's not what someone needs."
"But I can't just watch her suffer. And she needs something. There has to be something I can do, and if it's not that, what is it?"
"Your guys' special thing isn't taking care of each other like that, I don't think. I guess as an outsider, it always seemed like it was more about being there for each other, being supportive, and always having each other's back."
"Yeah…I kind of messed that part up today."
"Want to go back and fix it?"
"Yeah, I do," Rory nodded, finally smiling a tiny bit, "Thanks, Jess. Oh, what did Luke have to say?"
"Oh no," Jess teased, "Not telling. The power of information is clearly one you are not able to handle tonight. We'll see tomorrow."
"Fair," she conceded, a little laugher back in her smile.
