He could not understand why this pest wanted to come along. The reasoning given was arbitrary and the boy who was so like the monster in their dungeon stuck to Kalluto like a barnacle. What reasons had Jasper, supposed friend to his big brother, given to follow him?

"Because I can't taste sweets and Menchi would kill me if I ate anything outside of her diet. Besides, you're going alone and it's not safe for pretty people to be alone!"

Kalluto's brow twitched at the utter indignity. He could still feel the lingering heat that had suffused his face just the same as every other time he'd been called pretty by this annoyance. He snapped his fan open again so he could hide his frown behind it ("An assassin is always in control of their every muscle," Big Brother Illumi would scold him) as he watched Jasper run into yet another clothing shop. That it was the same clothing shop Kalluto had stared at only a moment ago was not a surprise. He'd been doing the same thing the whole time they'd been out on the street and Kalluto knew exactly what would happen if he didn't follow.

With a controlled release of air through his mouth, he followed after Jasper.

The beautiful Kimonos in the display, a dichotomy of dark fabric with a light pattern and a light fabric with a dark pattern, had been what attracted his eyes in the first place. If he was going to be forced into visiting shops then he might as well look at what he wanted, right?

"Hey, Kalluto! These things look like what you wear," the older boy hummed, rocking back on his heels with a grin as soon as he finally entered the shop. "Do you want to get some?"

He looked around, noting that everything in here was Japponese. Bolts of colorful fabric were hung to show off the luxurious quality near the front desk manned by only one female clerk, and racks of kimonos were lined against the walls, a riot of color and patterns meant to attract the eye. It was exactly the kind of shop he'd been searching for when he was forced to split from his brother this morning. Jappon was a very insular country at this point of time and export only went out to major cities. With the commerce influx from the Heaven's Arena he'd been hoping that there might be one around. Kalluto was used to Mother ordering from catalogues that used only the finest materials and stitchwork so he wanted to know how different it would be in person. It would be nice to be able to pick out his own clothes, ones that he could wear.

"I will browse," he demurred, pointedly not looking at the way Jasper's face lit up in his peripheral vision.

The experience was nothing like home. There he got brief glimpses on shiny pages before he was introduced to some fine new clothing item by Mother. It hadn't always been that way. He remembered a time when he was younger, when he had a choice between more masculine cuts instead of the feminine style he wore today. He'd only wanted to try it once. He'd only wanted to attract big brother Killua's attention. The monster had been able to do it with pretty clothing so that meant big brother Killua should look at him too, right?

Of course not.

Mother loved it, though. She cooed and cried how beautiful her son was and Kalluto never wore anything masculine again. There were so many clothes that he wanted to try on, so many new fads and fashions all over the world. Some were interesting, some tacky, some relatively stupid and nonfunctional, and others interesting and gorgeous. Grandpa had always allowed him to buy anything he wanted from those trends but…

He never wore any of it.

("Mother, can I please try on the clothes I got for my birthday?"

"Oh, of course darling! Wait… what are these hideous things? No! No, no, no. Absolutely not! Where did you get those? Gotoh, throw these out right this instant!")

He huffed silently and moved over towards the rack of kimonos, browsing through the darker colors. Black was always a wonderful base and he did have a fondness for royal blue. Purple was also a good base but it was not a color that was traditionally worn by commoners unless they wanted to look higher than their station so he doubted he would find any here. Instead, there was an interesting burgundy, the color of heroes and youth in Jappon, that had golden koi dancing around the bottom hem and climbing up the sleeves.

He contemplated it for a moment. It was a brighter color than he'd like but it was rather beautiful and the fabric was of a higher quality than most of the other ones on the rack.

"Oh, that's a lovely choice, young miss!"

Kalluto stiffened.

("Momma look! I wore the traditional Kimono today! That makes me your daughter, right?"

"Daughter? I only have sons! Sons! You. Are. A. Boy! There are only sons in the Zoldyck family!"

"Momma! Ow! I-I thought you'd like it! You always want me to be pretty!"

"Stop speaking nonsense, Kalluto! Take this off, right this instant!"

"You're gonna tear it-! Momma, no!")

"Hey lady! I know my friend is pretty but he's a guy! Got it?"

Before he could open his mouth to snap that he didn't need help, the clerk was already speaking again.

"Oh, my. My apologies, young man. You have beautiful features. It's no wonder you wear the kimono to enhance them. This one in particular is one of our better offerings."

"It's fine," he gritted out.

The clerk smiled, her lips pinched with that same look he always saw when Mother was displeased. The lips were slightly too thin to be considered anything more than distastefully polite, the shoulders drew back in prideful offense, and the body straightened unconsciously as if she were going to release her wrath this very moment. The clerk was much the same but he could also make out the tightness in the corner of her eyes, not helped by the pulling of her ridiculously tight bun, and a glint that did not come from the artificial lighting of the store. If Mother's eyes weren't hidden under that visor, Kalluto imagined she would look much the same as this impudent woman.

His finger tapped against his fan, contemplating how much trouble he'd be in if he killed her. There was something distinctly sour settling in the back of his throat and Kalluto wanted it gone.

As soon as she opened her mouth again, he knew he wasn't going to like what she said. "We do have our male wear in this section over here. Perhaps you'd prefer to browse it? As much as a Kimono suits your lovely features, they are meant for women."

This whole outing was a mistake. He never should have left big brother's side no matter how much he insisted. This was an important mission from Grandpa! (But he had just wanted to see…)

His teeth ground together forcefully and-

Jasper was stepping in front of him, startling Kalluto into the slightest step backwards. He hadn't even heard the boy move. "Hey, lady. If my pretty friend wants to wear pretty dress things then he could do what he wants."

Kalluto abruptly flushed, the heat suffusing all the way up to his ears. "I'm not-"

But Jasper kept talking, his voice louder and sharper, "And if you're gonna make fun of him for it, you're not going to like the consequences, ugly hag."

"Excuse me!? How dare a little mongrel like you-"

Ten minutes later, Kalluto was staring down at the brown bags holding multiple boxes, still trying to figure out exactly what happened. Logically, he knew the sequence of events. Insignificant clerk insults Kalluto, Jasper steps in, clerk insults Jasper, and suddenly the clerk passed out as Jasper flares his nen, and then they just… chose what they wanted and walked out. He knew what happened and somehow it still wasn't processing.

Kalluto had asked about leaving money because that's how things were done, equivalent exchange and all, but Jasper had scoffed. "Stores are here to provide goods to the people. So, we take what we want within reason and everything is good, see? I've never had problems with this before unless they're ugly people like that hag in there. So, I knocked her out to keep her from causing problems while you pick what you want."

Maybe it was different for commoners? His family was definitely paid for contracts even if he'd never actually seen money exchanging hands before. Was there some secret process to using money that he wasn't aware of? Because what just happened was definitely theft and a Zoldyck had no need to resort to such things (unless it was specified in a contract, of course) but there was no sneaking around like he'd thought there would be in such a case. Jasper had been so brazen about it that it seemed only natural…

He was going to give himself a headache at this rate. Either Jasper was wrong and they'd just stolen a bunch of clothing or Jasper was right and money was far more obsolete in the lower classes than he thought. In honor of not confusing himself any farther, he ignored the dilemma entirely to glance over at his excitable pest who was staring into a window of a shop with large starry eyes.

Oh no.

Thirty minutes later, a lot of arguing- because absolutely not that piece of garbage looks terrible on you- and time spent carefully deliberating, and Kalluto now walked behind a newly adorned pest.

Honestly, Kalluto was rather proud of himself. Out of all of the options that had been available- of which there had been surprisingly little- this one suited Jasper the best for multiple reasons. It would be easy to use in combat because it was shorter than a normal cloak, falling only to Jasper's knees. It would last a while as technically the hem was meant to sit around the thigh to lower buttocks area, so Jasper could grow into it. It was lightweight despite the heavy stiff look around the shoulder and hood area which allowed it to keep a baggier shape and hide Jasper's face more easily. And the best part of all, it would match with any outfit considering it was black with white embroidered highlights of waves along the bottom hem.

It went really well with the current outfit choice as well. The white training turtleneck was a bit too loose than it should be on a boy of Jasper's frame but it allowed for growth and the white was almost the exact same color as the embroidery. The black jeans were the same shade of pitch as the cloak which blended the outfit well… but the only thing that stood out were those horribly raggedy shoes.

Urgh.

Kalluto glanced around for their next destination, intent on getting some good shoes onto the pest.


"So, looks like you had fun."

Kalluto startled, barely suppressing his flinch as he turned his head to regard his older brother. The phone Mother had given him felt heavy in his hand and he made sure to tuck it discreetly into his obi.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Suuure. You and Nutty were out even longer than Gon and I and you came back with so many new things." Big Brother Killua plopped on the bed, rolling onto his side so he could prop his chin on his hand.

"That doesn't mean anything," he huffed.

It didn't mean anything. He just couldn't stand the thought of something so raggedy traveling alongside a Zoldyck. The pest wasn't special, he just was worse off than any of them. If Kalluto could, he'd get his hands on the mountain boy too to strip him of that offensive green ensemble he wore day in and day out.

"Alright. It meant nothing. Still, I'm surprised you allowed yourself to stay away so long. Aren't you supposed to be spying on me or something?"

Big brother's blue eyes were cool and assessing and Kalluto couldn't help but flinch. Killua was right. He'd messed up today. He'd allowed himself to get caught up in something else when it was his duty as a Zoldyck to keep an eye on his big brother and make sure his hands were exercised and-

"Hey! Snap out of it! Jeez… I didn't think that'd affect you so much. You're such a goody two shoes." Big brother rubbed at his hair in annoyance.

Kalluto found that he couldn't swallow around the lump in his throat. He'd messed up. What was he supposed to tell Mother about today? Even worse than that… the chance he'd been given to finally get close to his brother was being squandered. As a Zoldyck it was unacceptable to be distracted from a mission.

("Again."

"Illumi… it hurts."

"Again, little brother. If you don't finish, Mother will be disappointed."

"No! No! I can do it!"

"Again. A Zoldyck does not fail a mission.")

That's right. He had been distracted. The world outside was shiny and new but he wasn't outside for luxury time. He was here to do a job. He needed to ignore any and all distractions.

"As a Zoldyck," he started quietly, tucking his hands into the sleeves of his kimono, "I will not fail a mission. Brother, I will sleep in your room from now on."

"Whoah! I'm rooming with Gon. There's absolutely no space for you."

"Then, Big Brother, please sleep in my room instead. I must monitor your health."

"Ugh. My health is fine, you- you- Nevermind! This was a mistake. What the hell else was I expecting from a little robot like you!"

"I am not a robot," he bit back in offense. Was that truly what his big brother thought of him? Wherever had he even gotten such a notion? Kalluto was a normal Zoldyck child with no added parts!

"Yes. You are," Big Brother groaned as he rolled off the bed. Kalluto took a step back, his hands twisting together entirely on their own. "All you ever do is ordered by someone else. I bet you don't even truly have anything you like-"

"Don't say that, Big Brother! You already said you knew what I liked! So don't- Don't just say something like that!"

Killua frowned, staring into pink eyes cooly. His big brother was calm and poised and made a feeling of shame bubble in Kallutos throat because he couldn't compare to his brother again. He'd lost control of his emotions again. At this rate he'd be the laughingstock of the Zoldyck for his failures. Now standing with his scarred hand in his pockets, Big Brother Killua scoffed, "I actually thought there might be more to you but all you ever do is hang off that old hag's dresses. Nutty even got you to actually react to something and- I don't even know why I'm trying. It's not like you're going to change. Whatever. It's not like I care. Be a good Zoldyck dog."

His mouth would not move, his feet were glued to the hideous carpet, his body would not stop shivering-

Killua left without a backwards glance and Kalluto's knees gave out as he collapsed on the spot.

Why?

Why couldn't he ever do anything right?

He was just helping.

He was doing his duty.

No… No, he was trying to do other things as well. Useless things. This was… something he always tried to do.

("How many times must I tell you!? Just do it the way I tell you to, Kalluto! It's not hard! And yet you keep on insisting on doing it your way and you keep failing."

"I-I'm sorry, Mother. I'll do it right."

"I don't know what I'm going to do with you! Calling yourself a female, then demanding to be referred to as a they, and now you defy me even on the simplest tasks! Darling… you know you deserve this punishment, right?

"I-I… Y-es, Mother."

"Say it."

"I deserve this punishment, Mother."

"You could be such a good boy Kalluto. All you have to do is listen. Do you understand?"

"Yes, Mother."

"Good. I'll leave you here for a few hours to reflect on your mistakes.")

That's right. Mother had always noticed. She understood everything about him. He just needed to call her like he was supposed to. He just needed to report… to report his failures. As long as he said something she'd be able to fix everything.

But as he took the phone out, it was hard to grip it, the sweat on his palms unnatural and annoying. He just needed to tell Mother. That's all. It wasn't anything to get worked up over. And yet, he couldn't stop his body's reactions. He was useless, not even being able to handle this tiny aspect of himself.

With burning eyes, he bit his lip and started mentally chanting the creed of the Zoldycks.

A Zoldyck does not fail.

A Zoldyck is the master of themselves.

A Zoldyck is the master of their art.

It took far too many repetitions before he finally felt calm enough to complete his duties. With a huff of breath he dialed the long memorized number and waited for his mother to answer.

He did not wait long.

"Kalluto! What took you so long to call!?"

Her voice made his chest clench and his shoulders droop. He felt so relieved to hear her voice. He just had to tell her everything.

"I'm sorry, Mother. This is the first moment I've been truly alone. I will keep it short since I need to keep my big brother company."

"Oh, very well. Letting that boy out on his own, what was Father thinking? Even my husband is going along with this absurd ordeal! This whole situation is a mess! I can only count on you, my baby boy. Tell me everything."

His hand clenched on the phone, his mind flitting back to his grandpa's last words before he was left to follow after Big Brother Killua.

("Make sure to keep an eye on your brother, Kalluto. And take the time to expand your horizons."

"Of course, Grandfather. You may rely on me."

"Hm. Let me give you one piece of advice. There will come a day when you must choose your path. If you follow your heart, it will always lead you back to your family."

"Of course it will. I am a proud Zoldyck and I will come back with Killua soon.")

Yes. He knew what he had to do. His heart laid with the Zoldycks. This was easy. So, he didn't know why his heart was pounding right now. It was hard enough to ache even in his temples. What exactly was it trying to tell him? All he could glean was a headache.

He was just doing the right thing. Big Brother was straying from the path right now, and Kalluto would be there to bring him back. In the meantime, he had to keep Mother updated.

So why was his tongue heavy and his lip wet with sweat?

"Kalluto?"

"Sorry, Mother. We are currently at the Heaven's Arena, staying on the 100th floor. Big Brother is very attached to the child in green, Gon, and seemed to have an attachment to the monster child as well. I… I've made sure that his hands are in peak condition as well as they are healing."

He… couldn't do it? His mouth had worked before he had even decided what exactly he was going to say. He needed to explain everything!

(If my pretty friend wants to wear pretty dress things then he could do what he wants.)

Kalluto's throat bobbed but no sound came from his lips.

His mother's voice was a high croon across the synthetic phone line. "You're such a good boy, Kalluto! Remember to keep me updated as much as possible!"

What had he done? What was there left to do but go along with his farce that he had created for himself. He'd lied to Mother. His jaw worked a moment before he was finally able to choke out more words.

"I understand, Mother."

The dial tone was a blaring sound in his ear, making him nauseous with the sudden increase in his pounding temples. He pulled the phone away, hitting the end call button and took a moment to sit there. His shaking fingers clenched around the plastic making it creak from strain. He took a breath. Then another. And another.

Until his lungs felt clear and his head was not so dizzy. He'd made a mistake but no one had to know anything. He just had to do what he was supposed to. What Mother had told him to do originally. Everything would be fine.

With one more breath, he released his grip on the phone and slipped it back into his obi.

He needed to find Big Brother Killua now to drag him back to his room. It wouldn't do to rely on someone other than a Zoldyck to watch over his brother. Kalluto couldn't even comprehend the silly thoughts he'd been having the last few days.

He needed to get back on track.


Omake

How to Buy Kimonos

Kalluto: I'm pretty sure this isn't how this works.

Jasper: Nonsense! Now pick all the pretty colors!

Kalluto: … Well, they are really pretty…

Jasper: packing away every single kimono Kalluto even slightly looks at

Kalluto: Wait-

Jasper: Shopping done! Let's move on~!

The Actual Conversation-

Killua: Wow, you're actually slightly ok, little brother.

Kalluto: Let me look after you like I'm supposed to.

Killua: Whoops, I was wrong!

The Bedroom Arrangement

Killua: I'm traumatized and afraid that I'll hurt Nutty, so obviously the only choice is Gon.

Gon: Aw, I love you too Killua.

Jasper: You know… I feel like this should hurt but I'm not even a little surprised.

Kalluto: Why am I not even an option?

Why They Charged Through to the 100th Floor and Then Took a Three Day Break

Menchi: Alright brats. I want an actual room with a kitchen attached. We're getting to the 100th floor. Right. Now.

Kids: Yes, ma'am!

Menchi: Ah! Perfect. I can cook in a kitchen again instead of buying inferior food! Cooking spree time!

Why Jasper is Not Wearing His Training Vest While Shopping

Jasper: It's heavy, if anything happens I'll be in danger.

Menchi: Anyone trying to stab you through the vest would be an idiot.

Jasper: Who said anything about stabbing? There's also dismemberment, choking, kidnapping, shooting, lynch mobs, going for critical weak points not covered by the vest, ra-

Menchi: Okay! Yeesh. Take it as a rest day. But I'm working you doubly hard tomorrow!

Jasper's Choice of Clothes

Jasper: Hm. These are clean and at the top of my bag. They work, right?

Harry: Why are you asking me? Just throw something on already. You're taking forever.

Jasper: Yeah. You're right.

Petty Bitch Powers Activate

Jasper: Theft!

Harry: Why do you always do this?

Kalluto: Is this normal?

Jasper: Duh!

Harry: No! Stop teaching him the wrong things!

Jasper: But Harry… we were able to get back at that ugly hag who was being rude to Kalluto.

Harry: Nevermind. Proceed.


AN: Sorry, it's a little bit shorter than my normal chapters, so I added some canon compliant little omakes for you guys! It's to make up for the angst that I'm always piling on you XD Also, it's not midnight yet where I am so I still made it on Friday! Ha! I win!

Alright y'all, I'd love to hear your thoughts on Kalluto!

Q&A: Tetractys- Not a bad guess! A part of it does have to do with family, specifically finding them ;) Harry will eventually be able to do something else but for now, plants is what he has. Also, thank you for pointing out the editor comments, I took the time to fix them!

KrixLight- Killua's hands definitely aren't ever going to function optimally again but they won't be obviously crooked.

Guest Cool- Thank you so very much for your praise and well wishes!

Drakality- Glad that you enjoyed as always! Their mentor will play a big role in the future so I hope you guys are happy with him! Yes, trauma is definitely not so easy to overcome and Killua will have a hard time adjusting. He's a rational kid but he's also a kid that still isn't seeing a therapist. So... He's out of luck for a long while. Menchi's teaching will show up more in the future! She has some research to do for Harry. I forgive your short comment (lmao) in exchange, please forgive my shorter chapter X)