Chapter 167

"Mom!" they heard Steve yell the moment they all walked out of the car. Rory turned, and saw Lane inhale sharply, before quickly pasting on a bright, false smile.

"Little man," she grinned, pulling him in for a tight hug.

"Where did you go, Mom? You were supposed to pick us up from school. Mrs. Sookie picked us up. This is her house."

"Normally Davey and Martha are at our house," Kwan jumped in, having run up alongside his brother. Lane paused.

"Guys…let's go inside, and I'll tell you what's going on. Over snacks. Okay? I bet Mrs. Sookie has great snacks."

"They're the best! Yesterday she gave us bacon. AFTER school," Kwan grinned genuinely, and Lane smiled in spite of herself.

"Well, I'm not sure about that, but let's go in and see. Say hi to Aunt Rory and Aunt Lorelai, okay?"

"Hi Aunt Rory. Hi Aunt Lorelai!" they parroted, before running inside. Once the door had shut behind them, Lane sighed, turning to Lorelai and Rory.

"Think you could bring in the bags? I'm gonna tell them what's going on."

"Of course. Do you need anything else?"

"Not yet. You guys have done so much already," Lane said, giving Lorelai a hug, then Rory. "After I talk to the boys, I'm gonna let them watch TV for a while and then maybe we can all go grab dinner? And ice cream?"

"Sounds fantastic. Luke's?"

"Perfect," Lane nodded, "Thanks."

"Of course," Rory smiled, as she and Lorelai turned around to get back in the car.

"Wait, wait for me!" Sookie said breathlessly, "I'm coming with you!"

"You're…"

"Yes. I need something from the Inn. Lane, I promise Davey and Martha don't need…"

"Don't give it a second thought," Lane smiled, waving her off, "I could use the distraction, and they all entertain each other."

"Thanks, sweet pea," Sookie beamed, before jumping in the backseat of the car. Once she was in and the doors were closed, Lorelai turned to her, confused.

"Sookie, what's going on?"

"Your house. We'll all talk there. Okay?"

"…you're acting nuts."

"…the boys were asking about their dad."

"…and we'll talk at my house," Lorelai agreed, as Rory nodded, stunned.

Inside, Lane pulled Steve and Kwan into the kitchen, handing them each a mug of cocoa with three large marshmallows apiece. Thank God for Sookie and her fully stocked pantry.

"Mom, we normally only get two," Steve said, turning to Lane and furrowing his brow. Kwan looked at his mom, frowning.

"Is it because something's wrong?"

"How did you know something was wrong? Did Mrs. Sookie…"

"No, she didn't tell us anything. But you're always on time to pick us up, and you…"

"You look sad," Steve said. Lane sighed deeply, and sat down next to the boys.

"There's…guys, yeah. Something is wrong. It'll be okay, but something bad happened, and I want you to know that you're safe, and you're loved, and I'm not going anywhere, okay?"

"…what happened?"

"…it's your Grandma. She's…she had to go to the hospital."

"Is she dead?" Kwan asked, both bluntly and with obvious concern.

"No, Kwan," Lane asked, fighting the urge to laugh ironically at the total lack of inhibition in her children, "She's okay. But she did have to have surgery, and she's got a special type of injury in her heart that makes her sick. And we're all going to move into her house so I can take care of her."

Steve and Kwan exchanged a look at this.

"But…where will all of our toys go?"

"To Grandma's."

"And where will we play with Martha and Davey?"

"Grandma's."

"…can Doula come over there?"

At this, Lane raised an eyebrow and pursed her lips, slightly amused.

"…yes, Kwan. She can come over there."

"Grandma's so strict. Are we gonna have to listen to her rules?"

"Is she gonna be okay?"

"…no, I'm your mom. You have to listen to my rules, and that means when I say you have to listen to her rules, you do. But I'm your mom, and I'm in charge when it comes to you guys. And…that's a hard question. She's doing better now."

"But could she get sick again? And need another surgery?"

"She could. And she's still sick," Lane answered honestly. She believed that honesty was the right way to treat her children, even if it was painful. Especially with how she'd been raised. She was proud to say she'd raised her children honestly and intended to always do so. "And we're all gonna be a little worried about her. And that's normal and that's okay. We love her. But moving in with her will help keep her healthy and safe as long as we can, okay?"

"…okay, Mom."

"Are you okay, Mom? You're not sick like Grandma, are you?"

"No, of course not. I'm completely fine," Lane reasurred her son, "What makes you ask that?"

"Well, Grandma's your mom, and you're our mom. So if something hurt her, it could hurt you."

"Well…I get what you're saying," Lane answered carefully, "But I'm very healthy, and I'm a lot younger than Grandma. When you get older, it's harder for your body to stay healthy. Since I'm younger, I'm gonna be healthy for a much longer time."

"You promise?"

"I promise. I told you I'm not going anywhere," Lane smiled tenderly at Kwan, her more sensitive son. "Now why don't you guys finish your cocoa in front of the TV with the kids, and then we'll all go get dinner in a little bit with Aunt Rory, Aunt Lorelai and Mrs. Sookie?"

"Will you watch with us, Mom?"

"Of course I will," Lane promised, brightening at the question, "I love you guys."

It was true. Of course it was. Lane had loved her babies from the moment that they were in her arms, if not sooner. She remembered how totally taken aback, and honestly, disappointed and upset she'd been when she found out that she was pregnant. But it was crazy how much that had shifted when the babies were born, and even as they got older. Lane had to admit- she didn't miss pregnancy, or her getting pregnant experience, for that matter. And she loved the boys when they were babies. But when she really connected with them, felt closest to them, really felt like she became their mom, was when they developed their personalities. Anytime she'd see a hint of Kwan's shyness, Steve's mischeviousness, the random fact that Kwan hated the color green and that Steve thought golf was the funniest thing ever invented- those random little quirks, those made her absolutely fall in love with being a mom, and with the two sons she was raising. Even though her marriage to Zack had gotten off to an inauspicious start, and even though at the moment it certainly had deteriorated to a point that Lane had previously thought unimaginable, she would always be so, so grateful that he helped to create the two little boys fighting over a single couch cushion in front of her.

None of that changed how cheated she felt about her life, though. Lane had wanted to be a rock star, or at least in a band, and playing music for her whole life. She'd wanted to have a guy that she loved, who loved her and treated her well (she wasn't clear on the first two anymore, and she was unfortunately crystal clear on the third one). Even when her dreams of musical grandeur had died down to something more realistic, she'd still imagined a life filled with performances, and music- hers, not someone else's. She'd imagined a life where she had sex- good sex, great sex, which, as it happens, she had yet to have. It was the least of her concerns at the moment, sure, and hadn't been relevant for a couple of months, but it was still another way that life had screwed her over, let her down. She'd gotten pregnant the first time she'd had (terrible) sex. Zack had gotten a vasectomy soon after, saying that "Two's enough, babe", which had sounded pretty damn correct to her at the time too, when she was terrified and newly pregnant with twins. But even over the years, having sex more regularly, she couldn't believe how disappointing it still was. She was incredulous. She knew that groupies were all over Zack, all the time, and she had her suspicions that he wasn't necessarily pushing them off. But if there was good sex to be had with Zack, why wasn't she having it? Why wasn't it any good with them? Lane had wondered if she was the problem, but pushed that out of her mind, as not even secondary, or tertiary, but probably 56th on her endlessly long list of problems and woes that she wasn't allowed to wallow about. At the moment, her mom's hospitalization and illness was at the top, quickly followed by her husband's sudden disappearance. Which, Lane could only admit to herself, didn't even really surprise her anymore. Emotionally, she'd been shocked and disappointed that he hadn't shown up. But in her logic, in her mind, in the life she'd been living for years, Lane realized that she'd never really expected him to show up in the first place.