"Don't…please don't cry, Mom," I beg over the phone. Erik is sitting next to me on the bed, his shoulders slumped with fatigue. He sighs.
"It's going to be okay, Mom. I promise," I reassure. "Erik is here to protect me. I didn't mean to scare you or Dad, I just thought you'd like to know to, you know, protect yourselves if something did happen."
"I'm coming over," Mom states, sniffling. "If the police can't do anything-"
"Mom," I state, sternly, "the police are doing only what they can do." Which is not much at this point.
"Dear," Dad's voice is muffled, "don't smother her. It was probably hard enough for her to tell us in the first place. Amy," Dad's voice becomes clearer, "thank you for the warning. We'll keep an eye out."
I hear Mom splutter in the background, appalled at Dad's aloof behavior.
"Just let us know when things get a little too messy, okay?" Dad asks, ignoring Mom.
I nod. "Thanks, Dad. Tell Mom I love her."
"Ooh, I love you too, baby!" Mom sobs.
I am conflicted between laughing or rolling my eyes at my mother before hanging up. "I have a weird family," I grumble.
"You do," Erik chuckles. "But don't worry, I can handle weird."
"That's good to know." I smile, pushing him down onto the pillows. I lay my head on his chest, sighing. "Now we only need to warn Nadir and Allison."
Making phone calls to those you care about in regards to warning them about your crazy ex is exhausting! Obviously, I just told my parents about Jack and his threats. I recently got off the phone with Rebecca, in which I told her the same thing I did to my parents, and Erik called Jake before I called Rebecca. No one knows, however, why Jack is doing this, they only know that he is a spurned ex and that he has lost his marbles.
Erik and I plan to tell Nadir and Allison next when-or if-they come home-it's almost midnight. I yawn. "Are they ever going to come home?"
"No clue."
"They must be having a fun time."
"I'm happy for them."
"What?" I sit up, feigning to be appalled. "You mean making phone calls to warn loved ones about my abusive ex isn't fun?"
"It had a dangerous edge to it that sounded interesting at first, but it lost its appeal after the first call." He rubs my arm up and down, his playful smile slowly dissipating. "You are very brave."
"I'm not," I shake my head, scoffing. "I'm scared for me, my baby, you-everyone."
"But you are fighting against him still. That's not cowardice. Feeling fear isn't cowardly. It is cowardice to run-like I have done. I am cowardly."
I pat his chest. "I guess sometimes bravery can grow."
"You really think that?" There is hope in his voice.
"Yes. I'd say it has been proven to me."
"I'm glad."
Me too. Now if only you can be brave enough to say the L word. "What have we done so far?" I wonder aloud. "We've watched movies, played board games, and warned my parents, Rebecca, and Jake. What else could we possibly do?"
"Mmm. Kissing sounds nice," Erik smirks.
"Kissing, huh?" I ask. He is being bold. "Is that all that's been on your mind, lately?"
"It's nice to be able to kiss someone freely."
I bite my lip. "Out of curiosity, when do you think we'll go a little-" I blush, "-beyond the kissing zone?"
"What do you mean?"
"Well...I mean are we ever..." God, how do I put this? "going to do a little bit more than just kiss?"
"I-um..." Erik swallows. "Why, you don't mean sex, do you?"
"No! No. I know that I still want to wait for that, and I know you do, too." I pause, my brows coming together. "You still want to wait, right?"
"Y-yes, of course. I'm still nervous about that kind of thing. Even though...each day those nerves get less and less." He smiles, his cheek turning a little pink.
I smile back. "I'm glad. But what I meant was touching. And not just touching the face, the cheeks, the waist-I mean like touch in places more...intimate."
Erik gulps. "Is-is our kissing becoming a little too...bland for you?"
"Not even close! I've just been-oh, if I say it you'll think me wanton or scandalous or worse!" I blow it off, "Forget it."
"No." Erik partially sits up. "No, don't 'forget it.' I want to know." He smiles, charmingly. "I won't think you wanton."
"I guess I've just been curious," I say shyly. "Curious as to what your touch would do. Our kisses are amazing! They're like fireworks: each one is a little different but they still have the same effect, and I wonder what your touch would produce. I've been yearning for your touch." I gulp. "I…also want to know how your touch will differentiate from Jack's. I want to create new sparks and memories with you. I want your body to imprint on my body. The real truth, I guess, as to why I brought this up-especially at this time-is because of Jack's threats. It sort of brought up old memories that freshened some partially healed wounds. I want to forget those wounds. The only thing that has an excuse to remind me of them is this little one right here," I point to my belly. "He or she would be my only excuse to remember."
Without interrupting, Erik deeply listened to my speech. He continues to stay silent, staring at my face, gazing into my soul. He is still staring. I feel myself beginning to grow nervous. I am about to say something when Erik pounces on top of me.
"Erik!" I yelp.
"I want to help you forget," he rasps out. "And, if I am completely honest, I've been curious myself. Don't take me wrong-I am not ready for sex-not one bit. But, I too, am ready to explore new and dangerous places; I'm ready to explore new dark passions and desires." Erik leans down and kisses my ear, my cheek. "I want to know what it feels like, too."
My body is humming with glee. I feel euphoric. "Er-" His name gets cut off by his lips slamming onto mine. My mind is wiped clean. I discard his mask and wig. I want him. All of him. Every single perfect and imperfect side of him.
His hands reach for my face. I stop them and take off his gloves. I want skin! His skin!
We kiss again. We kiss like we haven't kissed in years; we kiss in deep passion, passion from the heart. We hold nothing back.
"Amy," Erik gasps, breaking the kiss. I continue to make a trail of small pecks down his neck. He tries again, but I make speaking very difficult for him. "Amy-" I kiss him; he gasps. "-help me. Show me-" I lick him; he moans. "-show me how to touch you! Where to touch you! Please! I-I must touch you! Now!"
Oh, how delicious is this?!
My stomach and heart clench at the desperation in his voice.
"Anywhere," I breathe out. "Touch me anywhere you desire, Erik."
Erik and I stare at each other, both gasping for air. Our chests barely graze the other as we breathe. Erik's eyes burn my face as he slowly raises his hand. It hovers in the air for a moment, as if unsure where to go. His hand starts to lower itself to my chest, then flinches back, as if bitten by fire.
I nod, encouraging him. My whole body tingles in anticipation. We are both so puerile with this kind of thing.
Erik's hand moves closer to my chest. Closer. Closer. Then...finally! Contact! Erik and I gasp in unanimous pleasure. It's amazing to me that even the simplest of touches, one that is separated by cloth and padding, can feel absolutely otherworldly. This totally differs from Jack's touch. There is no comparison.
I blink my eyes fast and hard. I feel electric shocks and tingles. I feel gentleness, tenderness, and care. I don't feel the fear Jack made me feel. Erik is compassionate while Jack was sadistic.
Erik lets out a sigh, his eyes fluttering close. His face buries itself in my neck, his hand remaining on my right breast. And it stays there, unmoving.
"Erik," I whisper. "You can move your hand around a little."
He doesn't say anything, I only feel his breath on my neck.
"Like, fondle..." I blush, adding a darker shade of red to my already flushed face.
"H-hold on. I feel...a little dizzy."
My eyes widen. "Dizzy? Are you okay?"
"Yeah. I think all these new sensations are beginning to get to me. This is all new. Don't get me wrong, I have studied a little about sexuality and passion, but this...this…" He sighs. "I know that movement should be involved, I just didn't expect the wave of dizziness."
I smil, kissing his temple. "I'm so in love with you, Erik Destler. You make me feel pure, like an angel."
I feel Erik's finger twitch. He groans. "I feel a little bit more revived now." He lifts himself up on shaky arms. His lips, with feather-light kisses, trace across my visage, leading down my neck and collarbone. Erik's tongue touches my skin before he lays a kiss on it. My breaths get shorter and faster.
His hands may be amateurs, but his lips are advanced.
And erotic.
His hand on my breast starts to move, massaging it. A shocked gasp bursts from me. These physical feelings, along with the emotional ones, are so much stronger now. After everything Erik and I have been through together, it has only helped us grow stronger and become more connected.
Without warning my nipples become erect, and I can only be thankful that my bra is padded enough to hide that.
Erik's other hand drags down my waist toward my hip, pausing briefly before moving his hand lower to grasp my butt in his hand, giving it a gentle yet sturdy tug. I unbutton a few buttons of his shirt, trying to get more of his chest. I see a plane of smooth, pale skin. I run my finger across it. Excited, I unbutton his whole shirt. Erik's lips return to my lips. My hand moves from his neck and slides smoothly down his chest to his stomach. I feel a patch of hair on his upper chest, which follows a thin trail to his belly button, and continues down even lower. Dark, curly, coarse hair. Something primal heats my blood. Easy, I remind myself. My hand moves to his back, which has a rougher texture than a normal back should have.
I freeze. Erik's lips freeze. Our harsh breathing is the only sound in the room.
"Erik?" I question, sitting up. Erik kneels back along with me, looking hesitant and guilty. He doesn't say a thing. Without a word, I reach up to touch the collar of his shirt. Slowly, I drag the arms down, completely taking it off. I see his naked chest clearly for the first time. It's beautiful, gorgeous, fit, but it's not what I'm focused on right now. I move around him to get a full view of his back. My hand shoots to my mouth, surprised. "Erik!"
His back is covered in thin, long scars. I knew he was abused harshly when he was younger, but I didn't know he was abused this badly. I reach out and drag a finger gently down his back. Erik's back grows taught at the contact. I place both hands on his shoulders, rubbing them, dragging them down his back. I trace each scar, each tortured mark.
"Whips," he answers my indirect question. "I used to be whipped as punishment."
I wrap my arms around him, placing my cheek against his back. My smooth cheek rubs against his rough back. "I'm so sorry, Erik."
Erik's head stoops lower into his lap, his life force just being sucked away. He's made himself so exposed and vulnerable to me.
I have made a decision. In return, I will now expose myself to him. As quickly as I can, before I lose my courage, I take off my shirt and bra.
I've always been uncomfortable with my body, but even more so after Jack. This is my exposure to Erik. This will show him how much I trust him, that I love him despite his flaws. He needs to be reminded. He may always need reminders.
I hug him again, my bare breasts touching his bare back. Erik's whole frame jolts. Despite my vulnerability, I giggle at his reaction.
"Amy," Erik whispers hoarsley, his words shaking. "Amy...are you-are you not wearing...are you nude?"
"Just from the waist above."
He gulps. "Why?"
"I wanted to expose myself to you as much as you did to me. I've really developed a lack of self-confidence in my body after Jack. This is my way of showing my trust in you, by making myself vulnerable to you as much as you did to me."
"I see."
My nipples erect again, and with no padding to protect them, I know Erik can feel them. Instead of being embarrassed like I thought I would be, I decide to embrace it. I slide downwards slightly to place a kiss on his shoulder.
Erik takes a sudden intake of breath. "That-that feels really good." Erik takes hold of my hands, gently taking them apart. Slowly, Erik, with his hands holding mine, turns around, until we are eye to eye. Erik looks at my body, his jaw slacked, eyes wide. His eyes crawl up and down by body, flashing lust, excitement, and curiosity. "You're so beautiful, Amy. My angel of goodness and light." He leans in to kiss me, his hand moving up to touch my breast again while his other hand wraps around my waist, pulling me against him, and our chests make contact. I gasp, Erik releases a whimper.
This is warmth; fire; Heaven. This is love, passion, and caring. This is what I've been looking for and needing all along.
Erik pushes me down onto the bed again, refueled with a different kind of lust, and I gather the idea that he is feeling that primal hunger I felt only moments earlier. His whole weight is on top of mine, and it is delicious. His fingers play with my nipple, tugging, pulling, pinching. He is being careful to not hurt me, but I desire for him to be more rough than that. "You can be a little rougher with that."
"Will it not hurt?" Erik sucks on my neck, dragging his tongue across my Adam's apple.
"I will let you know when it begins to hurt me." I gasp. "But adding a little more pressure shouldn't."
Erik doesn't verbally acknowledge my request, but he does through actions. The pulling, tugging, and pinching does become a little more rough, and it is exactly what I craved. A moan escapes my mouth. "Yes." Erik's other hand comes up to tease my other breast. I want to move my hands from his torso, but I am scared of going too far with him. Erik's mouth moves to one of my breasts, and he begins to suck my nipple, his tongue swirling around it. "Oh!" I cry out.
Erik backs off, looking dazed. "Too far?"
I shake my head. "No. Please continue." He heeds my demand. His tongue swirls around it again, and my lower half jolts, bumping into him. I gasp, but for more than just his mouth on my breast. I felt him. I mean, felt him! He is aroused by me, by what we are doing. "Sorry," I whisper.
He growls in his throat. "No problem."
He swirls his tongue again, doing that same movement that made me jolt. And it has a similar effect. I bump into him again. He repeats it again, and I thrust again.
"You are doing that on purpose," I whisper breathlessly. I can feel him smile on my nipple. He moves to my other breast. "Will we have a similar response on this one?" he questions. He swirls his tongue. That damn move! I thrust again, gasping. Apparently so. He has grown more since I last felt him.
"May I just say, Erik, that you have not only grown in bravery and confidence as of late; and, I must also mention just how big your bravery has become."
He grins, glowing slightly more red. "I want to touch more of you."
"Where?" I can't deny him that.
He drags a finger up the seam of my pants zipper. "Here."
I release a sharp gasp. His touch created electric sparks. "I won't stop you." Erik places his warm palm on my leg, slowly dragging it up to that place that desperately wants to be touched. He continues to kiss my neck, breasts, and collar bone. He is so close. Just one more inch.
"Hey, Amy, sorry we're late. But don't worry, I brought Allison home safe-OH MY GOD!" Nadir turns around, horrified. I scream. Erik yelps and falls on top of me, releasing a grunt.
My God! It happened so fast. Nadir was in before I knew it.
"WHAT THE HELL DID I JUST SEE?" Nadir cries aloud.
I try to cover myself up with the bed sheets, face redder than you can ever imagine.
"What? What?" Allison cries out. "What hap-Oh..." Her words vanish, but a goofy smile appears. "Way to go, guys."
Erik buttons up his shirt, muttering to himself in Persian. I've completely buried myself under the sheets-my head isn't even in sight.
"WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU TWO DOING!?" Nadir continues to yell.
Considering he's someone who pokes at women's intimates almost all day, I'm surprised how strongly and childish he's reacting.
I can almost hear Erik's scowl. "What do you think?" he asks Nadir. "We were having a moment."
Nadir turns around and uncovers his eyes, his face red. Allison's is a light pink. "That was much more than a moment," Nadir comments.
"Yeah, well, knock next time," Erik grumbles.
"Trust me," Nadir sighs, "I won't ever forget again. Especially when I want to come into this room."
"Um, okay, let me clear this up." Allison takes a step toward the bed. "Amy. Ammmyyy," Allison taunts.
I brave up and peek out from under the bedsheets. Despite everything, I see Erik crack a small smile, even Nadir's lips twitch.
"Yes?" I squeak.
"Were you and Erik going to-?"
"NO!" Erik and I yell out.
"We...weren't going to go that far," I explain. "I think you know that Erik and I have already had that discussion. We knew what we were doing. And we knew what we wanted and didn't want."
Allison nods. "Just checking."
I clear my throat. "How was your date?" We need to change the topic.
"Not as surprising as this, let me tell you," Allison mumbles. "It was good, though. The movie was funny."
"Good. Can you two leave real quick so I can put my shirt back on?"
"Absolutely!" Nadir exclaims. "Let's go, Allison."
"Wait! Wait a minute. Nadir, you didn't see anything, did you?" Erik asks.
"What's the answer that's least likely to get me killed?" Nadir asks, bouncing on the balls of his feet, almost ready to run.
"How about a lie?"
Nadir purses his lips. "...No. No, I didn't see anything."
Erik squints at him. "I want to kill you. I won't. Forget what you have seen tonight."
"It's already been erased. I must say, Erik, that I am impressed by how calm you are acting about this. Calm, for you, anyway. Usually you would be a little more threatening." Nadir sounds like a proud father. "Are you sick? Or did seeing Amy in the nude make you too happy to be angry?"
There's the Nadir I know.
"No," Erik grits out. "I'm calm because I'm trying to stay on task since Amy and I need to tell you two something that deserves a much more serious aura. It's not a fun subject, trust me," Erik warns.
"Uh-oh," Allison winces. "What?"
"Jack," I say. "It has something to do with Jack."
Nadir and Allison's lips become fish lips. No one moves.
"We can continue talking about this as soon as you two leave. Right now, I need to finish getting dressed."
They take the hint.
