I do not own Chuck

This story is set in the Green Feet universe.

Smoke and mirrors

"CHARLES IRVING BARTOWSKI!"

Eleven-year-old Matty Bartowski winced as his mother's irate shout echoed throughout the house. She was on the warpath again and he didn't know what it could possibly be about. It was Saturday afternoon and he, Evie and his Dad had just returned from the leisure park where he'd been playing soccer with his friends and Evie had been playing tennis. His Dad had flitted between watching the two of them as he often did on these Saturday afternoons when he was on his own.

Normally his parents came to support their activities together, but his Mom was busy with work today. Maybe that was why she was angry? It had been a lovely day outside. The weather was warming up, there wasn't too much pollution around and it was a great day to be in LA.

He always reckoned he and Evie were so lucky that their parents spent so much time with them. Compared to a lot of the kids in his class, his parents were very supportive. Mark Edmonds' parents never went to support him, and Mark was widely tipped to make it to the All-State swim team. And there was no way they worked half as hard as his folks.

His parents worked at least sixty hours a week on their business, often in the evenings and weekends, but they were always there for their family. If he or Evie had a problem at school or with their work, his Mom or Dad were always happy to give advice and if they couldn't help, they could always call on Uncle Devon, Aunt Ellie, Grandma Emma or Uncle John and Aunt Juliette. He supposed they might call Uncle Morgan but he was a bit scatty and Aunt Alex was always busy with work. As were Aunt Zondra and Aunt Marion.

His parents did a lot of stuff together and seemed to be very lovey dovey. Too lovey dovey really. They were so embarrassing at times. It was bad enough when they kissed each other hello or goodbye in the house but when they did it in public – eugh! And they did it a lot. They held hands a lot as well, both in private and in public – that wasn't quite so bad, in his view. None of his friends' parents ever seemed to be as lovey dovey as his folks though. The closest were Aunt Ellie and Uncle Devon, but even they weren't half as bad as his parents. Very few ever called them on it – on the contrary, they seemed to think it was sweet. Uncle John was practically the only one who would call them out on their behaviour. Last week at the family dinner he'd told his parents to "stop necking if you don't want me to throw up" and glory be, but they had!

The fact that his parents were so close made him wonder about why they always had rows. Well, not rows exactly – his Mom always seemed to get really upset with his dad. His Dad must be so brave to keep upsetting his Mom, because the few times she'd been pissed with him she was really scary! Like really, really scary. When she was pissed, his Mom, who was normally just about the kindest person ever, would get really serious and look like an emotionless Icebitch. Not that he was allowed to use words like that. When he'd described Jessica Kelly in that way in front of his parents it hadn't been a fun outcome.

Actually it had worked out in the end because being forced to apologise to her had resulted in them talking for what must have been the first time and then he'd discovered that she liked ceramics and Star Wars and then they'd actually become friends. And he'd discovered that she was so serious all the time because she was shy and because her family wasn't well off, so she needed to work hard at school. So actually maybe it had been a good thing, although he'd been so embarrassed at the time, and so angry with his parents.

His dad was so laid back as well. He wondered how someone could repeatedly get so pissed with him? He doted on Mattie's Mom after all. He was always cooking for her, doing the shopping, and he even massaged her feet when they were lying in front of the TV at night. He didn't think his Mom was high-maintenance. But he didn't understand why they had so many rows.

Anyway, back to the present. He exchanged knowing looks with his Dad. "You'd better get going Dad."

His father smiled. "Sure. Why don't you two head out to the pool and have a swim," he suggested. "Maybe we'll come out and join you later."

That was a good idea. Anything to keep him away from his Mom on the warpath. He smiled his agreement to his Dad and went off to find Evie, as Dad started to climb the stairs towards his impending doom.


"CHARLES IRVING BARTOWSKI!"

The words echoed down the stairs and Mattie Bartowski couldn't help but wince. She did not sound happy today. It was the third day of the Christmas vacation and he was back from his first year at School. It sure was nice and warm in LA compared to Boston, but it was in no way hot; he'd have to wait until Spring Break for real heat and that was whether he chose to spend it at home or headed down south with his friends. He was thinking that he'd probably head down to Miami. He'd spent enough Spring Breaks in LA over the years.

The vacation had started well, he'd thought. It was noticeable over the years that his parents seemed to have less and less arguments, although they still happened a couple of times a week, even before he'd left for School. There'd certainly been none for the first few days he'd been home. Maybe having both him and Evie out of the house suited them.

Luckily they'd got the embarrassing stuff over at the airport when he'd flown in. His Mom remarking on how he'd grown and what a good-looking young man he was and his Dad smiling at him proudly. He'd still had to endure the same sentiments from some of his parents' friends, but some were cooler about it than others. Of course, the family dinner was coming up and he was sure that Grandma Emma would make sure he was as embarrassed as could be! He loved his Gran so much, but sometimes she was a bit much.

"She's in good voice today." He observed and his father shrugged at him as they shared a grin. His parents were in their mid-50s but you wouldn't know it from first glance. His Dad had small amounts of gray around his temples and maybe a little less hair than he'd had a few years ago. With his Mom you honestly could hardly tell. Perhaps her hair was a little bit thinner. A few more sun spots perhaps, but not noticeably.

"I'm gonna go and call Evie," he told his Dad, "Then I'm going out with Mark and the boys."

"OK," the older man replied, "Give me a hug then, in case you're gone before I get forgiven." As they hugged, his Dad added, "And make sure you call if you're gonna be out late." And that was it. He couldn't fault his parents on how much leeway they gave him and his sister. They'd always been like that. They trusted their kids to do the right thing. On the odd times they didn't behave, then they'd hear about it, but those times were few and far between and for the most part Evie and him had had a happy childhood.

His father marched up the stairs to whatever fate awaited him and Matty swung around and headed down to the family room to call his sister.


"No fucking way!" Oh God.

"You're kidding?" Eve asked, cracking up, "You honestly didn't know?"

He looked at his sister with disfavor, as she literally rolled around on the floor of their cottage near Lake Tahoe. It was the summer of his second year at Harvard and as a treat for both of them, their parents had agreed to treat them and some of their friends to a trip away. Him and three of his friends and Evie and three of her friends had lucked out and it helped that his friend Mark and Evie's best friend Laura were together anyway.

The rest of them were outside by the Barbecue while the Bartowski siblings prepared the salads for tonight's meal. He reckoned he was lucky that he got on so well with his sister. Evie was a year older than him, but they'd never had a fractious relationship when they were younger. Their family had been real close and he'd only realised why as he'd got older and understood that both of their parents had come from difficult family situations.

His parents had run a happy and rambunctious family. They supported each other, they teased each other, and they all enjoyed one another's company. Some, he was finding out, more than he'd thought.

"You do understand how babies are made don't you Mattie?" his sister enquired from her seat on the floor. "I mean you'd be a pretty shitty doctor if you didn't!" He could see tear tracks where she'd literally laughed so hard she'd cried. Even now her voice cracked.

"Ha ha. Yes, I understand that."

"So you do understand that our parents were sexually active. I mean at one time."

He didn't want to think about that, and she laughed at the expression he made and the noise of disgust.

She sniggered. "I cannot believe you honestly thought they were arguing!" She held out her hand, and he reluctantly helped her to her feet.

He supposed he did deserve this, after all. "Well, why wouldn't I?" he asked plaintively. "I obviously don't have a nasty, devious mind!"

His sister smirked, "Obviously you don't," she agreed. "Looks like maybe I have a future in the family business, after all."

He knew she didn't mean medical equipment. The revelation that his mother had been a CIA agent and that his father had worked for the intelligence services as well had totally floored Matty. He just could not believe it. He'd known his father was a PJ; he'd seen some of the pretty nasty-looking scars on his Dad's feet and shoulder. He knew his Mom had a couple of nasty scars as well, but he honestly had never believed that his parents had been spies. And highly decorated ones at that. His Mom's Agency record would never be disclosed but once the news about his Dad's award had broken, his Dad had encouraged her to share the details of some of her own medal awards with them as well. And to add insult to injury it turned out they'd grown up in Spook Central! Uncle John, Aunt Juliette, Uncle Cole, Aunt Zondra, Aunt Diane and even Aunt Eve – all had been agents. They'd of course known about Aunt Carina, whose biography was widely available. But come on, the rest of them?

At least now it was obvious why they'd never been able to get away with anything as kids. Their parents had always been seemingly one step ahead of them. His Mom had confessed to being an expert on body language and his father and Uncle John were supposedly experts in covert surveillance! No wonder they'd been screwed!

He thought about what his sister had said. "Do you want to?" He hoped not. They hadn't implied that it was a nice lifestyle.

"No," she replied, "but I am thinking about the FBI."

That wasn't too much of a surprise. She had FBI posters and gear all round her room at home. Every time Aunt Zondra came over she was pumping the poor woman for information on her job. "You'd be good," he told her, and meant it. She was a smart cookie, and very good with people.

"Better than you, anyway!" Oh, here they went again.

"Laugh it up fuzzball!" he told her, and she gave the patented Bartowski shit-eating grin she'd inherited from Dad. He tried to give her a glare but it petered out. He just wasn't good at being angry!

She shook her head. "I honestly can't believe you didn't know!"

He tilted his chin up at her. "So how long have you known then?"

"About five or six years!"

"Five or six years!" he exclaimed. "Thanks for telling me," he grumbled.

"Well, I decided if you didn't know you'd rather keep your soul intact!" He grinned. It was difficult not to.

"I thank you for your consideration," he relented, "And it does make a lot more sense now."

"What does?" she asked, surprised.

"Well, how two people who are in love as those two could argue every day."

"Every day?" she exclaimed. "When we were young it was twice a day!"

"Eugh!" he exclaimed, "TMI sis! I really didn't need to know that."

"You know they're still doing it now. They might even be actually doing it. Now!" She was tittering again, and he chucked the dish cloth at her.

"Enough! Let's talk salads. I don't want to even think about this!"


"Matthew John Bartowski!"

The adult inhabitants of the entrance hall shared a look, while the younger one cringed in his push chair.

His Dad was first to break the look, turning to his Mom, and then back to him to give a shit-eating grin. The famous Bartowski shit-eating grin. When he'd got back from the trip to Tahoe all those years ago he'd challenged his father on what he'd learnt and the elder Bartowski had confirmed his sister's suppositions.

His Dad had given him the same grin he was giving him now and told him. "It worked on two levels. Firstly, you were so shit-scared of your Mom you'd never cross her, and secondly it kept you two away from our bedroom; often the entire second floor, so we could be as noisy as we liked without having to worry about young ears!" He'd told his Dad that that was really too much information! The older man had smirked and suggested that he might need that strategy himself one day. Which it seemed he did now.

The older man was smirking at him again now, maybe remembering that exact conversation. "Sounds like your Mistress calls, son. You better go to her. Don't worry, your Mom and I can take care of young Nick. We'll go to the park. You guys take your time."

He looked at his Mom who was also grinning at him. "Come on, get!" she encouraged, waving Matty towards the stairs. "Don't keep the Boss waiting. You need to get working on making us some more grandchildren!"


Important Author's Note

So, this one-shot was to be the first in what I planned to be a collection of one-shots on the future (Green Feet) life of our favourite couple. Unfortunately, however, this fic is going to be the last I publish in the Chuck fanfic universe for a while, maybe ever. The reason? A very substantial drop in reviews. I've written before about how reviews give me (and writers in general) confidence. Lack of reviews takes it away. Given the very significant drop in reviews for my stories, I don't really have the inclination to use large amounts of my free time to write. I know I still have other Green Feet story ideas on my profile page. I may come back and write them, and maybe even post them, some time in the future, but equally I may not.

To all of those who've taken the time out to review my stories, thank you very much. It really is appreciated. I've enjoyed the opportunity to interact with all (most of) the fans around the world and some of you have become friends. To all my readers, I hope you and your families stay safe and well.