A/N: We're going to be publishing the next chapter as soon as I (SC) can get it edited and out there. Hopefully just a few days turnaround. Both of us want to stress how important it is for y'all to stay inside and stay safe, please. Wherever you are. And we'll try to keep giving you as much to do as possible while you're waiting this out at home. Thanks so much for the supportive reviews, everyone.

Disclaimer: We don't own Chuck and we aren't making money off of this story.


Diane Beckman had dealt with many things in her life but this might be the oddest thing she had ever done in her entire career. Two weeks ago her life had been put in absolute upheaval. Nine agents and the Director of the CIA were all killed when trying to upload the new Intersect. The cipher had activated a bomb inside the Intersect room. Two scientists, in charge of helping to create the Intersect were missing, and she was sure they were FULCRUM. Not only that, but there were whispers that FULCRUM might be a part of something called The Ring. She shook her head, irritated that she had been forced to evacuate DC, but at the same time, she was able to come to Burbank and check on her team.

Well...what was left of her team. Walker was currently on another mission, and whether or not she came back, nobody really knew.

This entire mission tried Beckman's patience. Bartowski wasn't your typical agent, and she knew he shouldn't be. He was amazing at what he did but he was...emotional. Very emotional. She looked down at the young man asleep on her bed. Why the hell was Agent Bartowski asleep on her bed? Why wasn't he in his bed, or better yet, where he really belonged...with Agent Walker?

Beckman left the room and walked back out into the main section of Castle.

"Major, why is Agent Bartowski in my bed?"

"Maybe he's lonely and needed some female companionship," Casey muttered, rubbing his forehead.

"MAJOR!"

"Sorry, Ma'am!" he said, snapping to attention. She rolled her eyes and gestured for him to be at ease. "Bartowski is driving me batshit crazy, General. I've shoved document after document under his face, trying to get him to flash. I thought maybe if I exhausted him, his brain would begin to work, but no dice on that. General…we need Agent Walker."

"I don't disagree, Major, but Agent Walker is CIA and she can leave this mission if she wants, which worries me. There has already been rumblings of adding a second CIA agent to this mission since we currently have two NSA agents."

"Do we really?" Casey asked, making Beckman snort. "As for Bartowski, the other rooms aren't finished yet, you have the only room with a bed, and the Intersect's tummy hurts." There was a flicker of a smile on Casey's face.

"What did you do?" Beckman asked, trying to stop a flicker of her own smile.

"I thought maybe a good run would help him relieve himself of some of those lady feelings," Casey replied, with a shrug. "The only thing he relieved himself of was his breakfast. I told him to go home when he reminded me it might not be the best idea for him to go home after throwing up with two doctors in the apartment…" Casey shrugged.

Beckman rubbed her forehead in frustration. "Of course he would live with two of the smartest people in the world," Beckman grumbled. She straightened, an idea hitting her. "What if we told them? Could that lift this emotional baggage Bartowski has that's making his flashes faulty?"

"I have no idea, General," Casey admitted. "While it would help in many ways, my guess is no." Casey turned to watch the monitor that was showing the feed of Beckman's room. "I've been surveilling him again...making sure he doesn't do something stupid, like tell the bearded gnome."

"Speak your mind, Major," Beckman said.

Casey shook his head. "These two dumb asses went and fell in love and they are so damned worried about the other that all they do is hurt themselves. I'm emotionally stunted and even I can see that much."

"This is Agent Walker's decision and no one else's," Beckman said. They both watched the monitor. "But maybe it is time to bring someone else in on this."

Casey gave her a look.

"Chuck me," he muttered.

}o{

She needed a new suitcase at some point. This one had been through the wringer. And she'd only had it since she came here. Holding onto things was a luxury spies couldn't afford. Even suitcases. And yet, this thing was on its last leg. It was stupid and trivial, she knew, but she found herself staring at her dinged up suitcase wondering if people who traveled a lot for regular jobs had suitcases that looked just like this. Flight attendants and pilots, or salespeople, or businesspeople…

She shook her head and pushed her hands through her hair, letting out a long, calming sigh. But she wasn't calm. She wasn't calm because there were so many things running through her at once.

Her baggage was piled at the foot of her bed, all packed up, ready for her to shut it, zip it up, grab it, and get the hell out of Dodge, as the saying went.

And it had been sitting there like that for two days, ever since she successfully completed the mission she'd been sent on, even the written report part of it. The door was open. General Beckman was clear on that.

After the Intersect 2.0 went...well, much more horribly than any of them could've ever imagined, everyone had seemed at a loss. Even the higher-ups. They'd been infiltrated and fucked. Royally. By the same organization that tried to recruit Bryce, the same organization that was after Chuck and the Intersect. Nobody knew whether they'd start from scratch or not. And nobody had the answers about who those scientists were, how they'd been recruited by Fulcrum, and how they'd managed to get a bomb trigger into the damn thing.

The man who'd approached her when she was a teenager, blackmailed her with her father's safety, with her own freedom, to get her into the Farm, the man who'd built her into the agent she was today, systematically honing her into a sharp and deadly weapon… he was gone. He'd been there when they powered up the Intersect 2.0 and he'd been killed in the explosion, along with a horrifically good chunk of their best scientists and agents.

She knew how callous it probably was, but she felt cheated out of an answer now that he'd died. Would they ever know what Langston Graham was up to? Was he covering up something? Or did he have ulterior motives with all of this? Any answers they might've gotten died with him.

And yet, after everything he'd done, everything he might've been doing that had potentially horrible implications about whose side he was on (though she was leaning towards him simply being on his own side this whole time), and the abuses she'd undergone from the time she was seventeen, Langston Graham had been her mentor. She'd never fully trusted him, but he had finagled things within the agency so that he could handpick her for missions that had made her one of the best agents in the CIA. There was no point in being modest about that. She was Graham's "wildcard enforcer". The most effective tool in his toolbox.

She'd known him for almost a decade. He'd infiltrated almost every single aspect of her existence in that time, in different ways. And...he'd been a part of her identity, whether she'd wanted it or not.

These last two weeks, she'd been in mourning. She just had to admit it to herself. She was in mourning for what had ended up being a bad man. The why and how and what of it was a mystery still, but he'd done wrong...by her, by the agency, by himself. Nothing was ever that clear-cut, either. There was no black and white in this business. Everything operated in a grey area, some things lighter than others, or darker than others. Director Graham operated in an area that was darker than most...but she couldn't imagine he'd been all bad.

And then she scoffed at herself and rolled her eyes, a small smirk on her face as she leaned back against the dresser she'd never actually used in these last six months. She sounded like Chuck. If a person had even the tiniest microscopic speck of goodness, he'd see it.

He saw it in her. Somehow. He'd found something. And then he'd clung to it like that was all there was to her, stuck her up on a pedestal, and made a decision to change the course of his life based on that.

He was wrong about her. He was wrong about the spy life. He was wrong to take this path. She knew it so hard that she ached every time she thought about it. And the worst part was that if she hadn't been a part of this operation, he might never have chosen that path.

Maybe it wasn't all about her. Maybe he genuinely thought he wanted to be a spy. Maybe he genuinely thought he would do some good. And God, if anyone on this screwed up planet could ever do legitimate good in this spy life, it was him. It was Chuck Bartowski, or she supposed he was Agent Carmichael now. Whatever he went by once he finished his training. She had no doubt he'd be a good spy. He had been doing better spy work than most of the spies she'd met and worked with in the last decade, with absolutely no training. Properly trained, he'd be fantastic. His mind was quick, he thought outside of the box (maybe because he wasn't trained in the Farm), and he was so damn brave it was staggering sometimes.

But there was no room in this business for knee-jerk altruism. He was going to find that out pretty quick once they put him in the field. She felt a stinging sensation at the backs of her eyes as she wondered what would finally be the nail in the coffin, so to speak. What would be the straw that broke the camel's back? What would finally obliterate the altruism that guided Chuck Bartowski's existence, that need to always do the right thing for everyone but himself? All she knew was that was the last thing she wanted to have happen to him. She didn't want this life to make that optimistic soul of his wither away into a dark pessimism. And it would.

He was diving headfirst into her world because it meant he'd be in her world, but he had no idea what the world was really like. He'd only seen six months' worth of generally tame stuff, as often as his life had been threatened. He hadn't seen the war crimes she and very definitely Casey had seen. And if he went into the NSA especially, he would come face to face with the worst realities of the world.

His faith in humanity would dwindle the way hers had. That light inside of him would be snuffed, like someone had blown out a candle. Easy as that.

And it wracked her with guilt and fear. Why was he doing this to himself?

She knew why he was doing it to himself. It was because he didn't understand. He didn't know what he was doing to himself. She'd lost her ability to be around him to the point where she'd taken the mission General Beckman gave her (a mercy mission, she thought), and she'd never fully explained to him the depth of the mistake he was making. She'd just snapped at him. And Chuck didn't do well when people snapped at him.

The door was still open. All she had to do was grab her baggage and walk through it. All of her baggage, literally and figuratively. She could do it. She could walk away from this, live out there the way she'd been living for the last almost ten years now. She could shoulder the burdens, the memories, and hop from mission to mission the way she'd been doing all this time. Or, and this door was open too—Beckman hadn't said it outright, but she hadn't needed to—she could leave it all behind. She could quit the spy life and settle somewhere in the middle of the country, though she'd prefer somewhere near a beach. Get some regular job. Run away from every last mission she'd gone on, live with the blood that was on her hands, practically dripping from her hands. She could just move on, ignore everything else, and she'd be just fine out there.

She had options. Graham's death had cemented that for her.

Somebody else would slot into her place as Casey's partner...and when Chuck was officially an agent, Chuck's partner. They'd all do just fine. Until Chuck slipped, or until Casey or that replacement agent slipped. Like so many agents slipped because they were all human.

Maybe Casey wouldn't be there to reach out and grab onto Chuck as he fell.

She still hadn't been able to get rid of the memory of how bad the agony had been when she saw Colt let go of Chuck on that rooftop. She'd been left unable to function for way too long as someone who'd been trained to keep a clear head in the field, no matter what. She didn't want to feel that way ever again. It had scared her shitless.

He was too important to her, too deep under her skin. And there was no use trying to deny it, no use trying to backtrack. There was no use trying to claw him out from under her skin now. It wasn't going to do any good. She'd done her damage.

And maybe she didn't want to stick around to watch the fall-out. So sue her.

It was like if the captain of the Titanic had accidentally aimed the ship at the iceberg and when he realized it was going to hit, he grabbed a lifeboat and bounced outta there, rowing away so that he didn't even have to watch it sink.

She was a coward.

But all she had to do was zip up that suitcase and finish this. She could be a coward. That was fine. Who was she trying to impress anyway?

Sarah took her phone out and stared at it, turning it over in her hands slowly. She hadn't deleted Beckman's voicemail yet. It was very professional, exactly the sort of thing her superior officer should say, and in exactly the right tone. If her journey had been the typical one for an agent of U.S. intelligence, she imagined Beckman might've been the perfect mentor. Instead, she'd wound up with the dysfunctional, dark path Graham had pulled her onto, and he was...not the best shepherd, to put it lightly.

Beckman told her in the voicemail that Chuck's training had just started but it wasn't going as well as they needed it to go. Chuck was a fast learner, but in concert with the Intersect, they were running into some problems. He wasn't flashing, she'd said. No matter what they tried to do, it just wasn't working. And Sarah'd spent a few minutes worrying over what they'd "tried to do" to him without her there looking out for him. She was still so pissed at him, and yet …

The NSA psychologist they'd called in had called it repression, whatever that was. Emotions were potentially clogging his ability to access the program now that he'd gained more control over when and how often he flashed. He was fighting it, even as he argued he wanted to flash. He wanted to help his country.

They also hadn't ruled out trauma being one of the reasons he couldn't flash. After the Intersect 2.0 massacre, the impact of the lives lost, Chuck showed clear signs of someone who'd undergone mental and emotional trauma—perhaps guilt, Beckman said, but that was just her own observation.

Sarah was well-acquainted with guilt.

But he couldn't possibly believe those people had died because of him. It hadn't been his fault. He wasn't at fault for any of this. He hadn't asked for the Intersect to be forced on him. He had no control over Fulcrum, the double agent scientists, or the fact that the CIA and NSA decided to build a new Intersect to replace his. And yet, she knew him well enough to know he'd find some way to blame himself.

Maybe he wasn't effective enough. If the Intersect had landed in the brain of a trained agent like it was meant to, they'd never have needed to build another Intersect. He'd just be...good enough. That old refrain she knew too well when it came to Chuck because he constantly struggled with it. He wasn't good enough.

But that was all bullshit. He was good enough.

And he was good enough to be a spy, good enough to be the one who had the Intersect. If anything, he was the perfect person for it. But maybe the Intersect didn't deserve him. Maybe none of them deserved him. And now he was trying to make himself better, good enough, by joining the NSA.

At the end of the day, he'd just end up dead. Or have his world views warped and twisted until they were as bleak and empty as hers were. She didn't want this for him.

He'd made his decision. She couldn't make it for him. And she couldn't change it. Especially not now. But it didn't change that she didn't want it for him.

She huffed and smacked her phone down on the dresser behind her. How in the hell was she going to proceed? She didn't even know. And—

There was a knock on her door then. It was a knock she didn't recognize. It wasn't Chuck's playful knock, thank God. She couldn't do that right now. And it wasn't Casey's brusque, commanding knock. It wasn't a knock she'd never heard on the door of her Maison23 room before and she immediately went for the gun in her bedside drawer, easing across the floor of the room as the knock sounded again. This time the visitor sounded more hesitant with their knock.

She eased in close to the door, gun in hand, and very slowly unlocked it, easing it open just an inch to peek out.

Holy shit.

She stuffed the gun in the waistband of her pants at the small of her back and opened the door more, just gaping. She'd lost her footing. She didn't even know what to say.

Ellie just gave her a weak smile, untangling one hand from the knot they'd both formed in front of her to give a similarly weak wave. "Hi, Sarah."

Sarah shook herself. "E-Ellie. Hi. Um…"

"I know, I've never come here before. And this is totally out of left field, but can I...come in...for a sec?"

Without running through the millions of things her trained spy brain would've normally run through—for instance, a check-list of the things she'd left out in her room that a civilian shouldn't be seeing—she swept the door open and stepped back. "Of-Of course, Ellie. Come in. Please."

On second thought, she wondered if Chuck might've been the more welcome option here. At least she knew she could throw him out, tell him she didn't want to talk to him, that she needed space.

She could never—would never—do that to Ellie. But God, she didn't want to deal with this right now.

"Can I get you anything? Water? Or…?"

"No. No, I'm okay. Thank you." Ellie was staring at something in her room, not even looking at her as she answered, her voice quiet, small. She was overflowing with nervous energy, shifting her weight, wringing her hands, her brow furrowed, even as she had a polite smile on her face.

Sarah followed her gaze and realized she was staring at her luggage, all packed up—as it always was—but looking like she was taking a trip. Or back from a trip. "Oh...uh, that. Yeah. I just...I was on a trip. Business trip."

That wasn't a lie. But the fact was, she'd gotten back days ago. And she'd put the suitcase there because she was deciding if she wanted to leave, really leave, and go...she didn't know where.

Ellie just shook her head, shut her eyes with a sigh, and turned back. There was a speck of frustration there, annoyance. "So nobody warned you, I guess," she said. Something was off. Ellie had never been this tentative or unsure around her before, around anyone before. And that cryptic-ass thing she'd just said … She gave Ellie a questioning look. "You say business trip, but you mean mission. A spy mission. For the CIA."

The floor dropped right out from under her.

}o{

"Are we sure about this?" Casey was asking, but Chuck was still trying to figure out the implications of what General Beckman had just said.

"Wait, wait...wait. Sorry. Hold on." He blinked a few times, then looked at the General who stood in front of him, looking down at him as he sat in one of the chairs next to the conference table. "Sorry. You—Did you just say that it's time for me to...let my family know...about me? Ab-About the Intersect? And joining the NSA? Did I hear you right?"

"Yes, Chuck," the general said, folding her arms at her chest. "You've kept them in the dark for their safety for the last six months and it's clearly been...er…"

"It fucked up your emotions and made all our jobs way harder," Casey input for her. When she sent him a half-flat and half-severe look, he grunted and shrugged, looking properly chastised.

"Not exactly how I would've phrased it, Major Casey," she drawled. "But…" She sighed. "Yes. That is the gist. As Dr. Martin said when he had his sessions with you, there is some sort of emotional and/or mental blockage that is making it difficult for you to access the Intersect."

"So...and this isn't me being confrontational or bitter, I promise...you wanted me to not tell Ellie and Awesome about all of this in the beginning for their safety and mine. And now suddenly when you think it might help, it's okay?"

Beckman and Casey looked at one another and then back at him.

"Yes," she said. "But it isn't that simple," she continued as he rolled his eyes. "The last six months have proven to be incredibly difficult, having you living with two other occupants in your apartment who didn't know about the Intersect, having to keep it all under wraps. The fact that they're very important to you, they are your family, and are both annoyingly observant and involved in your life, it made it that much harder for you, for Agents Casey and Walker…" Chuck wanted to glare at her for the 'annoyingly' part, but the fact was that she was sort of right.

"So what you're saying is...Sooner or later, they're gonna find out anyway. Might as well control when they find out and how." Chuck looked between them.

"Basically," Casey piped up. "You're really hard to deal with...all the mood swings and the feelings an' shit. Bringing Ellie in on this gives me a reason to throw you at somebody else when you're all...up in your feels. Or whatever."

"Up in my feels?" Chuck asked. "Have you been watching MTV or something, Casey?"

"Shut up."

"Both of you shut up," Beckman said slowly, sighing and pinching the bridge of her nose. She moved to sit on the edge of the table then, looking Chuck dead in his eye. "You have a lot you have to worry about right now with training and...only currently having one trainer at the moment." He felt a raw ache make itself known in his chest and he diverted his gaze. "This would add one more thing onto your plate—telling your sister and her fiancé. But the hope is that perhaps it might lessen the burden. Lighten your load. That would give you two more people you don't have to lie to or sneak around."

He was getting the hint the general was throwing at him, without her actually having to say the words. Just Ellie and Awesome. It made sense. Morgan was...perhaps a little less reliable. But it still left him slightly miffed.

Chuck hid it, though, just nodding instead. Because they were letting him open the door to let his sister and one of his best friends in on a secret he'd been keeping from them for so long it had started to eat away at him. Legitimately. Every thing he had to talk around to make Ellie okay with whatever he was doing, the times he hurt her because she could tell he was keeping stuff from her. This would explain all of it for her.

And then… Well, he wasn't unrealistic or stupid. And he knew Ellie wasn't just going to be all hunky-dory about him being an agent with a supercomputer database in his brain. This was going to be an incredible shock to her. And to Awesome. She was going to want to shake him for deciding to join the NSA, for deciding to be a spy. It was dangerous. He'd get himself killed. All the same things Sarah had yelled at him in the car over two weeks ago after he'd told her.

He let himself get caught up on that, then. That was supposed to have been a date, a real date. And it ended in this. Him sitting here with only one of his original handlers, and Sarah off somewhere on a mission on her own. Beckman had given her the space and time she needed after she raged at her about letting him do this, the same way she'd done to Chuck and Casey. Chuck didn't know what was said, but Sarah'd been gone just like that, with no one giving him details about what she was doing or whether he could contact her, or how. And now, two weeks later, he was almost sure she wasn't coming back.

Chuck had taken this step in large part for her. Not just to be with her, but to be the type of man who deserved her—or more appropriately, deserved her more than he had before. Nobody could ever really deserve Agent Sarah Walker. But the fact of the matter was, Chuck Bartowski—non-spy Chuck Bartowski—could never deserve or hope to even be with Agent Sarah Walker. She was his handler, and he was her asset. By making this decision, he'd opened that door for them. They'd be partners. And…

Well, it wasn't worth dwelling over it now. None of it had turned out the way he planned. And he knew there wasn't an agent replacing Sarah yet because Beckman and Casey wanted to keep the spot open for her should she decide to come back after the mission, should she decide to work with him and with Casey again. A team, like they were before. Only...not quite the same. He would actually be trained this time, capable of taking care of himself. He might actually get out of the car.

"If you're amenable to this, we'd like you to get it done as soon as possible."

Chuck froze, lifting his gaze up to General Beckman. "I'm sorry but please stop talking about this like it's as simple as...telling my sister I've decided to get a tattoo." She frowned at that. "She's not going to be happy. Awesome? He's...well, he's probably going to do one of his 'That's awesome, high five bro!' things," he said, holding his hand up excitedly. "But Ellie? Over six months of lies…?"

"You were protecting her. We all were," Beckman reasoned.

"Come on, General. You guys all thrive on saying things are complicated and now you wanna make this out like it's the simplest thing in the world. Well, it isn't."

"So you...don't wanna tell her? I'm confused," Casey muttered, sitting up straight and giving him a look.

"I d—Yes, of course I do. I've been wanting to tell her from the beginning. I'm just—It isn't that easy. You want me to do it ASAP and whatever but it's going to take some…" He sighed, seeing their blank looks. It wasn't worth trying to explain. "I'll do it."

"It was never going to be easy, Chuck. No matter when you told them," Beckman said quietly after giving it a few seconds.

"Maybe not. But lying to her for six months versus telling her right off the bat? There is a big difference there."

The general sighed and nodded. "All right," she said in a tone that belied she'd just made up her mind on something. "We'll do it your way." She stood up straight again and turned to face him head on, lifting an eyebrow. "However you see fit to tell your sister and her fiancé about the Intersect, about joining our team...we'll support it."

"Barring...top secret stuff, though, right General?" Casey asked, his eyes wide. He sat up a bit straighter, eyes flicking back and forth between them.

"Yes. Obviously, just giving them a general summary of the Intersect Project, of your training. Don't flash for them and give them the whereabouts of Area 51 and the alien autopsy reports," she deadpanned.

Chuck gaped. "Wait. Hold on, do-do we have—?"

"No," she said, giving him a look like she couldn't believe he'd actually taken her seriously.

"Oh."

"Idiot," Casey groused.

"Now, I have a special phone call to make. Gentlemen…" She nodded at them and walked out of the conference room.

"Do you think she's calling Sarah?" Chuck asked. "She sent her on that mission, right? She gave her the mission. Do you think Sarah's back yet? Think she's done?"

Casey just grunted in annoyance and walked out of the room. "Just tell your sister the truth so that I can make her deal with those questions."

"But I haven't told her yet, Casey," he called out, following after the NSA agent, his trainer. "So do you think you can answer?"

"No."

Chuck grumbled to himself, before wracking his brain for a way to tell Ellie without getting murdered. This was going to be the hardest thing he'd ever done in his life, and God, it'd be such a relief to get it off his back.

}o{

"Bro, I gotta tell ya...this was easily the best Domino's pizza you've ever ordered," Awesome said, wiping his fingers on a napkin and dropping it on his empty plate. Chuck watched his soon-to-be brother-in-law sit back against his chair and burp into his fist in satisfaction. "I might have to add a few miles to my bike ride tomorrow but totes worth it."

He chuckled and nodded. "Thanks, Awesome. I really felt like treating you two tonight, ya know? You do so much for me. Letting me stay in your apartment with you all these years...looking out for me. It means a lot," he said, feeling himself starting to project nervous energy.

Ellie had been silently watching him this whole time, too. He could feel her piercing but still warm gaze on him, and he studiously avoided it. He knew he wouldn't be able to for much longer.

"What's going on, Chuck?"

Like, right now, for instance.

"Babe. Yeeesh, come on," Devon chuckled. "Chuck just wanted to treat us to dinner. Not everything has some ulterior motive." He gave Chuck a look and a "pfft". Ellie just ignored him, though, still staring at her brother.

"Um." He cleared his throat and shifted in his seat. "Not-Not an ulterior motive, per se. But there is...something I wanted to talk to you about. Both of you together. And I thought I might as well provide dinner while I was at it. So, I think in a way, you're both right—"

"Chuck, what is it? Just tell us. Is it Sarah?"

Shit. He'd tried so hard not to think about that. It would only make this harder for him to get out if he was dwelling on Sarah who still hadn't shown up, who still wasn't answering his calls, who still hadn't said a peep to any of them except for her superior who she had to report to for her mission, he assumed. He didn't know for sure because he hadn't talked to her at all.

"No. No, no. Not Sarah." Ellie sighed, and it was like a weight was off of her shoulders. Ellie liked Sarah a lot, he knew. And it hurt everything in him that he might have to tell her that he'd fucked that up with his decision to be a spy too, on top of the rest of the shit Ellie'd be pissed about after this. "Though, she's...a part of it. A part of what I have to tell you."

"What is it, bro? Hey, we got your back." Devon reached over and smacked a strong, reassuring hand on his shoulder, squeezing. "Me and you are gonna be family, pretty soon here, huh?" He beamed.

"Awesome, I have news for ya. We've been family for a while now. Just not, you know, not on paper."

Maybe it was just his imagination, but he thought the blonde got misty right then, pressing his lips together hard.

"Chuck…" Ellie warned.

"Sorry. Right. The-The thing I have to tell you. It's…" He huffed. Thankfully they both just stared at him, watching, waiting, giving him time. He could see Ellie swirling her red wine in his peripheral, however, and he knew she wouldn't wait all night. "Do you remember… Do you remember Bryce Larkin?"

"That guy who fucked up your college career? Same one who just died last year?" Ellie asked.

"Yeah. Him. Except…" He shifted in his seat uncomfortably, then raised his gaze to her, to Devon, to both of them. "Except that he's not dead."

Ellie stared at him. "Ellie, I have a lot to tell you, and it will be easier if I can just say it all." She nodded. "No interruptions?" She shook her head and he took a deep breath. "It all started after my birthday party…"

}o{

Chuck glanced at the clock. It had been over an hour since he sat down across from them at the table and devoured his slices of pizza before his stomach had time to clench with nerves and not allow him to digest.

In that time, he'd managed to bring both his sister and her new fiancé up to date. For the most part. He left out the bits where he'd almost died. And maybe he might've been more transparent about that if Ellie hadn't nearly fallen out of her chair when he told her about the Intersect.

She was quiet now. She hadn't been as quiet while he spoke, even though she'd promised no interruptions. And really, he couldn't blame her. There was a lot of loud, "WHAT?!" And "if this is some kind of joke…"

Now she just sat staring at her hands folded on the table. "I don't understand," she finally said, her voice barely above a whisper. "If Bryce...If he wanted to protect you, why in the hell did he—Why did he—?" She didn't seem to know how to finish it, or maybe there was some sort of obstruction in her throat.

"I still don't know why he sent the Intersect to me of all people. But I-I mean to make the most of it, Ellie."

"Well, he didn't give you a choice!" she snapped, sitting up straight again and leaning in. "Either you comply with this-this general lady or...what? They put you in a bunker? In some kind of underground prison where they manipulate you and your brain to their purpose?"

Chuck winced. "Back in the beginning of all of this, I was as untrusting as you are now. Well, through most of it, if I'm being honest. But El, I trust them now."

"And Sarah?"

The silence stretched through the room, and Chuck found himself meeting Awesome's blue gaze. There was understanding there, and reassurance, but the blonde also looked like he was having trouble computing all of it. He really had given them a lot of startling information.

"What...about her?" Chuck asked, swallowing hard.

"This entire time you've been pretending to be all cozy and together for our benefit, lying to me about everything you've been going through—Don't." She held up a hand. "Don't interrupt me. I didn't interrupt you." Chuck exchanged a bit of a look with Awesome, because she really, really had interrupted him. Quite a lot. But thankfully she didn't catch their look. They'd both be turned to ash if she had. "And she lied about...about everything. I get it. I get she had to. And it was probably a lot easier for her to do it than it was for you. I get that, too." Chuck found himself shaking his head. She must've seen it. "What?" she asked. "What's the head shaking? This woman I thought was my brother's girlfriend, this woman I thought was my friend, is actually a CIA agent tasked with protecting you and lying to everyone else. I'm supposed to believe her lying to me wasn't easy?"

"It isn't as simple as you're making it out to be, El." She gave him a flat look. "It isn't. Sarah...She's been a lifeline for me through all of this. You'd normally be the person I'd go to for everything, but they made it seem like I'd be putting you in insane danger if I went to you, so I went to her instead, because she...made herself available for that. Even though it...Well, it wasn't a part of her job. Her door was always open when it didn't have to be. And she… I mean, not all of it was a lie."

Ellie stared at him for a while. "Hm."

"What?" he asked tiredly.

She pursed her lips. "I've been sitting here—You know, after I came to terms with the horrible, insane, weird, straight out of a Terminator movie stuff you were telling me, a-about this...Intersect...about Bryce...about everything you've been doing right under my nose these last six months… After all of that sort of settled in my mind, I keep going back and going over certain things with Sarah. And you. Wondering if she's just that good at acting, pretending."

Chuck stared, then looked at Awesome. He was looking at his fiancée much in the same way: questioning. "What do you mean? She's the best at...all of it. All of the spying…stuff."

Ellie narrowed her eyes and leaned her chin in her palm. "Hm."

"What hm?"

"It-It just… You're a terrible actor, Chuck. No offense. I saw you in Fiddler on the Roof, and I love you, brother, but I saw right through you."

He frowned as Awesome hissed and muttered, "Harsh."

"Sorry." She winced. "But that doesn't matter right now anyway...What matters is you're not a great actor and I don't think you were acting when we were talking, the two of us, about...the two of you." She paused. "I really like Sarah, but I obviously don't know her at all. I mean, less than I already did. Granted, I just thought she was a super private person but I know now that she's a freaking spy." She threw her hands up. "C'est la vie? Can I use that for this?" Both Chuck and Awesome shrugged. "Whatever. What-What I'm trying to get at is that I don't know if anyone could ever be that good at acting, whether they're a trained spy or not, Chuck."

Chuck sighed and looked down at the table. "I don't know, Ellie. I don't know how to respond to that."

"Is it real?"

Awesome sat up straighter. "Oh, shit. Bro…"

He huffed and pushed his hands through his hair.

"I feel like that's our answer," his soon-to-be brother-in-law muttered. "Bro, whoa…a spy, huh?"

"Devon, have some tact for just a second," Ellie said, putting her hand on his bicep. He clammed up quick and cleared his throat, squirming in his seat. "Are you two...really dating? Under the, uh, the fake dating?" She shook her head and raised her eyebrows. "This is all too much."

"Wait, wait. Wait. Stop. It isn't…" He sighed. "I don't know how to tell you. I mean, I don't know...I just don't know. Anymore."

"Anymore? What are you talking about?" Then she frowned. "Wait. Now that you're telling us about this Intersect and the government protecting you and using the...flashes or whatever to help them get, quote, bad guys, unquote… Is Sarah leaving? Are they assigning some other person to you? Does us knowing change all of that? The, uh, assignment? Am I even making sense?"

"Not really," Awesome mumbled.

"Uh…" Chuck tried a bit more tact than it seemed Awesome was capable of. Maybe he'd broken his brain a bit with all of this.

Ellie sent her fiancé a dark look and he winced with a small shrug.

"Sarah isn't—Well I mean, she wasn't…" Chuck tried. "I don't know now. I've really...screwed the pooch."

Ellie just stared. "How?"

"There's...just one last...little part to this…? Um...that you should know." They both looked scared, but there was a hint of excitement mixed with the fear in Awesome's eyes and Chuck didn't know what to do with that. "Ellie? Awesome? I was given an opportunity by General Beckman, by the government. A really, really good opportunity…"

"Wait, have we moved past the Sarah thing? Because I still want to know if the real thing was happening under the pretend thing. You didn't really give a satisfactory answer to that," Awesome said, holding up a finger. Ellie elbowed him. "What? He didn't. Don't you wanna know? She was your friend, too."

Ellie looked like she did want to know, but she just gave a small shake of her head and turned back to Chuck. "What do you mean, a good opportunity? What kind of opportunity can they give you that isn't taking that shitty program out of your brain so you can get back to your life and not be in danger every single day?"

"Well? I mean, keep in mind, at any point any one of us could get into a car accident or have blue ice fall out of a plane and onto our heads. You know?" She full-on glared at him and he cleared his throat. "A job opportunity," he answered. "Which is...why...I brought up...I mean, Sarah's not super happy with me about it—"

She raised her eyebrows. "Like, as an analyst? They've recognized how good you are with computers and now they want you to do analysis for them? Some desk job in downtown LA? Filing papers? Sarah's mad about you filing papers, right? You're gonna have to fill it in at some point, Chuck, because I'm starting to spiral…"

If she'd just give him a chance…

"I'm gonna be an NSA agent. They're training me and everything. And when training is done, I'll be the Intersect and be able to actually use my...why are you looking at me like that? Awesome? Awesome, please hold onto her...Ellie, don't kill me…Wait for me to explain..."

Thankfully Awesome did grab onto her shoulders. His sister's face was turning red, and, frankly, so were her eyes, her jaw clenching.

"An...NSA...agent?" she asked through gritted teeth. "That's an opportunity? An opportunity for what? Death?"

"N-No. Ellie, I'll be safer as a trained agent. I can protect myself."

"Oh, good! Good, that makes me feel a lot better." The sarcasm was mixed with rage, and it really was a horrific combination in Eleanor Faye Bartowski. "ARE YOU CRAZY?!" she yelled.

"El, hey...Hey, let 'im get it out," Awesome tried, but she outright ignored him, shrugging his hands off of her and leaning in.

"You think you're some kind of superhero? What happens when those guys who shoot at people in your spy movies start shooting at you? Does that Intersect thing block bullets?" He shook his head minutely. "Yeah, I didn't think so. What in the hell are you thinking? You call up that general and tell her no."

"I'm not going to do that, Ellie. I've made the decision already. I made it. On my own."

Her jaw twitched, and then she dropped her gaze to the table, reaching up to rub her temple with one hand. "Why would you do this, Chuck? Why are Casey and Sarah going along with this? Isn't that the whole point of them being sent here? To protect you? To protect the Intersect? And they're just letting you throw yourself into a lion's den like this?"

"I've been in the lion's den, Ellie. That's what all of this has been this whole time. I was yanked into this spy world whether I liked it or not. Bryce didn't give me a decision then. They've given me one now. It was either...either go into the NSA, train to become a full-fledged agent, a spy, or…" He paused.

"Or what, Chuck?"

Chuck sighed. "Or keep being the guy who was kicked out of Stanford and works at a dead-end job at the Buy More, lives with his sister and her boyfriend, can't even afford a car, for fuck's sake."

"Who are you trying to impress, Chuck?"

An ache went through his chest as she pushed up from the table and started pacing, one hand on her hip, the other pressed against her forehead. Worry creased her brow, her lips pressed into a serious, thin line.

He didn't really know how to answer that question. There were a lot of answers. "Nobody, El. It isn't about trying to impress anyone. It's about reaching my fullest potential. It's about helping innocent people."

"Go work for the Peace Corp!" she barked, spinning on her heel. "Do Meals on Wheels! Volunteer for a political campaign! Tutor some underprivileged students! All of those things are better than this. They're safer than this!"

"Look, I've decided, okay? Whether you support me in this or not, it's happening. If I'm gonna have to be in this spy world anyway, I want to be able to make the most difference, help as many people as I can. If I'm trained, I won't have to rely on handlers. I won't be just an asset anymore. I'm a part of a team." A team missing one integral member, he inwardly reminded himself, and the ache came back. This time it felt like he'd been kicked in the chest and he looked down at the table.

"I have a question." Awesome tentatively raised his hand. "If...If you're so stoked about being a spy, Chuck, why do you look like someone kicked your dog right now?"

"Well, his sister isn't too happy with him at the moment, Devon."

"Nah. You've been unhappy with him before—"

Chuck ran a hand over his face as Ellie and Awesome began to argue with one another as he sat there in front of them. He waited a minute, just dwelling, thinking about the look on Sarah's face when he'd last seen her. He remembered watching her disappear inside of Maison23. He remembered the determined way she'd walked away from him, the door slamming shut behind her. And he thought maybe that had been the last time he'd ever see her. Because he wasn't honest from the get-go like he should've been.

He wasn't making that mistake with his family.

"I think she's gone."

The argument stopped and both Ellie and Awesome slowly turned to look at him. Awesome blinked. "Huh? Who?"

"Sarah."

Ellie came back to the table and sat down, leaning in. "What do you mean, you think she's gone. Gone where?"

"I don't know where. Beckman gave her a solo mission and that was a few weeks ago now. She should've been back and she...isn't back. I don't think she's gonna be back at this point." He shut his eyes tightly and then snapped them open again, pushing his hands through his hair. "I think she's gone."

Ellie shivered, looking like she might be sick. "Nobody's heard from her? Is she...okay? Is she safe?"

Chuck didn't dwell too hard on the worry in his sister's voice. "No, no. Not like that. She's okay. The mission's over. I just think she's not coming back because of...me."

"Well, what'd you do?" Awesome asked.

"This." He gestured with both hands thrust out, palm up.

"What, telling us?" Ellie asked. "She really didn't want you to tell us that much?"

"No, no. Not-Not that. I think she wanted you both to know about it, you especially Ellie. I think it started to get hard for her to keep all of this a secret from you, like it was hard for me." He wasn't looking at his sister, but if he had been, he would've seen a switch go off in her green eyes, almost a softness. It might've made this conversation a bit easier for him if he had seen it. "I mean, my decision to become an agent. My decision to train with Casey to be a spy with the NSA."

"Oh. She thinks you should be training with the CIA. Is that why?" Awesome asked.

"No, no." He shook his head. "I kept it from her. I made Casey swear he wouldn't tell her either once I decided this was the path I was going to take. I didn't tell her. Lying by omission, as they say. And she's angry with me. More than angry. I think she's fed up. With me. I was just so nervous to tell her, because I…" He halted, the truth about not wanting to hear or see her doubt in his ability to do this stilling in his throat. "I had these plans, you know? I wasn't gonna be her asset anymore. I'm making something of myself. And things-things are gonna change. And it was a lot. She is worried about it, probably, and frustrated that I'm going to be completely in the spy world. I am going in the...in the opposite direction than she… I don't really know. I don't know because she never talked to me about it. She won't talk to me. She's left and she isn't...coming back. I've fucked up."

Without warning, Ellie burst out of her chair to her feet again. "She wasn't acting! She really does care about you, Chuck!"

"Hu-What?"

"I knew I saw something. This whole time, I've been upset, thinking all of the things she said, all of the looks she gave you when she thought no one was looking, were all just her being clinically good at being a spy. But it was all real. She was assigned to protect you and pretend to be your girlfriend, and she grew to genuinely care about you. She spent six months of her life protecting you, making sure nothing bad happened to you. And now you make this damned boneheaded decision to put yourself in even more danger! Of course she's not talking to you! Of course she's pissed! I'm pissed, too! Only difference is I'm your big sister and I'm forced to stick around."

"Wow, El. Thanks."

"Shut up, Chuck! Quit the sarcasm. Drop the witty one-liners. Wisen up!" Chuck blinked as she raised her voice. "I get it, okay? You aren't changing your mind about this. You wanna be James Bond or whatever, go out there and save the day and wear the fitted suits and hold the gun. But the real world isn't James Bond, Chuck. There are horrible people out there and she's been a spy for...I don't, I don't her history. But longer than you! And she probably knows how unsafe it really is. What you're doing is stupid! I have to stand by and support you as best I can because you're an adult and you make your own decisions—I can't and won't stop you. But I'm going to tell you what you need to hear anyway, and that's that you've been really stupid, Chuck!"

"Ellie, I—"

"No, you listen to me." She slammed her palms on the table and leaned in over him. "You think you aren't worth anything, working at the Buy More as the Nerd Herd supervisor, not owning your own car, having been kicked out of college, no girlfriend—or I guess, not a real one. But that's bullshit, Chuck! You're a good man."

"And what's that worth, Ellie? Seriously." He calmly met her hard gaze with a determined one of his own. "At the end of the day, what am I worth? After a nine hour shift standing behind that stupid desk, knowing there's more out there that I could be doing to protect people? Well, I passed on a chance to do some real good, but at least I'm a 'good man'." He tossed up air quotes.

"Stop it. You're belittling yourself. Again."

"That's just it, Ellie! If I do this—When I do this, I'm gonna be worth more. I'll be able to do more. I can look in the mirror and see more! I'm tired of being this. I'm tired of being afraid of the Intersect and the life it thrust me into. I want to use it to its fullest potential. I want to reach my fullest potential. People might not think I can do it," he said, his fears about Sarah rearing to life in his chest, constricting his ribcage. "But I want to try anyway. I need to try anyway."

Ellie growled and pulled back, ruffling her hair in frustration as she walked to the doors that led out to the patio and stopped, gazing out into the dark courtyard. "And you're throwing away your chance at a regular life."

"Do they know of any way to get that thing out of your head?" Awesome asked, crossing his arms. "The Intersect thingy, I mean." Chuck shook his head. "Are they even trying?" Chuck shrugged. "Well, if there's no assurance from these people that he will ever be able to live the life he had before this jerk dude put the Intersect in his head, what's Chuck got to lose with this, really? He just gonna wait around like this forever? Or take life by the horns?" He reached across the table and gave Chuck a supportive swipe of his hand across his bicep, winking. He at least had some semblance of an ally here.

Ellie sighed instead of snapping at her fiancé. Which he thought was somewhat of an improvement. But she just looked sad as she turned back, crossing her arms and slumping back against the door tiredly. "I know. You are trying to map out your own life in a way that Bryce giving you the Intersect took away from you. But this is so dangerous, Chuck. And you're the only family I have left. I worked for years to keep you safe, worrying about you all the time, stressing over whether you were okay… And now you're diving headfirst into a life that… Any mission could be your last, Chuck." She paused and Chuck felt her words sinking in. It left him feeling cold. "What am I supposed to do when someone shows up at the door in a suit and tells me my brother's dead? Be happy because oooh, welll, at least he didn't feel like a deadbeat at the Buy Moooore…?" She shrugged helplessly. "Maybe I'm being selfish, but I don't want that for you."

Chuck shook his head. "I'm sorry, Ellie. I hate to sound harsh. But...whether you want it or not, that's how it's gonna be."

"And you threw away whatever the hell the confusing, complicated relationship you may or may not have with Sarah is for this? For this?" she asked, thrusting a hand out.

"That part wasn't...on purpose. I thought it…" He swallowed thickly. She gave him a questioning look. "I thought I was making it...less confusing. Less complicated. As part of the actual team, not the asset, but a real spy, a partner… I thought it'd make our...thing more of a thing." He winced at how idiotic that ended up sounding.

"You want to be with her?" she asked.

"Yeah. I do."

"You should've just said that. To her face. Instead of acting like a jackass and tiptoeing, making a decision like this without having a grown-up conversation first." He winced again, because even though Ellie didn't have all of the facts, even though part of him thought she was being harsh and a little unfair, she was also sort of hitting the nail on the head. He genuinely thought he was doing the right thing. "It's your life, Chuck. You were given an opportunity, you had a decision to make, and you deserve to make it however you see fit. Whether I think it's crazy and stupid or not." He sighed and rolled his eyes a little. "But you need to know how your decisions affect the people you care about. You can't ignore that. You need to tackle it. And if you're okay with all of it, so be it. I guess there's nothing any of us can say." She shrugged.

"That isn't fair, Ellie. I didn't just make this decision for me…" He trailed off, shaking his head. He didn't know how to proceed.

"You thought you were doing it for me? For us?" She gestured between her and Awesome. "Or did you think you were doing it for Sarah too?"

As Chuck stayed silent, Ellie finally sighed and shook her head. "Look, I have a lot to think about. I need to take a drive. I need to get out of here and be alone for a bit." She paused halfway to her purse, then glanced at him. "Don't worry. I'll be coming back. You need someone who doesn't have some weird hero-complex," she sent Awesome a meaningful look that earned another wince, "to spout some truth at you." She grabbed her purse and walked to the door.

"Ellie, you can't—"

She turned at the door, grabbing her car keys. "What?" she interrupted. And then a nervous look came over her. "Now that you've told us this, are they—I mean, am I not allowed to leave the apartment? Am I trapped here?"

"No, of course not," Chuck said vehemently. "You're not in some sort of prison now that you know. I was given the green light telling you both because you're...trustworthy. That was the point."

She settled and nodded. "Good. I'll be back later. Don't wait up."

And then she was gone, leaving Chuck alone with his sister's fiancé, who leaned over and clapped a hand on his shoulder. "She's gonna be fine, bro. It's all gonna be fine. You know Ellie. She always has to go off and be alone to let hard stuff settle." He patted his shoulder.

Silence pervaded for a few seconds, and then Awesome climbed up to his feet, came around the table, and sat right next to him, excitement permeating off of him. "Okay. Bro. Chuck. Tell me more about this spy stuff, huh?" He rubbed his hands together. "You need a work-out buddy?"

Chuck slumped over, his forehead thunking hard against the table top.


A/N: Now you know why we're trying to get the next chapter out as quickly as possible. We're sincerely doing our best not to leave y'all with this cliffhanger for longer than necessary...aka how quickly SC can get her life in order to edit. Let us know what you think with a review! Thanks!

-SC and DC