Fate and Destiny are powerful metaphysical constructs that man has both praised and cursed since the beginning of time. They are concepts that can profoundly alter someone's course through life. Some will devote their entire lives to these invisible powers...while others do their very best to smash through anything that remotely tries to mimic them in order to deny their hold on them.
Either way, believe, don't believe… When great change comes, it begins in the most unassuming fashion. Such profound moments that can alter the course of history can, surprisingly, happen in a single muffled heartbeat.
Sasuke, of all people, was the perpetrator for such an instant.
Many would scoff, reasonably so, that such a young foolish boy could have such power.
But…it would be wise to remember his current circumstances.
The adorable genin of Team 7 had been trapped for an oncoming three days in a 'tiny' tower and suffering unbearable boredom mixed sourly with paranoid stress. Such settings were always ripe for the birth of chaos, mayhem, or even just little philosophical ponderings that can sway entire nations to stand and fight for just causes and conquer enemies thrice their numbers.
Sasuke, at that time, was sitting in a hidden closet like space six feet below the dirt basement floor of the Tower. Naruto had, quite irritatingly, chosen said depth so they could all be 'six feet under' and no one would be the wiser.
Sasuke would deny to his dying breath he had snorted painfully in amusement in an attempt to stifle his laughter. He also pretended that Sakura's hysterical giggling wasn't making that effort any easier.
Moving on, however, back to Neji's most obsessive topic.
They'd created this little nook for privacy. It had been working splendidly so far, even if it had only really been two days and counting.
Still, day three it is indeed, and these three genin were meeting for another secret powwow.
"Any sign?" Asked Sakura. She's hugging her knees to her chest, green eyes focused on the small little candle burning between them.
"Meh, not yet." Naruto picked at the dirt with a fingernail. "I've just about got a third of the forest mapped." He shuddered. "And I really dread the day Kaka-Sensei sends us here for training. We're lucky they decided to block some of the more dangerous areas to prevent the majority of the genin in here dying."
"Speaking of Kaka-Sensei," began Sakura. She would never know how those words would be the door in which Sasuke would unintentionally alter the future. "Do you think there's a way to convince him to stop reading his perverted book so often?"
Naruto rolled his eyes. "You know he does it as a cover."
"Well, yeah, but he also has to enjoy them, right? I mean, have you seen his collection? It's got it's own shrine! It's even sealed in a fancy glass decorative case so they can't get dusty!" The disgust and disbelief were heavy in her voice.
Naruto sighed, leaning back against the wall. "I don't understand why girls are always ragging on him for reading that stuff. I mean, girls are just as perverted."
Sasuke shivered as the temperature in the small space suddenly and inexplicably dropped.
"What?" Sakura's voice was deceptively calm.
Naruto waved a hand at her nonchalantly, apparently completely missing the glaring warning signs. Sasuke was discretely trying to sign him to back down, really not wanting to be stuck in a five foot by five foot room when Sakura goes berserk.
"Seriously, girls are just as bad. I mean, come on! Just look at the fangirls that stalk Sasuke!" Naruto huffed, completely missing Sasuke's imitation of a ghost and Sakura trying to become a darker shade of pink than her hair. "They're relentless! I know that some of them were even bold enough to steal some of his underwear!"
Sasuke did a whole body twinge as he gaped in horror at his blond teammate. Apparently, this was news to him.
"You're joking!" Hissed Sakura, looking a little green herself.
Naruto shook his head. "Nope. Totally found them outside the Uchiha compound squealing over a pair, passing them around to snuggle and-"
*SMACK!*
Sasuke was trembling in trauma, his hand slapped across Naruto's mouth in absolute terror. He shook his head silently side to side, unable to verbally command the blond to NEVER speak of such horrors ever-again!
Sakura leaned away with a slow 'cornered cat' like exhale. "So that's what Ami was gloating about that one year! She never said, but she wouldn't shut up about it!"
Naruto carefully pealed Sasuke's hand from his face. "Yeah, well, point stands. Girls are just as perverted. They just get away with it 'cause they're girls."
Sakura shook her head vehemently. "No way! It's totally different! Girls don't go around reading trash like Icha Icha in public!"
"Psh, that's only because there isn't a book geared towards them. I bet, if Icha Icha had a female lead, the women would go nuts over it." Naruto smirked. "And you just admitted they would read it, just not in public."
Sakura gasped, affronted. "I did no such thing!"
"You totally did! Didn't she, Sasuke?"
Sasuke was still holding himself and shivering, ignoring the conversation completely.
That didn't stop Naruto and Sakura from carrying on. They argued for another five minutes about the topic before Sasuke finally snapped out of it.
"Seriously!" argued Naruto. "If there was a female version of Icha Icha, women all over would be reading it! I bet you would read it!"
The raven haired genin scoffed loudly, momentarily distracting the two. "If that's the case, why don't you just make one?"
Sakura and Naruto stared at him blankly for a couple moments before slow smiles started creeping across their faces. As he watched, Sasuke was mortified when said grins became almost manic and a disturbingly familiar glint entered their eyes.
It was exactly in that moment when both of his teammates exchange such predatory grins, Sasuke realized he 'effed up.
And if it wasn't already obvious, this was exactly when fate and destiny took a nosedive and shattered any sort of preconceived plans they were fostering.
So, unbeknownst to the happily ignorant shinobi nations, three genin six feet under, were about to decimate the world as they knew it.
As the day wore on and eventually faded into night, Sakura and Naruto were hatching the most inconceivable plan a genin had ever had the nerve or guts to try. Despite his misgivings, Sasuke was a member of Team 7. He sat there and helped plan right along with them. Hours passed, notes were made, ideas exchanged, and before sunrise the next day, the rough draft for society's doom was resting innocently in the hands of three prepubescent teens stuck in an exam they are scared of dying too young in.
Kakashi was completely flummoxed when he started crying in the middle of reading one of his favorite passages of Icha Icha. That he's surrounded by the majority of his fellow Jounin in their favorite watering hole wasn't helping matters either.
Mind you, it was amusing to watch everyone's faces contort in such bizarre ways because of his inexplicable crying fit.
Admittedly, his favorites were the other three rookie genin team leaders. Gai looked like he's having a seizure, limbs flying about spaztasticly all over the place. Best part? The green clad ninja was completely stunned mute! Asuma managed to drop his cigarette in his crotch and not notice for a good thirty seconds. By the time he does notice, his pants were quite literally on fire and he began 'beating' himself in public to put out the flames. Kurenai kept throwing her hands up and screaming "Kai!" over and over again.
Kakashi would be laughing himself sick over it later.
For now, Kakashi hammed it up and morphed his face into the perfect example of woe, allowing the falling tears to glisten 'just so' in the light.
Anko was chortling so hard behind him she almost peed herself.
...It also sounded like she's choking to death because she's having a hard time breathing. Kakashi briefly wondered if it's possible to die from laughter.
Across town, Hiruzen had just pulled out his favorite reading material. He'd gotten a pretty good dent in all the- ...he paused, glaring at the inbox on his desk to ensure it hadn't magically filled to the overflowing point when he'd almost used the forbidden word. When the stack demurely remained the same size, Hiruzen blessed his luck he'd caught himself in time and returned to the orange book in his hands.
A happy grin curled his lips as he began to crack open the book to where he'd left off.
*RIIIIIP*
The old, wizened Hokage stared blankly at the two separate halves of his lovely book divided equally in either hand.
One of the Anbu hidden in the room coughed. The small muffled sound was just enough to snap Hiruzen out of his horrified trance. And, to the shock of everyone in that section of town, a wail of absolute despair pierced the air and echoes through the buildings like the cry of a man who'd lost everything precious to him.
Everyone who heard it shivered.
Before the Anbu could quite conceive what to do with their squalling leader, his KI suddenly flooded the room and nearly brought them to their knees.
"Eagle," he growled, not even turning around when the Eagle Anbu dropped forward to a knee behind him. "Spread the word. We prepare for war. We are in red alert. No one goes on patrol alone, and all minor missions are being put on hold." The old man sneered at the destroyed book in his hands. "We have received a bad omen indeed." He pauseed, realizing Eagle was still behind him. "Go!" He snapped.
Eagle dipped his head and disappeared.
The other Anbu left behind silently curse their brethren's luck. He'd been sent on a bogus mission, as they'd already been preparing for war due to the suspected invasion that would occur soon. It meant he didn't have to sit and struggle to breathe through Hiruzen's roiling KI for the next three hours. Lucky bastard.
Sitting on a roof across the village, Zabuza felt a cold wind crawl down his spine. He paused mid bite, chopsticks hovering in the air inches from his shark like teeth.
"Zabuza?" queried Haku, confused by his Master's behavior.
"It's them," rumbled the bare chested man, twisting his head just enough to narrow his eyes in the direction he knew the Forest of Death rests.
Haku tilted his head to the side. "Team Seven?" he guessed. Zabuza only got weird when it's Team Seven. The older nin could give two sh-ts about the rest of the village so far, but if Team Seven was involved, Zabuza got twitchy.
Not that Haku blamed him. Haku had developed a tic that he had to force into submission every time he saw a hint of blond or pink hair, else he'd be filling random villagers and Konoha nin with sebon.
...He had accidentally killed a few ducks though. He felt a little guilty about that. Those poor ducks... Well, Master Zabuza had enjoyed the roasted duck, so maybe it wasn't all bad.
"They've done something," said Zabuza, interrupting Haku's thoughts.
"Don't they always?" asked Haku, a little put out that there usually wasn't a time Team 7 hadn't done something.
Zabuza's eyes snapped to teen across from him, internally startled at his minion's cheek. He grinned. Maybe those irritating brats were good for something.
Haku got weirded out when Zabuza started grinning at him widely, the older nin's teeth flashing menacingly in the dim lighting.
Far away in a quaint little town that was still bubbling with excitement even as the hour started to get late, Jiraiya was completely flabbergasted as he shunshined all across town in a mad panic.
He grew paler each time he stopped to look around at his new destination before popping away just as quickly.
At long last, there, in the distance…hope flickered before him like a dying man in a desert finding an oasis. Jiraiya cried tears of joy as he raced towards his goal, arms outstretched and hands splayed wide.
He threw open the doors to the public baths...and was completely crushed that his salvation had turned out to be a mirage.
Staring at Jiraiya in confusion was a whole bunch of buck naked men enjoying a good soak.
"NOOOOOOO!" Roared Jiraiya. He's completely unable to fathom, in a town full of nineteen different bathhouses, that ALL of them were completely empty of any women!
A/N: Sooo... I hope you get a kick out of this chapter. I um... I have spent the last four days typing 50,000 words for the Nanowrimo contest... and I'm pretty sure I've managed to turn my brain to mush.
This is... a result of that mush. I finished that, literally at midnight, and started writing this. It is now 3:30 A.M... I've been typing for 8 hours!
I really can't quite figure out where this insanity came from, honest. It's funny as hell in my immensively sleep deprived state. Not sure if it will be the same for ya'll who are less likely to be as inebriated.
Oh, and I really hope you forgive me for the length and randomness of it.
...BUT I also feel like demanding your undying love and affection for wanting to share this idea so badly that I stayed up an extra 3 and a half hours typing it for you immediately.
...love me damnit! LOVE ME!
...I'm gonna go drive home (I can't type at home; too many distractions. I am STILL sitting at a 24 hr resturant to type this insanity) and pass the 'eff out.
Toodles-
PS- please forgive my wandering author's note. I beg that you don't hold me accountable for the word vomit the lack of sleep has created. It breaks my filter...explodes it really...into lots of tiny invisible particles that look like fairy dust...
Crap, doing it again. Stopping now. Ciao!
(Edited: I hadn't realized at the time the rest of the story was in past tense, hence that needed to be fixed for this chapter. Also, thanks to the reviewer that let me know I put the wrong "their" in the story. Fixed that too! Cheers!)
