Jiraiya was a renowned individual. Not only was he a Sannin, he's infamous for his novels and boisterous personality. It would be easy to brag about his exploits and notoriety, and he enjoyed doing so avidly. He's quite proud of his Bingo Book listing too.

Getting kidnapped wasn't really a surprise, per say.

Three newby genin dressed adorably like wannabe Anbu, however, was completely unexpected.

How they managed to get the drop on him...he was startled to find pathetically easy. They'd laced his sake. He honestly isn't sure how, considering he hadn't noticed them in the brothel. Plus, well, he had no idea how they could've gotten in to said brothel, considering the Madam of the place was a retired kunoichi.

Worse, the seals they'd slapped on him kept him completely bound and at their mercy.

He was both impressed and horrified. He really hoped that no one ever found out about this...ever.

"Jiraiya-sama," spoke the one in the middle. Jiraiya was impressed that their pale pink anbu masks apparently had the voice altering seal inside. Instead of any specific animals, all three masks had three simple whiskers like marks on each cheek. Their only seeming difference was that the whiskers on each mask was in a different color; blue, red, and orange. "We have need of your services."

Jiraiya just glared. He was bound and silenced. On top of that, he wanted to be sure he impressed upon them he was pissed.

"The Hokage already approved." The one on the left with the orange whiskers pulled out a scroll with the Hokage's seal.

Jiraiya snorted. He had a very hard time believing these three were mini anbu in training. The seal was correct, but he still didn't believe it. Afterall, Sensei had made it quite clear he wasn't going to mess up any more children's youth by making them into hardcore killers too early.

"Of course," admitted the one in the middle with the red whiskers, "I'm sure he meant to hand it to you personally..."

Jiraiya blinked at the humor lacing the tone, even with the seal muddling the identity.

"When certain circumstances were met," continued the third on the right, blue whiskers looking almost black in the low lit cave like space.

"And probably after the Chunin Exams were over," finished Orange.

"When it would be too late," added Red. Red set the scroll on the ground between them. "We'll be frank with you. We stole the scroll early so this could be taken care of immediately. Rumor has it that Sand and Sound are looking a little too eager. We need to...declaw their Pet."

Jiraiya's expression remained nonplussed, but he was gaping on the inside. What the hell did these kids know?! How did they even get that information? And how the hell were they able to steal such an important mission scroll?!

"However much we wanted to do this on our own, we are not Seal Masters." Blue shifted slightly to set down a set of topgrade sealing supplies.

Despite himself, Jiraiya was intrigued.

"Obviously, we are not trying to incite a reason for Sand's actions to be justified," murmured Orange. "We are trying to present this as we only intended to help our ally via taking care of a problem they themselves didn't have safe a method to fix. Also, we can pretend that there was no ulterior motive to hamper their soon to be...activities."

"Can we trust you to help?" asked Blue, leaving the 'and not turn us in immediately' hanging unsaid between them.

"Besides," remarked Red, "who doesn't like messing with raccoons?"

All three chuckled, and it almost made Jiraiya's mask of stoicism crack. He wanted to know that story for sure, as clearly there was one if they were exchanging looks and laughing like that.

Jiraiya was impressed further when the Red one reached out, and with a deft twist, removed the seal keeping Jiraiya silent.

"How do I know that you're really trying to help? After all, this is unsanctioned at the moment." Jiraiya briefly thought about trying to yell, but he figured they had already accounted for that, considering how thorough everything else seemed to be set up.

"You'll tell Sarutobi afterwards," stated Blue, a shrug of nonchalance added in as well. "He'll know who we are."

"And the chance he'll reprimand us for it is pretty limited," remarked Orange, sounding amused. "No one wants to admit to kidnapping a Jinchuuriki, sound reasons or not. Pointing out that we did it…" One didn't have to see the smirk to know that it was there. The cocky assuredness was practically oozing off the masked kid. "At best, we'll get a silent reprimand via unpleasant mission or chore." Orange paused. "Several, depending on how pissed he is that we went behind his back."

Jiraiya frowned. "You're not one of Danzo's are you? ROOT?"

Red snorted. "Even if we were, we couldn't admit it."

Which said plenty in of itself.

"Besides," continued Red, "Danzo's a dick."

Jiraiya, despite his iron control, snorted with suppressed laughter. He also promptly choked on his own spit and had a good coughing fit before he could speak again. "How can I trust you?" He fixed his expression into firm demand, pretending he hadn't nearly asphyxiated himself trying not to laugh.

Jiraiya swore they were all leering at him.

"You'd be dead." All three spoke in sync with the same flat inflection.

Jiraiya sweatdropped. That...was a little freaky.

He sighed. "Fine. Let's go fix a seal."

"Yes!" Red cheered. "Let's go kidnap a Jinchuuriki!"

Annnnnnd…they promptly left via shunshin without Jiraiya, leaving him blinking at the blank rocky wall across from him. "Kami damned brats! Left me here without even having the decency to remove the seal! GET BACK HERE, BRATS!"


Gaara hated Konohagakure. It was too green, with not enough open spaces, and their ninja all seemed weak and useless.

He'd tried distracting himself via the things Temari called pranks, but somehow, they seemed...off.

Like three days ago. The redhead had painstakingly arranged an intricate trap that was riddled with multiple trips, triggers, and unpleasant...things. Temari had stepped on the first trigger, heard the telltale *click*, and shunshinned out of there before even the first trap was fully sprung. Gaara was left to stare at an empty doorway filled with sand, mud, ink, and unidentifiable sludge splattered everywhere.

Irritated, Gaara had Kankuro clean it up while he went back to scheming.

He then attempted an even more complex trap the next day, trying to sucker Kankuro into setting it off. Unfortunately, even though Kankuro has limited mental faculties, he still managed to step right over the trap, completely missing each and every little trigger. Gaara had stormed out, furious, especially as the hotel staff had pushed a cart into said trap and now the entire hall looked like a warzone...without any actual victims. The maid was plastered against the hallway entrance, looking horrified, but that horror wasn't even directed at Gaara...which oddly frustrated the redhead, as he was actually responsible for the mess but no one seemed to credit him with it. Hell, he'd been holding a spool of wire and half of the supplies he had gathered were still sitting behind him on the floor. Instead, the woman had gone screeching through the hotel, screaming about some "orange demon". Gaara knew he didn't have the least bit of orange on his person. Not even his hair could be playfully called orange. That meant, once again, they were talking about someone else.

….Gaara was a little peeved. People here ignored him, not even one hateful or terrified look. He was totally going to fix that.

His next prank, just yesterday, he tried to go simple. He had stumbled upon a very helpful book on pranks sitting in the hotel's lobby (he did not think it suspicious to find said book in a hotel lobby, of all places, reserved for light reading materials like magazines). He had simply rigged a door with a bucket of water on top. He eagerly waited inside the room he shared with Kankuro (who took 4 HOURS to get back! Gaara was half tempted to hunt him down and squish him for making him wait so long, but he really wanted his prank to work, and therefore remained scowling at the door instead).

Kankuro opened the door-

And the bucket missed, splashing across the floor inwards and actually managing to get Gaara instead.

Admittedly, Gaara had never seen Kankuro disappear so quickly before in his life. Unhappily, Gaara had to rotate his sand out so his protective shell could dry out, mentally cursing at his third failed attempt.

Gaara, however, was resolute. He did not fail!

So, today, Gaara set up another semi simple trap to launch a paint balloon at the unfortunate person who triggered it.

Only for a stupid cat with a ribbon on its ear to jump between the balloon and the target, taking the full brunt of the mess and sparing the pink haired civilian that had been about to be covered in red paint (really, red was a great color! It reminded Gaara of blood. It was perfect!).

Gaara almost killed the cat. He didn't get the chance because a team of genin had slammed the cat into a pet carrier and disappeared before he could even twitch a finger, the genin team looking almost vindictively gleeful.

Gaara tried thumbtacks on Kankuro's chair.

The buffoon tripped, sending the chair sprawling and the tacks on it flying through the air to impale themselves in Gaara's protective sand shell.

Gaara was about two breaths away from unleashing Shukaku on the whole stupid village, invasion be damned.

"Little baby raccoon,

Living out in the dunes,

Here to take a little test,

Hardly worth trying best."

Crooned a voice. Gaara froze. Cold sweat prickled along his brow as he expanded his senses as far as he could.

"Little baby raccoon,

Always looking at the moon,

Heavy with the weight of discord,

And anger strikes a familiar chord."

He was by himself, completely alone in an alley. He'd stormed off to get some air, struggling to keep from unleashing Shukaku. He hadn't been paying much attention to where he was going. He knew he instinctively moved to the shadows, far too used to avoiding people and their stares. And now...he was hearing the voices again.

"Little baby raccoon,

About to receive a boon,

About to lift the gloom,

And save them all from their doom."

His eyes darted around frantically, trying to locate the source of the voices. There were at least three, and they were singsonging, switching off between verses. He had hoped that the voices had only been around at that stupid tower in that forest during the last test.

Apparently, that wasn't the case.

"Hey little baby raccoon...

We're about to say Boo~"

Gaara molded his chakra, attempting to shunshin to the rooftop of a nearby building. He found himself staring down at the alley he'd just been in...empty but for trash and shadows. He let out a shaky breath, feeling a bit of relief.

"Boo," whispered a voice right next to his ear.

Gaara's eyes widened before his entire world suddenly went dark and silent, his body locking up and refusing to obey his commands. His chakra was also immediately suppressed, scaring the redhead further, as he'd never been cut off from his chakra before.

It was even more terrifying to be blind, bound, and not even have the voice of Mother to fill the silence.

For the first time in his life, Gaara felt truly alone.

"We need to hurry," murmured Blue, concern leaking into their tone. "His pulse is skyrocketing."

Red grunted, hauling the redhead onto their back. "Pretty sure no one has ever managed to subdue him so easily, cutting him off from everything but his own thoughts."

Orange gave a soft hum. "He's totally freaking out." Orange shrugged. "I would too."

The three disappeared.


Temari was starting to get worried. It was almost eleven at night. She hadn't seen Gaara since breakfast. Him spending the day out alone wasn't usually something to be concerned about, after all, Gaara was very capable of taking care of himself.

But, this wasn't Suna. This wasn't home. Worse, Gaara had been acting strange since the second exam, and she wasn't quite sure how to address it, either to Baki or Gaara. When she'd tried finding Baki after they'd finally be let out of that stupid Tower, the man had reminded them to lay low and the promptly disappeared. The only reason she knew he'd been around at all was that his dirty clothes pile had gotten bigger.

She chewed on her thumbnail. She didn't really want to piss Gaara off if he was fine. However, if he wasn't fine, dealing with Baki's rage would be...less than pleasant.

Groaning, Temari gave up waiting and headed for the door. Kankuro was huddled in the corner, sulking over the fact he still hadn't found Karasu. He was next to useless, so she didn't even bother asking for his help. She would find Gaara on her own, and destroy anyone who had the audacity to mess with him!

...it had nothing at all to do with the fact Gaara was related to her. Nothing.

The door burst inwards.

"Special delivery!" cheered a voice.

A body was flung into Temari's startled arms.

She automatically caught the body and instantly recognized the dark red hair. "Gaara!"

The door slammed shut before she even got a chance to see who was on the other side.

Kankuro petulantly looked over his shoulder. "Who was that?"

"Don't know," Temari said curtly, shifting her narrowed gaze to her youngest brother. He was completely limp, and she was concerned about his health. She turned him, his head flopping back as a loud snore escaped his lips.

Temari dropped him with a scream, plastering herself against the farthest wall. She was trembling, eyes wide as she held her fan defensively in front of her. "Sh-sh-shukaku!"

Kankuro stared at her blankly. "Dude, what's up with you?"

"H-he's asleep!" she screeched, eyes wide with terror.

Kankuro promptly joined his sister, managing to wedge himself between the wall and her to peer over her shoulder in horror.

Gaara remained innert on the floor, soft snores echoing loudly in the room.

That's exactly how Baki found them six hours later.

"What's going on here?" demanded the jounin, looking stern. He was exhausted. He'd been spending countless hours trying to find his contact, Kabuto, since they arrived. He'd had no luck, and he was really...REALLY starting to doubt the reliability of the new village and its leader. He didn't want to start a war with Konoha if Oto couldn't even maintain decent contact with its tentative allies. Honestly, he really didn't want to deal with Konoha anyway. This place was wack.

Temari pointed a trembling finger at something on the floor.

Baki's gaze dropped slowly, mind still fuzzy because of a headache he'd been dealing with for the past week due to stress. So...it took him a second to comprehend the lump of flesh and head of dark red hair resting in the middle of the floor.

Temari squealed in terror when Baki shoved her closer to her youngest brother via squishing between the wall and Kankuro.

'The hell was up with these guys?! Were they men, or what?! Why were they hiding behind her?!

She wanted to turn around and berate them...loudly with an assist of sharp pointy objects... However, she was still too petrified of her snoring brother to dare and look away.

"H-How long has he been s-s-sleeping?!" hissed Baki, peering over her other shoulder as Kankuro was still holding her other hostage.

Temari glanced at the clock on the wall. "S-six hours, give o-or take."

Baki blinked owlishly. He proceeded to shover her forward. "Go check his seal."

"WHAT?!" She shot him a betrayed look.

"If he's been asleep that long and Shukaku hasn't come out yet, you should be fine." He waved her forward nonchalantly, still hiding behind a mortified Kankuro.

"Bastard," she muttered darkly. She shot a glance at Gaara, heart pounding in her chest. She took a long fortifying breath before slowly creeping forward.

The redhead snorted, arm lifting.

"YIIIII!" Temari dove behind one of the beds.

Gaara rolled over, arm flopping back to the floor listlessly.

Dead silence permeated the room, all three peering at the redhead with bated breath.

Gaara didn't move, soft snores once more escaping the snoozing redhead.

"Temari, do it," commanded Baki, forcing Kankuro to stay put as his meat shield.

Temari shot him a murderous look. She'd pay him back, she swore it!

Still, the blond crept out from behind the bed and inched closer to her brother. He looked disturbingly peaceful, face relaxed, expression tranquil. She reached out cautiously, moving his clothing aside and forcing a little bit of chakra into his skin.

She stared at the seal blankly. "What am I looking for?" she asked blandly, feeling even more ridiculous for her actions because she'd forgotten she didn't have any training in seals whatsoever. She was seriously going to destroy Baki for this humiliation later!

"Lift him up. Show me." Baki didn't do anything more than lift up on his toes to try and squint across the room.

That's it! She was done with this BS! "Why don't you take a nice long look?!" she roared, hefting Gaara's dead weight and tossing him across the room with impressive precision.

Baki screamed like a little girl while Kankuro bailed out the window without a backward glance.

Gaara flopped across Baki's petrified figure while Temari growled and crossed her arms daringly.

It then occurred to her that she'd just thrown her psychopath little brother across the room.

She paled, arms dropping limply to her sides as she took a slow shaky step towards the door.

Baki was still screaming shrilly, arms curled into his torso, fists tucked under his chin.

No one noticed the muffled cackling in the corner as a camera was liberally capturing evidence of all the shenanigans.

Gaara...kept snoring.

Temari counted to fifty before she managed to regather her courage. "Baki, check his seal."

Baki kept screaming, taking quick short breaths between long howls of terror.

Temari's eye twitched. "Baki. BAKI!" She threw a shoe at him.

The shoe struck true, smacking the man directly in his face and cutting off the screaming instantly.

The shoe dropped from his face, a visible imprint of the sole left behind as he gave Temari a deadpan look. Neither noticed the shoe land harmlessly on Gaara's stomach.

"That was uncalled for," Baki remarked flatly.

"So was screaming like a little b-"

"Eh-HEM!" Baki cleared his throat, interrupting her. "The seal." He squatted, hiding his unease as he casually moved Gaara's shirt aside. He visibly swallowed. "It's…" He shuddered.

"It's what? It's WHAT?!" Temari demanded, moving three steps closer to the door as her hand rose to hover over the handle.

"It's fixed." Baki turned to stare at her blankly. "It's...fixed. Completely. Shukaku can't get out when he's sleeping."

Temari's legs gave out. She landed with a thump, head banging against the door as she stared up at the ceiling in shock.

"There goes that plan," she muttered at the fleeting thought that forcing Gaara into a false sleep had been their ace in the hole for the invasion.

Baki started spitting curses like it was going out of style.


A/N: Sorry for the long wait! I...uh, rewrote this chapter. I had finished once already. I sorta liked it, but this was too funny to pass up...so NEW CHAPTER! YAY!

I hope you all like Gaara being a failure at pranks! I really, REALLY thought about it...and it was just too amusing to me that he sucked at it. Like, he tries really hard...and fails EVERY TIME. So, yeah. Hope you all got a kick outta that. I was cackling to myself when I was writing it, squirming with suppressed maniacal glee.