Tsu walks her sister back home in the heat of the setting sun. Satsuki grumbles about having to leave so soon. They pass by a display freezer by the corner store, and Tsu winces at all the bright ice-cream labels.
Satsuki loves drumsticks, especially the ones with the caramel inside. Tsu wishes she'd accepted Shinsou's money just to make it up to her little sister.
She wonders how often he's able to treat Eri. His bankroll must yield enough to buy her some ice cream whatever she wants. Or the latest toy. Or a fucking iPad.
Tsu sighs. She's never resented being lower middle class. She knows her parents work hard to afford rent in an okay part of the city and feed three kids. When she walks by select shops on the street though, she can't help but feel a tinge bitter about being so poor.
She really oughta search for a job. She'll email the lab she did her internship with before graduating and ask if they have any openings.
They arrive shortly before the sun fully sets. Her mother still acts like she broke curfew.
"Where have you been?" she cries from the kitchen sink. She's peeling potatoes furiously. Tsu hopes she doesn't accidentally skin herself.
"Satsuki wanted to see her friend," Tsu answers, slipping her shoes off while Satsuki scurries away. She's glad she can at least keep her sister safe from their mother's fury. "Didn't Samidare tell you?"
Tsu stiffens when her mother jerks her head back. "You mean he's not with you?"
"…No?"
Her father grunts as he turns a page in the newspaper. "He's seventeen, Beru, let the boy live."
Tsu clenches her jaw. She wants to mention that she herself never had the luxury of "living" when she was a teenager, that her entire schedule was waking her siblings up, cooking them breakfast, walking them to class, rushing to catch the bus, going to school, and running back home to prepare snacks and run a load of laundry by the time they came back.
She doesn't say anything though. She lets the water scald her hands as she washes them before helping her mom with dinner. Tsu mostly tunes her mom's barbs out as she dices the peeled potatoes. Her mother's anger is misplaced. She should be blaming herself for raising her son as a faultless prince rather than scolding her daughter for not being able to keep tabs on two children.
She busies herself with preparing dinner. There's two pounds of chicken breast defrosting in the sink. Tsu assumes they're having yakitori and potato chunks. This is one of her siblings' favorite dishes. It's been a while since they've had this.
Maybe her mother's just upset because she thought none of them would be around to enjoy the meal.
"These onions are so green," Tsu remarks, cutting off her mother's harsh musings. She's not trying to be flighty or disrespectful. She's just trying to spare them all the needless grief.
Her mom blinks in the middle of skewering the chicken cubes. "Yes," she says finally. "They looked fresh in the market on our way home. I thought I'd buy them."
Satsuki sets the table for five even though Samidare never comes home. They have a nice dinner regardless. Her mother puts away the leftovers for him in a small Tupperware container before rinsing off the rest of the dishes. Tsu rises to get her sister ready for bed and sees four missed calls from Ochako on her charging phone screen.
Ochako
hey tsu can you call me?
please
pleaseee
pleqse
tsu im late :/
like a week
it could just be the pms thats driving me insane
im not even nauseous tbh
i dont think i have any morning sickness
i mean im a little dizzy but thats typical
im prob fine right?
we used protection both times
i think
fuck
im freaking out
i cant tell katsuki
Tsu reads the messages with a weary eye. She's not up for comforting her friend's latest pregnancy scare. It was nice having Bakugou in prison to avoid these monthly meltdowns from Ochako. Tsu texts back.
Ochako
Prob just premenstrual anxiety
You should be ok
Goodnight
She flicks back to her messages and realizes she never replied to Setsuna's breakfast picture.
Setsuna
Looks good
It wasssss
U missed out :/
Sorry
Had to go home
We should meet up again some other time
Omg we shouldddddd
When are u free?
Whenever
Lets aim for next Saturday!
If anything comes up lmk
Sounds good!
Will do :)
There's one more unread text. It's from Izuku.
Izuku
Hey Tsu
I know this is sudden, but can I see you again?
I'm home alone
What could he possibly want? Well, she has a few ideas. But Izuku isn't the type to call anyone up for a booty call. Especially not her. She's willing to see him again, but not to sleep with him. She hasn't shaved in weeks.
After dinner, her parents go into their bedroom and don't come back out until they leave for work. Tsuyu usually cleans up while they shower. They sleep early since they have to get up before the sun rises. Getting her little sister ready for bed has been Tsu's responsibility since she was brought back from the hospital.
She mulls over Izuku's text while she washes her sister's hair, combs and braids it. She wrings out the damp strands as Satsuki spits out her toothpaste.
"Aren't you going to change into your pajamas?" she asks while drying her mouth with the towel.
Tsu blinks. Her sneakers are still tied firmly around her feet. She hadn't even noticed. "Yes," she says, turning the doorknob of the bathroom. "I still have some laundry to do."
"Okay," Satsuki yawns. "Goodnight, Tsu."
"Goodnight."
Tsu waits until after her little sister closes her bedroom door to grab her phone.
Izuku
On my way
She speed walks down the street. Tsu's really not in a rush to see him, but her parents put a strict curfew on her that she had trouble shaking off even four years into her adulthood. She hates sneaking out. She never felt exhilarated or liberated, just immensely guilty.
She's outside his front door in just under ten minutes. She's a bit out of breath as she rings the doorbell. Izuku unlocks the door within the first few seconds.
"Hey," he says breathlessly, as if he was the one who just jogged a mile in the humid evening.
"Hi."
They stare at each other for a beat before he steps aside. Tsu walks in his mom's apartment, happy to smell the familiar scent of leftovers and eucalyptus essential oil. It's as clean as ever, and not in the desperately tidy way Shinsou's was. This is a home that rarely gets cluttered because the only people that live here are a single mother who cooks, washes, folds, and irons for her only child.
"You want some water?" Izuku offers, closing the door behind her.
"No thanks."
She walks into the kitchen, pleased with the way her shoes squeak on the marble tile. Her apartment has old linoleum. The counters in Izuku's kitchen are jade and spotless. The stovetop is free of any stains. The towel hanging over the oven door is fresh and white. Even the faucet gleams in the low light.
There's a bowl of washed fruit in the middle of the dining table.
"How about some grapes?" he asks, already splitting his cluster and extending the bigger half towards her.
This is the second time today she's been given grapes. She tries not to read into it.
She fails.
The ones Shinsou had given her were courteous, pale, appeasing. He'd presented a bowl on the table for everyone to share.
Izuku's grapes are different. They're richer, shinier, just a shade shy of crimson. She's heard of the links between drinking red wine and good cardiovascular health, so she accepts the bundle in hopes of mending the Izuku-shaped crater he'd left behind.
"Sure."
She eats a few as he guides her to his bedroom.
Shinsou's grapes were soft and sweet. Izuku's are tart and crisp. They burst into her mouth with a sharp juiciness that helps her navigate the bittersweet feelings that come with being around her ex.
She sits on the foot of his unmade bed while he stands idly. They watch each other and eat the grapes awkwardly.
His room is dark save for the muted movie playing on his desktop monitor. It lights the room in somber cerulean. This is the climax to the action film Izuku's always watching. It's as fixed to his bedroom as the paint on the walls. He must've seen it at least a thousand times.
She remembers losing her virginity under the tonal lighting of this movie three years ago.
She sighs at the memory. "These were good," she says, twirling the stem between her fingers.
He takes her stem and plucks the final two grapes on his own before popping them into his mouth.
"Oh, I'm glad you liked them," he mumbles around his mouthful. "Want more?"
She shakes her head. "I'm good. Thank you."
"Of course," he says politely. Then, sincerely, "Thank you. For coming."
She doesn't respond, simply stares back, waiting for him to say whatever he'd called her over for.
Izuku blinks first, smiles softly at his socks and takes a deep breath before speaking.
"I know it seems like I've already seen you enough. You're probably sick of me," he clears his throat. "I know you probably didn't want to meet earlier. I just… couldn't help it. It was great seeing you last night. I had to see you again. I really wanted to talk to you at the party, but I kinda punked out. And then later at the park, I was… so happy you came that I forgot what I was gonna say."
She tilts her head expectantly. "What were you gonna say?"
His adam's apple bobs heavily in the moody atmosphere. "Um. That I'm sorry. And I miss you…" He starts cracking his knuckles. "That I haven't stopped thinking about you since we broke up. That," he frowns at his stubby, trembling fingers, "um..."
Some part of her wishes he could look her in the eye as he's apologizing, but she herself can't even look at him. She keeps her own gaze firmly on his expressive hands.
Unlike Shinsou, Izuku is very easy to read. From his chewed fingernails to his sweating palms. Tsu reaches out to rub an especially gnawed cuticle. He looks up at her awaiting stare. "That I… um..."
Tsu's eyes water. If he says he still loves her, she'll take him back. Because— goddamn it— she still loves him too. She needs to cut him off before he can finish that sentence, but her own throat is thick.
"I missed you, too," she mumbles voicelessly. Her fingers wrap around his reflexively.
He swallows audibly, trying to stay strong for both of them. A tear drips its way down his freckled cheek. She doesn't know who he thinks he's kidding; they both know she was always the strong one.
After a sobering moment, she sniffs and sucks her tears back in. Izuku's only seen her cry once before and that was already one too many times. Just as she tries to pull her hand away, he squeezes it tighter.
With an unrestrained jump, she clings onto his shirt like a stray kitten. He staggers back from the weight. The items on top of his dresser are a mess. There's a comb with a few curly strands tangled in it. Several water bottles with varied amounts of water in them. The lily pad coaster she'd crocheted for his twentieth birthday. The sight disturbs her, makes her fingers twitch with the desire to tidy up, but at least she doesn't have to see the sorry look on his face anymore.
"Missed you so much," she says to the uncapped deodorant.
She feels him smooth down her frizzy hair with his heavy hand. "Missed you more," he murmurs.
Tsu tries not to think about what life must've been like for him after she'd broken things off. She doesn't need to feel bad for having principles and boundaries. Nobody who cheats on her deserves a second chance, but the thought of Izuku crying himself to sleep all night makes her regret being so dignified. She hates the way she gets around him.
He clears his throat suddenly.
"I didn't call you over to beg you to forgive me. I wouldn't hold it against you if you never did." He swallows. "I never meant to hurt you. I wanted to reach out and explain myself, but I didn't think I deserved being anywhere near you anymore…" He trails off. "I just wanted to let you know that I was sorry. Am sorry. Eternally. Again, not expecting you to accept my apology."
In the midst of his mumbling, it occurs to Tsu that she never spoke her piece before cutting him off. She can't even be granted the luxury of making him feel bad for breaking her heart, because she's just so grateful to have him back. With a tacky palm, she wipes his wet cheek and guides his face to hers. Izuku stares at her with longing eyes. They look dull and mellow when he's not high. She catches him glancing at her mouth and tilts her chin up.
"I'm not so cruel," she says against his lips.
Just like before, he leans down to kiss her. It's nothing like the demure peck from earlier today. Right now, Izuku's kissing her like he's her boyfriend. He sucks her tongue, he rubs her back – he knows all her spots. After a steadying break for air, she realizes he's kissing her like it's foreplay.
When she agreed to come here, she'd promised herself she wasn't going to sleep with him. But she'd be lying if she said the thought didn't make her squirm in anticipation. Tsu curses as she finds herself breaking all her rules for him.
Izuku's hold around her gets tighter. He starts leaving wet kisses all over her cheeks and under her jaw, lingering on her pulse. She wonders if he can feel the rush of blood from her fluttering heart.
"Izuku," she gasps.
"Let me know when," he says, like they're still teenagers and she wasn't comfortable with going all the way yet.
She can do nothing but hum along. Despite her better judgment, she's enjoying herself. She doesn't even care that she's unshaved; she doubts he does either. She doesn't know about him, but she hasn't been with anyone since they broke up. Barely even fingered herself. Nothing felt the same. She couldn't come for an entire month.
He starts rubbing down her back to her hips and circles his fingers around her waist. "Still so skinny, Tsuyu," he grunts.
She remembers the heartache and anger killing her appetite for days. Where the most she'd eat were saltine crackers and handfuls of mixed nuts to keep herself from fainting. A loss of appetite for the next few weeks that had turned into months and made her shed all her weight along with the trust she had for others. It almost seems worth it for how pleased he is with her tight skin and tiny waist.
She feels him harden when he pulls her into his lap. For the fun of it, she rocks her hips a bit. He groans.
"Tell me when, Tsu," he repeats, begging her to stop him before he gets carried away.
"Izuku," she mumbles against his jaw. She's missed kissing a strong jaw ever since she saw Shinsou. She's been craving this type of heat for ages. It makes her restless, reckless even.
Her hand slinks itself down the waistband of his sweats with a speed she should honestly be ashamed of. Izuku sucks a breath in when she grips him around his briefs. "Baby," he wheezes.
She gives him a kind squeeze before taking her hand back out. He seems too reluctant to touch her, but she can't wait. He lets her fall back on the bed as he watches her slip a finger into her mouth and slide that same hand down her leggings.
"Aw, fuck," he murmurs. "Touch that little pussy for me. Bet it's still tight."
He must've missed her. Before, Izuku couldn't even talk dirty until she had his dick in her mouth. She crawls up a little closer to him so she straddles his thigh, waiting for him to make his move. Izuku stays still as she rubs herself.
Suddenly, he hangs his head. Tsu frowns.
"C'mon," she whispers, pulling his hand between her legs. "What are you waiting for?"
Izuku says nothing for a minute. Just as Tsu thinks he's about to tell her he's out of condoms, he clears his throat. "Um. Tsu?" he calls softly.
"Yeah, baby?"
"I…" He squeezes his eyes shut, unable to look at her. "Look, it's… still hard for me to… uh, get hard."
Tsu glances down at his lap where his dick was so stiff in her palm just a minute ago. This used to happen when he used. Is it the smoking now? "Oh…"
"I-it's not you, it's me," he insists, grazing her fingers reassuringly. "You're still a total knockout. I'm just, you know, um… myself."
She nods to herself, ready to sit back up. He nudges her down gently. "I can still uh, get you off. If you want. I can finger you or, you know, lick you out or. Anything. Whatever you want, really."
Tsu thinks back to all the times he was trying to give himself an out while making it seem like he was okay. Even the crude dirty talk sounded more like it was for him than her. She shakes her head. "That's okay. I should get going anyway."
"Oh," Izuku sighs. "Right. Sorry. I'll walk you."
Neither of them says anything as they pull themselves together. Tsu puts her hair into a heavy ponytail and smooths down her wrinkled shirt. Izuku runs a hand through his messy hair and sniffs grimly at his reflection.
As he walks her out the door, an aluminum sheet on his nightstand catches her eye. She stops in her tracks. That better not be what she thinks it is.
"What's that?" she asks, pointing to the empty bubble pack.
Izuku follows her line of sight and winces once he catches her gaze. "Oh, that? Um. My medicine."
Tsu blinks. "Your medicine."
Izuku steps back into the room and grabs onto her hand soothingly. "Yes. My—"
She snatches her hand back. "You told me you were done with that—"
"I am," he insists. "I'm done getting high. Look, see? My psychiatrist prescribed them and everything. I… I still get the shakes. Smoking helps, but… nothing calms me down like xanax."
Tsu's eyes narrow as she searches his face for dishonesty. After a moment of scanning, she concludes that he's not lying to her. But he's clearly still not telling her the whole truth.
Instead of grilling him any further though, she stares up at him. "And you're okay?"
"Yes. Don't worry," he nods. "I'm good."
She nods back. "Good."
He walks her back home without a word. His phone buzzes in his pocket.
"Aren't you going to answer that?"
"Uh. Later."
"Maybe it's important."
"Nothing's more important than this."
She doesn't reply. He sounds sincere, but she's having a hard time believing him. His phone vibrates again as they walk in silence. Out of her peripheral, Tsu catches the name on the screen when he takes it out to decline the call.
Shinsou
Tsu frowns. "Who is it?" she asks, wondering if he'll lie.
"Don't worry about it," he says, stuffing his phone back into his pocket.
She starts walking faster until she's two steps ahead of him. She hopes her silence comes across as hostile now.
Once they reach her apartment complex, they start walking slower. It takes them almost five entire minutes to climb the stairs to the third floor. It reminds her of the time her parents used to call her when she stayed out after curfew only for her to answer and inform them that she's literally home.
Izuku looks glumly from her front door to her face.
Tsu blinks back expectantly. She's hoping he'll finally come clean, but knowing him, he'll probably just apologize again.
"I love you," he says instead.
His words grip her by the throat. Anytime he'd say he loved her when they were together, she'd get butterflies, feel like her feet didn't touch the floor. Now she feels bound, tied down to a man who makes her feel like she needs him as desperately as he needs her. She swallows around her suddenly thick throat.
She doesn't trust her voice not to fail again. Her tongue might slip and say she loves him too. She simply nods. Acknowledging him without reciprocating so soon.
He nods back in understanding. "Alright," he mumbles. "Goodnight, Tsu."
She turns the doorknob silently and slips inside. "Goodnight," she mutters.
Tsu locks the door behind herself and busies herself with cleaning her house up. If her parents wake up, they'll see she's doing the dishes instead of sneaking back inside. His words aren't even in the back of her mind, they're always at the forefront.
"I'm good."
"Don't worry about it."
"I love you."
She wonders how many of those are lies as she scrubs down the chicken grease. He's still in contact with Shinsou, so he's still using. She doesn't care if he swears he's okay. No normal twenty-two year old man should be having issues keeping it up.
She continues to clean the kitchen with her blood boiling into her aching heart. Tsu decides what she's going to do after she hangs the dish towel over the faucet.
She's going to get him clean no matter what.
She takes a look back and sees the rest of her house could use some work. She's had a long day, but she can't sleep. She takes this time to work out her options. Shinsou. Izuku. Tsuburaba.
Her mind ricochets between the three men and their conveniences as she stacks the magazines neatly on the coffee table, sweeps up the floor, folds a dry load of laundry.
The sound of a key turning pulls her out of her brainstorming. Tsu whips her head around to see her little brother come through.
"Samidare?"
"Tsu?" he answers, like he's the one who just caught her sneaking back inside. "Where were you?"
"Out…" She narrows her eyes. "Where were you?"
Samidare seems unbothered by her question. He slips his shoes off and walks across the floor she'd just swept. "Don't worry about it," he mutters.
Izuku's shady profile comes into view and before she knows it, she reaches out to grab him by the ear. "Where were you?" she repeats.
"Ouch!" he mumbles. "Stop before I wake mom or dad up."
"Tell me where you were before I wake both of them up and you have to tell all of us where you were," she hisses.
"I was with my friends!" he snaps. "Now let me go."
"Why'd you have to sneak out to see them?"
"Why'd you?"
Tsu scowls at him for a beat before she releases him slowly. The worst thing about him growing up was this attitude. Instead of answering, she tells him, "Goodnight."
He storms off and slams his door shut in response.
I'd like to dedicate this update and longest chapter yet as a birthday present for always-this-serious! Thank you for everything, my love. Best wishes! c:
