DEAD/ALIVE Chapter Seven

"Doc"

Doc startled, as Kid stepped out of the shadows of the dark room. When Doc's eyes adjusted to the darkness, he saw Heyes and Jane sitting in the corner with their arms crossed.

Doc bent over and lit a lamp. He shook the match out with a flick of his wrist and turned to face Kid.

"You got no fucking business here..." He couldn't hide his anger "...unless you are fixing for Al to finish the job or you two are going to do something incredibly fucking stupid. I didn't do all that doctoring on you boys to get yourselves fucking killed. You might think you have a just reason to be here but it's going to end badly. There is no other possible way for it to end. And what have you accomplished?" Doc shook his head sadly. "Just a place in the fucking cold ground. And if you've come here for justice for your pretty whore you are wasting your time too. It's already been done. He's dead."

"I don't want to call you a liar Doc, but I don't believe you." Kid said.

"Suit yourself," Doc said with a tired smile. He motioned them to the back room and threw off the sheet. Francis Wolcott lay on the blood stained table...or what was left of him. He was in pieces.

"He killed himself right in front of Hearst the other day. Seems as if Mr Hearst wasn't too fond with his whore killing...it was his final sacrifice to his employer."

"Don't look like he fucking killed his self being all in pieces like that." Jane spoke up as she eyed Doc suspiciously.

"Do you think reading a book is the only way a doctor gets to know what they need to know?"

"You mean those fucking rumors are true about you poking around in the cemetery?" Jane stared at Doc wide-eyed. "You think about touching Bill…"

Doc ignored Jane.

"You want some advice...You boys are healthy enough, you need to move on. The longer you stay the more the notion of revenge grows and festers."

"Right now all I want to do is find her..tell me where she is." Kid said.

"I have no idea, Son. I didn't want to know and neither should you."

"Doc…" Heyes could hear Kid's voice rise in anger. "Joshua and I appreciate all you've done for us, but do not pretend to know what I need."

"A whore..", Doc started.

Heyes quickly grabbed Kid's arm, stopping him.

"Son, " Doc's tone softened, "I don't mean this in a hurtful way. She's been a whore all her life. A whore ain't got no fucking future."

"You don't think people can change?" Heyes asked.

"No,... my experience is they can't. Maybe for a little bit, but it's hard to be something you're not. People are inherently lazy and fall back to what they are familiar with, no matter how bad it was. Too cynical for you?" Doc said with a bitter laugh.

"So you are not going to tell me where she is?" Kid said through clenched teeth.

"I can't tell you what I don't fucking know." Doc sat down and took off his glasses, wiping them slowly on his vest. He paused to put his glasses back on and looked up at Kid. "And for the last time...I'm telling you...I don't know."

Jane stepped in between the two men.

"Well, fuck you Doc!" Jane said, pointing a finger in his face. "Come on Thaddeus"

Kid didn't move.

"Come on Thaddeus." Jane said, her voice sterner. She grabbed Kid by the arm and tried to lead him towards the door. He jerked his arm out of her grasp.

"Thaddeus," Heyes said, nodding his head towards the door.

Kid gave Doc a final look, then reluctantly walked away.

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"Charlie!" Jane exclaimed.

"Who?" Heyes questioned.

"What are you talking about Jane?" Kid said.

"Charlie Utter. You know...Doc might have been telling the fucking truth. Charlie has a mail and freight company. He always fucking going somewhere in his wagons… and he has always been sweet on Joanie."

"Where can we find him?" Kid asked impatiently. Joanie had at least a week head start.

"I ain't seen that fucking Charlie Utter in…"Jane thought, "...well after us all being so close to Bill. Kind of took his death and our sorrow out on each other. We got pretty fucking rank, a lot of unkind words were said. I do feel some regret. Bill and Charlie were in business together but they were more like brothers. Charlie, thought if he had been in that fucking saloon he could have saved Bill from that bastard McCall." There was sorrow on Jane's face. "I share his guilt on that too."

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"Charlie."

"Jane"

There was a coldness in Charlie Utter's voice. He looked past Jane to the two strangers standing behind her. The men pushed their hats back that they had been wearing low and turned the collars down on their jackets. To Charlie, it was obvious they hadn't wanted to be seen. By the healing bruises on the light haired man's face and the bandaged hand, they must have crossed the wrong person.

"Where is she, Charlie?"

"Don't know who you are referring to," his eyes never wavered from the two men.

With his good hand, Kid reached into his jacket and pulled out the letter. He handed it to Charlie.

"I'm Thaddeus."

Charlie quickly read the letter and with a sigh, handed it back to Kid.

"You know what the letter says and you know what she wants. Or don't want… I can't help you."

"I need to know she's okay", Kid pleaded.

"She was when I left her. I made sure she had money, a roof over her head. I can't tell more than that. I've told you enough. I promised her."

Heyes moved discreetly around the office, as he read the labels on the packages Charlie had unloaded.

Charlie saw the pain in Kid's face, "I can tell you care about her, but I gave her my word and I'm a man of my word. And I ain't going back on a promise, especially to Joanie."

Heyes moved to Kid's side. He leaned forward and quietly said, "Let's go, Thaddeus."

Kid looked into Heyes' face, as he started to protest, "But…"

Heyes stopped him with a look. "It's okay. Let's go." He said firmly.

Heyes turned to Charlie, "Thank you Mr. Utter. We appreciate knowing Joanie is okay."

He tipped his hat and moved to the door, holding it open for Jane and Kid. Both stood unmoving.

"Come on. We have what we came here for." The way Heyes said it, Kid knew immediately that Heyes was on to something. Kid herded Jane out the door.

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"South. She is south. No way with winter coming she would go north or west. A week ago Charlie took her. He is already back, so you figure three and a half days each way for travel. With a wagon moving fifty miles a day with housing posts, and changing the horses out...Look to see what towns are about 150 miles away."

Kid and Jane were staring wide-eyed at Heyes.

"Or...you can just look at the markings on the packages that Charlie unloaded and see that they are all from Coldwater." Heyes said with a smile.

"You're brilliant Heyes!" Kid slapping his partner on the back.

"I know", Heyes said with a broad smile.

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Heyes knew Jane wasn't going with them. He didn't know if seeing Charlie had brought back a flood of memories of Bill, but the next morning when they woke, Jane was roaring drunk. She was in no condition to ride.

She watched Heyes and Kid from the broken down porch as she steadied herself with both hands on the railing. Once the horses had been saddled and their supplies secured, Heyes rode up to speak to Jane. Kid waited impatiently on his horse.

"I don't know what's going to happen. But a promise is a promise and we promised to escort you to deliver that letter to Bill's widow."

"Well it don't take fucking three people to hand that gold digging spinster bitch a fucking letter. And I decided I ain't going until spring. She can just fucking wait."

"We will be back. You take care of yourself." He started to turn his horse, when Jane said "I guess I fucked up."

Heyes knew it was her way of apologizing.

Heyes gave her a smile that told her it was okay.

"Take care Jane."

Kid waved good-bye and then they were gone.

Jane watched until she couldn't see them anymore. She was crying as she walked into the cabin.

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Heyes looked at his exhausted partner. Kid hadn't complained once but he knew he was in a lot of pain. Riding almost three days, with still healing ribs, was taking its toll.

Kid was having a hard time sitting upright in his saddle. He wrapped his right arm across his midsection and placed his right hand on his ribs for more support.

"Let's stop…"

"I'm okay Heyes,"

"Well, I'm not."

Kid knew he was doing it mostly for him.

"It will give us a short ride tomorrow. And it will give us time to talk. Really talk"

"Talk?"

"Yes. Talk. But before we get into this conversation let's get settled for the night. I need to get off this horse. I lost so much weight I ain't got no padding. I imagine you're in the same predicament too."

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"Have you thought this through? What you want and she wants could be two different things…"

Heyes could see the instant anger in Kid's face.

"You're starting to sound an awful lot like Doc. Maybe we should have had this conversation before…"

"We couldn't have. There was no way you would have stopped to listen. And I understand. I want to know she is okay too, but then what? You going to sweep her up in your arms and get married? Settle down. Lead a respectable law abiding life with a passel of children hoping to live happily ever after? I don't believe it works that way... Not for us and not for Joanie. Pasts seem to haunt people forever...showing up when you least expect them and when they're not welcome. I'm thinking about that letter she left you. According to Charlie, after he read it, sounds like she was pretty specific about what she wanted and didn't want from you."

Kid hung his head. When he lifted it there was deep sorrow in his eyes.!

"She didn't mean it...I know she didn't mean it. Heyes, when you've been told over and over again you ain't no good, you begin to believe it."

"Kid, in the short time you've known Joanie...Can you honestly say you are in love with her? Don't confuse trying to save or protect someone with love. Some women don't want to be saved. Some women don't need to be saved. I want you to be careful. Sometimes you are the one that needs to be saved from yourself. You have a habit...sometimes endearing and sometimes, honestly annoying, of trying to save women.

Kid opened his mouth to reply, then reconsidered and remained silent. After a moment he finally spoke.

"With all the women I've been with...I liked them. I liked them all. But...His voice softened, "Is love feeling different with a woman? A feeling so strong that I feel like I can barely breathe?...So happy to see her that I can't stop smiling? And when she is gone...a deep physical hurt? When she is in my arms, pulled close…" He closed his eyes and smiled. When he opened them he said, "I know for a fact, there can't be anything better in this world"

Heyes smiled, then grew serious as he softly said, "If we find her...No, when we find her...listen and understand what she is telling you, not what you want to hear. You got to promise me that."

"Promise."

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They stopped at the first hotel they encountered riding into town, with no luck. When they reached the last hotel, the desk clerk said he might have seen her according to Kid's description.

"Sounds like her. Came in over a week ago. But she wasn't alone. Older man was with her...might have been her father the way he fussed over her. But thinking back the way he was looking at...hope they weren't kin. There was also this girl...young...scared like a rabbit. Wouldn't talk and if a man looked at her she looked like she was going to jump out of her skin. I guess she ran like a rabbit too. Because she disappeared about four days after she got here. Never did find her."

"Is she here? The other woman?" Kid impatiently asked. There was desperation in his voice.

"Nope. Last I saw her was about five days ago. She came down to the desk upset saying her money was gone. I told her to take it up with law. I don't know if she took my advice or not. The older gentleman paid her board for a week so when that was up she left. Which is a good thing being that she had no money."

Heyes grabbed Kid's arm before he could advance towards the man.

"Much obliged." Heyes said, "Come on Thaddeus."

They stood outside the hotel, scanning the streets with no luck.

"You know where we need to start," Heyes said as he headed for the closest saloon.

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As with the hotel, it was the last saloon they checked. At first glance neither one recognized her. She was staggering up the stairs with an equally drunk cowboy hanging onto her with one hand, the other with his hand on her breast. She was wearing a stained white brothel gown that hung seductively over her shoulders. Her hair looked dirty and unkempt. Before Heyes could grab Kid's arm he was already out of his chair. Kid had pushed back so hard it almost toppled to the floor. Kid was taking the stairs two at a time before Heyes even had time to get out of his chair. Heyes was cursing himself for not being quicker.

Kid went through the closed door he had seen Joanie disappear through. As Heyes reached for the door knob, he almost collided with a suddenly sober cowboy, with one boot on and the other clutched in his hand, hurrying towards the stairs. The commotion had not gone unnoticed as Heyes saw several burly employees start to advance towards him.

Heyes pulled out his gun and shook his head no.

"We don't mean no trouble. It's his sister."

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"Put your money on the table or a pinch of gold," Joanie said. Dirty hair hung in her face. To Joanie it was another faceless cowboy. With one hand she started to hike her gown up. Kid grabbed her roughly by both arms , ignoring the pain in his left hand as he pulled her upright.

"Joanie. It's me. It's Thaddeus."

"Thaddeus?" She paused as her eyes cleared, leaving sadness.."Why did you come? I told you not to." Her tone quickly grew cold and angry, "I'm a whore. This is what I am...This is what I'll always be. The first time my father laid hands on me he sealed my fate. I've accepted it...so you need to leave me alone and let me go to hell my own route."

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