CHAPTER ELEVEN
I wish it wasn't 4AM, standing in the mirror
Saying to myself, "You know you had to do it"
I know the bravest thing I ever did was run
~ Taylor Swift, Better Man (Taylor's Version)
EPOV
The little town of Forks Washington had the potential to be a charming place. The few people we drove past smiled politely and waved. The houses were old but charming. If I had ever come to the town for a good reason maybe I could have seen the appeal better.
As it was, all I saw was neglect. I imagined my wife as a teenager, young and lonely sitting at the picnic table outside of Forks High. I saw her walking down the street from her father's diner with her head down and arm still in a sling from the fractured wrist she showed up with. The one her father would have ignored.
For a fraction of a moment, after she asked if I would go to Forks with her, I thought we were about to fall into the biggest argument we had ever had. I thought maybe Charlie had finally wormed his way back into her life, maybe being pregnant had softened whatever part of her had kept herself away from him for the last few years.
It was her choice. Her relationship with her father. But the thought of that man anywhere near her or our child made me sick to my core. No matter how many flowers he sent for her birthday or how often he wrote to her I would never be able to look at Charlie Swan without seeing Bella in that hospital bed. Without remembering the way she sobbed in the shower that first day or the weeks of rehab she had to go through just to be able to walk on her own again.
Tyler was the one who laid his hands on her, but Charlie was just as guilty in my eyes. Because she told him. Over and over. And maybe if Tyler had ever once been reprimanded for how he was abusing his step-sister it wouldn't have escalated to what it had.
Any man who could look his child in the eye and ignore their pleas for help was not one I wanted around my own family.
My hand found Bella's, where it had been anxiously fidgeting in her lap. Picking at the pale pink polish that covered her nails and twirling at the wedding rings around her finger.
Being pregnant hadn't convinced her to forgive her father. It was the final shove she needed to let him go. To separate herself from him for the good of that little dot she had so proudly shown me weeks ago.
I squeezed her hand as I pulled up to her father's house. There were a few cars littering the street in front of it that I guessed belonged to whatever siblings of hers remained in the house.
I should have felt at least a tiny bit guilty that I had no idea who any of them were. The only sibling of her's I ever knew was Tyler. Renee had a couple other kids with Phil, and Charlie had nearly a full pack with Sue but I didn't know a single name or age of any of them.
"You can stay in the car if you want," Bella said quietly. As much as I tried to hide my hatred of her father for her sake, she knew how much I loathed the man.
"Do you want me to?"
"No."
I nodded, getting out of the car and walking around to open the door for her. As soon as she was standing in front of me, I pressed my lips quickly to her temple and let the backs of my fingers brush against the soft sweater covering her abdomen. She wasn't showing at all yet, but it had become an unconscious habit of mine as the weeks went on.
It still seemed surreal. The ultrasounds I kept in my wallet and the photos of them on my phone.
I squeezed Bella's hand as we made our way slowly up the porch steps. I raised my fist to knock, looking over at her and waiting for the small nod before letting my fist rap against the door thrice.
To his credit, Charlie immediately lit up when he saw Bella and I on his porch. His eyes, nearly the same shade as Bella's, brightening and not even fading as he saw me beside her.
"Bella!" he gasped, immediately standing aside and motioning for her to come in. "Come in, come in."
Bella gave him a tentative smile and I did my best to let my nod seem as friendly as possible.
"Sorry to barge in," Bella said quietly. "We were… in the area and–"
"I'm glad you're here," Charlie interrupted, saving her from lying completely. "You're always welcome here. You know that."
Do not punch him, I told myself. Repeated it as a mantra over and over.
"We don't have long. Just a quick layover. But I wanted to talk to you if you had a few minutes."
Charlie flinched, his brows knitting together for just a moment before he hid his confusion. He should have expected the conversation eventually. Should have known he didn't deserve her forgiveness.
"Of course," he nodded. Charlie led us to the kitchen motioning for us to take a seat at the large table.
The house was overflowing. Too many jackets hanging on the hooks by the door and shoes littering most corners where I knew from my own experiences teenagers liked to pretend was put away. The kitchen wasn't dirty but obviously lived in; a couple plates stacked in the sink and a pot of something cooking away on the counter for dinner.
"How are you?" Charlie asked, his voice surprisingly soft. I felt sorry for the man for a single moment, because he was about to lose his daughter. "Everything okay?"
"We're good," Bella said. "Everything is fine. I just…" I squeezed her hand underneath the table. "I know–I know you mean well. And I know you're trying. With the letters and the flowers. I appreciate them but I–I don't need them. You don't need to keep sending them anymore."
Charlie wasn't a stupid man. His mustache twitched, eyes softened. He knew what she was saying. "I want to, Bells. I–"
"I don't want them," she interrupted, her voice losing the softness and nerves. She didn't snap, but she was firm. Obviously decided. "I know you're trying but it's too late. I'm finally happy. I have a family in LA and I'm happy. Your flowers and letters… I know you're trying to show that you care now but they're just reminders of a life I'd rather forget."
"I've always cared, Bella–"
"Don't," I snapped. It was a loaded demand, and I could see as Charlie eyed me that he understood it all.
Don't lie to her.
Don't try to manipulate her.
Don't make her feel guilty for protecting herself.
"You know how sorry I am for everything," Charlie said quietly. "If I could go back in time and change things, I would."
"I know."
"I'm sorry I failed you," he whispered, his voice weak and unsteady. "But I'll always be here. If you ever need anything."
Bella nodded. "I know. Thank you."
The room was quiet until Bella's chair scraped against the floor. I took her cue, standing from my own spot.
Bella's voice was quiet but firm. "Goodbye, Charlie."
I let her walk out of the kitchen first. She didn't hesitate to leave.
I shouldn't feel any sympathy for the man. But he had just lost any hope that his daughter would ever want any kind of relationship with him again.
"I'll take care of her," I promised him. "She is absolutely everything to me."
Charlie looked up at me, eyes rimmed in red and gave me a stoic nod. "Thank you."
I left the house without another glance around. I felt eyes on me as I walked past the staircase and assumed there had been prying ears throughout the house but didn't care to see who it was. I didn't know any of them anyway.
I caught up to Bella before she made it to the car, opening her door and getting us out of town as quickly as possible.
.M.
Bella was quiet on the drive back to the airstrip, and I didn't push. I held her hand. Gave it a squeeze every now and then. And wrapped the blanket waiting for her in her chair over her shoulders as she settled into the plane.
Just as I knew would happen, she was asleep before we were off the ground. It was the pregnancy symptom she was most frustrated by, her lack of energy. She was used to being able to work longer hours and skip lunch without any consequences and wake up at six in the morning to work out. She still worked, harder than I would have liked, but it was taking its toll. She had gotten used to my texts to remind her to make time for lunch every afternoon. She still worked out, but not as intensely as she used to.
Today, however, her exhaustion was working in my favor. It was about a five hour flight, and I didn't expect her to wake up once I heard the snoring start. It even took her a few minutes to realize she had been sleeping for five hours instead of three once we finally landed.
She frowned over at me, blinking away the sleep in her eyes. "Are you kidnapping me?"
I chuckled, standing and pulling her with me. I grabbed her carry-on and pulled her toward the exit. As I'd hoped, her face lit up when she saw the New York City skyline.
"What are we doing here?" she gasped, smiling over at me.
"I thought we could use a little vacation. Just you and me."
I wasn't sure how she would be feeling after her talk with Charlie. But I thought New York might be a nice little escape for her. We could walk through the city or lock ourselves in the hotel, whatever she wanted. I knew it was a good call as I watched her smile out the window at the city as we were driven to the hotel.
My lips twitched with a smile as she stood beside me in the elevator. Of the same hotel we stayed at that first time we were in the city together. I sent her a wink as I pressed the button for the floor we always stayed on.
Bella cleared her throat, but the blush on her cheeks gave her away. "What are we going to do?"
I squeezed her hand as we walked down the hall to our room. "We can do anything. Go to a Broadway show or dinner. Order in and get some sleep. Whatever you want."
She was still worrying her bottom lip as we walked in the room, trying to make the right decision as she wandered over to the window that overlooked the busy city. I followed, wrapping my arms around her from behind and pressing my lips to her shoulder.
"Does it make me an awful person?" she asked quietly. "Cutting ties with my father and not even really feeling anything about it?"
"Setting boundaries to protect yourself and our child does not make you a bad person, Bella."
At the mention of the baby her arms covered mine where they wrapped around her abdomen. We stood like that, quietly wrapped around each other for a few minutes until she softly admitted, "I've never been to a Broadway show."
I nodded against her shoulder. "Any requests?"
She shrugged.
"I'll see what I can do." I pressed a kiss to her cheek. "I had Rose pack some clothes for you."
.M.
Bella pulled me to a stop just a few blocks away from our hotel, eyes locked on the run down pizza place in front of her.
"Would… would you judge me if I said I wanted a slice of pizza while we're on our way to a fancy dinner?"
I pressed my lips together, fighting the urge to smile. "No."
Two minutes later she was moaning at her first bite of a piece of pepperoni pizza that was approximately the same size as her head. I wrapped my arm around her waist and pressed a lingering kiss to her temple just because I could.
As heavy as the morning had been, I was glad our evening was lighter. Glad Charlie hadn't been able to take another minute of happiness from her. She smiled at me from across the table during our entire dinner and didn't even tell me it was too much when we were escorted to a private box for our show. Her biggest disappointment of the day seemed to be that she fell asleep on my shoulder right after intermission. My promise to bring her back for whatever show she wanted to see again brought her smile back, though.
"Edward?" She pulled me back out to the hallway after I pushed our hotel door open, smiling up at me with a hesitant smirk. "Thanks for tonight. And this morning. And for kissing me in this hallway four years ago."
My lips twitched with a smile as I brushed my fingers through her hair and cupped her cheek. "I love you. So fucking much it hurts."
Bella leaned up on her toes and kissed me. My fingers dug into her hips, fisting the flowy fabric of the little black dress she was wearing and pulling her close.
I walked her backwards into our room and let the door slam shut behind us. I lifted her onto the first surface we bumped into–the small table in the fully stocked kitchen that had probably never been used.
Bella's legs wrapped around my waist immediately, her fingers fisted in my shirt for a breath before they started frantically pulling at the buttons.
"Are you sure you–"
"Yes," she hissed, pulling me back for another kiss and driving away any further rational thought.
My palms slid up her thighs, tugging the scrap of lace down her hips and tossing them away. She let out an impressive string of curses as I knelt in front of her and pulled her to the edge of the table.
I wrapped my fingers around her thighs, moaning against her pussy as her taste saturated my senses. Every moan and groan and curse was met with a flick of my tongue. I didn't stop until she came with my name on her lips.
She wrapped herself loosely around me as I lifted her off of the table and carried her to bed. All of our clothing was lost on the way. I slid my cock inside her as soon as I settled between her legs.
"Oh, God," she moaned, burying her head against my shoulder. Her moans were muffled, vibrating against my skin as I took her slowly. Savored every moment spent inside of her.
Her nails dug into my shoulders, both of our bodies slick with sweat as I moved above her.
"I love you," she whispered against my neck. Soft enough I almost missed it. "I love you I love you I love you."
I captured her lips in a kiss, swallowing both of our moans.
A/N: long time no see, eh? I'm so sorry about the wait. In case you missed it, I posted a short little holiday story called 'tis the damn season. It took up more time than I anticipated, but it's complete now and I'm back to Mine and If I Can't Have Love, I Want Power. Thank you guys so much for your patience and continued support on this. I hope you enjoyed this chapter and I'll see you again soon!
