This is your fair warning that despite my inability to write anything that is not slow burn, the biggest reason this and any of my stories exist is that author is forever hornii on main.
But make it sad ig. Bc that's what I do best.
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Having her emotions go haywire at inopportune moments was nothing new for Wren. She often found herself experiencing random bouts of sadness or anxiety, but they were less frequent than they used to be. She attributed that mostly to the healthy environment her Aunt kept her in. Angel had moved hell and highwater to ensure that Wren had gotten all the help and support she needed to feel comfortable in her skin enough not to be the nervous wreck she instinctually wanted to fold into.
Even so, Wren knew she could be a bit of a spazz, internally. It had made for some awkward moments in her life. These days, those moments mostly came in the form of heavy frowns and eye rolls from Maria whenever she was feeling particularly stressed and decided to mentally check out from a conversation. She never faulted the other girl for getting irritated, as the interruptions were usually caused by some random comment from someone at their lunch table or something else equally unnoteworthy. Wren just couldn't help but be overwhelmed by herself, sometimes.
Jasper, though…. He took it like a champ. He almost always seemed to know when to give her space or back off from certain conversation topics. When she did start to get weird- like needing to burrow into her clothes or start snapping at her wrist bands- he never commented on it or made her feel odd for her movements.
That was why, she reasoned, that she couldn't call him out on any of his weird shit either. Instead, all she could do was wonder about him. A thousand questions burned in her mind, but she wasn't even sure she wanted the answers. Some nights, she found that it made her head spin.
She was in the midst of one such night, her head absolutely pounding.
Now, her headache could not be wholly attributed to her thoughts around Jasper. It was past midnight, and she normally would have tried to go to bed by then. If nothing else, she would've been in the kitchen trying to prep her tea to soothe herself into some rest.
On that night, however, Wren was far too anxious to even attempt to sleep because her Aunty had yet to return home. While Angel normally arrived home around 9pm at the latest, she had warned Wren that she wouldn't be returning until late….Because she had a date.
What was even worse was that Wren knew that was just her Aunt's polite way of saying she was going out for a one night stand. The truth was that Angel Kitt did not date. Angel had flings, she had 'dudes', she had 'friends, and she had her fun, but she had never kept a man around for any period of time that Wren could remember. Growing up, Wren had also heard many a woman in their neighborhood refer to her Aunt as a trick.
Most of those women where also the same one's who, at some point, had gotten their asses beat by her Aunt in their youth. She had a sneaking suspicion that some of those ladies were still getting smack downs and were simply mad because Angel had been absolute hot shit, back in her day. Considering what she looked like when she got home from her 'dates', Wren thought her Aunt still was hot shit. The woman was in her late fourties, but she looked about ten years younger than she actually was.
Once, she'd told Wren that she hardly had time for her job, let alone a man. Angel had worked hard to get out of the Ghetto area she'd grown up in, and Wren sometimes felt like she and her father were the only reason the determined woman ever looked back. Wren also felt that she herself was another reason Angel didn't look for romance. As she got older, Wren was smart enough to put two and two together. When she was particularly stressed from work, her Aunt went on 'dates' that were definitely just booty calls to release some stress.
Angel was always good about telling Wren when she'd leave for these dates, and especially about when she'd be back. If she didn't come back for the night, she would always text Wren so that she wouldn't worry.
Wren still worried. Incessantly.
She had no way of knowing if these people her Aunt chose to meet with were trustworthy. She knew her Aunt could handle herself, but still. Each and every time her Aunt went out, Wren found that she would sit and stress until the woman returned.
That stress was usually compounded by her inability to sit in silence without her own thoughts assaulting her, so when she finally received the text that her aunt would not be coming home for the night, Wren made a decision. Between her worry for her Aunt, her concern over the amount of studying she'd done for an incoming exam, and her thoughts about Jasper, she was going crazy.
She blasted her music at an entirely unreasonable volume to drown out her own thoughts.
I'm sorry Ms. Jackson (oh), I am for real
Never meant to make your daughter cry
I apologize a trillion times
The funky beat of the song nearly made the walls of her room vibrate, but there was hardly anyone home to care. The loud tunes soothed and distracted her… For a while.
Usually turning the volume up so high helped her zone out, but she found that night she simply couldn't settle. It had been a long day to begin with. She'd slept terribly the night before, her time spent mostly scribbling down senseless junk into her notebooks to distract through her time awake.
For a moment, she thought about doing the same. Running formulas would keep her mind busy, at the very least. As she gazed at the fluorescent numbers of her clock, however, Wren found that she was feeling far too restless for such a thing. Stressed, tired, and increasingly uncomfortable in her own bed, Wren found herself soon kicking off the covers she'd bundled herself in.
Resting a hand on her stomach, she sighed and glanced out of her window into the darkness. There was perfect blackness just beyond, the dark cover of the forest offering no light pollution to cast a glow. It was an eerie feeling, almost, to know she was so truly alone.
In Sacramento there was always almost some neighbor just on the other side of the wall, or some passerby on the street at some god awful hour. Even with her Aunt's pay raise, they hadn't been able to afford to move someone nice enough to offer true privacy…. But she had it then, and as the realization that she was well and truly alone set in, so did another niggling thought.
Wren was alone, it was late at night, her Aunt wouldn't be home, and she didn't necessarily always have such luxuries available… And as Wren stared into nothing, she felt her body begin to heat slightly, a low tingle beginning in her lower stomach.
Before she could really think about what she was doing, she found that her fingertips had made their way to the sliver of skin revealed between her large night shirt and sleep shorts. The feeling of touching her own skin wasn't normally something that excited her, but she found that every so often biology got the best of her.
As she sat alone in her home, Wren began to realize that she was beginning to feel said biology. Normally, this would have embarrassed her, but with no one around…
The decision to slide her hand farther down her body wasn't a long one, as her tired mind had zeroed in on an excuse quickly: she was alone because her Aunt was out getting her stress relief, so what if she took the opportunity to do the same? Angel had never been particularly forthcoming when it came to the topic of sex, but the woman wasn't a prude either. Wren knew the mechanics, but more importantly, she knew enough about her own body to realize that the feelings she felt were natural.
The first time she'd actually gathered the courage to explore the area between her legs had been a bit scary, sure, but there wasn't anything quite like the discovery of your clit to hyperfocus you. Somewhere between way too many steamy romances she should not have been reading, and a few desperate nights of trying to cool her burning body, Wren had figured out just what she needed to do in order to take the edge off of her teenage hormones.
She'd also realized that she was rather… loud.
It was no surprise that she rarely indulged in the activity, given her usual life situations. For once, however, the setting was right, and so Wren decided that a quick orgasm was in order. There was nothing like the post orgasmic rush of endorphins to force her brain into positive thinking, after all.
"Fuck it," she muttered into nothing, finally shucking off her sleep shorts, panties and all.
Focusing on just the beat of the music around her, Wren closed her eyes and did her best to relax into her bed as she gently ran a fingertip between her folds. She wasn't a pussy expert by any means, but she knew that the slight dampness she was feeling wasn't enough.
Leaning up slightly, she brought her hand up to her mouth to suck on index and middle fingers. She could taste the slight tang of her own juices, and wrinkled her nose but continued to dampen the digits. She felt nasty doing such a thing, but she knew playing with herself wouldn't be as comfortable without a little slickness, and the idea of spitting onto her hand was just a little grosser to her than sticking her fingers in her mouth.
Besides, it wasn't like there was anyone around to see.
When she felt her fingers were sufficiently slicked, she brought them back down and rubbed gently along her lower lips. Carefully, she let her legs fall open so that she had more room to maneuver. Beginning to feel her nipples tighten at the sensations, Wren sighed and moved in for her least favorite part.
Initially, though Wren could definitely feel hot, she had trouble staying that way. See, Wren's problem was that even though rubbing circles around her clit would definitely build her up, the only thing that ever seemed to push her over the edge was the feeling of something settled snuggly in her hole.
She also really fucking hated the idea of anything entering her.
It was a fun little conundrum for a teen that really just wanted to cum, but she figured out that if she got things wet enough beforehand, the breach wasn't as uncomfortable. That was why she had to make sure her fingers were well and truly coated before attempting to finish the job.
The seconds ticked by, melting into nothingness as Wren continued to caress herself. The more she petted, the more she burned. For once, though, she welcomed the consuming feeling. She welcomed the sweat building on her brow and between her shoulder blades, she welcomed the raggedness of her breathing, and most importantly, she welcomed the mist that settled over her mind.
She alternated between rubbing small circles around her clit and larger ones around her entrance, the sensitive skin sending shocks through her system. Every revolution around her little button made her cunt clench, and she rewarded her body's reaction with more every time. Soon, she found that she'd managed to dip her fingertip into the hungriest part of her. There was hardly a stretch with how worked up she'd gotten just from her own petting, but the feeling had her releasing a moan regardless. Heart thumping, she focused on nothing but the release she was chasing.
Slowly, she built the heat in her lower stomach, inching her finger in with every liquid pulse.
"It's okay, it's okay, it's okay…" she whispered aloud, self soothing in the face of her own touches. Her need for reassurance even during masturbation, of all things, was yet another reason she'd refrained from dating. She couldn't even touch herself without turning it into a therapy session, and she was the only one who ever needed to know that.
Tears pricked the corners of her eyes as she continued to chant her mantra, her heart rate speeding as the pressure built. By the end of her session, she knew she'd be knuckle deep and boneless, but it was a process. It was a familiar process, though, and she was content to late it play out.
Get herself wet, play a little, and then right when she couldn't take it anymore she'd ride her own hand into the proverbial sunset. It was a simple routine, and she found herself on autopilot… Right up until she introduced a second finger to feel a little more stretch.
Wren, as a whole, was not a large woman. She may have had a heavier frame, but she wasn't large. She was short, and had small hands and feet to match. As such, her stubby little fingers could only reach so far. Normally, with a good enough angle, she could get in deep enough to cause fireworks.
This involved a little core work from her, though. The right tilt of the hips, the correct bend of the wrist. Everything had to be just so in order for her to hit that sweet spot. As she searched for this, however, she found that something was… off.
She worked her hand, breath hitching with every shallow thrust. Still, she couldn't quite get the angle, and she found that she was growing more frustrated but was much farther away from release than she'd like.
Groaning, she sat up and placed her feet flat on the bed, her knees up and spread. The position would give her more reach, and this was what she focused on right up until she slid her fingers back into her body and it was just… barely… not… enough. She began to get frustrated in a less sexy way, and suddenly a thought came unbidden: Jasper wouldn't have had a problem reaching at all.
The moment his being entered her mind, a few things happened that absolutely threw her for a loop.
The first, and most expected, reaction was one of shame. She should not be thinking about her friends while jacking off, she knew. Yes he was hot, but objectifying your buddies wasn't what led to healthy friendships, in her opinion.
The second and most drastic thing to happen, was that the moment his angelic face popped into her mind, Wren immediately gushed around her own fingers. She couldn't help the image that assaulted her of his pale hands between her darker thighs. Jasper dwarfed her, his longer fingers much thicker than her own. It would be so, so easy for him to stuff her full in seconds.
"Oh god," she breathed, the images turning into a movie behind her closed eyelids.
She could picture it vividly, how her greedy little pussy would swallow down anything he'd be willing to give her, especially his-
Bzzzt!
Her eyes popped open instantly, and she snatched her hand out of her body as if her own vagina had suddenly grown teeth. For a second, all she could hear was the sound of her own blood rushing, her head and pulse pounding with all the warmth currently at home in her womb.
It took her another solid minute of starting wildly around her room before she realized that the sound had been her phone. She'd only even heard it because the device had been haphazardly thrown into her bed amidst the comforter.
A sense of foreboding overcame her then. Her clock read 1:12am, and she only knew so many people who were up that late. Praying silently, Wren wiped her less sullied hand on her own thigh, and then grabbed her phone.
Shaking slightly, both from her recent activities and nerves, she prayed to any god she could think of that her Aunt had simply been messaging to inform that she wasn't spending the night away from home after all.
Wren had learned long ago that she was no favorite of the divine, though, and when she squinted at her phone without her glasses, she was given another reminder.
Jasper's message simply read 'Are you awake?'
Wren wasn't the brightest crayon in the box at times, but she was for sure never the dullest.
That was how she knew her immediate response of 'No, sorry' followed by her phone's flight across the room was not, in fact, how she should have responded at all.
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She may or may not have avoided Jasper for the entirety of the next day. It wasn't hard, as even in the classes they had together there had been no partner work. Still, she could practically feel him burning holes through her with that honeyed gaze. It made her anxious… and also a little hot under the collar.
Which made her more anxious.
The mounting feelings of negativity followed her throughout the day, clouding her mind and making her seriously consider whether or not she was going crazy…. Again. She could honestly say that on her list of triggers to avoid, she never thought number one would be a far too attractive blonde.
Her Daddy would probably pop a blood vessel if he knew.
Regardless, she was lost in her mess of thoughts when the root of her problems finally found her at her locker between classes. She knew that it was the one place she was always guaranteed to be at during certain times of the day, but she was beginning to hate the offending little storage space for its predictability.
"So, what did I do that has you dodging me like a wounded bird?"
His voice made her flinch, and even as he stared at her intently, Wren found that she truly had nothing to say.
After all, what was she supposed to tell him?
'Sorry I've been avoiding you, I tried to rub one out the other night and thinking about you was what almost got me off so I can't look you in the face now?'
Yeah, fat chance on that one. Still, standing there in silence made her feel almost as if she'd admitted it him anyways. Wren found that she was frustrated with herself for not even being able to maintain their friendship without her mind turning it into something perverse.
Truth be told, it was another reason she tended to stay away from getting to know people. It was easy to get to know someone for a while and get lost in the glamour of finding someone who didn't treat her like shit. Taisiya had been nice to her, and she'd made the girl such an integral part of her being that their separation had scarred her. She should be able to be friends with someone without falling off the deep end. Sure, it didn't help that Jasper was so nice to look at, but she was better than that.
Except she wasn't, evidently.
"So you're ignorin' me on top of avoiding me, huh?"
'No, I just cant be around you because I'm too embarrassed right now,' she thought silently. He would take offense to that, though. She sure would.
She wracked her brain for something reasonable to say instead, and once again came up with nothing. She had also run out of crap to rummage through in her locker, and that made her even tenser. Shaking her head and hoping he got the hint, Wren realized she needed more time before she could pretend to act normal around him.
"I just- I need some space," she told him, mourning that she'd have to close her locker and eliminate her current shield from the world. Higher and higher her anxiety rose, and she found herself glancing at her phone and wondering what Tai would say.
The other girl would know how to handle these feelings, and for a moment, Wren contemplated skipping her first period to call her friend up. It would be humiliating admitting what she'd done, but Tai had done worse. She had already admitted that she often fantasized about certain movie stars or other attractive people she'd seen in life, so really how bad would it be for Wren to admit her own thoughts?
'Still pretty fucking nasty of you,' her brain helpfully supplied.
She grit her teeth, and picked up her phone to at the very least punch out a quick sos to her friend. To her horror, however, Jasper made his way around to her other side and leaned over her shoulder to see what she was doing.
"You need space from me to text Taisiya?"
Panicking, Wren side stepped and quickly closed her locker… maybe just a little too hard.
When she looked at Jasper to see his response, it was the first time she'd ever seen him look angry. His posture was always ramrod straight, his stance making her back ache just by looking at it. Now that stance was almost… intimidating as he stood with his arms crossed, brows furrowed, and frown on his face. She strategically ignored how the position also displayed the lean muscle beneath his long sleeved shirt.
Even worse, her locker slam had been loud enough to begin to draw attention to them, which was the absolute last thing she wanted. At this point, it was a known thing that she and Jasper were project partners. Not many batted an eye at seeing them in the library or exchanging words at school, which was great for her. She hated that so many people had stared simply because it was him, and she was new.
After just getting to the point where she was a normal fixture of Forks High again, having that attention brought back to her sounded like a death sentence. She knew just from looking at him that she'd gone and fucked up, somehow, though.
"No! Look- I just-" Wren fought hard for something, anything to say that would end their exchange. Her stuttered words did not seem to placate the blonde before her, though, and she instead found herself stalling.
"Can we just talk about this, like, after school or something?" she finally asked, turning from Jasper and yanking her hair band out. She began to busy herself with redoing her ponytail, needing anything to distract her from the sinking conclusion she was coming too.
Though she wasn't looking at him, she knew that piercing gaze was still on her.
"We were supposed to meet in the library to study," he pointed out.
If she could have avoided his gaze harder, she would have. Wren had cancelled their study session the night before, claiming she had other obligations. The lie had been fragile then, but it was all too obvious now.
Some friend she was.
It was then that she knew she'd have to admit the truth… at least partially. But it couldn't be done in the hallway of their school, because she wasn't sure she'd be able to attend an institution where she'd been laughed at in the hallway by her crush.
That was her reality, after all. She was going to have to tell Jasper that she liked him a little too much, therefor they needed to spend less time together. He would probably outright laugh at her little crush, as she was sure he was well used to admiration from his peers and would not understand why she could no longer be around him.
He also would finally realize how odd she truly was, and would most likely no longer want to be her friend. She, in turn, would have liked to be somewhere not designed to suck the life out of her entire being while this played out. That was why she began the first step to fortify herself.
"I need some time to… Think about… Things…" she said, knowing she sounded lame as hell," Do you want to meet me at the beach after school?"
Despite the overcast day, the beach was still a place she found she liked to go for a bit of calm. The crashing of the waves was soothing enough to help her think, but most importantly, there'd be no one around to watch her make a fool of herself.
When Jasper asked "What time?" it felt more like demand than a question.
There would be no hiding from her feelings, this time.
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Again, I am so sorry for the sporadic updates, but I do hope you guys enjoy my random offerings. I've been sitting on this for a while because there's a second part, but I decided to split it into two chapters and give you guys what I have. Let me know what you think!
