It had been several hours since Samael's disappearance and the group had simply wondered about Simon's house in a haze. No one spoke to each other. No one could do anything except try to process. In a way it was like they had a direct line to God and that was amazing and humbling, yet with this knowledge there was a loss. Something beautiful in the unknown had been torn away from them all. There was almost a coldness that came with it. This knowledge that God was fallible, that he could no longer create. Shivers went through them all. They were privileged to know this and they knew it could never be shared beyond those they most trusted. This kind of information could spill like a tidal wave that crushed millions under its enormous weight. Evil would use it as an excuse to turn hearts to the darkness. Yet at the same time this all made God seem more tangible, more connected to them. He was not just some otherworldly creature in the sky never to touch them. They had a precious piece of him in each one of them. They had a piece of his ability to create in them; their souls. For so many reasons this was an absolute mountain to process. They all took turns sitting and pacing around each other as they slowly dealt with all of this in their minds. Hours had passed without so much as a mumble.
Magnus would flick his fingers every once in a while his cat eyes would appear and sparks would flicker from his fingertips. Jace was flipping a small dagger in his hands faster and faster to a discerning degree. Simon just sat on his bed in his room staring at an old dreidel he always kept with him. Clary and Izzy took turns pacing across the living room. Every once in a while Izzy would let her whip extend and wrap it around her forearm like a fidget as she paced. Ezekiel had a piece of parchment with stains all over it that had a list of angelic names on it that he kept fumbling with as he sat on one of the couches. Lastly there was Alec who stood still as a statue not even breathing as his mind raced. His thoughts touched on all that he had just learned. He thought of the lack of God's ability to create. He thought of God and his first sons. He thought of what the world had made of Samael's brother. The legacy that he had developed was horrible compared to what and who he had actually been. But above all Alec thought of what Samael had revealed to him. Alec could turn Jace into what he was, he could have Jace forever too, but would Jace want that. He had brought it up himself. He could turn other shadowhunters into powerful vampiric creatures. He could save other shadowhunters from death's door with his blood, but what kind of responsibility would that be. Would it be the best course of action to involve others into this world? Samael had made it clear that God was leaving this decision up to him. There was no way he could do anything until his powers matured. He really didn't like the idea that he had to be fed like a leach from his friends. Could he do that to someone else? Who would he feed from other than Magnus if he turned Jace. There were just too many what if's and too many questions floating around his brain. It was becoming too chaotic and just too much.
Alec's eyes began to burn like fire and his wings shot out from his back. Everyone jumped back. Alec grabbed the sides of his head as he fell to his knees leaning forward, his wings outstretching, knocking over lamps and pushing one of the chairs across the room. "I cannot take this!" Alec half screamed. "It's too much! Who am I supposed to be to the world?!" Jace crouched on the floor in front of him, careful to avoid the fluttering wings' damage. "Alec! Alec! It is okay we are here with you! You are not going to do this alone. This is not all on you! Remember what you said the other night. You would do whatever it took to save the world and your friends. There was no choice. We will move forward no matter what. No need to worry about what we cannot change. We always find a way. Look how much we have already done; all the odds we have already beaten! Alec! Remember who you are, who we are." Jace slowly reached out and grabbed Alec's hands that were clutching the hair on the sides of his head. Jace took Alec's hands in his and brought them to his chest. "Anything that happens to you happens to me and vice versa. I do not intend to lose so neither will you. Feel my heart. Listen to it. We can do this!"
Alec's eyes began to fade back to silver and his wings stopped flapping and came to a resting position behind him. Everyone was silent and still now. All eyes were on Alec and the devastation his wings had just caused in the room. Izzy made a small step towards Alec ready to comfort him, but Jace quickly held up a hand. "Wait a minute Iz' he has to breathe for a minute. Everybody just give him a minute, okay?" Alec steadied himself as he sat there with his hands still on Jace's chest. He closed his eyes for a moment and let out a small breath and with it he finally felt stable again. Jace was right, what other option was there? He let his hands drop from Jace's chest and nodded to him indicating he was good again. He gave his Parabatai a knowing and thankful smile. Everyone was still standing in awe and silence until Simon, who hates silence, finally broke it. "Dude, those are so cool, Alec!" Simon walked over to Alec, curious and geekish as always. "Can I touch them?" Alec stood up and gave Simon a glare, but it slowly turned into a smile as he looked at Simon's genuinely curious and excited expression. "You are such an idiot." He told Simon and nodded his head in agreement. Everyone relaxed and laughed as Alec came out of his overwhelmed state. Simon reached out cautiously and gently stroked a feather from Alec's right wing. "You know that feels kinda weird. Like you are stroking one of my fingers." Simon quickly retreated his hand with a grimace. Alec laughed loudly and soon everyone was laughing, letting just a bit of the tension and coiled up fear they had all been building in their bodies. It was a much needed break from the silent reverie they had all been stuck in since Samael's absence.
Alec couldn't seem to get his wings to retract back into his back and it was becoming a bit of a problem as they hit everything behind him as he turned. "We really need to figure out all this vampire-angel-wing-crazy I am currently going through. How do I get these things to go away!" Alec half-cried. "Well Darling, if you just try and relax a bit it may take care of itself." Magnus chimed in as he sauntered over to him. He gave Alec a fast kiss on the cheek and one of his wings fluttered in excitement and knocked over the lamp Simon had just put back on the table two seconds beforehand. "Well that certainly didn't help. I guess I am not exactly a calming influence on you babe." Magnus gave Alec a sheepish yet slightly impish smile with just a hint of cat-eye-sparkle.
Izzy walked over to Alec and gave him a big hug wrapping her arms around him, being careful not to bop the wings behind him. She snuggled into his chest the way she used to when she was upset about something her mother would say. Back when she would run to Alec to sooth her as he had always done. This remembered connection and warmth calmed Alec and his wing flashed and disappeared. "Great thinking Izzy!" Jace cheered. She didn't let go though. She really needed this hug. She needed to know that Alec, her Alec, was still there. That he wasn't something new entirely to her. He leaned down and kissed the top of her head as he had always down and lightly squeezed her back as he had always done. "Thank you Izzy. I really needed that." He looked down at her and she looked up at him. They knew they would be alright. This was definitely different but they could do it.
They all really were back to square one though with their questions. Although they had gained some answers. These answers were too huge and created thousands more questions upon questions. What was going to be their plan of action? Well they could move forward with the current plan of learning Alec's limits and seeing how well he can control himself until he grows into his full power. Part of it would be waiting for the Angel Samael to return and give them all more information, but another part was understanding their world now. Their world had been fundamentally changed for all of them. There was no going back after these revelations and only contemplations and training lay ahead for them now. Training they could do. Battle they could do, but this was simply beyond everyone's paygrade. Alec, who had always struggled with his confidence and self worth, was now the "God-Chosen-Savior" of their world and while all of his friends had every confidence in him, this was a hell of a change. He was indeed a new confident Alec who ran an institute and at times the clave itself, but they knew this new level of power and responsibility would bring back those old feelings of doubt and insecurity. He was a thinker and he over-thought all the time. Would this help him now, or would it send him into more episodes like moments before?
Jace walked out into the afternoon light a half hour later. So many of them were still up there processing it all, but he was done with all that. He could only think for so long on something. "Doing" something is where he shined. He needed to be active. He needed to fight something. He knew heading to the institute would only raise suspicion as to where Alec was. They all knew that he was supposed to be with Alec in Idris. However, he needed to get his mind onto things he could control, things he could defeat. He quickly sent a text to Clary letting her know that he had headed out for a bit. With that, he took off for the institute. He would just have to sneak in unnoticed. I can do that. What is the worst that can happen? I get asked a few questions if I'm caught. I can always just make something up. He thought as he set out at a brisk pace.
Clary looked at her phone, curious as to where Jace needed to be at this moment. She hoped he wouldn't take too long. Alec really seemed to need him near through all this. Alec and Ezekiel were sitting on one of the couches quietly talking about how to try and measure his abilities and therefore, master them. Simon and Izzy were cuddling in the bedroom. She was taking this all kind of hard. Everyone knew that Izzy truly idolizes her brother and with all the changes made to him, she had to cope. She was trying so hard to stay strong for him, but it was definitely taking its toll on her. She just needed some time to really adjust and mourn what Alec used to be. It was true he was different now. He was stronger and charged with energy. He was not the cool, calm, and collected Alec they all knew. He was in the middle of some great transformation and with that he was like a fawn learning to walk and filled with fear. He had been a leader to them for so long and now he was lost in the woods. She knew he would become a more fierce warrior and leader than he ever was before, but before he reached that point there was some growing and learning to be done. This was what Clary was trying to mentally prepare for. It seemed they did not have enough time though. Too much has been happening over these past few days. Too many disappearances everywhere.
Clary now knew that the disappearances had something to do with the leviathans power hunger but what happened to these people? Were they being eaten? Were they just sucked dry of power and discarded as empty soulless husks? There needed to be more research done into this. She called Magnus over and asked him to portal her to the front of the institute. She could at least start researching the disappearances. They all needed more answers, more information to go on and they were scared. "Sure sugar." Magnus gave her a wink before she stepped through the portal to the institute. He too hoped that she could bring them answers to aid Alec. For once he was the least magical in the relationship, and he didn't mind that at all but he remembered how it felt coming into his powers and he did not envy his love this trial. However, Alec has something that he himself never had….Support and love.
