CW: Ron is in this chapter and they have a major confrontation...this chapter will have a depiction of a panic attack as a result of a confrontation with one's abuser. Discussion of past trauma.
Betawork done by december_noon, Kindajew/datingstilinski1967, rosenymphadoraweasley5, and crookshankscrew.
Thank you again for all the love you have given this little tale of mine. I really didn't expect anyone to read it except for the 10 people I suckered into reading it so...thanks for being here.
peace and love,
sam
The past few weeks had given Draco time to observe Granger. The pair had enough classes together, with and without her hoard of Gryffindors for him to see the changes in her behavior. She was never truly relaxed.
Except for the library. With him.
It was like she was holding her breath all day. She was tense and jumpy, always rubbing absentmindedly at her arm. Then she'd get to her—their—table.
She exhaled.
He noticed it in her shoulders and the way she would let them fall. Granger would take up space in that library. She would disappear into her own world of books and logic where nothing else mattered.
Seeing her so calm and confident only made the changes seem harsher—more obvious.
Granger was anxious around the Weasel and tried her best to create space between them. She didn't sit next to him. She pulled away from him when he would drift close to her in the halls. She didn't move from her seat until he was already at the door. The Weasel never seemed to care, though. Always finding a reason to touch her or to whisper in her ear. Whatever he said must not have been sweet nothings or inside jokes, though. She always looked like she was trying to hold the pieces together after any interaction with him.
The break-up must have been uglier than Draco thought.
He'd catch her staring at Lavender Brown across the dining hall or in class. Draco expected to see jealousy or anger in her eyes. He couldn't put a finger on what he saw. It almost looked like guilt. Draco had tried to joke with her about the new relationship, but Granger would just quickly change the topic without so much as a passing comment.
Her behavior with Potter and female Weasley were the most interesting to observe. She was nervous. Cautious. Draco didn't know her well enough to spot the difference between a genuine smile and a fake one, but her smile never reached her eyes. His mother would have that same smile at society events. It looked genuine enough, but there was something lurking underneath.
It was an act.
But what was she hiding that was so bad she couldn't tell the Chosen One? Why did she avoid Ginny's concerned looks?
Something had clearly happened between Granger and Weasley. Something she was ashamed of. Something she hadn't told anyone about.
It wasn't just her relationship with the Gryffindors that was strained. Her Muggleborn, war heroine status in Slytherin made her a pariah on the best days and a target on the worst.
Despite Theo's best efforts, Granger was a loner. Daphne was a constant mealtime companion and even Pansy had taken to sitting with the Muggleborn witch. Theo took the post across the table with Draco next to him. They were her guards to prevent anyone from messing with her—which they did. Often.
The Slytherins, mainly Astoria, had made it a mission to make her feel as cast out as possible. From stealing her books to cornering her in hallways, the Slytherins were taunting her. They scattered anytime Draco or one of the others approached so they never heard the innumerable insults being thrown at her. But as people who had said and done worse to Granger, they had a fairly good idea a certain M-word was being said quite often.
For Salazar's sake, even Ernie had been more accepted than Granger. The Hufflepuff had taken to fostering the younger kids and complimenting the Princess crowd. They all fawned over him enough that the Quidditch jocks had just come to terms with his presence and included him as well.
Meanwhile, Granger was rarely in the common room. And if she was, she was in the corner with a book. Avoiding everyone and ignoring the whispered insults. Draco realized that Granger actually rarely spoke in public settings anymore. A few words here and there but nothing like the ranting and raving she used to do.
Only he got to see that sharp wit when it was just them in the Ancient Runes section.
He was pulled from his ruminations by a sharp jab into his side. Theo was looking at him expectantly, one eyebrow raised.
"You're staring." He cocked his head in Granger's direction. "You're staring and you're smiling. Anything to share with the class?"
"We're fr—study partners," he mumbled. "That's all. I was just thinking of something amusing from yesterday and—is that who I think it is?" Draco had never been more grateful for a distraction.
Walking together, hand-in-hand, was Luna Lovegood and Tracey Davis. Tracey had been sent to Ravenclaw and no one had really heard from her—for reasons that were now apparent. Daphne was getting paranoid. It seemed all their concerns were for nothing as the two witches walked through the dining hall, ignoring the stunned silence.
"You owe me ten galleons, Theodore," Pansy declared while tracking the movement of her friend.
"No. No. We don't know anything." Theo put a hand in the air. "Lovegood is an odd bird. She could just be taking a very… hands-on approach to mentoring our dear Tracey."
"Hands-on is one word for it…" Granger muttered under her breath. She looked up while chewing her toast and met Draco's gaze. He raised an eyebrow and reveled in the faint blush dusting her cheeks.
"What, praytell, do you know Miss Granger?" Draco quipped.
"I know that Luna is a free spirit who was never one for labels. I also know that she is currently wearing robes that are too long for her and Tracey's seem just a little short. A simple clothing mishap, I'm sure." She tilted her head in Theo's direction. "Though if that glamour shining on Tracey's neck is any indication...I'd say you owe Pansy ten galleons."
Draco shook his head at Theo's flabbergasted face.
"HA! Granger agrees with me. Pay up!" Pansy held out her hand expectantly while Theo grumbled about women and their bloody secrets and counted out his galleons.
"Daph, shall we go congratulate dear Tracey?"
"If you mean grill her for all the details, then lead the way. Come on Granger, you can be our Luna whisperer," Daphne said as she hauled Granger up by the arm. Only Draco seemed to notice her tense at the gesture.
The girls all disappeared to the Ravenclaw table, leaving Theo and Draco alone. Though, that blissful silence didn't last.
"Draco, Granger's just going one table over. I think you can stop stalking her for a moment," Blaise teased as he slid onto the bench the girls had just vacated. "Besides, I need someone to ask me about the details of my love life. Hufflepuff has been very good to me. The kitchens are right there and with all that unfettered access to whipped cream and chocolate—"
"You know, Blaise? It's been very nice not sharing a room with you. I've actually managed to get some sleep and not endure the cringeworthy morning after routine with your witch of the moment," Draco said with a shudder.
"You're just jealous because you're not getting laid. Did Theo stop putting out?" Blaise brought a hand to his chest, feigning shock.
Theo pointed his fork at Blaise. "Theo is right here. And he is insulted by the insinuation that he would stop putting out."
"So when should I expect Granger to ask my permission to take your innocence?" Blaise smoothly navigated the conversation back to Draco.
"Never I'd imagine. We're just… almost friends. I'm working on it."
"So is friendship like phase two of your master plan or…" Theo trailed off. Always one to hope others would just spill their secrets to fill the silence.
"Friendship is the plan. That's it. Just friends." Draco stared at his plate for a whole minute. A whole minute of silence. He glanced up at his friends waiting for the onslaught of questions and mockery.
Theo and Blaise shared an incredulous look. "Are you sure that's—?"
The rest of Blaise's question would have to wait as owls descended to deliver the morning post. Draco was shocked when the family owl landed gracefully in front of him. His parents hadn't written since he moved out.
Not that he would have responded.
He took the scroll from the bird's leg and offered it some sausage, but it didn't fly off. It seems a response was expected—or demanded, depending on which parent wrote this missive.
Ah, the Malfoy family crest. Embossed into the midnight blue wax that was the color of House Malfoy. A symbol once adorning all his possessions. A name he used to take pride in. Now, he tried to keep the sneer off his face. He'd rather burn the letter than read it, but Theo and Blaise were looking at him expectantly. He broke the seal and scanned the page.
At least it was his mother's handwriting. So just an expected response, then.
My Dragon,
Your father and I have tried to give you space. We know the war wasn't easy on you and that we are to blame for much of that. Moving to a different estate was a necessity. I understand. This house is filled with dark magic and even darker memories.
But we miss you, Draco. I miss you.
I want to know how classes are going. We've heard there was some sort of exchange program this year at Hogwarts. Are you safe? Are your friends safe?
Just write back to me so I know you're alive. Tell me if you're eating. Tell me if you're getting enough sleep. Are you still having nightmares?
You've never shut me out for this long.
We're trying, darling. Your father is combing through the house trying to rid it of… artifacts. I've been experimenting with some Muggle literature and fashion trends. I know you doubt our ability to change, but we're doing our best to evolve.
Talk to me. Please.
All my love,
Mother
Draco tossed the note to Blaise. He knew better than to hide it and he might as well let his friends read the words themselves. Blaise passed it to Theo and held his tongue until they were all apprised of the situation.
He hadn't talked to his parents since he moved out. The house was stifling. His parents were even more stifling. They'd tried to send owls for the first two weeks and then gave up when he hadn't responded.
None of the children of Death Eaters really spoke to their parents. It was all stilted dinners and a polite "good morning" at the breakfast table. When Draco had moved out, he found himself with ample house guests and visitors. None of them could stand to look at their parents anymore.
Draco had more reason to resent his family than most. Reasons he was trying so very hard to bury.
His parents thought this was about ideology. Draco was happy they were trying to change their ways. He doubted the sincerity and the longevity of such changes, but fine. It was something. That wasn't what this was about though.
It wasn't what he needed.
"Maybe you should write them back, mate." Theo's voice pulled him back into the present. Draco looked between his two friends. Well, clearly he'd missed something. Blaise was rereading the letter and glancing up at Draco every few minutes. Theo… damn Theo.
Theo was giving him the look. The look they had all grown to hate. It wasn't Theo's playful smirk or charming smile. No. This was the look that said "you will listen to me. Now." It was his serious face. His eyebrows pulled to the center, mouth set in a firm line, and the pinnacle—the eyes were narrowed. Theo didn't often do serious. Even during the war, Theo always had a smart-arse comment on the tip of his tongue.
"Put the look away," Draco demanded with more confidence than he felt.
"No. I won't." Theo pushed a finger into Draco's face. "You fear the look. You obey the look. So the look stays. Write to your fucking mother."
Suddenly, Blaise was conjuring a quill and parchment and pushing it across the table.
"I don't—"
"Now, Draco," Theo quietly commanded.
"What do you want me to say, hm?" Draco picked up the quill and pretended to write. "Dear Mother, neither myself nor my friends have been strung up by our thumbs or pelted with rotting produce yet, so things are looking up."
Blaise and Theo simultaneously crossed their arms and shook their heads. Maybe separation was good for them when they were becoming this similar.
Blaise rolled his eyes. "Tell her about the program. Tell her about the rebuilding project." A dangerous glint in Blaise's eye did not bode well. "Tell her about Granger—"
"No," Draco stated firmly. "Granger is off-limits. My mother doesn't deserve to know anything about her. And my father deserves to know even less."
Draco scratched out a few lines about the program—"no, he wasn't involved." He lied about his sleeping patterns—"yes, the nightmares are practically gone." He signed it "Sincerely, DLM."
Not "your son."
Not "with love."
Not even his full name.
It was quick. It was what she'd asked for. Most importantly, it was cold and impersonal. Just what he wanted.
—
Hermione had extricated herself from the pack of Slytherins after an… enlightening conversation with the new couple.
Luna was never one to spare details. After pushing the more graphic details of their relationship out of her mind, Hermione found their love story to be quite cute.
Luna and Tracey had apparently become friends last year before Luna was taken. The way Tracey tells it, Luna had found her sobbing silent tears in the girls' lavatory at the beginning of the year. Tracey hadn't known where she stood as a half-blood in Slytherin. Would the Carrows be just as harsh to her as they were to blood traitors and Muggleborns? Luna hadn't said anything, but just held her and wiped the tears from her face.
After that, Tracey had a soft spot for the blonde Ravenclaw and had tried her best to protect when on patrols, but Luna wouldn't be swayed from the fight. They had apparently not talked since the final battle as Tracey was going through her trial and attempting to be there for her friends. Apparently, Luna's lingering feelings for Tracey had led to the end of her relationship with Neville.
So when Tracey Davis arrived in the Ravenclaw common room, the two decided not to waste any more time. They'd kept their relationship quiet—not out of shame—so they could work through some of their issues from the war. Now, they were in a good place and ready to be as open with their love as anyone else.
Daphne had visibly melted at the sweet tale and Pansy had just said "whatever makes you happy," to Tracey.
The girls had sat and gossiped for a bit while Hermione just observed the reactions to the new couple. After the initial shock, most people seemed to not care. Tracey had always been someone just doing what she had to in the war. She was a half-blood and thus in a precarious position herself, but she had helped the D.A. a time or two in the past. She was neutral. Safe.
And everyone weirdly just trusted Luna's judgement now. Hermione's heart warmed at the idea of her friend being happy and loved.
"I hope your nargles clear up soon, Hermione," Luna said breezily as Hermione stood from the table.
"Pardon?"
"I often find unloading one's burdens helps. It may also help you get some sleep." Luna left Hermione with that cryptic message and turned back to place her chin on her girlfriend's shoulder, giving Tracey a quick peck on the cheek.
"Hermione!" Ginny yelled as Hermione walked toward the door, pulling her from her thoughts. "Walking to class without us? I'm disappointed!" Ginny hooked her arm through Hermione's and started walking down the hall. Harry and Ron caught up and stood, thankfully, on Ginny's other side.
"How's Slytherin been? I see you've made some allies," Ginny prodded.
"I'd call them friendly acquaintances, actually," Hermione replied while avoiding eye contact with the boys. "They aren't so bad, you know. Daphne is quite sweet. Pansy's even been relatively nice to me. I was really struggling with my frizz the other day and with a few waves of her wand, it was plaited beautifully." Ginny turned to face her with wide eyes. Harry was just gaping at her.
"Trust me, I'm as shocked as you are that she's helping me with my hair instead of mocking it." Hermione forces a small laugh. It was unbelievable, but it seemed that some of the Slytherins had changed. They looked out for her and she was struggling to understand why.
"And Malfoy? Nott? What are they doing for you?" Ron sneered at her.
Here we go, Hermione thought.
"Malfoy and I study together. It's no secret he's quite intelligent. Theo… I haven't really figured him out, yet. He makes me laugh, though." Hermione hoped her voice was casual. She didn't want a fight and maybe she could avoid it if she acted like this was normal—just friends catching up.
She saw Ron clench his fists and heard the sharp inhale. He was trying to hold it in.
"Hermione!" she heard a voice yell from behind her. Well, wasn't she popular today. The group turned to see a red-faced Michael Corner jogging after them. They hadn't even left the Entrance Hall but he looked like he'd run a marathon.
Ravenclaws.
"Can I talk to you for a minute? I just need some advice," he huffed as he glanced at the other three students next to her.
"Sure," she turned to look at the group. "You all go on ahead. I'll see you in class."
Ron eyed the collection of Slytherins congregated by the Great Hall doors and his jaw ticked. "I'll stay back with 'Mione. We'll see you in class." Ginny and Harry shared a look.
Ginny opened her mouth, but quickly closed it when Ron slung an arm over Hermione's shoulders. Hermione tried to look calm. Natural. Comfortable. She really wanted to sprint away from him and try to scrub the memories of his touch from her brain with a strong Obliviate.
"No—I'm okay. You can go." It was too late though, Harry had ushered Ginny away and they were strolling down the hall, holding hands.
"Don't argue with me. I'm staying. Talk to Corner and I'll be right here." Ron stated firmly. His voice was quiet but carried that edge that she knew so well. She shrugged off his arm and made her way toward the very impatient Ravenclaw.
Hermione tried to focus on Michael, but her mind kept trailing to the presence of a ginger-haired wizard lurking behind her. She hated when she couldn't see him.
She couldn't predict him when she couldn't see him.
Michael's rising pitch brought her back to the moment. "Do Gryffindors have to be so loud ALL THE TIME? I'm trying to study!"
She forced an understanding smile. "Yes… they're like that. Many of them study in the library and use the common room as a game room more than a study space. A vast difference from Ravenclaw." Michael nodded furiously and ran a nervous hand through his hair.
"Honestly, charmed earmuffs worked well to block out the sound. Taking refuge somewhere else is probably a more effective solution. If they see you, they'll ask you questions. Trust me. You'll end up reviewing six Potions essays, handing over your Transfiguration notes, and explaining Arithmancy equations if you sit still long enough."
Michael's eyes widened. "How were you first in your class if you were a one-woman tutor for the entire house?"
Hermione smirked thinking of her Time Turner days. "Magic."
Michael walked off and Hermione glanced at the Slytherins. Only Theo and Blaise remained. Ron walked up behind her, grabbing her bicep and hauling her down the hallway.
"Now that we're alone. We have some things to discuss. You owe me a lot of explanations," he growled into her ear.
"Ron—"
"No. I didn't say you could talk yet. First, you're going to listen to me." Ron backed her into an alcove, tucked away from view. It was still too public for him to do real damage, but it was private enough to raise her hackles. She was starting to tense, she could feel it in her shoulders the most as she shrunk in on herself. Her legs would lock eventually to encourage her to remain still.
"You just left to go play house with your Slytherins. Now, I see Nott and Malfoy are all over you. Whoring yourself out to Death Eaters now, too?"
"It's not like that—"
"Not. Fucking. Done." He raised a finger to her face and she flinched away on instinct. "I told you not to speak to Malfoy. You didn't listen. You abandoned your friends. We've had this conversation, 'Mione. Do you remember what we agreed to?"
Hermione nodded. She could feel the tears welling in her eyes.
"Say it."
She swallowed the lump in her throat. "I—I'm supposed to be there for everyone. It's my job to be there."
"Fucking right. You haven't been doing a very good job of that have you? Gone at all hours. Slumming it with Slytherins." At her silence, he smacked a hand against the wall by her head, crowding her even more.
She tried to jump away from him, but he caged her in with his other arm. "Answer me."
She shook her head, letting a few tears slip.
"I think you enjoy it, Hermione." He tilted his head to appraise her reaction. "I think you enjoy being hurt. Bellatrix really did a number on you, didn't she? Showed you your place. Carved your status into your arm. Introduced the pain you think you deserve." He grabbed her left arm and pushed her sleeve up her arm, forcing her scar into the light.
"You know, deep down, you deserve this. You're that fucked up that you do shit just to provoke me. Always asking for it, Hermione."
He closed a hand around her throat and cut off her air supply.
She grabbed his wrists to try to get leverage. To get him to let go. Footsteps around the corner jerked him out of the moment. He released her and stormed off.
Hermione sank to the ground feeling the cold stone cut into her knees. Her tears were streaming freely, and she couldn't breathe.
Shoes appeared in front of her, but she couldn't force herself to look up. She was trying to force her lungs to work. Breathe Hermione. Just. Fucking. Breathe. You've survived worse.
"Oh… oh fuck! Granger. I need you to breathe." Theo. "If I let you die, Draco will kill me. Then it's a toss-up on who kills him. I'm very loved and I'm sure a mob will form in my honour."
Hermione choked out a laugh and finally looked up at him. He gently put a hand on her shoulder.
"Ah, the Nott charm still works. Laughter is a good sign." Hermione's breathing hitched again and her tears still flowed down her face. Her vision was polluted with black spots and her head felt dizzy. She almost fell the rest of the way to the ground, but Theo caught her.
"Right. Focus. Witch in distress." He maneuvered her to lean against the wall. She heard him muttering something to himself, but she was trying to force her lungs to work.
"Hey Granger, I need you to inhale for me and count to six, okay?" She did. "Good. Now, hold it and count to two. And release while you count to four. Good." His hands were back on her shoulders. Barely touching her really, but his hands were warm even through her shirt.
"Let's do it again, okay?" As she repeated the breathing, Theo was stating facts. Sometimes about the present. Sometimes about random academic facts. It was a combination of grounding techniques, she realized. He was getting her breath under control with a series of specific instructions and bringing her back to reality with things that are true.
"You're Hermione Granger. Today is Tuesday. You are at Hogwarts. The ceiling in the Great Hall is enchanted. Uruz is the rune for knowledge. Aconite is also called wolfsbane."
"Aconite is also known as Monkshood," she croaked. Her throat felt raw, but her vision had cleared. "And you're wrong about the rune for knowledge. It's kenaz not uruz."
"Oh, thank Merlin," Theo sighed and dropped his head back in relief. "Welcome back, Granger." He patted her shoulder gently and looked her over.
"Where did you learn that? It's a Muggle technique."
"Guy I met in a Muggle bar after the war. He saw me struggling with the crowd and pulled me out. Said he was a therapist or studying to be one." Theo waved a hand dismissively. He was very expressive with his hands.
Hermione raised an eyebrow. It seems Theo mistook which part of that story she was interested in, though.
"Don't worry. He was well compensated for his assistance," Theo scoffed. "Shame. He was a good lay and a good therapist." He turned his head toward the sky and bit his lip, moaning quietly.
Hermione exhaled a laugh and wiped her face. Surely, she'd need a trip to the loo before class now to make herself less red and puffy. She'd need to check for visible bruises, too.
"You want to talk about it?" Theo looked over his shoulder to check if they still had privacy. "I think you might find that we have more in common than you think."
"Theo… " Hermione was prepared with excuses. It was just war flashbacks. She hadn't been sleeping. All her usual cover stories were on the tip of her tongue. Instead, her curiosity got the better of her. "What do you mean?"
"I mean… I know what it looks like—what it feels like—when someone hurts you," his voice wavered. With a heavy sigh, Theo looked up at her and moved to sit next to her. "My father was a prick. Not just for all the blood-purist, genocidal actions. He had a temper, especially when he drank. After my mother died, I was the only one left in the house for him to take his anger out on."
"I didn't know." Hermione moved closer and leaned her head on his shoulder. She didn't know when she'd become so comfortable with Theo, but she had. He was here, sharing his secrets. He was sitting with her on a cold, hard floor trying to help her.
"No one did for a while. Draco figured it out. He's an observant one," Theo chuckled. "Draco would orchestrate these elaborate plans to get me to stay at his house for the summer and holidays. He would show up unannounced at Nott Manor to just be there. He never judged me for it or pushed me. Draco was there when I needed him."
They sat in silence for a while as Hermione put her thoughts in order. Malfoy could be kind. She'd seen it recently. In the library, he always knew when she wanted to talk and when she wanted silence. It didn't shock her that he was a good friend.
He was protective of the ones he cared about.
While Hermione pondered Theo's offer, Luna's words echoed in her brain. "I find unloading one's burdens helps…"
Hermione took a big breath. "I think… I need to talk about it. I want to talk about it. I want to tell you… just not here." Hermione gestured at the very open space around them. Anyone could walk by and hear them. She needed time to plan how she would do this. She needed to decide how much to tell him.
She needed help and he was offering.
She, strangely, wasn't worried about telling Theo about Ron. He didn't have a stake in this, not really. He wouldn't side with Ron or feel a divided sense of loyalty. Most importantly, he would understand. He would understand that it wasn't always easy to walk away at first. He would understand the confusion and the pain better than anyone else.
He would believe her and he would help her.
Theo helped her up off the ground and promised to find her soon so they could talk. He'd be there when she was ready. He looked hesitant, but then he slowly walked toward her and pulled her into a loose hug.
It was brief, but it was so warm and affectionate after what Ron had done that she almost cried again. She walked away feeling more hopeful, more seen, more relieved than she had in months.
—
Hermione had muddled her way through classes for the rest of the day. Now, in the safety of the library, she finally let the exhaustion hit her.
Draco found her slumped over her books with her eyes closed. She heard him shuffle awkwardly and opened her eyes.
"Not sleeping. Just tired and needed a break," she said sleepily. She rubbed her eyes and tried to focus on the Transfiguration essay she was working on.
Draco wordlessly slipped into the chair across from her. Not the one diagonal to her like usual. Interesting.
They worked mostly in silence but Draco was fidgety. He'd tried to start a conversation more than once, but always trailed off or closed his mouth before he began. After two hours, he seemed to have given up and began reluctantly packing his bag.
There was a small frown on his face and he kept huffing and puffing while putting his books away. Hermione didn't have the energy for his dramatics tonight, though.
Draco mumbled a "Night," as he passed her on his way out.
"Hey," she turns to look at him. "Happy Birthday, Granger."
She'd forgotten it was her birthday. No one else had said anything to her today.
As he walked away, she noticed the pack of new self-inking quills and a container of her favorite tea just next to her bag.
I warn you now...the next chapter will be intense.
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