I'm sorry I'm late AGAIN. We are throwing the update schedule away because I can't follow it anyway. I'm not abandoning you, though, don't you worry.

Betawork done by rosenymphadoraweasley5.

Thanks for being here folks.

peace and love,

sam

Hermione had been in a state of anticipation since she'd confronted Ron. He'd been too quiet. Taking all of the silence and rage from his Gryffindor friends and seeing Hermione so comfortable with the Slytherins was bound to be pushing his buttons.

She'd see glimpses of him clinging to Lavender throughout the day, but Ginny had managed to shepherd the Lavender away from him when the poor girl would wince or flinch. Ginny would keep her safe or at least offer her a reprieve from Ron.

Lavender was something she was working on. She needed to keep Ron from getting ahold of new victims if she ever intended to move on. Neville was on her side now and more sets of eyes couldn't hurt. Blaise encouraged her to just "out the bastard" so the whole castle would be watching.

Something about that made her want to curl into a ball or vomit. Maybe both.

She knew there would be a mix of reactions. Being friends with Harry for seven years had taught her that gossip and scandal was unpredictable. Some people may not even believe Ron Weasley to be capable of such a thing.

That's why on this particular morning at breakfast, Hermione was astounded when a group of Hufflepuff girls and Padma cornered her at the door.

"Is it true?" Padma asked. Hermione just stared in confusion. "What Ron did to you? Is it true?"

The shock of that question froze Hermione to her core. People couldn't know. People shouldn't know. Everyone who knew had promised to keep her secret. Who would've—

Blaise.

Blaise was in Hufflepuff. Blaise liked to talk. Blaise had been the most adamant that Hermione exact some revenge on Ron. Blaise was the sneakiest of all of them and the one who wasn't as close to Hermione.

She was going to kill him.

"I'm not sure what you heard—"

"Hermione, if he hurt you, you should tell someone. I mean...he's with Lavender now. Aren't you worried?" some Hufflepuff a year below her questioned.

"Of course I'm worried!" Hermione snapped.

"So you aren't denying it, then? It is true," Padma surmised. Fucking Ravenclaws and their plots. Almost as bad as Slytherins.

"I—well—" Hermione stammered. She took a deep breath. "No, I'm not denying it. But I'm not talking about it either. I'd appreciate it if you all would look out for Lavender while I figure out how to get her away from… the situation."

After much nodding and prodding, Hermione finally managed to make it to the Slytherin table and slide in between Draco and Daphne. She looked at the plate of food piled in front of her. It was all her favorites.

Double helpings of all her favorites.

"Am I carb loading for something? Is there a food shortage imminent?" she asked while looking around the table, glancing specifically at Theo who was across from her and next to Pansy.

"No. You just never take the time to actually eat so we have much to make up for," Draco replied while fixing her tea. He slid it toward her and tapped her knee with his.

She didn't bother to argue. There were bigger issues to discuss.

"Blaise told Hufflepuff about Ron," she stated calmly as she tore into a croissant. Four stunned faces stared at her. Then, they all started talking at once.

She raised a hand to cut them off. "What's done is done. I will yell at him later. I just thought you all should know considering that it'll be around the rest of the houses by tomorrow at the latest. There will be questions and pitying glances and probably a good deal of fighting. All of you, stay out of it."

Eyebrow raising must have been a course taught only to Slytherins. Hermione was met with a synchronised movement of aristocratic eyebrows and scoffs.

"No."

"Not a chance."

"I will do as I please, Granger."

"Agreeing would just be lying to you. So I'm not agreeing with you."

Hermione's rebuttal was cut short by the arrival of Luna and Tracey. Fingers intertwined and looking so sickeningly in love with each other that Hermione couldn't help but smile at them.

"Hermione, you're looking well. Your aura is brighter and the wrackspurts have cleared," Luna mused.

"Thanks Luna, you're looking well, too," she said.

"Would you mind coming outside with me? I think our conversation would be best had in fresh air. Clear skies and clear minds is what my father always says," Luna said as she gestured to the doors.

Hermione nodded and rose. Draco pressed an apple into her palm and chucked some preserved pastries into her bag.

"Eat while you talk, please."

"Sure," she said and barely suppressed the smile. Tracey took Hermione's spot at the table to briefly catch up with her friends and give them some space.

As Hermione and Luna settled on the bench, Hermione took a bite of the apple and waited for Luna to start. She could never really guess what the blonde was going to say and she was curious what had prompted this conversation.

"Neville told me what happened in the common room," she stated bluntly.

"Oh… I guess that shouldn't shock me," Hermione replied while tilting her head toward the sky. She closed her eyes and felt the faint warmth of the late Autumn sun on her face. Winter was creeping in and these days were a rarity. Snow would be falling probably in the next month.

"I'm sure you've already gone over the story with others, but if you ever want to talk about it, I'll be here. Tracey says that I'm a good listener," Luna said with a dreamy smile.

"I would, actually. Like to talk about it. You're one of the few people who I think would be… rational about this discussion. Everyone else is so emotionally charged. Not you, Luna. You listen. You process. You respond," Hermione said. "I've always admired that about you."

Luna merely hummed and waited for Hermione to continue.

So Hermione told her about everything. About the dreams. About Draco. About the confrontations here at school.

"Hermione," Luna interrupted during the recounting of the Gryffindor Common Room Incident. "These are all very informative facts. I meant that you could talk about what it felt like. I don't think you've done that as much as you need to. You've told people what happened, but you keep yourself detached from those events. As though they are stories from your books or a timeline you'll be tested over."

Luna paused. "This is your life, Hermione. Talk to me about it like you lived it, not just read about it."

Hermione thought about the request. After a long few moments of silence, she began. "I was scared. I am scared. It's not over and I don't know how to live with that. With this weight and this fear weighing on me. I did this in the war—the constant vigilance. Looking over my shoulder to avoid Snatchers or a Killing Curse. But this… this is so much worse."

Hermione took a steadying breath and glanced at her clasped hands. "My hands shake and I feel myself spiraling in memories... sometimes it's memories of the war and how that fear never really got to end because of Ron. Most of the time, it's flashes of trying to smile through the pain when George hugged me goodbye at the Burrow or wearing sleeves and scarves to hide the bruises I didn't have time to heal before he dragged me out the door. And when the memories come—" her voice cracked. "When the memories come, it feels like I'll get stuck there. I feel a phantom pain in my ribs or a tenderness in my throat because my body doesn't know it can rest now. My body doesn't know that we're free."

Luna reached over to grasp Hermione's trembling hand. "Take a minute. Breathe." So Hermione breathed. She focused on the present and how Luna's hand felt in hers. She focused on that anchor to her reality.

Then she threw herself back into fighting her demons.

"I'm angry. I'm mainly angry at him for what he did and the person he made me become. But I'm mad at myself, too. I'm mad that I let it happen. That I didn't leave or fight harder. That I am partially to blame for all the cracks and fissures that make me feel so broken. I'm even more mad that I think I'm to blame.

"I'm mad at our friends and his family for not seeing all the pain I was in. I know I forgave Harry and Ginny but… part of me still wishes they'd helped or pushed a little harder. I'm mad at the world for demanding so much of us that I didn't have the energy to ask for help. We were thrown into rebuilding and press events. I couldn't be anything less than perfect. I couldn't point out that we were falling apart at the seams. The Wizarding World needed stability and that's who we were." Hermione huffed at the end of her rant.

"What are you going to do with all that anger?" Luna asked.

"I don't know. I want to just… let it go. Move on with a new life—"

"With Draco Malfoy," Luna interjected, smirking.

"Perhaps. But mainly just to try to get back to the person I was before. Everyone thinks I should get revenge," Hermione trailed off.

"What do you want?"

"To save people from him. To save Lavender. To save myself from the thoughts still plaguing my psyche. I don't want to hurt anyone in the process, even if it's him," Hermione summarized. "Mainly, I want to feel safe again."

"I think Draco is more than willing to help you feel safe," Luna suggested. "I think you have many people who would be willing to help you with all of that, if you merely asked. If you gave them permission to act."

"I don't want anyone else to get hurt," Hermione asserted.

"Defending someone you care for does not always involve getting hurt," Luna said. "I know the war taught us that safety was paid for in blood and sacrifice, but that's not always the case. Safety can be earned through trust and love, too."

"Very wise, Luna."

"I say many wise things. People just don't always hear them."

The girls sat in silence for a while until they could hear the sounds of students rushing through the halls. They departed with a hug and set off to class. Draco was waiting just outside the Great Hall to escort her to their first class of the day.

Draco had given Hermione some breathing room for the next few days. The night on the sofa had shifted everything for them, but he knew that she might not be ready for something so soon. He wanted to respect her needs no matter how much he wanted to touch her and kiss her.

He would restrain himself.

Restraint was very difficult however when they were at their usual table in a mostly deserted library. Alone. And she kept invading his personal space.

She'd reach over him to grab a book instead of asking him for it. She was leaning toward him as she read. Her knee kept knocking his.

As if all this wasn't enough… he saw her shiver. This witch was always cold and it stirred a protective instinct in him.

"Are you cold again?" he asked quietly.

She continued to read some text on Goblins and nodded slowly. "Sorry," she mumbled.

"We're going to work on that," Draco stated as he transfigured his robes into a fuzzy blanket to drape around her. She snuggled into it and he thought he heard her inhale the scent of him on the throw.

"What?"

"You apologising for merely existing."

"I don't."

"You do. You apologise for walking in the halls. You apologise for speaking too loud. You just apologised for being cold." He ticked examples off on his fingers. "Granger, you're allowed to exist. No matter what lies you've been told."

"Hermione."

"What?"

"We agreed to drop the surnames, Draco," she smirked.

"I believe I was permitted to still use Granger periodically," he teased. They smiled at each other and then returned to their studying.

Deciding to be bold, he reached under the table and found her hand. She laced their fingers together and they continued to read. He rubbed his thumb over her knuckles and felt how soft her skin was. She shifted their hands so that they were in her lap and under the blanket.

"Thank you," she whispered. "For calling me out. I think it's so ingrained in me that I don't even know when I'm doing it."

"And we'll work on it," he promised. "All the things you want to change, we'll change them. You just have to let me in."

"Draco, look at me," she demanded. He hadn't even realized that he'd kept his eyes glued to his book. He slowly raised his gaze to meet hers. He saw such… sincerity in them. All her feelings displayed in the chocolate and gold of her irises. He saw the fear, the gratitude, the shock, and the relief. He wanted to keep watching to see if her feelings mirrored his, but he was pulled out of his thoughts by her voice.

"Can I talk about it? With you?" she whispered, uncertain. "So many people offer and tell me I need to get it all out there. Luna's actually a pretty good listener but she reminded me that I need to let other people in if I want to move on. If I want to feel safe."

"You feel safe? With me?"

"Of course I do. You're different than you were a few years ago," Granger said. "I'm sure you were always like this with your close friends, but not with me. This year… you have been my port in the storm. A constant presence to remind me of all the good things and to bring out the old me."

She squeezed his hand and reached up to tuck some hair behind her ear with her free hand. He tracked the movement and wondered if he should do that for her.

"You can talk. I'm here," he declared while continuing to brush his thumb along the back of her hand.

"Promise me you won't storm off to go punch him or anything. That's not what I want."

"I promise. I won't go cause trouble unless you ask me to," he responded with a wink.

He watched as Granger—Hermione—took a deep breath and ran her fingers across her left forearm. Draco was holding her left hand and adjusted his grip so his arm covered hers, fingers laced together. He wouldn't let her use a scar and a terrible memory as a coping mechanism for other scars and terrible memories.

"I think… deep down," Hermione took a sharp inhale and closed her eyes. "I thought I deserved it. I thought it was the consequence of my actions. I wasn't always this paragon of virtue people make me out to be. I cursed students. I hexed teachers. I led Umbridge out to the Forbidden Forest and felt no remorse when she was dragged away. I Obliviated my parents—"

"Hermione," he interrupted. He couldn't help it. Draco could not listen to her confess her sins and use them as justification for what had happened. "None of that gives people the right to use you or hurt you."

"You aren't going to ask?" she replied with tears brimming

"About your parents?" he clarified. "No. You'll tell me what you want me to know."

"The Healers don't know if they can reverse it. Apparently the time elapsed and the amount of modification is making their brains unstable," Hermione explained. "That's my fault. I did that. Harry lost his parents but he didn't point the wand at them. I did."

"It was the right call. They were on a list of people Death Eaters would be rewarded for finding. Low priority for most though considering they're Muggles," Draco confirmed. "I know it's hard, but at least… they're alive. You gave them a happy life, I'm sure. And now it can be a long one with a person they love."

Hermione nodded and looked like she was figuring out where to take the conversation next. Draco decided to save her from fighting all her demons tonight. It would be a lot to work through and she deserved time to process everything in bursts. To go at a reasonable pace and not speed through healing.

Draco cleared his throat to draw her attention. "I think it's probably best if we do this in sections, love."

"Love, huh?" she responded with the ghost of a smile.

"Pack your stuff. We should be heading back," he instructed while he fought his own blush. She didn't move. She stared at him and her smile was evolving into more of a smirk.

"You do that a lot with me," she observed. "Say things without thinking and then get embarrassed by them."

"Do I? I like to think I'm fairly eloquent—"

"I don't think you want to fight me on this, Draco," she interrupted. "I have a list of examples of you putting your foot in your mouth." She chuckled and leaned forward to force him to meet her eyes.

"You make me so nervous," Draco murmured as he leaned into her.

"How nervous?" She glanced at his lips and back to his eyes.

"Apparently nervous enough that forming complete sentences can be a challenge," he conceded. He stole his own look at her lips but was much slower in moving his gaze to her eyes again. He traced the line of her jaw and cut of her cheekbone with his eyes.

"Draco," she breathed his name like a secret. "I won't break." She grabbed the back of his neck and pulled him in slowly. But he had very little time for patience when given such obvious permission.

He cupped her jaw and tilted her chin up to guide her mouth to his. He started slow and gentle, giving her time to decide it was too much. Hermione released his hand and moved both hands into his hair and slid to the edge of her chair.

He traced her lips with his tongue and she quickly opened for him. With his tongue in her mouth, he decided that slow and gentle would need to wait for another time. He moved his hand from her jaw to the nape of her neck and threaded his finger in her curls.

This kiss was perfect. It was passion and understanding. It was the culmination of every quick-witted debate and tearful confession. It was magic in their veins and she tasted like salvation and ecstasy.

He snogged her properly while their hands explored. Greedy fingers moving from hair to neck to chest to hips. Eventually, his hands were gripping her hips and inching toward the hem of her jumper. Her hands had settled themselves around his neck and she played with the short hairs there.

Without thinking, Draco moved his mouth to her neck and realized she might not want marks after…

"Granger, are—can I—how do you feel about love bites?" Draco stammered out. He hated treating her like this, like she was fragile. But he didn't want to scare her off and he had a suspicion that no one had looked out for her interests in a long time.

"Um…maybe not now. I just—everything is so new and I just don't know," Hermione mumbled and he sensed the insecurity suddenly creeping in.

He pulled back to really look at her and cupped her face in his hands. She looked so nervous.

"Whatever you want." He stroked his thumbs along her cheeks, staring into her eyes. "You're in control here."

"And if I say maybe we should stop—" the way her voice broke shattered him. Weasley had done a number on her.

"Then I stop." He willed her to see the sincerity in his eyes. "I'll need a minute to get a certain situation under control," he said as he kissed her nose causing her to giggle, "but I'll stop." She closed her eyes and he just continued to hold her.

"Can we stop?" Hermione asked in a whisper without opening her eyes. "It's not that I don't want to but—"

Draco pulled her to him and she relaxed into the hug. He could feel her stuttered breathing as she prepared for him to be mad at her.

"You don't have to explain. I get it. It's been an… eventful few days. This happened pretty fast. It's okay." He placed a kiss into her curls when she exhaled in relief against his chest. "Plus, I can only imagine that 'Snog Draco Malfoy' was not scheduled for today and it's dangerously close to curfew so you have a multitude of valid reasons."

Her laugh was a little more full this time. He'd do whatever it took to hear her real laugh again.

Hermione and Draco took a minute to calm down after their activities in the library. Hermione still felt like her lips were tingling. His hands had seared her skin in the best way possible. He had looked at her with such reverence and tenderness.

His hesitance and gentleness had been such a welcome surprise. Hermione was not used to getting to say no and she probably would've let Draco go as far as he wanted. Draco had taken the time to check in with her and pulled the truth from her.

She'd wanted to stop.

He'd let her. And he wasn't mad.

In fact, he'd been even kinder to her after their brief snog than he'd been before. It seemed that since they'd officially crossed that line of intimacy, Draco was no longer worried about holding her hand or tucking hair behind her ear. Even the way he looked at her seemed to be less restricted.

They were heading back to the common room, fingers loosely linked, when they heard a familiar voice coming from behind a tapestry. They'd both been Prefects at some point and they knew this tapestry hid an alcove that was a popular spot for horny students.

"We should go—" a female voice said a little breathlessly.

"Five more minutes," a male voice pleaded.

"Is that… Pansy and Theo?" Hermione whispered. Draco looked so pleased as he nodded. She didn't even have a chance to stop him when he strode up to the tapestry and yanked it open.

Thank all the gods that the pair hadn't been doing anything too scandalous or Draco and Hermione would've been greeted with quite a show.

Theo and Pansy allowed a brief moment of shock before they snapped into their sassy, sarcastic, completely unbothered personas.

Theo cleared his throat and shifted his hand placement to a more respectable location around Pansy's waist. "Fancy seeing you both here...there's another good alcove just down the hall." He tipped his head in that direction and winked at Draco.

"We're not—"

"Well it's about time the two of you stopped dancing around each other," Draco cut Hermione off. He crossed his arms and stared smugly at his two best mates.

Pansy scoffed. "Pot or kettle, Draco?"

Hermione blushed and touched her lips as though they were glowing with some evidence of their library activities.

"Granger, what a lovely shade of red you're turning. We'll discuss details later with Daph. She'll be thrilled," Pansy cooed.

"We can all talk about Hermione and I later. When did this happen?" Draco deflected.

"Just before term started," Theo answered bluntly.

Three sets of eyes turned to her and all bickering ceased.

"You said it was for Daphne," Theo tentatively questioned.

"You said it was me," added Draco.

"You've been keeping this a secret for months?!" Draco shouted.

"Oh hush. You are oblivious and it wasn't hard to hide it from you, what with...other distractions."

Theo groaned and leaned his head back against the stone. "You're both going to make this a thing aren't you."

As the Slytherins bickered, Hermione began putting things together. The way Pansy and Theo always disappeared together under the guise of arguments. They were next to each other in the common room, at breakfast, in the library… and the Quidditch game. The Quidditch game should've been the biggest tipoff, looking back.

But Pansy was right. Draco and Hermione had been preoccupied with their own issues to really notice their friends and the very obvious signs of their relationship.

"This is the real reason why you didn't want to leave Slytherin, isn't it?!" Hermione exclaimed and pointed an accusing finger at Pansy.

"Yes… well—those can all be true statements. I didn't want to go into the program for a whole host of reasons. Daphne needs someone around to keep her from running to Blaise or strangling her sister. Draco needs someone around to fix the messes he makes and pull his head out of his ass," Pansy rambled.

"And me?" Theo prompted.

"You may have been a bigger factor in my decision," Pansy huffed. "It was hard enough to do this and keep it a secret when we shared a common room. Can you imagine what it would've been like having to trek from one of the towers or meet exclusively in alcoves?"

Theo's face started to break out into a grin.

"You did it for me."

"Not just for you. Don't let this go to your head," Pansy snapped.

"Pans, I think you've gone soft," Draco teased.

Pansy advanced toward him quickly, wand out. "Take that back."

Draco didn't move or reach for his own wand, but merely shook his head and smiled at her.

"Take it back or I will charm your hair bright pink."

"I think I could pull it off."

Pansy pondered her next threat and a low, dangerous smirk crossed her face. "Take it back… or I will tell Granger over there every embarrassing story about you from childhood. There are some particularly memorable ones from our teenage years."

Draco's grin fell quickly. "You wouldn't dare."

"Let's see… I do particularly like the one from our fourth year where—"

"Fine. I take it back. Still the ice queen and cold-hearted bitch you've always been. Happy?" Draco blurted. Pansy pocketed her wand and patted Draco's cheek before sauntering back to Theo's side.

"We all speak of this to no one, yes?" Pansy asked.

"Like you won't tell Daphne about us," Hermione said, gesturing between her and Draco.

"I won't have to. You are both shite at hiding anything from this group," Pansy replied while glancing between them. She grabbed Theo's hand and pulled him down the hall leaving Draco and Hermione in stunned silence.

"Well…"

"So that story from fourth year?" Hermione asked to break the silence.

"Never. Not in a million years. I will tell you literally anything else," Draco responded quickly and turned to walk away.

He'd only taken four steps before he turned around, walked back to take her hand, and pull her along with him back to the dungeons.

"We're an 'us,' now?" he asked teasingly.

"I assumed so. Or do you often snog the daylights out of witches in the library for the purposes of friendship?" she teased, hoping her joke masked her insecurity. Had she made the wrong assumption? Was this just casual? Was it pity because she was so broken?"

"Slow down your thoughts over there," Draco said and pulled her hand to his mouth to kiss the back of it. "You're not wrong. I like being an 'us'."

She smiled and allowed him to use their joined hands to pull her tighter to his side as they walked.

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