Chapter Thirty- Three: Bottomless
AN: THANK YOU GIRAFFECHAN and RAP BEAR for your continued support and feedback!
AN2: Continued trigger warning: Mentions of abortion. If that offends you, DON'T READ.
FYI: Without giving away what I have in mind for the rest of this story, and its inevitable sequel, things WILL work out.
Trust me!
And no, this story won't be as tragic as its predecessor.
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Donnie had to watch himself as he drove to Sable's. He wanted to get there as soon as possible but the bread truck wasn't built for speed. Not to mention, he had to be wary of other drivers. He wished he could go faster without drawing attention or causing an accident.
Then it hit him.
He needed to get an ambulance or large truck and put on decals for firefighters or first responders. Course, he could only use such a vehicle in an emergency because if he ever came across a true emergency, he'd be in trouble. Someone may need help and wouldn't expect a giant turtle to come to the rescue. Might cause more harm than good. Panicked humans were never good in a crisis.
He arrived at Sable's, screeching to a halt in the drive. He barely killed the engine when he was jumping out of the cab and racing into the kitchen. He found Sable sitting at the table, staring despondently at its surface.
As soon as she saw him, she broke down in tears, reaching for him. Picking her up, he carried her to the couch and sat with her on his lap, holding her tight to give her comfort so she could calm down and tell him the bad news.
On the way over, he had imagined the worst, most prevalent, Sable's cancer returning and shortening her lifespan.
It took a long time for Sable to calm down. Hiccupping, she laid her head on Donnie's shoulder, her hand placed over his heart, sensing the steady beat of his life in her palm.
Donnie caressed her hair, tucking it behind her ear tenderly.
"What's wrong, Sable? Tell me."
Sniffling, Sable rose off his lap and went to her purse, retrieving the pictures. She handed them to Donnie, a new wave of tears threatening to drown her.
"I'm pregnant."
Donnie stared at the black and white photo showing him what looked like a universe with a stray comet the size of a lima bean. Sable's words sunk in, their meaning quite clear. He gulped down a huge lump, ready to hear the painful truth.
"Who…is the father?" he asked quietly.
Many times Donnie contemplated fatherhood, but after testing himself and his brothers, he knew it was only a pipedream. A fleeting fantasy that would never come to fruition.
Their genetic makeup was mutated, making them neither full turtle or human. Which meant they were incompatible with either. At least when it came to reproduction.
Mating for fun was still an option, though as Raph pointed out at the time, there wasn't exactly a line of females of either species lining up to date a mutant.
But Sable was different. She saw past the skin and shell.
Sable captured his face, staring him into the eyes.
"You. You are the only one I've slept with."
Donnie's brow creased.
"But…how? Our species are not biologically compatible. I've run the tests myself."
"And my ovaries were destroyed by chemo and radiation," Sable added, settling beside him, staring at the tiny dot that threw their world into chaos. "And yet the doctor confirmed this afternoon. I'm about seven weeks."
"So if you're seven weeks," Donnie said, normally hyperactive brain now sluggish. He swallowed the lump in his throat that may or may not have been his heart. It currently wasn't beating in his chest. "That means…"
"I probably conceived during the first time, in the lab," Sable muttered.
"And… how do you.. feel?" Donnie asked, not sure how to process the information. The fact he had inadvertently impregnated Sable when they were drugged gave him mixed feelings. He wasn't sure how he should react.
Sable held his face, stroking his cheek. "You know I love you with all my heart." He nodded, arms circling her waist to pull her onto his lap. "But I fear what will happen if I have this child."
Donnie's green eyes turned watery.
"Being mated by a mutant makes you vulnerable."
Sable nodded.
"No doubt our baby would share some of your genetic traits. Traits which would give away the secret of your existence. Our baby would be taken away, by scientists or doctors, or the government, as then they would have a specimen to dissect and study." She surveyed Donnie's pale green face, tears washing her cheeks again. "They would take our baby and experiment on it. Torture it. Kill it. All in the name of scientific curiosity. I can't let that happen."
Donnie was crying too. He placed his hand on her lower belly, cursing his own genetic deformities and species. Sable was right.
A child of his would be a genetic goldmine to the scientific community. Any doctor or scientist would drool over the chance to study the unique physiology of a child created by a human and mutated turtle.
The kind of discovery that would make history. And someone extremely rich.
A dangerous temptation to an easily corruptible human.
There was also something else to consider. The child could also inherit the genetically altered DNA that would produce mutagen, in a natural state.
Such a thing was… devastatingly catastrophic.
"I would never ask you to do such a thing anyway," Donnie said, regaining his composure. Sable's small hand covered his on her stomach. "And you're right in fearing what scientists might do if they realized there has been a mating between our species. Not only would the child be at risk, but you as well. Once you have birthed offspring, you will be of interest in their experiments, expected to repeat the process to provide them with new specimens. Or even worse, attempt to mate you with other animals in the hopes of promoting more mutations."
Sable choked on a sob. She didn't want to be a lab rat, meant only for mating in hopes of conceiving a new genetic hybrid.
To be seen as only an incubator, kept in a farrowing pen until she could conceive and deliver a new sample for the scientists to dissect.
Donnie's thumb idly stroked her pubic bone.
"And there is the possibility the child may share my physiological aspects, including developing a shell. There is no way your human body can pass such a thing. Not safely. Even in utero, the shell could cut you and you'd bleed internally."
"Oh," Sable said softly. She hadn't considered that. No, there would be no way she could pass a shell. She shuddered to even think about it. Timidly she asked, "So you understand I have to end the pregnancy, right? I can't risk having a baby that will be taken from us to be raised in a cold, sterile environment where it will be tortured with experiments. I can't do that, Donnie! I won't allow it!"
"Yes, I understand," Donnie confirmed. Tears pooled his green eyes, making them sparkle as emeralds. He knew how much the decision was tearing Sable apart. But her fears were valid. Any child of theirs would be a target, and given the extensive check ups done by hospitals, there'd be no way to hide the fact the child had non-human DNA. It was a reality he and his brothers lived with every single day. "I'll support you. Whatever you decide."
Sable couldn't speak. She threw her arms around Donnie's neck and cried. He rubbed her back, sharing in her grief.
Naturally he had entertained the idea of having a family, but given his need for secrecy, it was an impossibility. It was only when he was faced with the fact he was, for the briefest of moments, a father, that he detested himself and his species.
And the humans with their irrational fear and scientific lust for dangerous knowledge.
But most of all he despised the scientists and doctors who wouldn't see a product of the love he shared with Sable, but merely a new species on which to experiment upon. Such people gave science a bad reputation.
Donnie carried Sable up to bed and together, they lay, crying, consoling each other. Sable fell asleep in Donnie's arms, his words of love and understanding following her into slumber.
Sable woke up warm and comfortable, nestled in Donnie's arms. She smiled at his dimpled green skin, thin lips cracked in a soft snore, glasses hanging askew. She loved him so much. He was everything she could possibly ask for in a lover. A soul mate. Someone to grow old and have a family with.
Then memories from yesterday came flooding back and Sable bolted upright, eyes wide in panic.
"Oh god! Oh, God!"
Donnie was awake and poised for action in a heartbeat.
"What is it? What's going on? We under attack?"
"I'm…. I'm pregnant!" Sable half screamed, half cried, eyes bugged out of her head. She started to pant heavily. "Oh god, this can't be happening. This is a nightmare."
"This is reality,' Donnie said, capturing her hands and bringing them to his lips. He kissed her knuckles. "You are awake and we are in this together."
Sable calmed, memories flooding back in a torrent. Donnie's understanding. His validation of her fears. His support for her decision. This whole horrible thing could have went terribly wrong, but Donnie had proven once again he was a loving, kind, gentle spirit. He could see the picture as a whole, including the dangers.
Sable straddled his lap, kissing him soundly.
"I love you so much."
Donnie returned her affections, his hand rubbing up and down her back. "And I you." He stroked her lower back and muttered. "We need to stop."
Sable broke the kiss, face flushed. His hardness was adamant beneath her and despite everything that was going on, she wanted him inside her. But he was right. They needed to stop.
Taking a deep breath, she touched their foreheads together, whispering desperately, "Please, don't hate me for this."
"Never. Your concerns are valid," Donnie reconfirmed, arms tightening and draw her close to his chest. "It is better to never be born than to live a life of suffering and misery as a scientific experiment."
Somehow hearing Donnie explain the alterative made the choice less painful.
Sable took a steadying breath, nodding against his green skin.
"I'll go get the pills."
"Do you want me to come with you?" Donnie asked sincerely.
Sable gave a weak smile. "No, that's okay. I think I need to be alone. Come to terms with everything. Alone time. To think and sort out my head."
Donnie gave a short nod. They stayed locked into an embrace for nearly an hour before Sable's bladder reminded her of its existence and she reluctantly left his arms to attend nature. Donnie went to the kitchen to prepare a light breakfast, and together, they sat in the early morning light, Donnie's arm draped across Sable's shoulder in comfort.
He wanted nothing more than to be a father, but as Sable surmised, the risk was too high. Besides, Splinter wasn't his biological father, but he loved his sons as much as any genetic contributor.
Maybe Donnie and Sable could adopt?
There were several thousands of unwanted children waiting to be adopted. Surely they deserved a chance to be loved and have a family…. Even if their father and uncles were giant turtles, and their grandfather was a rat.
Donnie helped Sable get dressed, peppering kisses along her shoulder and neck as he whispered his love and support. She wanted him so bad her nipples were diamonds and her pussy was clenching with need. But they couldn't engage in sex if she was going to the doctor. If he wanted to do another exam, Donnie's sperm couldn't be present.
As the morning went on, Sable found herself slowly coming to terms. Occasionally she shed a tear, but for the most part, she operated in a state of disconnection. She returned to the clinic that had diagnosed her pregnancy early in the morning.
But the visit did not go according to plan.
Sable drove like a maniac, growling vulgarities at traffic. Her mood was extremely volatile and soured, and not just because of pregnancy hormones. It was the doctor! And the nurse!
The ones who were so understanding and polite yesterday, showed their true colors when she informed them she wanted to terminate the pregnancy. Both tried to talk her out of it, even going so far as to show her brochures for adoption agencies and the doctor insisting she have another ultrasound, which would help 'change her mind.'
The doctor even went so far as to suggest Sable bring the father in so he could see the ultrasound and 'help' her make the decision.
"What, am I nothing but a dumb animal?" Sable had snapped, glaring at the doctor.
"No, but it's an important decision. The father needs to know and have a say so," he insisted. "It's not something to take lightly."
"Don't you think I know that?" Sable snarled, feeling full of fire and hatred toward the white coated man who was no better than a breeder of champion pets. "I just want the abortion pill so I don't have to deal with a surgery later."
"There are complications and risks associated with surgical termination," the doctor said by way of trying to dissuade Sable. "Best not to risk it."
Sable scoffed, grabbing her purse, knowing it was a lost cause.
"But yet it's totally acceptable to get a boob job, cheek implants, tummy tuck, collagen fillers, and inject poison into my face to eliminate wrinkles! But ohhhh… heaven forbid I want an abortion!"
Sable had stormed out of the clinic in a mad huff, slamming her car door and taking to traffic with the rage and fire of the sun. The more she thought about it, the more pissed off she became.
Was she not intelligent to make decisions on her own? Was she only for reproduction and not seen as a sentient human being? Did the doctor not realize the pain and agony the choice was causing her already broken heart?
Where was the humanity?
Whatever happened to the creed of 'do no harm' while she fell into a frantic, bottomless pit of fear and despair, feeling less like a person and merely property? A piece of meat! A prized animal, only good for breeding! Did her hopelessness account for anything to the wretched doctor who took pleasure in denying her a choice?
"The fucking nerve!" Sable growled as she searched for a clinic that would be able to help.
It took several hours, many miles, and a lot of hearing the same argument until Sable found a place willing to honor her wishes. She groused about the lack of available health care and waited for a doctor. As soon as she walked into the room, Sable spoke.
"I'm 7 weeks pregnant. No, I don't want to consider adoption. Yes, the father is aware. No, I don't want him present, nor do I need his permission. No, I don't want to think on it any longer. No, I don't want to reconsider. I want this done now and not later, where it will be necessary to require surgery which will carry with it the same kind of risks or medical complications as a boob job or botox." Sable placed her hands on hips and bluntly asked, "So, are you going to help me or do I need to continue looking for help somewhere else?"
The doctor shook her head.
"You're not the first case we've come across. Let's confirm the pregnancy and you fill out some forms. Then I'll get the tablet."
Sable sat on the table, awash with emotion. It was refreshing to have someone listen to her and not guilt trip her into having a child she was unprepared for. The fact she wasn't judged or told to bring the father in on the decision made her relieved she wouldn't have to resort to unsafe, non-professional intervention.
"Let's get a better definition of how far along you are," the doctor said genially. "I'll get an ultrasound."
Sable lay back on the table, staring up at the cold, marrow colored, pock marked ceiling. She couldn't help but imagine what it would be like, trapped in such an environment, living a life of pain, desperation, and solitude. She stopped the tears from escaping, imagining what would happen if Donnie or his brothers were ever caught.
The doctor wheeled the ultrasound machine closer as Sable pulled her pants low on her hips and her shirt up to expose her midriff. The doctor squirted the warm lube on the wand, and placed it on Sable's stomach, searching for the dot that would confirm pregnancy. After a moment, she took a screencap and turned the monitor so Sable could see.
"Looks like you're really early, 7 weeks or so," she confirmed, pointing out the dot Sable was already aware of. "It's about the size of a lima bean."
Sable stared at the worrisome dot. Her heart was hammering in her throat.
Would the doctor try to change her mind? Try to get her to have the child, even mentioning how many couples were willing to pay a fair price for delivery of a healthy child?
Sable couldn't help but think it unfair. All the couples that wanted to buy children via pregnancy and adoptions and yet there were already children awaiting homes in foster care or orphanages. The thought saddened her.
"Since you're very early in your pregnancy, it shouldn't be difficult to miscarry," the doctor said, turning off the machine and wiping Sable's stomach. "If you're still sure about terminating, I'll get the paperwork and the Mifepristone tablet."
"Yes," Sable said, swallowing the lump in her throat and sitting up.
"I'll be back,' the doctor said with a smile, exiting the room.
The nurse rummaged around in the drawers next to the sink and extracted several pamphlets. Sable eyed them warily as the nurse approached. Thinking they were more adoption papers, Sable was reluctant to take them.
"Here," the nurse said, smiling in a motherly, understanding way. There was no hatred or harsh judgment in her eyes. "These are pamphlets for support groups. There's also some information for suicide hotlines and a women's shelter, in case the father finds out and tries to hurt you. We deal with a lot of domestic violence and provide safe haven for women in danger. Or if you have second thoughts or thoughts of suicide, we provide counseling."
Sable stared at the pamphlets, tears welling up. It was great there were options to help women, like Sable, to have support and understanding instead of hatred and bullying.
And a safe haven in case a man decided to hurt her. Which unfortunately, was too often the case.
She smiled wistfully, knowing Donnie would never raise his hand to her. He was too kind. Too gentle. Too loving. He wasn't a monster. He was a loveable dragon.
The doctor returned with the forms. Sable's hand shook as she filled them out, using another false name as she didn't want anyone to track her medical history. The doctor placed a cup of water and paper cup with a single pill on the counter and regarded Sable.
"Mifepristone will stop your body's production of progesterone. Then within the next 48 hours, you take the second pill, Misophrostol, which will cause bleeding and cramping. Kinda like having a heavy period. Lasts two or three days on average."
Sable knew if she thought about it, she would start fretting again, so to get it over and done with, she popped the pill and swallowed it quickly.
"Take the Misophrostol within the next 6 to 48 hours," the doctor said, handing over a small plastic card. "Then you'll have some cramps and bleeding. Those in the early stages usually only experience lighter symptoms. Come back in a week to confirm miscarriage and if you want, we can start you off on more reliable birth control."
Sable nodded, thanking both the women and enduring their reassurances. She tucked the pill and the pamphlets into her purse and drove home.
It was the second week of May, springtime, a time of birth and renewal, but not in Sable's mind.
As soon as she walked into the house, she broke down crying, curling up on the floor, arms wrapped around her midsection. And suddenly, there were green arms encircling her, drawing her close, a gentle voice in her ear.
"It's okay. You're not alone. I'm here, and always will be," he said softly.
Sable shook in his arms, sobbing uncontrollably as she fell into a yawning, hopeless, helpless, endless pit of despair.
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It was getting late, as the early spring crickets began to chirp into the night. Sable stood at the sink, staring at the little white pill held in her hand. It was such a small thing, that held the world.
But the world wasn't a beautiful place when there was hatred, fear, and shame.
Or the threat of cruel experimentation.
The clock ticked away the time above the sink, the second hand sweep reminding her that time was wasting. Movement caught the corner of her eye. She turned to find Donnie standing in the doorway, watching her expectantly.
There was no remorse. No hatred. No judgment. No evil eye.
Sable took comfort in that. In him. His strength. His presence.
Resolved of her choice, she took the second pill and walked into Donnie's awaiting arms.
There was no rebuke. No violence. Nothing negative.
He simply picked her up bridal style and carried her to their bed, where he tucked her in, curling up beside her to hold her through the night and protect her from monsters, the real and imaginary.
Sable snuggled close to his shell, wishing it could protect her from the outside world. Tears collected and ran along her cheeks.
As always, Donnie's pale green finger was there to wipe them away, his voice soft in her ear as he whispered his love and support, arms tight, keeping her safe.
Sable fell into an uneasy sleep, Donnie soon following, his own face wet from anguish.
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Sable awoke with the sun. The curtains were cracked, revealing a bright spring day. Birds were singing, welcoming the dawn.
Donnie's arm tightened around her, keeping her safe and protected. She wanted to stay in bed forever, but her bladder reminded her of its existence. Groggy, throat thick with slimy cotton, eyes coated in heavy crust, she scrubbed her face, trying to dispel the sensation and wake up.
She didn't have to wonder why she felt so thoroughly worn and exhausted and frail. Like she had went through her grandmas wringer washer and was hanging limply on the side, waiting; turning sour and moldy.
"Oh god," Sable whispered, closing her eyes.
Her hands went to her lower stomach . Her bladder reminded her of her need to pee, but she dreaded the walk to the toilet.
According to the pamphlet, the clump of fetal cells would have disengaged and be passing. She would be bleeding off an on with cramps, though she was assured it was completely normal during such process.
The doctor said it felt like having a bad period, minus the food cravings and water weight bloating. Sable couldn't delay any longer.
She rose, Donnie immediately snapping awake and sitting up on the bed, watching her head to the bathroom.
She didn't have the courage to face him.
As going to the gallows, she closed the door, wanting to mourn privately, at least for a little while.
To her surprise, there was no blood or cramps. Frowning at the bloodless toilet paper, she wiped again, thinking maybe she had missed something, but the paper remained white.
A soft knock came at the door.
"You okay?" Donnie asked.
Sable opened the door, stepping into his arms.
"The bleeding hasn't started yet."
"It will be alright," Donnie soothed, holding her close. Sable trembled in his arms, tears wetting his plastron. Hoping to distract from the anguish tearing her apart, he asked, "Are you hungry? I can make some breakfast?"
"No," Sable sniffed. "Not hungry."
She yawned, wiping at her eyes. It was amazing she had any tears left. Surely she had cried the ocean.
Donnie picked her up and carried her to the bed, where he lay down next to her, his breath close to her ear.
"I love you. Never forget that. Never think otherwise."
"I wish I could be placed in a coma for a month," Sable whispered, staring up the ceiling. "Then I can wake up and all this will be but a memory. Every second is agony. An eternity of waiting."
Donnie held her tighter, wishing there was something he could do to stop her torment, but the only thing he could provide was to be there for her. To let her know how much he loved her, despite any ill-conceived notions she may have.
She needed support. Now more than ever.
"Things will work out," Donnie muttered. "You'll see."
Sable closed her eyes to stop the tears but failed in the endeavor. She curled into Donnie, sobbing on his chest as she drifted back to sleep.
Donnie stayed vigilant during Sable's rest. He felt the worst guilt in his life. Heavy, oppressive, inexcusable.
He was scientist for crying out loud! He should have foreseen this happening.
Should have taken precautions.
Though he was confident he couldn't impregnate a full blooded human, he failed to take into account Sable had been injected with his unadulterated mutagen. If it was able to cure cancer, surely healing her ovaries and uterus wasn't such an impossible task.
He felt so helpless. Powerless. She was suffering and he could do nothing to stop the torment. To prevent her from traveling this painful and difficult path.
He understood, of course, why she chose to miscarry.
He had been subjected to terrible things while in the lab. He couldn't imagine putting a child into such a situation.
And given the lack of compassion and cruel intent of the scientists, Donnie knew they wouldn't hesitate to experiment on a hybrid.
The only thing he could do was support her. To not make her feel worse than she already did.
He loved her. It was his duty to protect her, even from her own turbulent emotions. He'd weather the storm she stepped bravely into, not allowing her to face the tempest alone.
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Bless his shell! Love Donnie to pieces! Such a sweet turtle!
QUICK NOTICE: starting Sept 23rd, my mother will be undergoing radiation treatment for a brain tumor. Doctor is confident the tumor will respond to the treatment but there are side effects, which means she'll be sicker than she is now and will require a lot of care. Which means I'll be really busy.
So if I'm a little late in posting anything, please forgive the delays. Also, chapters may be shorter than previously.
I'll be having surgery soon as well, so I'll be unable to write for a short time.
I PROMISE NOT TO ABANDON ANY OF MY FICS. :D
I just ask for some time to get through these medical issues and recovery time. Hopefully after all is said and done, we'll both have better health :D
LOVE TO ALL MY READERS!
PJ
