11


"Self-knowledge is not the knowledge of a dead self, self-knowledge is the knowledge of the process of the self. It is an alive phenomenon. The self is not a thing, it is an event, it is a process. Never think in terms of things, the self is not there inside you just like a thing waiting in your room. The self is a process: changing, moving, arriving at new altitudes, moving into new planes, going deeper into new depths. Each moment much work is going on and the only way to encounter this self is to encounter it in relationship."

- Rajneesh -


Tequila was sitting on the couch next to the kid, whose eyes were glued to the blank tv screen. He could feel that the child was distressed and tense.

"Is something wrong?" the older male asked.

"...no," Leo muttered.

"Did I say too much? I didn't want to scare you..." Tequila said feeling guilty. This was one of the reasons, he didn't want to talk about his past - he was afraid it would scare or traumatize the child.

"No, it's okay, I'm fine. I appreciate that you told me," Leo sighed. "I know it must have been hard for you, so... thank you."

Tequila slowly reached out toward the kid until his finger touched his shoulder. From there, he led his hand towards the back of his hand. As soon as his palm touched its target, he started to rub the kid's head gently.

Leo was surprised by this kind act, but he didn't mind it, he actually liked it.

They sat there for a while, in comfortable silence, until Tequila's phone started ringing. The old turtle quickly got up and walked towards his device. He closed the lab door behind himself, then he answered the call.

"Hi, Leo!" a cheerful feminine voice greeted him.

"Hello, April. How are things going?"

"I have good news! I know you were doubting Baxter's skills, but he managed to build a portal"

"Wh- really?" Tequila was taken aback. He was almost certain that the portal will never be built. Sudden mixed feelings filled his heart. That's indeed good news. The kid can go home! That's great! But... it also meant that he would be alone again... It wasn't even 2 months since he met that kiddo, and still, he got so attached. This is what he wanted to avoid at any cost. Even though he hardly knew anything about the young boy, they still bonded in a way. For such a lonely man, this short interaction with such a kind and innocent soul was enough to remind him of the old pain of an empty life. His hideout became a home, and his frozen heart dissolved. He'd spent so much time building up his wall to protect his own mind from the cold reality and prevent it from collapsing, and now it was destroyed by a little boy who knew nothing about his inner war. Such a small creature caused such big damage to his shield like a massive bomb, and now he had no idea how to repair it. Could he even rebuild this? His mind was naked and vulnerable again, just like when he had first moved to the hideout.

"...Leo?"

"Oh, April, I'm sorry... - he cleared his throat. "This is indeed great news. Thank you."

"Of course! So, when will you come over? Baxter still needs information about the kid's world so he can set up the location."

"Well, I will talk to him first, then I will call you back."

"Alright!" Tequila ended the call as he walked back to the living room.

"So, today is a good day for you" he stated as he sat down on the couch next to the kid.

"How so?" Leo asked puzzled.

"My friends managed to build a portal-"

"What! Really?" he jumped up excitedly.

"Yes. However, they need information, so we should go over there. You tell when."

"Now! Let's go now!"

"Right now?" Tequila asked back quietly. "We don't have to rush..."

"But I want to! Finally, I can go back to my family! I am so happy!" The older man could hear the joy in his voice. Was he so happy to leave? Obviously... he can go back to his family, to his safe home. Why would he even want to stay any longer here? He has no reason. Tequila has to face the fact that this desperate want, no, need for a bond, for a relationship is one-sided.

"All right... let's go now"


The two turtles stood in front of that brown warehouse that Leo already had seen when they were after medicine. The door slowly opened, and a cheerful older woman greeted them.

"Hello, boys!" her cheerful voice and vibe made Leo smile. Even though the woman was in her 50s, her hair almost lost its original reddish color and her clothing style had changed, he could still feel the warmth of an old friend; April.

"Hi!" Leo waved his hand happily. Tequila just slightly nodded, then grabbed the door to help him find the inside. As he walked towards the room where their last meeting was, his steps became slower and slower. He wished they never reach the room, which, he knew, was a silly wish... but at least he could delay it a little.

"Welcome, welcome!" he heard a deep voice in front of him. "Baxter Stockman" Tequila breathed.

"Long time no see" he added before turning toward the kid "So, you are the lost kiddo, aren't you?"

"Yeah..." Leo answered hesitantly. Was it Stockman? Did he work with April? Did he become an ally? How?

"No need to worry, we will help you. You just have to tell me about your world, alright?"

"Okay..."

"Okay, then follow me to the lab" Leo looked at Tequila, however, the old man did not react to anything that just happened. Leo knew he could sense him staring at him, and yet he chose to ignore him. It hurt. Why did he become so cold again? As Stockman and Leo were leaving, April turned to Tequila.

"He looks like you" she stated.

"Turtles do look alike"

"Okay, okay, but still... he really reminds me of you"

"You couldn't even deny it."

As a sudden thought reminded him of Karai's words, it got him thinking. Was this what she mean? Was the kid really that similar to him? How interesting.

"What's his name?"

"I don't know.'

"You don't? How?" She exclaimed surprisedly "you've spent more than a month with him, yet you don't even know his name? Did you even talk to him?"

"I did not wish to bond with someone who's planning to leave"

April twisted her lips wryly. She felt like the old ninja turtle locked his soul so deep in his cell that he even forgot where he'd thrown the key.

"Everybody leaves anyway..." he added quietly, more to himself than her. April's gaze turned sorrowful. So this is how he felt? That everybody left him?

"Leo, listen. I know that you have troubles with your brothers, but you can always count on me. My door is open for you at all times." She said gently as placed her hand on his shoulder.

Tequila sighed.

"I know. But I also know that you say the same to my brothers. I can't know what you would say to them about me. They wouldn't be afraid to use any information against me"

"Oh my, Leo. Yes, I would support your brothers too, but I would never cause more trouble for you." She took a step back. "Also, your brothers avoided me just like you did. So, I was really surprised when you reached out to me. I'm glad that we talk again. I know you only talk to me because of that kid, but I hope we can keep in touch in the future."

Tequila hummed.

After a few minutes, he said "Maybe".

April smiled. A maybe from Leo meant a lot. It was closer to yes than no. So much closer.

A knock interrupted the two friends.

"Who's this?" Tequila asked. "Did you call someone here?"

"No. I have no idea who this is." She walked toward the front door. Tequila remained in the main room but focused on every noise in the warehouse. He heard as April opened the door followed by her surprised gasp.

"I'm looking for Leonardo. Is he here?"


ScribeofHeroes: Hi, again! I don't know if you're still active here. I hope so.

As the author, I am glad that it made you feel so many things. Yes, after all, they are not the same person, even if they are counterparts, so I think they should have their differences.

Indeed, Tequila's new life started pretty badly, and he still doesn't know the truth about that night.

I also got INFP a lot. And sometimes the total opposite xd. But I relate to INFP the most.

Yes, in the show Mikey wasn't as bad as Leo&Raph, darkest-turtle!Mikey only lives in my head, I guess :"D

Yes, it's quite different from my native language. We only have 3 verb tenses. We don't have he/she. But the worse is the pronunciation. It made me suffer a lot. I am still a little insecure when I have to talk in English.

Thank you for your long review again! And I'm sorry that it took me so long to come back.