Disclaimer: I own nothing except Eva. Not making money, please don't sue.
AN: Thanks for the wonderful reviews! Here's another chapter for you!
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Chapter 10 - Not a Useless Woman
The next morning dawned quiet for the camp. Breakfast was quick and Fili and Kili were more subdued than normal and were giving Eva a wide berth from the telling off last night. It didn't last long though as they were back to their old selves once they had mounted their ponies once more. Bifur seemed a little lighter and Eva smiled softly when his gaze met hers before he took his place in the line.
In The Hobbit, descriptions of travel were usually truncated and only really recorded the exciting parts. The movie showed wide vistas and beautiful scenery as the Company had journeyed onwards. But Eva was finding out the truth the hard way. They journeyed through Bree and beyond with not very much to report, and after a long day of riding, the last thing Eva wanted to see was more sandy dirt. Their journey soon became an established routine. Breakfast, pack up, ride, lunch, ride, set up camp, Eva training with Nori until dark, dinner, story then bed.
This was how Eva found herself one evening, about three weeks after the river incident. She was back of the line, yet again, and honestly beginning to despair now. She had reminded herself several times that Gandalf was the reason that she was following the troop of dwarrow, but somewhere deep in her heart, she desperately yearned to belong.
"We'll camp here for the night. Fi li, Ki li, look after the ponies. Make sure you stay with them." came Thorin's command.
The moment Eva dismounted, a sense of unease and foreboding filled her. She and Gandalf stood together as they surveyed the area before coming upon the old, partially burnt house. A sense of dread filled Eva as something desperately tried to get her attention in her memory.
"Gandalf, I don't like the feeling of this place." Eva began quietly, the surounds suddenly jolting her memory of what was about to take place. "Something's going to happen to us here…"
"Neither do I, Lady Eva." came Gandalf's reply. He studied the area a bit more before turning to Thorin "I think it would be wiser to move on. We could make for the hidden valley."
Eva tuned out of whatever tense conversation the two of them were having, focusing on unloading her pony instead, until Gandalf stormed off in a huff. Eva quietly cringed, Gandalf's departure confirming her suspicions of the events that would follow.
Trolls….and dwarves being ungrateful to Bilbo….right then!
Fishing around her pack, she managed to find one of the three hair clasps that she had packed before her Jump. This one was black with a beige outline, but it didn't really matter to her. She twisted and knotted her braid tightly and pinned it up against her head. Taking a fortifying breath, she turned around and made her way over to Bombur as he prepared dinner.
Eva could see that Bilbo was edgy, and she knew why. She didn't really blame him either given that Bilbo had witnessed the disagreement between Gandalf and Thorin. She could see him turning to Balin and saying "He's been gone a long time…."
Bofur's face crinkled in confusion "Who?"
"Gandalf." came Bilbo's worried reply
Bofur huffed "He's a wizard! He does as he chooses." Bofur dished up two bowls of stew and handed it to Bilbo "Here. Do us a favour, take this to the lads."
Eva watched Bibo disappear and dutifully ignored the telling off that Bofur was giving Bombur for trying to nick more than his fair share. She then proceeded to repack and neatly stack her things in a bid to calm her trembling hands.
"Are you alright, lass?" came the gentle voice of Balin. She saw him walk over to her, a look of concern crossing his face "You seem troubled."
Bless his old soul "Honestly, I'm not okay." Eva replied as she stuffed her brush into the lid of her orange pack. "Ever since we've arrived here, I've had this…" Eva stopped herself before she could give anything more away "... uneasy feeling in my stomach. Master Balin, I fear something is not right-"
"Uncle!" called a panting Fili in alarm. The entire Company turned to him "Trolls! … Got Bilbo!"
Curses were heard all around as the Company unsheathed their weapons. Eva sorely wanted to go and join them, but she knew that she was nowhere near strong enough to help.
"Master Thorin?" Eva began quickly before the Company could disappear "What do you want me to do?"
When Eva saw Thorin's face, it was set in grim determination "Stay here. It will be safest for you." he commanded, his tone broaching no argument "Pack up as much as you can in our absence. The battlefield is no place for a woman."
Even though Eva bristled at this statement, she knew that Bilbo needed them more than she did right now. She needed to see this practically, and it made far more sense at this point to let the dwarves go, quite apart from the scene that would follow later.
As they all grouped together to follow Fili, Eva called out to them.
"Hey!"
Several of the dwarves looked back in confusion.
"Be safe!"
Thorin blinked before giving a single, curt nod. Dwalin rolled his eyes and huffed, readjusting his axes. Balin gave her a grim smile.
"We will!" called Nori and Bofur, both with a cheery smile on their face. A little too cheery….
Last in the line was Bifur, an affectionate smile on his face as he exaggeratedly threw his arms wide in the direction of the camp. Eva laughed softly.
"Go on, Master Bifur. I'll be fine." Eva urged "It's not the first time I've been left to clean up on my own!"
Once the group disappeared, Eva set about packing everything that she thought would be needed, knowing the events that would take place in the next day or two. She made sure that each pack had the essentials, thinking quietly ahead to their future stay at Rivendell. There was no need to bring too many rations, as they would be well fed, but Eva diligently unclipped all of the ropes that were used as reins for the ponies and tied them up to hang from each pack.
She doused the fire and covered the ash as best as she could, then did a thorough check of all the packs. It was on her second check that Gandalf returned to the campsite, a puzzled look on his face as he saw only Eva.
"Lady Eva, what happened?" the Grey Wizard began.
Eva huffed "Trolls happened, Gandalf." She straightened to look the old man in the eye. "They went that way a good while ago." she continued, her hand pointing in the general direction that the Company had disappeared to "I was instructed to pack up camp, which I've done. I have a funny feeling though, that they may be in a bit more trouble than they bargained for."
Gandalf ran a hand along his long grey beard "I've a feeling you may be right, Lady Eva. Shall we?"
Eva nodded as she scanned the camp as best she could with the dim starlight, her eyes resting on a few pairs of Nori's fresh socks. Her eyes then snapped back to the tall plants growing along one side of the burnt-out farmhouse. An idea formed in her mind, and before Gandalf could call her, she swiped the socks and stuffed it into her little travel bag, along with a good amount of leaves from the plants that she had spotted. Taking Oin's spare medical bag too for good measure, she beamed at the wizened wizard as she took his arm.
Eva knew her time to shine would soon come.
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Gandalf and Eva had no trouble finding the dwarves. The noise alone would have been enough of a give away, if not the broken twigs and roughed up leaf litter leading the two of them to the group. The protests, moaning and griping of the group had Eva pressing her hand to her mouth in a bid to smother her laughter at the rather compromising position that the Company had found themselves in. Taking out her stolen resources, she prepared herself to make a rather unforgettable entrance.
"Wait! You are making a terrible mistake!' cried Bilbo
"You can't reason with them, they're half-wits!" Dori yelled from his ropes
"Half-wits? What does that make us?" demanded Bofur
Bilbo was trying his best not to feel too queasy as he said "I meant with the…uh, with the…with the seasoning."
This caught the attention of the trolls."What about the seasoning? said one of them
Bilbo tried his best to huff in an exasperated manner "Well, have you smelt them? You're gonna need something stronger than sage before you plate this lot up!"
"What do you know about cooking dwarf?" said a second troll
The first troll had had enough "Shut up, and let the…uh, flurgerburbur-hobbit talk."
Bilbo stuttered out "Uh…the-the secret to cooking dwarf, is um…"
"Yes? Come on."
Bilbo was getting nervous at this stage, until his eyes landed on the pile of weapons that had been stripped of the dwarves before they had been tied up. "It's, uh…"
"Tell us the secret!"
"Ye-yes, I'm telling you. The secret is…to…skin them first!"
The troll yelled over his shoulder "Tom, get me filleting knife!"
Suddenly, a voice made the entire party freeze - the trolls with confusion and the dwarves with fear.
"Bungo! Bungo, dear heart! Have you caught dinner yet?"
Bilbo turned around and blinked. He saw Eva wandering towards the entire party, but what left the entire group in silence was the way she looked.
Eva was still wearing her travelling attire, her braid twisted up and pinned as the dwarves had remembered before they had left, but what shocked the group was the fact that she looked obviously, and quite heavily…
...pregnant?
"There you are, Sweet One!" came her lilting voice. Bilbo tried to rush over to her despite his bonds "We've been looking high and low for you. Did our dinner make a run for it?" Bilbo watched as her right hand rested, very deliberately, on her 'baby bump'.
As Bilbo looked up to study her face, he saw a look in her eyes that clearly stated: Play along!
"Eva, Dear Heart! You should have stayed at camp! You know it will only tax you and the babe!" Bilbo turned beseechingly to trolls "Please, my wife…."
The dwarves were in shock as the trolls looked nervously at each other. But before they could say anything, Eva exclaimed "Oh! You strapping lads! Thank you! Thank you!"
The trolls were even more confused as it dawned on them that the woman was thanking them!
"The babe's been wanting dwaven stew, you see, lads. The muscle helps the babe to grow strong." Eva began in a motherly tone, turning her attention to the confused trolls. "We were out here for days before we trapped this lot! And they're so crafty they slipped us! But you've been so kind to tie them so well! It's difficult for me in my condition you see." Here, Eva lovingly stroked her belly "And my husband DOES make the BEST dwarven stew!"
She then turned to Bilbo and began to scold him in a rather exasperated manner. "When you said you'd try to make nice with dinner, I thought you were only joking, Sweet One! What manner of trouble did you manage this time? Oh my Darling…well, you certainly got the job done…."
Bilbo gave the trolls a pleading look and one of the trolls absent-mindedly cut Bilbo free in confusion, and he ran to Eva. Embracing her fully (as only a husband should), she held tightly to him and whispered in his pointed ear "Gandalf is coming, we need to distract them til dawn."
They pulled away from each other and Bilbo made a show to help Eva seat herself. She turned to the trolls and said "Which one of you is responsible for catching our dinner again?"
The smallest troll came forward "Me….."
Eva favoured him with a disarming smile "Ah, lad! You have my and my babe's sincere thanks." Digging around in her travel bag, she produced a cloth-wrapped parcel and made an effort to stand "Come here, that I might give you a token of my appreciation."
"Oi!" Exclaimed Oin from his rope prison "Tha's mine!"
Eva turned to him and snapped sharply "Shut it, Pork Chop! You've given my poor husband quite enough grief!"
The trolls approached her with varying degrees of mistrust. "Whasat?" began the smallest.
Eva regarded him with a gentle look "That, lad, is my family's spice recipe for cooking dwarf! It's tastiest when you boil it, then add it to the stew at the last minute. Really brings out the meaty flavour! You can try it now, if you wish."
"Bert, get me a pot!"
Bert blinked "Now?"
The smallest troll rolled his eyes "O' course now! Dunno 'bout you, but me Ma did tell me 'o always try a bit o' somemat before tuckin' inno it! I'm gonna try this stuff before we cook them juicy dwarves!"
"No-"
"NOW!" bellowed the smallest troll, sending the other one stumbling.
Bilbo put on quite the act, mothering Eva into enough frustration that it managed to keep the dwarves completely silent. It took a bit of hefting to get the pot and some water over the fire to boil, right next to the dwarves tied on the spit. The smallest of the trolls seem pleased with himself. Soon, the liquor required for the 'stew" was ready as Eva deemed
"Come now." She began in that ever-gentle tone "Have a swig and tell me how it is."
Thorin watched as one by one, the trolls took a huge bowlful of the stuff in the pot, and only about a minute after, started choking and shaking in a quite unnerving way.
"You lil ferret!" the largest one cried out "You-... I'll-...fools" Having taken the biggest bowl, he suddenly collapsed on the ground in a heap.
"The dawn take you all!" Gandalf boomed, and cracked the boulder he was standing atop of to let the light of the dawn turn the trolls to stone.
Once all of the dwarves were free of their rope-prisons, Oin snatched the partially used parcel from the ground. He studied it, looked up at Eva, back down at the cloth parcel, and then let out a booming laugh. The Company turned to him, confused.
"What's got ya laughin like this, nadad?" Gloin queried.
Slowly, Oin turned to Eva "You're a crafty one, Miss Eva, I'll give you that."
Eva beamed "And you saw that all of the trolls had it." she said with pride.
Oin grinned toothily "Aye, crafty lass, that's wha ye are!"
"Wha?-" Bofur began in confusion.
"Take a look at what this is, lads, then ye'll understand." Oin held out the herbs in the cloth for the Company to see. Thorin instantly recognised the small white flowers.
"By Mahal!" Bombur exclaimed "That's-"
"Hemlock!" Bilbo finished "Miss Eva, where did you manage to find this?"
Thorin eyed the human woman sharpily, quickly piecing together the reason why the trolls acted so strangely after they had consumed the liquor Eva made.
"Hemlock grows in wet conditions, as you know." Eva began as she scanned the Company "There was some down the side of the farmhouse, so before Gandalf and I took off to find you, I took a bunch or six…." she trailed off "Oh, and Nori?"
The dwarf looked up, readjusting his braids "Aye, Miss Eva?"
"Thanks for the loan!" A bundle flew through the air and Nori deftly caught it. The cloth was warm from body heat and he unwrapped it slowly to find-
"Me socks!" Nori exclaimed then he looked sharply at her as she brushed the front of her tunic down before smirking "Oin's right. Ye are a crafty lass!"
"Lemme get this straight." Dwalin rumbled "Ye stuffed Nori's socks up ye ...yer…"
"Tunic." Eva supplied.
"Yer tunic." Dwalin conceded "To fool those dumb creatures inter thinking that ye were with child-"
"So far, that's right." Eva interjected
"And while ye were acting so, ye managed to boil hemlock into a draught to poison the buggers?" Dwalin finished, his eyebrows approaching his hairline.
"Yes, why?" she asked calmly, as though it was the most logical thing in the world.
Dwalin's mouth opened and closed, then opened and closed again with no sound coming out. I've just been outwitted by a Human woman! Mahal's ba-
Eva turned to Bilbo "Couldn't have done it without you, Bilbo. Your love of food, as well as my knowledge of herbs, inspired me to do what I did. Thank you for playing along so well."
Bilbo nervously rubbed the back of his neck "Well…. It worked, didn't it? I- I would say that is proof enough."
Balin interrupted politely, but quite eagerly "If I may, Miss Eva, you said that you had knowledge of herbs?"
"Yes, why wouldn't I? I had an entire section of my library dedicated to herbs before I came to Middle Earth."
Balin blinked, surprised "You are learned?"
Before Balin could continue or Eva could reply, Thorin interjected sharply "Why did you not tell us of this before?!"
Eva favoured Thorin with a surprising calm look "I actually did tell one of your Company. I expected that being the leader of this Company, you would actually talk to some of your companions."
The older dwarves blinked, but before they could reply, Gandalf cut in nicely "The trolls. They must have come down from the Ettenmoors."
Eva turned her gaze from Thorin and faced Balin "Shall we go treasure hunting, Master Balin?"
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Nadad - brother
