Chapter Twenty-Six:
I Hold You by CLANN
February 15th, 2000
"I just needed to go somewhere…I didn't want to be home anymore…" The words fall from her mouth as soon as Draco opens the door.
Pinky greeted her at the gates, the same way she did when Hermione showed up unannounced to check on Theo, only this time she seemed thrilled to see her again. As soon as she started up the gravel driveway, the weight of the entire day hit her with full force. She managed to stumble up the manor steps before the tears began to fall.
Hermione is holding her hand against her chest, afraid her heart will beat out of her ribs if she lets go. One empathetic look from Draco and everything comes spilling out of her.
"I don't want to go back, I don't want to deal with any of this. I can't-…I can't do it…" She starts sobbing before she can catch her breath. Her hands are shaking uncontrollably as Draco pulls her into him, holding her tightly.
She should be happy, her two best friends are getting married but all she can think of is how she's disappointed everyone. Molly, Kingsley, Beatrice, who all hold her on a pedestal. She feels like she's falling.
Draco holds the back of her head as she's racked with sobs, her whole body trembling against him. She can no longer see through the tears, her face contorting as she buries it into his crisp white shirt.
She's crumbling, the golden girl is failing under the pressure, she can see the headlines now. Hermione Granger: Unhinged, unfit and failing
He stays silent, a rock in the storm that is her. Cradling her against him, enveloping her into his arms, and she can finally feel her breath coming back. Like life is being breathed back into her, the hiccuping slows, sputters and finally stops after a while.
"Would you like to disappear?" He whispers into her ear, she squeezes her eyes shut before she can start crying again, answering in only a nod. "Do you trust me?" Another nod before he lets go, holding his hand out for her to follow.
She grasps his fingers tightly as he leads her down the terrible hallway of terrible portraits and into the formal parlour she found Theo in last time.
There is no fire burning in the fireplace today and the room has an eerie green glow to it. This is what she imagines the Slytherin common room to look like. Opulent, cold, and tinted a sickly shade from the Black Lake at all times.
Hermione still has her shoes on and a moment of panic falls through her, she's tracked mud all over the rug.
"Just follow, don't think." he says, tugging her along and stopping in front of the fireplace, grabbing a handful of Floo Powder and pulling her in after him. He holds her against him, tilting her chin up with the crook of his finger, the Floo Powder falling on her through his hand. "Do you trust me?" She nods, closing her eyes. "I need you to say it."
"I trust you."
"Castell Farmhouse."
They're met with darkness, not a single light on wherever they are. Draco still has her hand in his, she can feel him fumbling with something.
"Lumos." The tip of his wand casts a warm glow. They're standing in the fireplace of what looks to be a sizable cottage. The air is cold and she can smell the ocean.
Draco takes her around the main floor, casting the Bluebell Flame charm into jars to provide both heat and light. She wonders if he saw her cast that charm at school, took note of it, and favoured it himself.
There's a set of stone stairs tucked into a wall leading to another floor, but he doesn't take her there. The kitchen is large for a cottage, with a farmhouse sink and gas range. The backsplash behind is covered in blue painted tiles with little dragons on them, the flames flicker against the shiny finish and make the dragons look like they're breathing fire.
An enormous mahogany table sits between the kitchen and the living room, complete with eight chairs and a navy blue Persian rug that matches the dragon tile. The living room, which is completely open to the kitchen, is filled with bookshelves. Two green velvet wingback chairs and a brown leather couch take up most of the floor space.
Everything looks so comfortable compared to the Manor, these things look lived in. They have imperfections. Some of the tiles are chipped, the couch has big gouges taken out of it, the white plaster on the walls is peeling in some places.
The front entryway has a weathered green door with long windows on either side. She can just barely see a front walkway before it disappears into black.
"Where are we?" It's silent here, the distant crash of waves on a shore the only sound other than her own breathing.
"Wales…my mother bought this place when I was born. She and I would come here in the summers, when father was working." Hermione is taking everything in, soaking it up. She lets go of his hand cautiously, walking around and relishing in the simplicity of it. "We would disappear here for a few months. She would teach me spells…there's a beach just out there."
Draco is pointing to another door out the back of the cottage, together they walk out and are greeted with a crisp cold wind blowing in off the ocean.
The inky black sky is full of stars that barely illuminate the edge of the plunging cliff where it kisses the water.
"I haven't seen this many stars in years…" Hermione cranes her neck, looking up and spotting Sirius immediately. "This is…" Her eyes are welling with tears, breathing in the salty air, feeling it fill her lungs.
"This is my favourite place in the whole world. I promised to let you in, I've never shown anyone this cottage, now you need to let me in…" His hand trails down her face, the wind whipping her hair, carrying her tears on the breeze. "Let me in Hermione…I won't hurt you…I need you to tell me…"
He wipes a tear from her cheek with his thumb, kissing her forehead gently before pulling her against him.
"I'm scared Draco…Harry asked Ginny to marry him, I've disappointed Kingsley and Beatrice by fucking up that interview…I'm terrified I won't be able to help you…" She chokes back a sob, holding her breath before continuing, "I can't let them take your arm…I can't let them take your sanity…"
She can hear him laugh, deep and low in his chest against her ear. Pulling away to look at him, she knits her brows together. He holds her head between his hands, continuing to laugh.
"All this worrying fits inside this head of yours?" Her fists clench and he forces her to look at him. "Let me take some of it. I promise you, I will not let those stupid Aurors beat me down…I promise you…" He has his thumb under her chin, looking down at her and those cool grey eyes are warm and inviting.
Hermione can feel herself going weak in the knees, his breath ghosting across her lips before he kisses her under the stars. She closes her eyes and wonders if she can see Draco's constellation tonight.
What a silly thing to name your children after the stars…
She thinks about the pedestal people have put her on, expected her to live up to and the parallel of the Black family and their star-named children.
He breaks the kiss, and she heaves a sigh. His hands travel down her neck all the way to her hips where they settle for a moment. Pulling her closer, they're flush against one another and the motion feels urgent. Like he's afraid she will disappear.
Hooking her legs around his waist, she grips him tightly, burying her face into the crook of his neck as he carries her inside.
The living room has come to life in a warm glow. The little jars of blue flames sufficiently warming the cottage.
He feels like fire, where her hands touch bare skin it's electric. Like magic. This is the feeling everyone was telling her about, the one she hasn't felt yet. The realisation hits her like a train.
Draco deposits her on the counter, grabbing his wand and lighting a fire in the hearth. Without his hands on her she can feel the chill, the faint hint of the winter breeze they just came from.
She sits on the counter, eye to eye with him, wrapping her arms around his neck and pressing a kiss against his nose. Her heart is racing, like a bird in a cage, unable to escape. It beats so quickly she knows he can feel it when he kisses her neck. Knows he can feel it when his hand finds her breast.
Ghosting over her, he's teasing, nipping at her throat, tangling his hands into her hair before pulling her lips to his. She gasps into his mouth as he pushes her knees apart with his leg. Applying gentle and even pressure to the apex of her thighs.
There's an urgency to his movements, but it's not the same as with Ron. He isn't afraid of being caught, isn't tentative, doesn't seem scared as he touches her.
She feels bold, trying to unbutton his shirt, trying to feel more of his skin against her. He stiffens, breath catching and her hand freezes, poised above the third button. He pulls away ever so slightly, eyes closed and his blond lashes fan against his cheeks, she's never noticed how thick they are.
His face looks pained, mouth in a tight line and she grabs hold of his face, forcing him to look at her. He's embarrassed, scared to let her see the remnants of sixth year.
Hermione trails her hands down to his shoulders, slipping them under the crisp fabric. Her fingertips are met with thick scar tissue over his collar bone.
"We all have scars…I won't judge you for yours." Her voice trails as she continues to trace along his chest. She tries again, successfully freeing another button, rewarding him with a kiss as he closes his eyes.
He leans into her and she can feel him shaking, like he's scared to let her see this part of him.
Slowly, she inches, another button, another kiss, until his shirt hangs open and she can see the expanse of what Harry did. All the way from his collarbone to his hips, thick white scars cover the expanse of his torso.
"Sometimes…I wish I died that day…" She can't hold in the gasp that falls from her lips. "It would have saved so much disappointment…" he says, so quiet she has to strain to hear.
Her hands push, grabbing at the fabric of his shirt, freeing him from it before she leans forward. Placing a soft kiss on a scar that runs from his shoulder to his throat. She can hear him suck a breath in through his teeth, so she does it again, kissing his neck where the prison number sits.
"I'm so glad you didn't die." She chokes out, showering kisses over the expanse of his chest like it will heal him. Like her touch is the answer. His chest rises, catches as her fingers trace, dip along his abdomen.
He takes her hand, bringing it to his lips and placing a kiss on her open palm. "Not yet." He whispers, heaving her against him, locking them together and wrapping her legs tight against his waist.
She can feel him straining against his trousers and it makes her blush, making her own need rise as his fingers grip her hips tightly. Her jeans are taut against her body and she wants nothing more than to shed them. She wants to feel him against her.
Draco moves his hands up to the small of her back, dipping under her jumper. When his fingers graze her bare skin she feels like she's been shocked. Higher, higher, he lifts the wool sweater over her head and she feels herself blush.
It's his turn, leaning in as he places her palm against the side of his face. He kisses her wrist before making his way over her scar.
Mudblood. Still raised and angry like the day she got it.
"I'll never forgive myself for that night." He whispers against her skin, his lips hot over each letter. The tears that fall from her eyes are uncontrollable, wet tracks line her cheeks, but she isn't sobbing. Draco kisses the crook of her elbow, up her bicep and along her collarbone before he settles into the hollow of her throat, breathing deeply.
"I can forgive you…" She breathes against his forehead, knotting her hands into his hair, allowing herself to touch him again. He wraps his arms around her so tightly and that's when she feels it.
He's crying too.
Wet tears trickle down her chest as he buries his face into her neck and weeps. Deep powerful silent sobs as she strokes his hair, kissing his forehead. If she weren't feeling it, she may not have known he was crying at all. Her heart clenches, she wonders how often he hides his tears from others.
Her own tears stream down her chin as she tries to catch her breath, wetting the top of his head.
Forgiveness. For mistakes made by a teenager who was too scared to fail, and another whose failures led to a war.
Hermione can feel the release, of her own anger, of her sadness as soon as she says it. "I forgive you." she says again and he lifts his head, tears streaming down his face and he kisses her, hard.
Gripping at her like she's falling from a cliff. Pulling away they both gasp for air, still clinging onto one another. She wants this to keep going, wants to keep moving forward.
Still wearing her muddy boots, Hermione nudges him out of the way before bending over to untie them, still sitting on the counter. Draco kicks off his own Chelsea boots before kneeling in front of her. He carefully unties them, placing a kiss on the inside of her calf.
She blushes at this weirdly intimate moment, the sound of her boot dropping to the floor in a loud thud sending a shiver up her spine. She's going to see him naked, he is going to see her naked.
The blush spreads like wildfire as she crosses her arms over her chest to cover the old bra she's wearing. She didn't expect this, never even imagined the possibility of this.
"You don't have to hide." he says, standing in front of her and offering his hand. She thinks he's going to take her upstairs, thinks he's going to lead her to a bedroom, but instead they move to the living room.
Part of her wonders what's upstairs, what he's hiding from her, but the feeling doesn't last. Draco sits on the couch, tugging her on top of his lap and all her previous thoughts leave her mind. All she can think about is friction, the sensation building, burning within her.
His hands settle on her hips, his face buried between her breasts and he pulls her forward, letting a hiss escape his clenched teeth.
That feeling of butterflies rages in her stomach as he rocks her hips forward and backward, forward and backward. Elbows sitting on his shoulders, her hands knot into his surprisingly soft hair.
Draco moves his hands up her back once more, landing on the clasp of her bra and with well travelled fingers it comes undone with ease.
She gasps, can't help but compare to the last time something like this happened. Her mind races as he pulls off her bra, pushing her back so he can take her in. When she meets his gaze his eyes darken, pupils blown so wide they look black. He views her as desirable.
It took Ron almost five minutes to get her bra off. Hermione remembers the panting, the awkwardness, and how she just wanted to laugh, but this…
He cups one of her breasts in his hand, grazing her nipple with his thumb and she throws her head back involuntarily. She's so sensitive, her skin prickling with goosebumps under his touch.
He does it again, clearly enthralled with her reaction, and she leans in reflexively. Her hips rocking forward and a groan escapes him.
"You're very sensitive…" He growls, nuzzling her neck, biting experimentally and she lets out a guttural noise. "It's like no one's ever…" he sucks on where her neck meets her shoulder, "done this…" he trails up, biting her ear lobe and she grinds down against him, "...before."
"They haven't." She moans and the words leave her mouth so fast she wants to catch them with her hands. He leans back against the sofa, studying her. There's panic rising from deep within her, "I've had sex before but it was…" She's looking for words, searching his face as he just looks at her, lip twisting in a crooked smile.
"Unsatisfactory?" She nods, no longer able to string a sentence together with his mouth on her skin. His fingertips ghost up her spine, fisting in her hair. He pulls her face to his, lips brushing hers quickly before he pulls away and says, "Consider this my way of begging for your forgiveness."
Draco kisses her hard, his tongue brushing along the outside of her lips, asking for permission to enter. She opens and he explores, grazing her teeth, coaxing her tongue out of her mouth and into his own.
She's never kissed like this before, never battled for dominance with someone else's tongue. Her hands splay across his chest, the hard scars like braille, telling her what happened.
Draco lifts her, turning and depositing her onto the couch. He climbs on top and suspends himself above her, his knee placed strategically between her thighs.
Blood is pounding in her ears, her mouth goes dry when he reaches for the button of her jeans, undoing it with one hand before unzipping them.
Her underwear doesn't match her bra, her bra that's somewhere on the floor, her bra that doesn't match. Mind skipping, racing around and fixating on something so small. He sits up between her legs, leaning back on his heels and smiles. Shedding her jeans with ease, she fights the urge to cover herself, fights the urge to feel embarrassed when his touch feels so good.
"I honestly expected them to match." He teases and her face flushes so red she thinks she's going to have an aneurysm.
"In my defence, they usually do." She whispers, but he already has his face buried between her thighs, kissing over the fabric and her hands grasp the back of his head. No one's ever done this to her before. One hand hooks under her knee, the other plays with her breast.
Her chest clenches when she realises he's experienced at this, done this before, and not just once. She wonders if he's going to be disappointed. Hermione's thoughts are pushed aside when he slides his hand to her hip, hooking his thumb around her underwear and starts to slide them off.
She could always say no. Can always just say stop. Save her the embarrassment of not being perfect.
Draco tosses her underwear on the floor, not even giving her a moment before placing kisses along her inner thigh.
Her hands begin shake as he darts his tongue out over her clit, teasing before placing an open mouthed kiss and sucking gently.
This is a place of no return, she can't go back, doesn't want to. Doesn't want him to stop, would never make him stop. She wishes he would have begged for her forgiveness sooner, saved her from embarrassment.
Letting out a deep shuddering moan she can feel him smile, pleased with himself, with what he's doing to her.
"Please…" she rasps as he sucks on her, grabbing hold of her hips so she wraps her legs around him, drawing him closer.
He lets go of her hip, moving to kiss her inner thigh before placing a single finger inside of her. She pulls in a breath of air between clenched teeth as he teases.
There's something building, something deep inside, a pressure bubbling forth as he pumps. In and out, in and out, in a practised rhythm. He adds another finger before coming back to her with his mouth.
Her hips jerk in an instinctual way, chasing the pleasure he's giving her. He lets out a grunt and her fingers tangle into his hair, pulling him deeper. That's when he stops, lifting his head and she closes her eyes, missing the pressure that was building, missing the sensations he was giving her. The feel of his mouth, his tongue, his teeth.
"Do you want more?" he whispers she opens her eyes, meeting his gaze, hoping she conveys the urgency she feels. "You have to say it…If you want me to continue, you have to tell me…give me permission…" He's serious, scanning her face for any apprehension.
"Please…I want more…" She matches his tone, his seriousness.
Draco gets off the couch, shedding his trousers and underwear before climbing on top of her again.
"Do you know the contraception charm?" Her eyes widen, she doesn't, Ron had known it which was really stupid on her part. Draco grabs his wand from the floor and in a quick flick over her abdomen a sigil appears glowing bright pink before sinking into her skin.
He cups her face gently, looking into her eyes as he situates himself. Placing a kiss on her forehead, her nose, her cheeks, he hovers above her lips.
Kissing her hard he thrusts into her and she lets out a moan, wrapping her legs around his hips protectively, pulling him deeper.
He stills for a moment, clearly collecting himself, his ragged breath falling from his mouth and dampening her forehead. Starting up again he finds a rhythm.
In and out, in and out and she can feel that pressure building within her once more. She wraps one arm around his neck, the other around his waist, her fingers flexing and pulling at his skin as the sensation increases. Up and up and up. His skin is burning against hers and it feels so good.
Her time with Ron was far too short to feel anything like this, far too clumsy to feel anything like this. Too rushed, too quick, too inexperienced on both their parts.
Hermione gasps, eyes squeezing shut as he thrusts deeper, slower. Biting her lip, she catches the sound in her throat.
He finds her ear, breath coming out in a rush against it, "Go ahead…moan…tell me it feels good." She thinks her eyes are going to roll back in her head at the husky tone of his voice.
Draco kisses her throat when she exposes her neck letting out an ungodly sound. She feels like she's been caged her whole life until now, sheltered, hidden away.
That tension builds and builds and builds, higher and higher and she's beginning to squirm. When he kisses her she can feel him smile, feel his lips curl against hers as he bites her lip.
She can't take it anymore, the building, the pressure, her vision clouds as she chases. Matching his pace, every thrust their breath tumbles between them, together, as one.
Tighter and tighter, higher and higher, more and more until it snaps.
Crying out, her whole body shaking, vision turning white hot as she clings to him desperately. "I'll always forgive you." Hermione whispers it in his ear, only for him to hear as he falls after her, collapsing on top of her.
He lets out a deep groan of satisfaction, nuzzling into her neck, his body still twitching as she pants underneath him.
"You'll never have to forgive me ever again, because I will never hurt you." Draco pants, rolling so they're pressed together back to front on the sticky leather couch.
Her eyes are heavy, breath falling into an even rhythm once more. She can feel his chest rise and fall behind her, both of them slick with sweat.
Very different from last time. She thinks muzzily before drifting to sleep to the sound of Draco's deep breathing behind her.
