Fandom: Hikaru no Go
Title: chiisana yasashisa wo kure
Pairing: Ogata x Akira, Hikaru + Akira, Hikaru + Ogata
Rating: PG-13
Description: So, why did Ogata stay with Touya-sensei for such a long time?
Disclaimer – Hotta Yumi-sensei, Obata Takeshi-sensei, Shogakukan-Shueisha, and Studio Pierrot own Hikaru no Go. "Kiss on My List" is by Hall and Oates.
chiisana yasashisa wo kure
by Miyamoto Yui
Chapter 13 – Just watching.
After taking their requests, I make a quick phone call.
"…Yes, that's right. Menchi katsu, unagidon with a side of zaru soba, and Thai yellow chicken curry. Thank you. The address is…"
At the end of the call, I put my phone into my pocket and walk over to their sofa. "Mind if I just stay here for a bit?"
"Not at all."
But when I sit down, I feel light-headed, my tiredness catching up with me.
Shindou curiously asks, "What kind of restaurant takes all those different orders?"
Bluntly, I reply, "A hotel chef. They'll be driving it here soon."
"Is that a thing?"
"Perks of growing up with a brand name family."
Shindou's mouth drops open.
"I always wondered how you could make things appear out of nowhere." Akira nods his head slowly, but takes a pillow from their room and brings it to me.
I'm surprised he even noticed that I'm a bit 'off'.
"He's done this before?" Shindou sits on the ground and next to the sofa.
"He's the one who spoiled me," Akira plainly answers while insisting I use the pillow in his hands.
"What's wrong with that? You asked me, not your father. I'd never tell you no." I take the pillow and lie on the sofa, worried I'd fall asleep.
But Akira sits on the sofa and touches his forehead to mine. When he sits back up, Shindou slaps his forehead.
"Hikaru?" Akira looks down at Shindou on the floor.
I glance over at him too.
"This is worse than I thought."
"What?" Akira and I both question, looking at one another.
We both point our gazes back to Shindou, but he's still shaking his head. Then, he gets up to get me some aspirin and a glass of water.
Akira doesn't get off the sofa when I sit up to drink the medicine and lie down again.
"Wait, I wanna know what the Meijin was like before." Shindou sits back down on the floor and crosses his legs, slapping his knees.
"Why?"
"Because you'd come all the way with a game for Aki to play."
Aki sighs. "Father can be kind of extreme sometimes."
"You think so? He is quite demanding at times, but I've always thought of it as a test of mental fortitude."
"There he goes again with the big words."
Akira laughs and leans over to pull on Shindou's bangs.
"Once he gave me five hundred life/death problems to figure out in a week. And another time, we had a speed Go session playing as different players, just as you'd done at the ryokan, Akira. Then there was that summer with non-stop games. It was like a mini tournament, but a private event in your parents' apartment with other world contenders. It wasn't televised, but more of a goodwill practice since Sensei became friends with people around the globe while doing promotions. That's partially how he became so versatile."
"Wow…" Both Akira and Shindou are awed by what I've said.
"And you didn't find that difficult at all?" Akira hesitantly asks.
"Aren't we all obsessed over this game?" I blink at them.
"Ogata-sensei likes strict people and to be challenged…" Shindou averts his eyes, covers his mouth and says under his breath, "You're a masochist all right."
Caught off-guard by the absurdity of his delivery, I start to laugh. "In any case, they were all very enjoyable experiences."
They both give me a blank look.
"What?" I ask, perplexed by their reactions.
"I got what you mean now, Aki."
Akira elbows him. Hard. Embarrassed, his eyes lower to the floor. I can only see the tints of rouge appearing brightly on his cheeks.
With a perturbed look, that's when I take a call. Our food's been delivered to their front door.
+/+/+/+/+/
After finishing our meals, we go straight to the boards.
Akira steps within that purple boundary and all the joking redirects itself into pure vehemence, his eyes on fire as soon as he sits down with the sweep of his hand as the last flourish. Next, Shindou sits down and the cheerful exuberance also flips into grave persistence. He clutches his fan and when I enter this invisible cube, I hold my breath.
I'm moved, yet overwhelmed at being aligned together.
Click. Clack. The analog timer in beat within our dance steps. What starts out as a playful cha cha hastens into tango until it flourishes all together into baroque, like Vivaldi's L'inverno: Subtle yet building into a rising frenzy.
Back and forth, the duet of the clicking timer and tapping stones ensues and extends further than within these 361 boxes. I don't look up from the forming pattern of mini puzzles growing longer to solidify the lines of its beautiful shape.
Did our clash really come too early?
I can't even blink because I forget the outside world when I'm in here.
To me, each person creates a painting or a specific image inside my mind. The range of temperamental colors and techniques are unique to each individual player. That's how I can distinguish everyone when I dive into this 19x19 canvas.
I often wonder what others see when they're competing with an opponent, but I couldn't ask. My decrepit social skills are limited to business and nothing as metaphysical and meaningful, even if Go is one of the most abstract games on the planet.
When I dare to glimpse into Akira's eyes, I discover he's been giving me that blazing stare the entire time and I refuse to become distracted. When he switches to Shindou, he has a different approach for ripping him alive.
But I see it, that charring beauty I've missed. He's struggling, but is content with this situation.
Then, the rain of opposite colors ceases and I'm out of the game's trance.
"Arimasen."
I raise my head as Shindou dips his, hands gripping onto his knee and fan with clenched teeth.
Akira lowers his head in response, but when he turns to me, he could have been putting gasoline into my blood and throwing the match along with it by the way he stared. He isn't even close and I just look at him, and then at the beautiful frame we've created.
Being of sound mind this time 'round, I have a sufficient win.
I bow my head, but in the next moment, a quiet smile extends across his face. Akira then turns to Shindou and that's when I step out of that mystical square to watch them bicker, but the bantering is more of poking at each other's weakness (if not misguided flirting) that at one point, Shindou starts chuckling.
"Don't you have to talk with Ogata-sensei too? You can't keep him waiting."
I wave my hand. "Don't worry ab-"
"Oh, that's right. You have to go home."
The distant tone is like an afterthought, a possibility of being forgotten at having so much fun.
But the cute expression on his face curls around my heart, momentarily depleting blood flow to my brain.
+/+/+/+/+/
Thoroughly discussing our game, I get up to leave.
"Thank you for having me, but I really think I should be heading home."
Ignoring my announcement, they're already bustling about. Shindou is pulling out the mattress of the sofa bed and Akira's carrying in the bedding from the hall closet.
"A nap before you go?" Shindou suggests.
"You haven't slept these past few days…" Akira holds the blanket and pillows. "At least get some rest and leave refreshed."
My immediate response is to refuse their offer. I don't know if I can handle both of them together and watch their enamored teasings up close without killing myself in the process.
As my eyes dart between their pleading gazes, I close my eyes and hold my hands in front of me. "That is no fair if both of you use that tactic against me."
Akira's already enough, but now Shindou's following his example?
"Fine, but could I at least-"
Shindou's already got a towel and toothbrush for me.
"Oh." I take the items into my hands. "Um, thank you."
At the bathroom, I hold the edge of the counter to look at my dripping, blurry reflection.
Why am I such a pushover?
+/+/+/+/+/
When I go back to the living room, the lights are already off, but the balcony door is open with the screen in place. The ambient softness of the moonlight falls in nice patches around the room, enough for me to see my way through.
I pull my tie and fold it onto the table. As I'm about to put my glasses next to it, Shindou opens the door to say, "Oyasumi, Sensei."
"Oyasuminasai, Shindou."
Akira comes out as I'm lying down and he sits down near my hips.
"Yes, Akira?"
"Thank you for coming." He pats my chest, but his hand lingers there.
"You don't have to thank me for something like that."
"Of course I do. I'm sure you didn't rest because of everything. On top of that, Hikaru called you because I've messed up again."
"Every time…" Sighing, I put my arm over my eyes. "Do you always have to blame yourself like this? I keep on telling you over and over-"
"Because you're always ready to run away from me. There must be something I've done wrong." He fumbles with my shirt. "Otherwise, you'd trust me more."
"I do." I take my arm away to have a good look at him. Patting his hand, I grip it for a few seconds before letting go. "You're one of the few, if you must know."
I'm the one you shouldn't trust so much, Akira.
"Still not enough though."
"You've got it all wr-"
"Not enough to rub all your insecurities away." He leans down to give me a light peck on the lips. "Oyasuminasai, Seiji."
Something pulls on my heart strings when I watch him get up and start to walk away from me.
I grab his hand and blurt out, "Akira."
"Yes?"
"When Sensei decides on the rematch date, would you and Shindou like to stay at my house to practice for it?"
He turns around and like when he was very little, he hugs my head happily. I press my forehead to his chest.
Even if I might regret it…
Damn it, why can't I ever refuse you?
But when he grins at me with all his defenses down, I smile to myself and shake my head.
"What will I ever do with you?"
He's this happy for such a small thing…
Until now, this face always renders completely useless.
"I don't know, but that's why you enjoy me, right?"
+/+/+/+/+/
The smell of pancakes fills the air.
"….Mm…Yes, Father. I will keep that in mind."
When I slowly blink my eyes, I see Akira on the phone as he picks at the game before him, touching the stones and nodding his head while listening to Sensei.
I sit up from the sofa bed, but dawn is barely touching the skies.
Akira dips his head when he sees me and I wave my hand. I hold onto my head, feigning composure when the exhaustion finally catches up. I sit there and breathe as steadily as I can.
"Oh? Ogata-sensei…I know. I was just surprised you sent it through him…Yes. I'm sorry, Father, I'm feeling much better…Yes, we played through the game…No, I lost by a significant amount. Ogata-sensei was in top form."
In front of your parents and everyone else, you're very solid, as if you know what you're doing. But it's now clearer to me that the moment you turn to me, that strength relaxes. A jacket taken off for reserve purposes.
"Yes, he is all right." He nods at the phone. "No, I…I understand. Please take care. I will call you later. Thank you, Father. Goodbye."
Akira goes into the kitchen and brings me some blueberry pancakes. "These are Hikaru's favorite, but here. Try some."
"You could have said I was here," I say.
He rips a piece and pushes it between my lips. My tongue brushes against his fingertips as it mixes with the sweet jam in my mouth.
"I-"
Vivaldi's Concerto for two cellos in G minor (RV 531) blasts from my phone.
My mind pops awake as I take the call.
"Good morning, Sensei."
Worriedly, Akira looks at me while I pace about the room and talk to his father.
"…Yes, I will bring you the game Akira and I played. Please just let me know when I should come to your home."
"Yes, of course." There's a sigh of relief on the other side of the phone.
"Aren't you going to ask how it went?"
"I already know if you were able to play it. I am glad both of you are all right." I feel the hint of a smile in his tone. "See you very soon, Ogata-kun."
"You really have loosened up since Akira was born," I say to the phone before putting it away.
But Akira's already disappeared to wake up Shindou.
+/+/+/+/+/
Days later, I bring the game to Sensei and we discuss it for the whole afternoon, but he mentions that the new exhibition is underway and is rescheduled in about a month. However, over a brief meeting in a café within a bookstore, I ask Akira if they still want to come, but he tells me that their competition schedules are hard to coordinate, especially if they are to commute from Saitama. Although I understand, I'm still disappointed because I never invite anyone into my personal space, but I'm also relieved at the fact that I can prolong shielding my eyes from the truth that's slowly poisoning me anyway.
Or maybe it's life's way of telling me that I shouldn't hope for something that shouldn't be?
So I move into the Saitama residence for more than a few days, planning to stay there for quite some time even after the title matches. I feel the need for more solitude in this house. My mind needs time to accept the status of Sensei's health, my closer relationship with Akira and Shindou, and the internal perspectives that have reached the surface of my suppressed consciousness…
Ping pong~!
"Must be a delivery." I get up to walk downstairs.
Click. The front door opens and just as I get to the bottom of the steps, I'm overwhelmed at the sight of Shindou taking off his shoes with a duffel bag and Akira rolling in his luggage. He closes the door behind him.
Tongue-tied, I somehow manage to sputter out, "What are you doing here?"
"Yoroshiku!" Shindou stands up from taking off his sneakers and hastily salutes me with that beautiful grin I'm gradually getting used to seeing instead of the nervous one.
"Hi, Seiji." Akira tilts his head while untying his leather shoes with that soft grin accompanied by shimmery eyes.
"But didn't you say-"
"We thought about it." Akira stands up. "And we want to make it work."
"I'm sure we're going to become stronger if we train together. Besides, we found out that this time, Waya, Izumi, and the whole gang can come to the Meijin's exhibition match!" Shindou excitedly explains.
"So if you don't mind, we'll be staying with you until it begins." Akira rolls his luggage towards me.
"Yes…yes of course you can stay here."
"But we realized we should've told you we were coming." Shindou scratches his head, holding the strap of his bag.
"That's all right," I reassure him.
Akira tugs on Shindou's arm. "I told you it was fine."
"For someone who plans everything out, you're the total opposite when you're with Ogata-sensei, Aki."
"I can't help it…"
I'm already on the phone ordering for bedding and other items they may need.
Again, they give me that blank look.
"Is there anything I've missed?" I ask, stopping the call in mid-conversation.
They both shake their heads.
"Yes, please send them immediately."
"All right. That's been taken care of."
"See?" Akira glances at Shindou.
I take their bags and they follow me further inside the house, which is rather long and spread out than tall.
"This place has a unique design, as you can see. The stairs lead to the 2nd floor and this is where I practice. Those stairs over there are to the third floor, which lead to the master bedroom."
They look around and seem to be puzzled by the bareness. There's nothing but windows in a sea of mint-ish blue and white walls.
Behind us is another sliding door leading to the kitchen. In the left corner of this wide rectangle, there is a television with a single sofa. And just like in their home, a single Go board is in the center of this expansive space. Off to the right corner is a desk with a laptop for anything I need to research. My library is next to my bedroom on the third floor. And against the left side, beyond the large transparent rectangular door is a balcony with a small round glass table with a silver ashtray and white chairs.
"You have this big house, but it's like there's hardly anything in here," Shindou looks from side to side skeptically. "I really thought you'd have this place packed with stuff."
"Didn't you ever invite anyone here?" Akira asks as I put their stuff down on the wall aligning the windows.
"No. This is my isolation unit." I turn around, feeling a bit uncomfortable at the confession. "Now besides myself, only you two know of its existence."
"Then the apartment?" Akira is quite baffled at the sight and my reply.
"One of my residences. This is the one place I consider as truly mine."
And before he can ask what I mean, Shindou saves me by asking to get a snack in the kitchen.
"I usually don't keep a lot of food here since I don't stay here often, but there is a supermarket nearby. We can get something to eat for dinner from there."
"Leave it to me then!" Shindou proudly says.
But when we're in the store, I realize how out of place I am. I usually call in my orders and they're delivered to me. It's been a while since I've done any food shopping besides the pet store for my fish. So I'm just walking behind and observing them as they pick things to put into our cart.
"Do you mind eating this?" Shindou picks up a pack of ground beef. "Any allergies?"
"No. And anything you make is fine," I reply. "Just get whatever you like."
"You always say that. That's why I never know what you want." Akira's tone is laced with frustration.
"No one but my grandmother and your mother have ever cooked for me. So I actually don't know how to answer you," I retort in all honesty.
"Oh."
Shindou looks at the both of us.
"Then Hikaru and I will cook. You aren't going to order anything in while we're with you."
"What?"
"Okay," Shindou nods. "I'm fine with that, but I warn you now that my cooking's not spectacular. Well, not compared to Aki's."
And without another word, they pile things into the cart until there are two. They don't even let me pay for this load.
On the way home, I'm entertained by the amount of bags we're carrying and Akira's scolding Shindou for all the snacks he bought.
+/+/+/+/+/
It's already twilight by the time Shindou's almost done cooking.
The doorbell rings once more. Akira is setting up two other boards and reading when I get up to open the door.
"Kou?"
I'm more than surprised to see my best friend at my threshold.
"I thought I told your staff-"
"Don't you know me by now? Like they'd not tell me about your order." He scoffs and I see the bags lining the pebbled path towards my door. "So why'd you never tell me you moved?"
"I didn't. Remember that house I bought from the tournament winnings? Well, this is it."
"Oh." He's stepping inside, distracted by whatever's behind me with a smile spreading on his lips.
I follow his trail of vision. Putting my hand over my forehead, I give a deep sigh and inwardly, the panic button goes off. Quickly, I pick up the rest of the bags as best as I can so that I can close the door.
I don't even want to ask what you're thinking.
"Hello." Akira bows politely at the genkan. "I am Touya Akira."
"I'm Shindou Hikaru!" Decked out in my mustard yellow apron, Shindou waves his hand while sucking on an imported coffee pop.
Akira purses his lips. "Couldn't you wait until after dinner?"
"But Ogata-sensei said it was okay!"
"Once you give him the okay, he won't ever stop," Akira tells me with a deadpan expression.
"But you get away with-"
"I still have logic on my side when I ask for things."
"I'm Seki Kouichi." Smirking, he bows his head slightly. "I've been Sei's friend since…"
"Middle school," I flatly reply.
"That long, huh?" He puts his arm over my shoulders. "I've survived a lot, haven't I?"
"He's never mentioned you before…" Akira watches as Kou cups half of my cheek so that I'll turn to face him.
Wriggling away, I clear my throat. "Let's get out of the genkan and eat dinner."
Shindou is twirling his coffee pop as Akira eyes him. "You just ate a snack two hours ago, Hikaru."
"I'm a growing boy…Eeep." Shindou touches Akira's hair to calm him down. Apparently, I'm starting to catch on that the mention of height is a slight point of contention between the two.
"You're only two centimeters taller than me…" Akira's eyebrow twitches as they both turn towards the stairs to the 2nd floor.
Kouichi leans over and whispers, "Your prince, I take it?"
Coughing, I pound on my chest.
"Looks even more formidable than 'The One.'"
Pushing up my glasses, I give him a stern stare as we bring the futons to the room. I almost want to rip off that tiny mole under his right eye just as he flashes me a smile.
When we get to the 2nd floor, we drop everything near Akira's and Shindou's luggage.
"Man, this place is bare."
"I use it only for Go."
He sighs. "Should've known. You must be the most boring player I know."
"Hmph."
From the dining area, Akira peeks at us while Shindou fails to hide his snickering.
Annoyed, I flick Kou's forehead.
"Ow!" He rubs his head.
"You deserve it."
"Sadly, I kind of miss your mini torture sessions."
I roll my eyes. "I knew I shouldn't have called you."
And just as expected, Kou goes down memory lane, exposing my bumbling moments over dinner. The laughter never lulls down. The only reason I'm okay with all this is because I haven't seen Kou in a while and for the first time, I'm with Akira and Shindou outside the usual Go settings, even if this is also related to our game.
It's such an unusual scene to see them all in one table though, my past and present meeting together. And yet, it doesn't feel as weird as I thought it would…
"Yeah, so that's how we became friends. We were in detention together. I was making out in the girl's locker room and that guy…" He points his thumb in my direction. "He decided to talk back to the teacher and then proceeds to outdo said teacher by giving the right answer though the book one was incorrect."
"You got in trouble that much?" Shindou bites into his second burger with one eyebrow up. "I can't imagine you being a delinquent."
"I already told you how much Sensei chastised me." I drink from my cold glass of barley tea. "And that teacher was a real jerk. Everyone knew he didn't want to be there."
"But get this, Sei decides to write the whole answer, drops the chalk, and walks out of the classroom. He went to detention the next day. I sat right next to him, but he was dozing off so I poked him until he woke up."
"I got extra detention time for punching him the instant I opened my eyes."
They start to laugh, though Akira is trying hard not to roll over.
"I'm glad that you are all amused at my expense."
Kou pushes my shoulder affectionately. "And it got worse! When he told me about this hot girl who…"
I'm about to elbow him when his phone goes off and sings,
"When they want to know what the reason is
I only smile when I lie, then I tell them why
Because your kiss, your kiss is on my list…"
He gets up and leaves the room. When he wanders back, we hear the end of the conversation. "I'll be coming back soon. Just leave the paperwork on my desk. Thank you."
Akira looks at him, wanting to hear more since I never volunteer information, especially about my past. "You're leaving so soon?"
"I'm afraid so. I was in the middle of creating a proposal and counting inventory when Sei called." Kou puts his phone back into his pocket.
"You should have told me."
He shakes his head. "It was the perfect excuse to check up on you."
"You…"
But before I even get up from the table, he's already huddling with them near the stairway and whispering something.
"I hope you're not 'imparting your wisdom' on them."
Akira blushes while Shindou nods his head.
"Of course I am~." Kou grins at me and I'm steaming at whatever I think he's said.
We walk down to the genkan and I walk with him to his car.
"Thanks for coming and bringing the stuff. By the way, let me pay for the-" I start to take out my wallet.
"No, don't worry about it." He pushes my hand back, refusing to accept anything.
"I know how much I bought." I sigh in exasperation.
"Think of it as a thank you for all the cooking you did in high school. You know I would've starved to death." He pats my shoulder but doesn't look at my face.
I raise my eyebrows at this side I've never seen.
"You…you're not as tough as you pretend to be," he mumbles.
"Huh?"
Still holding my shoulder, he turns his head and winks at me. "Take care of your princes."
We stop at the hood of his silver Honda NSX.
But he leans in to whisper, "Even with them, you still have your guard up."
"I…I can't help it."
"Always your own puzzle, aren't you, Sei?"
I look sideways guiltily. "By the way, for Akira or Shindou-kun, you may not have their phone numbers."
"Aww. Just for business purposes?"
"You touch them, I'll get you. Do you hit on everyone?"
"I resent that." He stands straight up and touches his chest with an air of smugness. "I do have tastes, you know. I'd definitely go with a nun if she were hot."
He gives me a wicked smirk.
"You really haven't changed. You're still incorrigible."
"I only voice out my inner monologue with you."
"Sometimes I wish you didn't."
"You're the only one who's worth joking with."
He opens the car door and closes it. The engine starts and the driver's car window slides down. "Take care and stay out of trouble."
"I should be saying that to you!"
He smiles. "I'm really glad you're doing well. Bye~!"
Kou speeds off before I have time to reply and I watch him until he turns at the corner and is out of my sight.
When I turn back, I take a deep breath and quietly walk back.
+/+/+/+/+/
At home, I find it strange to hear plates and the sound of dishes being washed. I've lived with others, but wasn't so conscious of it as I am now. Or is it because I treat this place so special to keep everyone out?
I'm about to say I've returned when I catch Shindou winking at Akira and grinning like they're at home. Akira finally gives that embarrassed stance, looking down at the kitchen floor, mumbling something incomprehensible.
Yes…I shouldn't interfere in something like that. How could I?
I end up going back down to the first floor to start setting up their bedding in the guest bedroom when Akira comes in. "We can help you."
"No, that's all right. You already did with all those dishes." My lips curve up a bit. "Especially with all the pots Shindou used."
Would things have been different if you were the one I met first…
"You didn't even buy a cheap one-"
"Of course not. You're my guests." I take a hold of the bag of one of the fruit-colored futon.
I'll always get the best, especially if it's for you.
But as I'm about to open the zipper, he takes a hold of both bags and brings them up to the open space of the 2nd floor and spreads out the futons there.
Right behind him, when I reach the final step, I ask, "Don't you need privacy?"
"We'll be studying here unless we need to eat or something else comes up. And of course, when we need to get to one of the competitions, but other than that, we're staying put."
I hand him some pillows.
"Besides, this might give us some space since Hikaru's…" He pinches the top of his nose and between his eyebrows.
"Hmm?" I pat the apricot and nectarine mattresses before placing the sheets on top.
"His sleeping habits are atrocious." He laughs and fluffs the pillows. "You'll see."
"How is that?" I put the blankets over them.
Shindou brings my topaz bedding set from upstairs and places it on across the other side of the board. "You'll be here with us."
"We aren't camping."
"That's exactly what we're doing!" Shindou drops my futon and gingerly pats my shoulders.
I'm totally being pushed around by these two!
But without even blinking an eye, they go straight to the Go boards and I study along with them.
+/+/+/+/+/
It's already 3 in the morning and I'm so tired I can't keep my eyes open. I'm ready to just sleep on the spot, but I go up to my bedroom to change.
Shindou shows up at my bathroom asking for toothpaste. "Sorry, I totally forgot it."
"It's all right."
But he stays to brush his teeth at the sink and I don't even push him away.
He spits the paste and gargles. "You've been friends with that guy for a long time."
"Yes…" I wash my face and splash the water on my face to feel its coolness.
"He seems kind."
"He's quite forgiving, considering how many times he could have cut me off and for good reasons." I start to brush my teeth when Shindou starts to wash his own face.
"You're the complete opposite when you're with him. *splash, splash*" He turns off the faucet.
"I am?"
"You're…kind of a dork."
Wiping his face, he's looking into my reflection when I spit out the paste.
"I shall refrain from smacking you on the head for that one, Shindou." I gargle briefly.
"Yeah, like that. You're not rigid."
I try not to choke on his words. "What?"
"Thanks," he says before he leaves and now it's Akira coming in.
"May I use that too?" He points at the toothpaste.
I hand it over to him and he's about to turn to leave when I say, "You can use this bathroom too, you know. It doesn't matter which one you use in this house."
I stop myself just as I'm about to say, "Anything here is yours."
I hear the faucet as I go into my bedroom, putting my hand over my eyes.
What am I getting all flustered for?
As much as I hate to admit it, I'm very happy to have him…no, both of them here.
+/+/+/+/+/
By the time I get back to the second floor, I notice that my futon's not only pulled to their side of the room, but is right next to theirs.
I just walk over with much resistance, but my body concedes out of exhaustion. "I am too tired to protest right now."
Getting into the futon, because I'm used to sleeping on my side, I end up facing them anyway. Shindou is already knocked out and holding onto Akira's waist as Akira watches me and grins sleepily. He pokes my nose.
"Hmm. Still do that even if you aren't five anymore?"
"I only do that with you."
Closing my eyes, he holds onto my hand. Blinking in surprise, I find Shindou snuggling more against Akira, but kicks half of his blanket off, enough to see that their hands are intertwined underneath.
What have I gotten myself into…
Akira's already drifted off, but I keep my eyes open to secretly watch them, especially his sleeping face.
I never learn, do I?
I turn away from them, but his fingertips still push against my back.
Seeing things as they really are…
It hurt more than it should. And as always, I'm standing on the sidelines.
Just watching.
Tsuzuku… / To be continued…
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Author's note: I've been picking at this chapter since a little before Halloween of last year, but couldn't understand how to bring out the best from it so I waited and waited for it to bear fruit. I really wanted to bring out Kou because I enjoy his character and more than that, I wanted to dive deeper into the situation among Ogata-sensei, Akira, and Hikaru now that they're all in one setting. I knew that I wanted them to get closer somehow.
And then throughout these months, I've been writing in my notebook in little spurts of everyday life moments until it came to this. I truly wanted to see them living in the same house together and wondered, "How would it turn out?"
It's a funny thing because the more I write for chiisana, the more I fall in love with these characters and learn more about the game of Go because I wanted to get the technical parts just right. This fic is straight-forward but it's difficult for me too because it warms and rips my heart out at the same time.
Akira isn't as self-assured as he appears to be when he's next to Hikaru and Ogata-sensei. Hikaru is more assertive than whimsical, evolving along with Sai inside of him and his play. And Ogata-sensei is very observant and smart, and yet so clueless outside the realm of Go.
Slowly but surely, we are getting to the new Meijin exhibition and then to the ending! This is taking longer than I thought it'd span out to be (19 chapters), but oh well. Rather than rush it, I want to really sift through all these emotions and mini images I've had bubble inside my head for the past 3 years. I wasn't sure where this whole thing would go (no pun intended), but Ogata-sensei's character kept on tugging my consciousness. "I'm sure you'll get it once you write it out. Please write me." :D
I'm enjoying writing this out very much! 3
Love,
Yui
5/24/2021 6:27:50 PM – Los Angeles
5/25/2021 10:27:50 AM – Tokyo
