Chapter 3: oh fuck

Amy breathed out through her mouth slowly, willing her body to just please let her get through today of all days. She laid her head on her arm, utterly exhausted and it wasn't even 9 am. She just had to make it through today, then her life would go right back to normal. Like none of this ever even happened. Band camp would just be a faint -albeit highly regrettable- memory that she could cringe at when she looks back in a few years. Nothing more, nothing less. One horrible day, and she gets the rest of her life back. She had to do the right thing for her; what felt right.

She jumped when her mother knocked on the bathroom door, barely able to hear her over the pounding of her heart.

"Are you alright Amy? I heard you throwing up, you feeling okay?" Anne asked worriedly through the door.

Amy swore under her breath, hurriedly flushing the toilet, she checked her reflection to see if even half her panic showed, before quickly opening the door.

"I'm fine Mom, jus-just drank some orange juice after brushing my teeth. Yuck right?" Amy said in a rush, the persisting thought of She knows! She knows! She knows! circling through her mind like mad.

Anne looked at her strangely. She reached over to press her hand softly against Amy's forehead then cheeks, frowning when they felt no warmer than usual.

"Well you don't have a fever, but you're a bit pale, honey. Are you sure you're not feeling tired or anything?" she asked, looking her over for any sign of illness.

Amy didn't trust her voice, so she shook her head mutely.

"Maybe you should stay home from school, you've been working really hard. You should get to stay home when you feel sick," Anne said, nodding to herself.

Amy shook her head anxiously, she needed to go to school today. The only solution she could think up to end this nightmare was there- and she didn't have their number.

"N-no I feel fine, really! And I have marching band today, we have a game coming up and I really can't miss practice otherwise I'll have no idea where to march and I'll bring down the whole procession-" Her mother cut her off mid-ramble.

Anne sighed, "I don't know Amy..." she said uncertainly.

Sensing her mother's resolve wavering, Amy drove her point home, desperation taking over, "Honestly Mom, I feel fine. I'm just nervous about my algebra test and the whole orange juice meets toothpaste bit made me a little sick," she said with a nervous laugh, "If I start to feel sick for real, I promise I'll call you to pick me up," she said, praying her mom would buy it. She had to do this today, it couldn't wait too much longer. She pushed down the nausea rising in her throat.

Anne gave her an unreadable look, but finally deflated, "If you're sure..." she trailed off, shaking her head to herself as she walked away, only slowing to call back over her shoulder, "We're leaving in five minutes."

Amy waited until she was out of sight to drop back against the doorframe, holding her head as she attempted to slow the organ hammering wildly against her ribs.

Just one horrible day, and everything went back to normal.


Amy leaned heavily into her locker, more glad than she had ever been that the day was finally over. Between her classmate's constant stares and whispers when they assumed she wasn't looking and Madison and Lauren's continued attempts to talk to her -and failing that stare at her guiltily- it was by far the longest day she'd had in recent memory. She felt a pang at the realization that the worst part of her day had yet to begin. She just had to muscle through, then everything would go back to how it was soon (she ignored her question of if she wanted her life from before back.)

She swept her gaze around the hallway, skipping over the hordes of students grabbing or leaving things in their lockers in preparation to leave, her eyes catching on her, hopefully, willing savior. She took a deep breath and slowly closed her locker, building up her every ounce of courage.

She languidly turned and started shuffling towards the other end of the hall, hesitating slightly at the sight of their companion, before forcing herself forward in sure steps.

The pair looked to be in an argument, Ricky lazily leaning against the locker next to his companion as she angrily shoved books and things into her bag, ranting at him all the while. Amy couldn't make out what they were saying, but it was clear Ricky was the perpetrator of their spat and was none too concerned about it.

It only strengthened her poor image of him.

Adrian finally clocked her approach, her face shifting from a sneer to a calculating and curious expression so fast she almost missed it. She seemed to make a decision, settling her features back into annoyance as she slammed her locker shut and turned to face Ricky beside her.

"Well maybe you should!"

Then flounced away from his indifferent figure and snagged Amy on her way out the door, all but dragging her towards the cherry red convertible. Adrian seemed to have a sixth sense that this wasn't a conversation Amy particularly wanted anyone else privy to.

When they were both settled in their respective seats, Adrian turned an expectant gaze onto her; clear was the 'get on with it or get out.'

Amy took a fortifying breath, tamping down on the urge to just wither and run.

"I'm pregnant." Amy blurted out, tense as a spring. Adrian's jaw slackened a bit, but before she could say anything, Amy forced the next part out, "It's Ricky's."

She sagged in the leather seat a little, an odd relief filling her at having finally said it out loud.

Adrian's mouth snapped shut with an audible click. She looked surprised, but not enough to have never had the notion occur to her in relation to Amy. Apparently the rumors were a bit more widespread than she had previously thought.

Oh whatever; she had enough problems to deal with today.

Including the now suspicious look coming over her associate's face. Fuck.

"I just need a ride to the clinic and home. They wont let me get the procedur- the abortion without someone to take me home," Amy said as earnestly as she possibly could.

Adrian's semi harsh expression dulled a bit. At least she looked more sympathetic than outright distrusting.

She turned to look out at the emptying parking lot, emotions passing quickly over her features. Amy was all too happy to give her a moment to process. She was fully aware how weird it was to go to the person half responsible for her predicament's sorta-girlfriend for help with said predicament. Unfortunately, there wasn't anybody else she could go to with this that would keep it discreet.

"Why come to me with this?" Adrian asked quietly, tone unreadable but still soft.

"I heard from Lacey whose friends with Hannah that you took her to get one last year. And everyone knows you and like half the majorettes hate each other. So, I just figured that even though it's your kinda-boyfriend's you might help me," Amy responded softly, not wanting to break the calm atmosphere. That is until an errant thought hit her, "Oh, shit- also I can pay you gas money, of course."

Adrian huffed a laugh and leaned back in her seat, rolling her head to give Amy a measuring look.

"Alright."

Amy relaxed back in her seat, so relieved Adrian'd said yes that the midday sun glaring into her eyes couldn't bother her.

"When's the appointment?" Adrian asked, bringing her out of her reverie.

They exchanged information and numbers, hammering out the details and times. By the time she was watching the cherry red convertible drive out of the parking lot she was ready to drop, but it was all worth it.

She said yes.

Tomorrow this would finally end.


Amy sat stock still on the exam table, trying to figure out what the hell just happened. She had walked in determinedly, marched right up to the woman at the reception desk and told them her name and appointment. She'd sat down, filled out the paperwork calmly and waited for them to call her back. She'd told the nurse she was there to confirm her pregnancy and her decision not to continue with it. She had methodically changed into the uncomfortable paper gown and lied back on the table, keeping her eyes screwed tightly closed as the nurse did the ultrasound.

Then she opened her eyes.

She had absolutely no idea why, she just...opened them. Her gaze had immediately landed on the grainy black and gray image on the screen in front of her, and she could instantly make out the tiny little blob that was growing into a baby. Her baby.

As hard as she tried to push them back her eyes still filled with tears, and when the scrub-clad woman quietly asked if she wanted to hear the heartbeat, she couldn't have stopped herself from nodding even if she'd tried. When that strong rhythmic beating sounded throughout the room, the tears finally fell down her cheeks as she stared at the monitor in awe.

And she knew. Amy just knew that she had to do this. No, that she wanted to do this. She was scared shitless and terrified to be a mother when she was a kid herself, but that was her baby. And she finally stopped lying to herself; all these weeks she was just doing and focusing on what she should do, not what she wanted and deep down already knew she was going to do. She was just kidding herself thinking there was any other choice she would make here; she'd let denial run rampant hoping it would chase off the terror that gripped her heart. Her mind was made up. She, Amy Juergens, was going to be a mother.

Oh fuck.

The nurse was kind enough to give her a few minutes alone to get her thoughts in some semblance of order. Just because she accepted that this was what she wanted to do, didn't mean everything suddenly and magically fell into place. She had even more to worry about now than before, now the problem wouldn't just go away it would be here in seven months. Oh god, she actually had to tell her mother now. This was real now.

Amy got dressed in a daze, her mind simultaneously running a thousand miles an hour and a hazy black empty void. She trudged through the lobby, barely registering the nurse handing her the sonogram pictures and opening the door for her. She stepped into the bright sunlight, the sudden light burning her corneas but she wasn't sure she even reacted. Adrian and two others stood a bit away, fighting maybe? She vaguely registered Adrian walking towards her car and the other two turning around to look at her. Some part of her brain identified the taller of the two, the name Ricky whispering through the silent cacophony of her mind.

Her feet carried her forward numbly toward Adrian's bright red convertible, coming to a stop in front of the now quiet pair of teens. She turned to him through the fog, handing him a copy of the shiny grainy image before continuing on her way.

Adrian came up to her as she neared the passenger side her eyes flicked down to the other sonogram clutched carefully in her hands, her voice breaking through her haze.

"Are you sure?"

Amy guessed that the look in her eye -while probably a bit dazed- showed her resolute.

"Are you okay?" she rephrased.

Amy shook her head, tears rapidly filling her eyes. Adrian ran her hands up and down her shaking arms comfortingly, nodding towards the passenger seat and moving around the car to slip in next to her.

A little clarity finally slipped back to her, her hands almost ripping the picture in her hands she hurriedly dropped into her lap; little droplets of water splashing onto it. Amy shook herself. Now was not the time to break into hysterics. Adrian had already done so much for her, she didn't need some girl who was now complicating the shit out of her life weeping all over her car.

Try as she might, a little sob still made its way past her teeth.

Adrian just ran a hand up and down her arm, being a silent comfort. Amy was grateful. She was sure if the other girl had hugged her she never would have stopped crying.

She held a hand to her mouth and took a deep breath, the burning behind her eyes quelling and the need to bawl for hours on end abating. Not forever- oh no, once she was safe and sound, wrapped up in her bed linens she wasn't positive she would ever stop (thank god it was the weekend)- but at least for right now.

Adrian gave her arm a comforting squeeze. Amy nodded.

"Feel like a burger and some chocolate?"

Amy let out a breath of laughter, rolling her head to look at Adrian's impish expression.

"Oh my god, more than anything."

She let loose a grin as the majorette laughed, pulling out of the clinic parking lot; leaving the two still standing out front in the dust.


AN: hello! if your a returning reader i've updated all the chapters and shifted around a few things, but not enough that if you dont reread you'll be lost.

sorry about the lag on chapters here and for my other stuff, life has just been fucking crazy. i had to quit a job i really loved and the new place i started at was super shitty and constricting so i had to leave after barely a month- thus leading to a month long job search and me landing at a new job that likes to jerk my schedule and hours around and generally give me stress hives.

hopefully i'll have some new chapters for you guys soon